Rough & Rowdy (Notorious Devils #1) (19 page)

I wish I could be mad at the whole lot of them— but I’m not. I completely understand their reasoning for why they did what they did.
The person I’m disappointed in is Pierce
. I’m not even angry anymore, just sad and disappointed.

“Then what’s the plan?” I ask, shaking the negative thoughts out of my head.

“Cocktail waitress. You can work nights, be home with the baby during the day. The tips will be way more than what you make at Tommy Walker’s office,” he explains.

“Who would I ask to watch the baby? Who could I trust?”

“Drifter, the VP, his Old Lady would do it. She watches a bunch of the kids, and she’d be down to help out,” he offers. I shake my head.

“No, I can’t ask for club help. No way,” I say. Bates just smiles sadly.

“What about Mary-Anne? She loves kids. Maybe she could rent the baby’s room, you could move the crib in your room?”

Mary-Anne is Bates’ little sister. She’s about twenty now and she would probably be a great sitter. She was always such a sweet girl, and unless something has changed, she probably still is.

“Can I trust her, Bates? Can I seriously trust her? This is a baby we’re talking about, it’s not like pet sitting,” I say, sounding bitchier than I want to sound—but this is
my
baby.

“Swear on my life, LeeLee, you can trust her. She wants out of my parent’s place, but can’t afford anywhere on her own. Bet she’d watch the baby in exchange for rent. Do you both a solid. She’d get out from under my father’s relentless thumb and you’d get free sitting.”

I shiver thinking about Bates’ father. The man gives me the willies; he always has. He’s a rigid, uptight asshole, worse than my own father. Beyond that, he’s verbally abusive and manipulative. There was a reason Bates ran off to the Marine’s the day he turned eighteen, and his father was that main reason.

“He bad with her, too?” I ask him. He knows what I mean; I don’t need to explain.

“Not like he was with me, but she’s ready to be gone,” he confesses. I nod.

“Okay, yeah, she can move in. And in exchange for rent, she can watch the baby while I work. Thank you Bates. I really appreciate everything you’re doing for us,” I murmur.

I can’t believe I’m going to work at a strip club with a baby at home. I cringe at the thought. But beggars can’t be choosers and I’m not opposed to begging at this point.

“You’ll be safe. I’ll make sure I’m there during your shifts. You’ll make a shit ton of money, plus it’ll put you in with the club. At least I can offer some more protection if you’re living with my sister and working there,” he explains.

“Do I need protecting?” I ask, suddenly worried about his choice of words.

“Lots of shit is going down with the club. You’re pretty far removed, I hope. But I’d rather be safe than sorry, you know?” he attempts to explain.

It doesn’t ease my panic.

Suddenly, I want his sister here, like, now.

“Well, maybe you can help me move the crib into my room and stuff so Mary-Anne can move in whenever,” I suggest.

He just smiles before he places a kiss on my forehead.

“You’re going to be fine, LeeLee. I’d never let anything happen to you,” he says with a grin, I shake my head, knowing he’s telling the truth.

Bates would never purposely let something happen to me. He’s always been a great friend, more like family. He’s been my biggest supporter and ally during the past four months.

Without him, I’d be lost.

I wish that Brentlee could see all the wonderful inside of Bates. I wish that she could see past the smoke and glitter that Scotty offers and accept Bates the way he is. He’s such a good man.

Four days later, Mary-Anne is moved in. She’s just as sweet as I remembered, with her long dark hair and light green eyes. Her body is lithe, but curvy where it counts. She hugs me like she’s missed me these past years, and I hug her back.

“Thank you so much, LeeLee,” she whispers in my ear. I take a step back to see tears shining in her eyes.

“Thank you, too, Mary-Anne. We’re a team now,” I say, smiling at her. She takes my hand and grins back.

“We are. The best team,” she murmurs.

I can’t help but feel happy in this moment.

Mary-Anne is in community college, studying graphic design. She wants to open an online business where she designs wedding invitations and cards.

One night over chocolate cake,
our very nutritious dinner,
she explains her dream to me. It sounds perfect. A business owner, her own boss.

“And the great thing is, if I decide I don’t want to live here anymore, I can pick up and go and not even lose one client,” she says. I nod.

“That’s so awesome, Mary-Anne. I mean, not many people are able to do that kind of stuff. I’m so happy that you found what you wanted so early on in life,” I sigh.

“What did you want to do?” she asks tentatively. I smile.

“I never had a plan. When we were little and we had to come up with an occupation for career day, my mother wouldn’t hear of it. She hated those assignments. She told Brentlee and I that the best thing we could do for ourselves was to marry a man who could support and care for us. We were to be his wife, the mother of his children, his backbone. I wasn’t ever really allowed to dream,” I confess. Mary-Anne takes my hand in hers.

“You can dream now, LeeLee,” she encourages. I scoff.

“Dreams are for people who have the capability to actually make their dreams a reality. I have a baby coming in just about a month. I have rent to pay, and apparently a new waitressing job as soon as my maternity leave is over. I have a man who won’t claim me—a man who is in prison and refuses to see or speak to me; a man I am so head over heels in love with, I make myself sick; a man who doesn’t feel the same way. No, Mary-Anne, I can’t dream now,” I lay it out. All of it, and Mary-Anne doesn’t hide her sympathy for me.

“Its okay to dream, LeeLee. Your dream doesn’t have to be something unattainable. It can be having a healthy and happy baby. It can be working shit out with Fury. It can be whatever you want it to be,” she says. I take a deep breath, letting it cleanse me.

“I want that. A healthy, happy baby, and Fury. I want it all, marriage and happiness and a family,” I whisper wiping the tears that begin to fall as I stand up to head to bed.

“Then you’ll get it, babe,” she says, standing to wrap her arms around my shoulders and pulling me in for a big hug. “You’ll get it all, I just know it,” she whispers before she lets me go.

We separate to our rooms and I lie down and think about Pierce.
Fury
. I think about how safe I felt in his arms, how right it all felt. Being with him, having him hold me, having him inside of me.

I shouldn’t want him like I do. I should give up on him completely and move on with my life. He won’t even call me on the phone. Something inside of me still wants him. Still needs him. He owns a piece of my heart and I’m afraid I’ll never get it back. He’ll always own it.

What we had for that short amount of time,
that
was my dream come true.

I pray that he’ll come back, and when he does, that he’ll still want me. But instead of hiding me, I hope he’ll be proud to have me on his arm.

I want it all.

I want my little dream.

A family with a hard man, a rough man, a fucking rowdy man.

Fury

I lie back in my cot with my arms behind my head.

It’s been a long fuckin’ five months.

I close my eyes and wonder where Kentlee is right now.
Has she had the baby yet?
It’s got to be getting close. I know she’s having a boy.
Snipe shared.
I also know that Mary-Anne, his little sister, moved in with her. That news made me breathe a sigh of relief.

At least she isn’t completely alone now. I almost came unglued when he told me that her parent’s wouldn’t accept her back into their lives. If I could order a hit and get away with it, I would target those two jack holes.

Then, I remember that I’ve abandoned her as well. Sniper tries to get me to call her every time I see him, but I can’t do it.

If I hear her voice, I’ll fuckin’ break.

I can’t break in this hell hole. I have to stay strong. Only the strong survive. I’ll make everything right once I get out. It’s a vow I make every single night before I close my eyes.

I’ll do right by her.

I’ll earn her forgiveness.

I’ll earn her trust.

I’ll earn her heart.

Without her, my life would be worthless.

I close my eyes and I remember her sweet face, her long blonde hair, and her bright blue eyes. The way she looked up at me with awe and amazement every time I made her come. The way her curvy body melted for me, and into me, with a single touch. The way she tasted, from her lips, down to her perfect pink pussy.
Fuck
, that cunt—spectacular every single time I sank inside of it. She accepted me, no questions asked, and not much shit thrown my way.

I was a fool for trying to hide her.

I’ll be a damned if I’ll let her go.

Kentlee

B
ear Pierce Duhart Johnson
was born on a Tuesday at two o’clock in the morning. He came screaming into this world, ready to fight with two balled up fists, a tuft of blonde hair, and a strong set of lungs. He was twenty-one inches long and nine pounds.

I couldn’t have him naturally. I tried. I tried no drugs and no surgery; but after twenty hours in labor, I was exhausted and he wasn’t progressing. I had an emergency C-section. A few hours later, I held him to my bare skin. He was perfect.

Three months later, he’s still perfect.

Being a mother has come fairly naturally to me. I have no clue what I’m doing, but each day we survive. I consider it a success. Bates and Mary-Anne are my saviors. Without them, I don’t think we would have survived this long together.

Tonight is my first night working at the strip club, aptly named
Devils
. Bates brought my
uniform,
or lack thereof, this morning.

It makes me cringe.

“This is gross,” I say to myself as I look in the mirror.

I’m wearing a pair of super stretchy shorts, best described as hot pants. Lucky for me, they are high rise and come up to my belly button in the waist; plus, they’re black so hopefully they are also slimming. On top, I wear a bra,
a sparkly gold little bra
that barely covers my breasts. I put my long blonde hair into a pony tail and slide bright red high heels onto my feet—another piece of my uniform.

I scrunch my nose at the sight of myself. I look skanky.

“Hot mama. Holy shit, your body is bangin’,” Mary-Anne says after she whistles at me from the doorway of my bedroom.

“I look slutty,” I mutter. She laughs.

“It’s a strip club, babe. You’re going to be the classiest dressed person there,” she informs me, making me smile
.

I so totally am—but I still look skanky
.

“Are you sure you’re cool for the whole night? My shift is from seven until three. I have to help clean up after it closes,” I remind Mary-Anne.

“Puh-lease. That baby loves me. We’ll be just fine, he and I,” she says.

I know she will. I know that
they
will. I just don’t want to leave him. I grab my purse off of the bed and a coat to cover my naked body. No way am I walking out of the house in this thing. I could only imagine what my neighbors would think.

I walk over to the swing, where Bear is blowing raspberries. I stop the swing and lift him out before I cuddle him close to me, inhaling his sweet baby scent.

I gave him a bath before I got dressed, so he’s clean and ready for bed, which will be in fifteen minutes. He’s on a routine. Seven in the evening until seven in the morning; twelve hours with,
usually
, only one wake up in between for a bottle and diaper change.

He’s such a good baby, so calm and sweet.

He has gray eyes that rival his father’s and leave me weak every single time he looks at me. I love that he inherited them, but I wish I had Pierce here with me, too. I miss him so much more than I should.

“Almost one year down. Two more to go, sweet boy,” I murmur before I give him a kiss and strap him back into his swing.