Rough & Rowdy (Notorious Devils #1) (22 page)

Thinking about everything that’s waiting for me when I get back, thinking about my woman and my boy—makes me an emotional fucker.

Twelve months.

Twelve measly months.

That’s all I have left.

If I tell myself that enough, then maybe I’ll feel like it isn’t such a long time.

Kentlee

“W
e can’t,” he whispers as his hand cups my cheek.

“We shouldn’t, because we can,” I murmur into the dark, feeling the warmth of his hand against my skin.

It’s been so long since a man has touched me. My thighs quiver as the thought of his hand sliding down my body.

“He’s my brother, Kentlee,” he mutters as the heat from his breath fans my face.

Fuck. He smells like whiskey and it makes me groan. I imagine what his whiskey laced tongue tastes like in this exact moment.

“He doesn’t even want me, Bates, what does it matter?” I reason. I need someone to want me. I need to know that I’m not completely broken, not completely undesirable.

“Kentlee,” he moans before his lips brush mine in a soft kiss.

Bates burps loudly from the kitchen, breaking me of my daydreaming. I know what he’s doing. He’s drinking straight from the milk carton,
again.

Our one shared kiss proved that we were not really into each other. I was just lonely. I still think he’s beautifully built and sexy as shit, but there’s no sexual connection between us. When his tongue slipped between my lips, there was nothing. I felt absolutely nothing. All desire was just—gone.

I hear him rustling around in the kitchen, burping again. If I could choke him, I would. Six months. That’s how long we’ve been roommates, and it has been five months too long. I love him, like a brother, but the guy is a pig—
a totally slob
. I wonder how he was even in the military.

I thought they were supposed to beat the sloppiness out of these guys?

“You’re disgusting,” I say, wrinkling my nose as I walk into the kitchen to make breakfast for Bear.

“You love me,” he responds, wagging his eyebrows. It’s always how he responds.

“I don’t love your pigness or your crudeness,” I point out. He laughs.

“Without me, you’d be bored to death,” he says with a grin. I want to yank on his thick, dark beard and pull. He’s annoying as shit.

We danced around possibly having feelings for each other, when he moved in and we found ourselves alone together. Flirty comments turned into flirty touches, which turned into our one and only kiss. I’m glad we got it out of the way, otherwise I may have wondered forever if pining over Pierce was a mistake or not. There is no denying the way my body reacts to Pierce. It’s nothing short of sexual dynamite. Too bad he’s a fucking piece of shit asshole. I’m still angry with him. I probably will be until the day I die at this point.

“Without you my house would always be clean, and it wouldn’t smell like disgusting man. Oh, yeah, I’d be bored.” I roll my eyes and Bates laughs before I hear him scoop Bear into his arms and blow a raspberry on his tummy.

“Us men gotta stick together, dude,” he rumbles.

It makes me smile. One thing that made me more attracted to Bates than I should have been was the way he is with Bear.

Bear giggles his little boy laugh and I wish I could keep him this way forever. Though, so far, I’ve said that about every stage of his life.

“Is Tammy coming over tonight to babysit?” he asks, taking the plate of eggs and toast from my hands and snapping Bear into his highchair to eat.

“Yeah,” I say with a sigh, sitting down with my morning cup of coffee.

“Good. Before your shift, you’re gonna come with me to the clubhouse. Party tonight and you need to show up,” he informs me. I almost laugh.

“What the hell am I going to do there, Bates?” I ask on a laugh.

I haven’t been there since the day I stormed in, pissed off at Pierce, almost three years ago.

“You need to make appearances when you can. He’ll be out in six months, LeeLee. He’ll want to claim you, and those guys need to already respect you,” he announces. I can’t help myself, I burst out laughing.

“I’m a half-naked cocktail waitress that brings them shots and beer during their fuck parties. I could walk in there wearing a nun’s habit and they
still
wouldn’t respect me, Bates,” I inform him.

“They will when you’re the president’s Old Lady—when you’re his, and you walk in there at his side with his baby in your arms. They’ll respect you.”

“These are all
if’s
, Bates. I haven’t heard from him in two and a half years. I don’t know that he’ll want me. In fact, I’m assuming he doesn’t.” I lower my head and take another sip of my coffee. It’s so depressing to think about the future, about what will happen six months from now.

“He wants you, LeeLee. He loves you,” Bates says. I can’t help the snort that comes out of my mouth at his words.

Loves me.

That’s fucking hilarious.

If he loved me, he wouldn’t have abandoned me for two and a half years. He wouldn’t refuse to see me, refuse to talk to me, and refuse to write to me. He wouldn’t refuse to see our child, either.

I’ve been a mix of emotions since he left. Angry, disappointed, and sad. Disappointment and sadness have won out in my overall feelings on the subject. Disappointment not only in Pierce but in myself. I’ve let him rule my life these past few years. Rule how I live my life. Not moving on, sitting around in limbo for a man that doesn’t even recognize me. That can’t even call me.

Now the disappointment is gone and I’m just tired.

“Sure, whatever,” I respond, trying to hold back my tears.

I’ve cried so much in the past two and a half years; I don’t know how I can have any tears left to cry. But every night, more tears come. Like clock-work. Like a bad dream. Like a record on repeat.

“Okay, then its something that will happen when he’s out,” Bates murmurs.

I try not to roll my eyes at his words. He doesn’t know shit. Pierce is going to do whatever the hell he wants, and if that means he doesn’t want Bear and me, he won’t think twice about cutting us loose.

“I’m going to take Bear to the park today, wanna join?” I ask as I stand up to clear Bear’s dishes and my coffee cup.

“I got shit to do. Keep an eye out, yeah?” he warns. I nod.

I’m used to the warning, he always says that when I go out in public alone. Like he’s worried something will happen to me. I doubt any of the club’s enemies even know I exist.

Bear and I spend the morning and early afternoon in the park together. I love the warmer weather and the fact that we’re the only people here.

I watch my son play, and I push him on the swings for over an hour, because it’s his favorite part. It makes me think of his father. The wind whipping his blonde hair around, his little arms up in the air, and his voice, giggling with delight…

Freedom
.

The way Pierce feels on his motorcycle.

Though I haven’t known Pierce for long, or all that well, I can see so much of him in Bear. The way Bear always runs through life, barreling head first. I wonder if that’s the way Pierce was as a child.

I was the most cautious of children, always afraid I would get hurt.

Bear is nothing like that.

He’s stubborn and headstrong and fiercely protective of me. He hates to have anybody take my attention away from him, and the only man he doesn’t get pissed off at if he’s near me is Bates.

The mailman shook my hand once, and I swear I thought Bear was going to take him out at the knees.

Totally Pierce’s genes on that one.

Once we’re done at the park, I take Bear home and put him down for a nap. I spend that quiet time cleaning the house before Tammy arrives, and I have to do the dreadful and go to work.

Tammy is a fifty-something empty-nester who lives down the street. I’ve known her for two years and she’s the sweetest woman. She has four grown children and two grandchildren. They are all spread out and she’s lonely. She used to offer to watch Bear all of the time, but I had Mary-Anne living with me, so I never took her up on it.

When Mary-Anne moved to San Diego, I needed someone to stay with Bear at night. Bates ran a background check on Tammy and said she was clean as a whistle. So I finally took Tammy up on her offer, on a trial-basis, and she’s been my rock ever since. I pay her, and she enjoys the little extra spending cash. She usually spends it on her grandbabies, which makes me like her even more.

“Knock-knock,” Tammy says as she walks through my door.

I’m just wrapping my thin coat over my horrendous work uniform.

“Hey, Tam, I’m just about ready,” I call out from my bedroom as I grab my purse and throw it over my shoulder.

Just then, Bear comes toddling toward me and throws his arms up, his signal that he wants me to pick him up.

I scoop him up and carry him into the living room. Once he sees Tammy he smiles widely and says
Hi.

“Hello, sweet boy. Are you ready for your Auntie Tammy cuddles?” she asks, holding her arms out for Bear. He quickly wiggles from my grasp and toddles over to her waiting open arms.

I love that he has her. I love that he has a grandmotherly figure to cuddle, since he doesn’t have my parents. I don’t know what ever happened to Pierce’s father, but I wasn’t ever able to meet him, and I haven’t heard a word about him since Pierce went away.

I thank Tammy for watching Bear, like I do every time she does, and I quickly make my way toward the
Devils
Club.

Candy is waiting for me with wide eyes when I walk up to the bar and stow my purse.

“What?” I ask, knowing full well she has some kind of gossip for me. Just the look on her face says it all.

“He didn’t tell you?” she asks. I narrow my eyes on her.

“What was Bates supposed to tell me this time?” I ask.

Bates has the worst habit of neglecting to tell me things, like patch-in after parties, and basically anything to do with the Notorious Devils club.

“The whole place is closed to the public tonight,” she chews on her bottom lip for a minute before she continues, “Notorious Devils charter club is here, and they’re going to have a big party.”

I nod, taking in all of her words, and then I pale.
Charter club
. That sounds familiar. Then I remember what Pierce told me when we first got together. His father is the President of the Charter, which means he could be here tonight. I panic.

“He wanted me to come to the clubhouse before work tonight. He never said a damn thing about this,” I practically growl.
“That ass.”

Candy knows it all. She knows about Pierce and she knows a bit about the club, and she definitely knows that Pierce’s father is part of the original club in California. I can’t think. It’s too much.

“Pierce’s father is going to see me tonight,
like this
,” I motion to my sparkly bra and hot pants with five inch, red high heels that finish off my whore outfit.

“Maybe he won’t realize it’s you,” she says with a shrug.

“Yeah, maybe he doesn’t know I work here? Maybe the floor will open me up and swallow me whole?” I murmur to myself. Candy grins widely at me.

A few hours later, I’m slammed. I’m so busy serving these completely disgusting assholes shots and beers, I don’t have time to worry about Pierce’s father, whom I recognized the second he walked through the door. He’s tall, like Pierce, with the same shade of blond hair, and those fucking gorgeous gray eyes.

They could be twins.

Initially, he made my knees weak. But now, I see the subtle differences in him. His voice is scratchier than Pierces, his eyes have crinkles that Pierce’s don’t have yet, and there’s a darkness behind his eyes that gives me chills. He’s seen shit, he’s
done
shit that Pierce hasn’t; or at least, hadn’t before he went away.

“Over here, darlin’,” Pierce’s father calls.

I let out a shaky breath before I make my way toward him. He hasn’t called me over once yet, and I’m dreading this.

“Can I help you?” I ask, trying not to make eye contact. I learned early on, with this bunch of men, the less eye contact, the better.

“Need another shot of whiskey,” he murmurs.

I quickly go get that for him. I don’t want him to meet me like this the first time. I don’t want him to think I’m some whore. I don’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes that his son knocked up some girl that had to resort to
this
to feed her baby.

“You know of a girl ‘round these parts named Kentlee?” he asks when I drop his shot off a few moments later.

My eyes fly to his but he’s staring at me as if he knows the answer already. His knowing gaze ruffles me, but I’m too ashamed to admit the truth.

“N-No sir,” I stutter. He grins.

“Call me
MadDog
. I didn’t think so. You ever find her, you make sure you tell Sniper I want to talk to her. She’s got my grandson, and as soon as my son gets back, I’ll be wantin’ to meet them. My son’s been an idiot for almost three years now, and I’m just about fuckin’ done with his shit. I’m giving him ‘til about one week after his release to straighten himself out, and then I’ll be back,” he announces.