Run to Me (20 page)

She blew out a frustrated sigh. “So I’m still in a prison, just a prettier one?”

“You’re not in a prison. But until Rosemount is captured, you’ll just have to limit your adventures.”

“I think I’ve had enough adventures for a while.”

“Once you get your life back, and Rosemount’s no longer a threat, you’ll want to jump back into things.”

“Like what?”

“You’re a young, talented woman. Artistic and creative … there’s a lot you can do.”

“After this is over, maybe I’ll go back to LCR.”

“No.” The word was out of his mouth before he could stop it. Hell, diplomacy with Shea had never been his strong point.

“Why not?”

“Because you’ve been through enough. There’s no need to put yourself in danger again.”

“Ethan, I appreciate your concern, but once I’m fully recovered, there’s no reason I can’t continue my work. If I thought it was important before this happened to me, I’m sure I’ll feel the same once I get my memory back.”

He’d stupidly thought that after her experience with Rosemount, Shea wouldn’t want to put her life in jeopardy again. How could he have forgotten that Shea never backed down and never quit? Another one of the reasons their relationship had been so volatile … they were so much alike.

That stubborn expression on her face was one he recognized all too well. It wouldn’t do any good to try to talk her out of it now. They were months away from her fully regaining her memories, if she ever did. When that time came, he’d deal with it.

He was relieved to see that she’d eaten almost half of her breakfast. Not enough, but it was more than she normally consumed. “Why don’t we take a walk outside? The sun will do you good, and maybe it’ll increase your appetite.”

Unwilling to argue with him further, Shea stood. There was no reason to discuss her returning to her old life until Rosemount was caught and she had recovered her memories. Ethan was just trying to protect her. The look on his face when she’d told him she wanted to go back to work for LCR had been filled with horror. When the time came, she would make the decision on her own. Arguing about it now would accomplish nothing.

Following him to the front door, she stepped out onto the porch and inhaled deeply. Fresh mountain air, tinged with the scent of evergreens, honeysuckle, and rich earth, suffused her senses. “How could you ever leave such paradise?”

Satisfaction curved Ethan’s mouth as if he was pleased with her comment. “You’ve always loved the mountains.”

“Really?” Shea took in another deep breath. If this didn’t cure her, nothing would.

His big body in front of her, Ethan pointed at the gravel road leading up to the house. “That’s the only access to the property. Anyone trying to come a different way will have to climb up steep hills and rock.”

She peered over Ethan’s shoulder, wondering why he didn’t get out of the way so she could see clearly. She moved to the other side, and he blocked her again.

“I can’t see,” she complained.

He shifted, but only slightly.

“Ethan!”

He turned and frowned down at her. “Maybe coming here wasn’t a good idea, after all.”

“Why not?”

“If you go outside, you’re totally exposed.”

“You just got through saying that the only way here was up the hill.”

He turned around, his eyes searching, as if expecting a threat from anywhere. Blowing out a sigh, he turned back to Shea. “Okay, but remember, you don’t go out alone. Anywhere. For any reason.”

Shea snorted softly and tried to walk around him. She got half a step before he stopped her. Wrapping his hand around her arm, he pulled her back around.

“I’m serious, Shea.”

“Ethan, I’m not going to be a prisoner here the way I was at the clinic. Don’t start that again.”

“You’re not a prisoner, but your safety is my number one priority. If that gets in the way of a few of your personal freedoms, deal with it. I’m not going to change.”

Shea drew in a breath. While the independent part of her snarled at the restrictions, the vulnerable and scared part was in total agreement. Rosemount had come too close to her only a few days ago for her to feel safe. Until his capture, Shea knew she would have to abide by Ethan’s overprotective rules.

“Fine. But just so you know, the minute Rosemount is no longer a threat, this big brother act is over.”

“Believe me, the last thing I feel for you is brotherly.” And with those enigmatic words, he gave another sweeping look around, grabbed her hand, and pulled her down the steps into the yard.

Ethan’s land seemed to stretch as far as the eye could see. Gentle green hills rolled down into heavy wooded areas. Shea wanted to explore every nook and cranny. She sighed with pure pleasure.

The man beside her chuckled in that growly, grumbly way of his, and her pleasure increased tenfold. There was just something about Ethan’s rusty laugh that created little dances of delight inside her.

“If you keep sighing like that, you’re going to hyperventilate.”

She threw her hand out with a broad gesture. “I can’t help it. Everywhere I look, I see paradise.”

“So you like it here?”

“I love it. But something’s been bothering me. When we were in the jungle, you said I lived here with you.”

He lifted a broad shoulder. “I thought it’d be easier for you to trust me if you thought you lived with me.”

She nodded. “So where do I live?”

He hesitated, and Shea knew he was remembering Dr. Norton’s warning before they left.
Try to let her remember things on her own.
“I don’t think knowing where I used to live is going to cause any damage, Ethan. Please, I want to know.”

“We hadn’t been in touch for a while before you disappeared, but as far as I know, you lived in Key West, Florida.”

“Alone?”

His mouth tightened. “Yes … alone.”

“That seems like such a small thing to remember … yet I don’t.”

“Don’t push it. It’ll come back.”

To get her mind off her careening emotions and unnamed fears, she pointed at a giant red barn in the distance. “Do you have livestock?”

A smile curved his mouth, and Shea was startled to realize something she couldn’t believe she’d missed. Ethan had a dimple in his right cheek. Yet another flutter of her heart.

“Yeah … come see my livestock.”

As they walked toward the barn, Shea inhaled the fresh air and felt more relaxed with every step. At the entrance, she immediately heard the sounds of Ethan’s livestock. Little mewling sounds.

Taking her hand, he drew her inside and to a ladder. She climbed up to the loft and was welcomed with a loud
“Meow.”

She turned around and beamed at Ethan as he came up behind her. “Kittens.”

“I found them this morning. She must’ve had them a few days after I left.” He picked up a little gray fur ball and held it in the palm of his hand. “See, their eyes are already open.”

Shea thought the tiny, helpless creature in Ethan’s giant hand should look out of place, but somehow it didn’t. The gentleness he displayed as he cupped the kitten and the tender way one large finger stroked the fur, told Shea more about him than any of his other actions. Behind Ethan Bishop’s surly, gruff exterior was a gentle and soft heart … one he rarely revealed.

“What’s the mama’s name?”

“Don’t know. She showed up at the door one day. I gave her some food, and she’s been here ever since. I just call her Cat.”

A blip hit her mind and her heartbeat increased. Frowning, not sure what had caused the reaction, she focused on the furry creatures in front of her. “Every creature deserves a name. I’m going to name her Stella.”

“Stella?”

She kneeled beside the proud, purring mother and gave her a loving pat. Scooping up a kitten, she held it next to her cheek. The silky, warm fur against her skin brought tears to her eyes. One of the sweetest sensations she could imagine. “I love cats. When I was growing up, I always wanted one. Already had the name Stella picked out and everything. Mama said she didn’t have enough money to feed us, much less a cat.”

The stiffening of Ethan’s body was the first realization that something significant had happened. She glanced up at him in concern. Before she could ask what was wrong, comprehension hit. Hands shaking, she put the kitten beside its mother before she dropped it. Her bottom plopped down onto the loft floor in shock. “My God, Ethan. Just like that, a memory of my childhood flashed through my mind.”

Ethan sat beside her, giving her time to come to grips with a new memory. Though he didn’t touch her, she was more than aware of his presence, and it comforted her.

What else did she remember? A stabbing pain shot through her head as she tried to force something else into her mind.
Kitten.
The kittens in front of her? No. He had called her Kitten. Rosemount?

Agony speared through her head. Why couldn’t she remember? Why wouldn’t it come all at once? Why did a memory pepper her thoughts, then close up? She pressed fingers to her temples. Lights exploded behind her eyes; shards of glass speared through her head.

“Shea … stop it.” Ethan’s gruff voice penetrated the roaring in her ears. “You can’t force it. Do what the doctors told you to do. When a memory comes, take a deep breath and savor that memory, but don’t try to force any more. All it will do is give you a migraine.”

“I know … I know.” She shook her head. “I just … I just feel so stupid and slow.”

Ethan’s calloused hand massaged her neck, and Shea bit back a moan of delight. Nothing in the world felt as good as Ethan’s hands. A scene flashed in her head, shocking her to her core. Jerking away, she stared up at him. “We made love on a kitchen table.”

Ethan looked as shocked as she felt. “God, Shea. You remember that?”

“Yes.” Her eyes closed as pain pounded.

“Let’s get you back to the house and get one of those pills the doctor gave you.”

Allowing him to help her up, Ethan climbed down the ladder in front of Shea. The pain increased with every step she took down the ladder. Finally, on the first floor, Ethan scooped her into his arms and headed back to the house.

Though agony pierced her head, Shea couldn’t help but feel a sense of triumph and immense relief. She was actually beginning to remember. And finally, she’d had a memory of Ethan. They had definitely been lovers. In the brief flash before pain chased the memory away, she’d seen herself lying nude on a kitchen table. Ethan had been standing between her legs, thrusting into her. Despite the pain, a hot flush of sexual heat flooded her at the image.

Under half-closed eyes, she watched Ethan’s face as he carried her into the house. Jaw clenched, mouth flattened into a grim line—his concern was obvious. Even as agony pounded through her head, Shea recognized a certain peace. Everything Ethan had told her was true. It might take weeks or months to remember everything, and she might not remember her entire life, but she was on her way back. Thanks to the man who held her close in his arms, she was finally on her way back.

Ethan drove the axe down, barely aware of the hard impact’s vibration through his body. Wood split and splintered. He tossed the firewood into a wheelbarrow, picked up another log, and slammed the axe down again. Sweat poured from his face, beaded and pooled over muscles taut with fatigue and anger.

Shea was remembering sooner than he’d thought she would. Hell, they’d only been here one day. Her recollections in the barn had been pure memory, untainted by anything he or anyone else had said to her. His mind grappled with conflict. For her to remember their love-making had been elation, as well as agony.

How he wanted her to remember the good times. The laughter they’d shared, the love they’d made. The rush of adrenaline when they were working an op. The fierce satisfaction when they saved a life.

That their lovemaking was one of her first memories meant a lot. Soon those memories would be tainted when the bad ones returned. The shouting. The anger. The accusations. Cruel things he’d said trying to convince her to leave, and all the while feeling as though he was cutting his heart out of his chest. Shea’s fury, her hurt, and then her tears. That last dreadful day, when he’d made vile accusations and she’d demanded an apology. He hadn’t relented. She’d stalked out the door. Weeks later, their world fell apart.

Ethan threw the axe onto the load of firewood. Swiping at his brow, he squinted up at the sun. He needed to go check on her again. Last time he’d checked, maybe an hour ago, she’d been sleeping soundly. The pills for her headaches always knocked her out. Still, he couldn’t help but look in to make sure she was okay. If she was having more nightmares, he needed to be close.

As he headed inside, one question hammered at his brain. When would she remember Cole? He should tell her. Dr. Norton hadn’t thought it was a good idea, but despite that warning, guilt ate at him. Keeping something so important from her seemed wrong. He’d even told the doctor that he would reveal everything at some point. That if anyone should tell her, it should be Ethan. So why the hell hadn’t he?

Ethan knew he had many faults, but only now did he realize that when it came to Shea, he was a coward. Years ago, he’d felt he didn’t deserve her. That she deserved a man who epitomized strength, character, and integrity. Cole had been all of those things. Though it had ripped his heart out, he’d pushed Shea toward Cole, knowing he was the better man. Now, with new eyes, he wondered if he hadn’t pushed her away simply because he was too much of a coward to take a chance on losing her once she discovered how incredibly flawed he was.

Stomping into the house, Ethan went to the kitchen. Pouring a glass of water from the sink, he drained the contents. Inward analysis of his emotions was about the lowest priority on his list of things he liked to do. Now he knew why. The truth was damned uncomfortable.

The pain was immense. His back throbbed and rippled with endless waves of agony. Even more excruciating was the horror of fleeting memories. Like small feathers, they floated toward him, then flittered away before he could grasp their meaning. He heard voices … sweet, wonderful voices filled with love and laughter. Childish giggles. A tender, feminine hand caressing his face; soft, sweet lips kissed his mouth. Innocent and precious words like “Daddy” and “darling” drifted through his mind. He felt loved. Knew love. Who and why? He had no form or reason for his thoughts. They were only snippets between unconsciousness and drugged oblivion.