Ruining You (15 page)

Molly, Reed, and Cal
returned to school, but at least one of them stops by most days to hang out
after class. I’ve been trying to get out of the house a little more, so one day
while out for a drive, I decide to dip into the local market to grab a
sandwich. I pull into the parking space and feel a prickle of unease as I open
the door to get out. It’s that feeling again. Chills run up my neck, making the
hair stand on end. I glance anxiously around the parking lot, but I see no one.
It’s just me, and I’m being ridiculous.

Walking inside, I smile at
some of the cashiers and head over to the deli. I rummage through my purse to
make sure I have some cash. Great, I did throw a twenty dollar bill in there.
Glancing up, I freeze. Nausea rolls like mighty waves crashing against my
stomach. Standing before me ordering at the deli is Coach Branch, laughing at
something the lady making his sandwich is saying. He looks fine, like nothing
ever happened. He’s just a handsome normal man standing in jeans and a red polo
shirt, not looking an inch like the evil bastard he is.

Turning slightly, he seems
to finally notice me. His lips turn up into a smile, and he has the audacity to
wink at me. Bile rises swiftly into my throat. I turn around and stumble out of
the store. I barely make it outside before vomiting all over the sidewalk and
my shoes. Swiping the back of my hand across my mouth, I try to control the
shudders that riddle my spine.

The automatic door of the
market slides open, and out he walks. Not even looking at me, he strolls by and
mutters, “Miss me, Jay?”

I watch in horrified silence
as he gets in his car and drives away. I never want to see him again. Walking
to my car, I slip my shoes off before I get in and decide to just leave them in
the parking lot. It takes several minutes for the shaking to subside enough for
me to safely drive home.  Terror claws at my chest, and I click the door lock
several times, making sure I am secure.

Finally, once I am able to
drive away, I wonder what the chances are of us running into each other again.
It’s a small town, but not that small. Next time will be easier. I should be
able to hold myself together and ignore him. He said that just to get to me
because he knows he can. He’s not supposed to have any contact with me, but who
would believe me if I told?

I arrive home and walk in as
my mother is walking out.

“Hey, Jay. I’ve got to run
over to the office to pick up some papers your dad left. Do you want to ride
with me? Wait. Where are your shoes?” she asks, looking down at me feet.

“No, I’m fine to stay here,
and I spilled something on my shoes.”

“Oh, okay? I’ll see you
later then.”

She rushes out and closes
the door behind her. Realizing that I’m alone, I panic for a second. Maybe I
should have gone with her, but it’s too late now. She’s already at the end of
the street. I quickly arm the alarm and run upstairs. I wish he wouldn’t have
said anything to me. Why couldn’t he just walk out and leave like he’s supposed
to? With my thoughts in a mess, I jump a mile into the air when my phone rings.

“Hello?”

“What kind of ship never
sinks?”

Knowing immediately who it
is, I sigh with relief. “I don’t know. What?”

“A friendship. Get it? A
friend...ship.”

“I don’t know, Eli. If you
keep delivering these lame ass jokes, it just might.”  It’s been way too long
since we have spoken.

“Whatever, you know you miss
me.”

“Yes, I have missed you, and
you haven’t even called.”

“Sorry, we went on a
vacation after Christmas. It’s been crazy busy. What’s new with you?”

I tell him about visiting
JT’s grave and about Kane. Well, it’s more like the lack of seeing Kane or understanding
anything he says or does. “He gives me this locket that means the world to me,
but in the same breath he says things that confuse me. I know that he calls my
mother regularly to check in. It’s all so confusing. I’m just trying to move on
with my life, and then I have issues like today.”

“What kind of issues?”

Oh no. I really can’t tell
anyone else, but why can’t I tell Eli? So, I spill everything about running
into Coach Branch. After I am finished, he is silent for a minute.

“You have to call the
police.”

“And say what, Eli? I have
no proof. It’s my word against his, and that’s not even working now. I just
want it all to go away without me having to do anything. Is that too much to
ask?”

“What do you mean about not
doing anything, Jay? Don’t you have to testify against him in court?”

I don’t say anything,
letting the silence speak for me.

“Jay, what happens if you
don’t testify? Do they have enough evidence that you don’t have to?”

“Eli, I...I don’t want to
testify. I can’t. The lawyers say that, without my testimony, he will probably
walk free, but the thought of getting on the stand in front of everyone….I
can’t do it.”

“My God, Jay. I don’t know
what to say.”

“Just be here for me.
Please. I need someone that I can tell everything to without them freaking out
that I’m going to slice my wrist open.”

“I’m here, Jay. I’m just
worried about you and your safety.”

“Thanks Eli, but I have
enough people worried about me. Just worry with me, okay?”

He lets out a loud sigh,
“Okay. Listen. I was thinking about coming over and hanging out after school
one day. I miss talking to you.”

“Sure, just text me. How’s
everything with your dad?”

“Good for now. I have to
run, but I’ll text you next week.”

“Sounds good. Bye, Eli.”

“Bye,” he says, hanging up.

~~~~~~~

More days pass, like sand
slipping through my fingers. My first visit with my therapist goes okay. She is
no Dr. Raines, but she listens. Actually, she lowers the dosage on some of my
medication. I haven’t felt any difference, so that must be a good thing. I’m
almost finished with my online credits for school, and my parents were able to
get me into the local community college. I registered for two college credit
courses, and I’m scheduled to attend on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. It
gets me out of the house, and I know some of the students from Jackson Heights,
so I’m kind of excited.

Kane calls and texts, but I
continue to ignore him. I know he calls my mom, and she tells him I just need
space. Rhye calls weekly, and I look forward to it. There is an easy and
comfortable camaraderie between us. He’s seen me at my worst and still cares
for me. Why didn’t I realize how funny he was before? He hasn’t heard anything
about his demos, so he and the band continue to play a couple nights a week at
Vortex. He continues to beg me to come out and listen, but so far, I’ve
declined.

There is one person that
I’ve put off seeing. Mrs. Higgins, JT’s mom, has patiently waited for me to
come see her. I know because my mother reminds me daily. As I walk out to my
car after class, my body goes into autopilot, and I know where I need to go. I
click the remote to unlock the doors, and I feel the eerie tingle again. The
feeling of being watched pricks at the back of my mind. My eyes dart from one
end of the parking lot to the other. I think I see someone, but once again,
it’s just a flash. I’m driving myself crazy with this. At least twice a week I
experience the same daunting sensation. I really think I’m imagining things,
but I refuse to be a prisoner of my home. Driving away, I check my rear view
mirror again. Nothing.

On the way to JT’s house, I
try to think about what I’m going to say. I pull into the driveway and stare
towards the house. I should leave. What could I possibly do or say to her to
make anything better? Maybe I should have called first. Yeah. That’s what I’ll
do. I’ll leave and come back another day when I’ve arranged something. Putting
the car in reverse, I glance up to see Mrs. Higgins standing in the doorway. I
throw my head against the headrest, realizing it’s too late to back out now. We
stare at each other through the windshield. She finally breaks the moment with
a gentle smile, and I turn off the car, open the door, and step out. I walk
towards the front porch and stop at the bottom step to look up at her.

Placing my hands in my
jacket pockets, I say, “I just got out of class. I hope it’s alright that I
stop by?”

Her smile widens. “I’ve been
waiting every day for you.”

She opens her arms, and I
walk up the steps, directly into her embrace. With her arm around me, she pulls
me inside the house. My heart crumbles as the loss of JT feels as fresh as it
did that night. I’m not sure which of us is shaking more, but our tears mingle
as they fall freely to the ground.

“Shhh...,” she whispers to
me as she pushes the hair away from my face. She places her hands on my cheeks.
“Look at me, Jay.” My tear-stained face stares into her matching one. “I’ve
heard from Cal what happened. I know that JT chose to get into that truck and
that you begged him not to leave. I’ve heard from others that you were going to
let the past go; that you had chosen to do so and live the future with my baby.
Jay, JT loved you so much. Even if you had not been together, he would have
done the same thing when he found out. I think about him being at home, and
there is no way I could have stopped him. Would you blame me had our roles been
reversed?”

“Mrs. Higgins, of course
not, but I should have stayed away or told the truth from the beginning.
Something…anything had to be better than what played out.”

“We can place blame
everywhere, but the truth, Jay, is that JT was going to have you one way or
another. He told me during the summer that he was going to do whatever it took
to get you back. No one could dissuade him. The love that boy had for you. God,
I used to think that the worse thing was going to be him coming through the
front door and telling me you’re pregnant. Now, I would pray for that.” She
looks at me hopeful, and I shake my head. She lets go and steps back. “Can I
offer you something to drink?”

“No, thank you. My mother
told me you wished to visit, and I’m sorry it took so long, but I needed time.
I needed to figure out me. I will miss JT for eternity, but I have to move on
with my life. I tried to be with him...,” I say as my voice breaks.

“Jay, I’m so thankful that
you were unsuccessful. I would have never wished for that. That’s not being
together.” She wrings her hands. “That would have been a waste of a beautiful
young heart. Time will hopefully heal all of our wounds, but the main reason I
wanted to talk to you is to tell you this: JT would want you to live, happily
and joyfully. Your happiness meant more to him than his own. So young lady, you
will do that. For him. Let your heart continue to love. Life is too short, as
you already know.”

I look into her eyes,
wanting to believe every word she speaks. “I’m trying. Trying to move on.
Trying to live. I’ll keep trying for the rest of my life.”

She nods her head and begins
to speak when the front door flies open.

“What is she doing here?”

Kip, JT’s older brother,
comes charging in. He’s lost so much weight, and his dark hair stands on end.
His clothes look slept in, and his eyes are red-rimmed.

“Get the fuck out of my
house. Haven’t you done enough?!” he yells.

“Kip, calm down. I asked her
over to talk.”

“Talk, Mom? There is nothing
to talk about. She is the only reason JT is dead right now. THE ONLY REASON!
Why can’t you fucking see that?” Turning towards me, he continues, “I hate you,
you bitch. He loved you, and see what happened?! I even begged you to leave him
alone. BEGGED YOU!” he screams in my face.

Tears run down his face as
he moves closer. He pushes me backwards as a tortured look of angst fills his
eyes. “I hope you fucking die for what you have done to my family. I’ll see
that you rot in Hell for it.”

“I’m so sorry, Kip.” My body
shakes with fear.

Grabbing his arm and pulling
him away from me, Mrs. Higgins says to him, “Stop that now, Kip.”

Finally, I snap out of the
nightmare I’m living and run out the door.

“Jay, wait!” Mrs. Higgins
yells.

Not listening, I run to my
car. I can’t stay here another minute. The anguish on Kip’s face replays in my
mind. That is what I dreaded seeing. I know someone’s loss is because of me.
It’s hard to see the road through the tears that cloud my eyes. Rubbing them
with the back of my hand, I try to clear my vision. I can’t stand the pain
anymore, and I just want to forget it all, at least for a little while.

Grabbing my phone, I call
Rhye, but after a couple of rings it goes to voice mail. Throwing my phone into
the passenger seat, I hit my palm against the steering wheel. Taking deep
breaths, I try to calm myself when my phone rings. Picking it up, I see Rhye
calling me back.

“Hey, where are you at?” I
ask.

“School, last period. Why?”

How could I forget about
school? Just another remembrance of how much my life has been altered. Forever
changed. “Nothing, Never mind.”