River of Mercy (3 page)

“We came to visit Mrs. Sawyer and her baby,” Fannie put in.

“We did see Gideon though. He was out at the farm to help me feed the animals while Mamma and Dr. David are gone,” Rachel added.

“Have you heard from them?”

“No, but they should be home by the end of the week.”

“Well, I'm sure Ellie will be glad to see you,” he said, darting a glance behind him toward the boardinghouse. “I just came from there. You'll find her and Naomi Fay downstairs. She's back at work, helping Marabeth in the kitchen.”

“Oh—so soon?” Rachel said.

He nodded, his expression turning solemn. “I expect she needs the money. It's going to be hard for her with a baby and no husband. Besides, it's probably best if she can keep busy.”

“She surely won't stay here, will she? Doesn't she have family she could go to?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets, frowning. “She says not—she grew up in an orphanage. And apparently she and her husband weren't close with his family, so she seems to be on her own.”

The sting of an unidentifiable emotion caught Rachel off guard. She couldn't help but wonder how it was that Jeremiah knew so much about Ellie Sawyer. And he seemed so…concerned about her.

But of course he'd know something of her background. After all, her husband had worked in Jeremiah's carpentry shop before moving on to Indiana. And it was only natural that he'd be concerned about her situation. Jeremiah was a kind man. He'd care about anyone in such difficult straits.

“How awful for her,” she said, meaning it.

“We'll help her,” Fannie said. “Lots of people will, won't they, Rachel?”

“I'm sure they will,” Rachel said, smiling at her sister. “Well…we'd best be going in now before it gets any later. Get the pie, Fannie.”

Fannie hopped down from the buggy and retrieved the basket that held the apple pie they'd baked the evening before. “Will you be out to visit us soon too, Captain Gant? I know Thunder would like to see you. And so would we,” she quickly added.

“I'd like that too,” he said quietly. “I expect he's grown quite a bit since I saw him last.”

“Ja,
he's getting real big. Mamma says he's going to be big enough to haul the hay wagon if he doesn't stop growing soon.”

He laughed. “Let's hope he doesn't get
that
big!”

As Rachel started to step out of the buggy, Jeremiah quickly took her arm to help. In that instant their eyes met and held. Heat rose to her face. Unnerved by his closeness and intense scrutiny, she clenched her teeth until her jaw hurt in an effort not to react. He tightened his grasp on her arm, holding on to her for what seemed an excessive length of time. Only when Rachel made a small tugging motion to free herself did he drop his hand away.

She mumbled a hurried goodbye and started across the road toward the boardinghouse. With every step Rachel imagined him watching her. It was all she could do not to turn and look.

“Fannie,” she said just before they went inside, “you can't be inviting Captain Gant to visit us anymore.”

Her sister gave her a quizzical look. “But he's our friend.”

Rachel drew a long breath. “But he's also an
auslander.”

The word tasted bitter on her lips. Calling Jeremiah an outsider seemed so wrong.

Fannie stood staring down at the porch. “He doesn't seem like one.” She lifted her face to look at Rachel. “Captain Gant's been good to us. He cares about us. It doesn't seem fair that we can't be friends with him.”

“We
are
friends, Fannie, but we can't be…too friendly.”

“Maybe you can't, but Mamma and Dr. David don't feel that way.”

“What?”

“They treat Captain Gant just like they do anybody else. They have him for dinner sometimes, and he and Dr. David play checkers at least every other week.”

“Well, that's different.”

“How is it different? Dr. David is Amish now too, but he and Captain Gant are still friends.”

Even as Rachel struggled to reply, she saw her sister's expression change, clearing as though she already had her answer. “It's because he likes you too much, isn't it? But you can't get married because he's not Amish, so you're not supposed to be friends, just the two of you.”

Caught off guard by Fannie's perception, Rachel swallowed against the dryness in her throat. “Something like that,
ja
.”

Her little sister—who, Rachel suddenly realized, had nearly caught up with her in height—reached to take her hand. “I'm sorry, Rachel. I didn't mean to make you sad.”

“Oh, no, Fannie, it's all right. I'm not sad.”

Fannie watched her. “Your eyes are.”

Rachel knew she shouldn't be discussing this with her sister—or with anyone else. Even so, she felt compelled to ask. “Who told you…about Captain Gant and me?”

“I heard Mamma and Dr. David talking.” Fannie dipped her head a little. “I wasn't eavesdropping, Rachel. Honest, I wasn't. I was just picking some burrs off Thunder right outside the kitchen, and I heard them. I went the rest of the way into the room so they'd know where I was. I didn't hear all that much. Besides, I knew before then that Captain Gant liked you an awful lot. And I knew that lately it made him unhappy.”

Rachel waited, sensing there was more to come.

“Used to be,” Fannie said, “that the only time the hurt ever left his eyes was when he looked at you.” She paused. “But now when he looks at you, it's as if that's when he hurts the most.”

Rachel stood there, stunned and speechless, her eyes burning. Finally, she managed a ragged breath, opened the door, and waited for Fannie to step in first before following her inside.

2

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

J
EREMIAH
29:11
NKJV

A
s Rachel watched Ellie Sawyer standing over her sleeping baby in the back of the boardinghouse kitchen, she thought the recent widow was likely the prettiest young woman she had ever seen. Her features were delicate and perfectly molded, and wisps of flaxen hair curled softy around her face. Her large blue eyes, though sad, brimmed with love for her child.

They'd had a nice visit, if a brief one. They arrived before the baby fell asleep, and Mrs. Haining insisted that Ellie take a break with her visitors in the kitchen. Fannie was absolutely delighted with the opportunity to hold little Naomi Fay. Rachel also enjoyed snuggling the sweet warmth of the precious infant against her shoulder, though a wrench of regret seized her when she thought of the babies she might never have.

The only awkward moment came when Ellie expressed disappointment that they had just missed Captain Gant.

“I know you're good friends,” she said. “I'm sure he would have liked to see you.”

Rachel managed to choke out an inane reply, to which Ellie responded, “The captain is such a good man, isn't he? I don't know how we would have managed without his help!”

“It was so thoughtful of you to come,” she went on as she walked them to the front door of the boardinghouse. I think Naomi Fay really likes you, Fannie. I hope you'll come again soon.”

“Oh, we will, Mrs. Sawyer!” Fannie said. “Won't we, Rachel?”

Rachel nodded, meeting Ellie's smile over the top of Fannie's head.

Outside, after they said their goodbyes, Fannie glanced back at the door. “She's nice, isn't she?”

“Very nice.” But even as she agreed with her sister, Rachel was aware of a certain edge of reserve in her feelings about Ellie Sawyer. For no good reason, she couldn't quite warm to her, not as she knew she should, given Ellie's tragic loss and now uncertain future.

Without warning, the memory of Jeremiah's expression when he'd voiced his concern about the young widow squeezed its way past the fringes of her mind. Rachel actually closed her eyes for an instant against the image. She was unfamiliar with the strange emotion that struck her, but she recognized it for exactly what it was—jealousy.

The realization struck Rachel like a blow. Shame surged up in her. She hadn't known she was capable of such a petty, childish feeling. Hadn't she been taught ever since her childhood that jealousy was a vicious, corrosive sin? She was to rejoice in the well-being and good fortunes of others, not resent them.

If Jeremiah should come to care in a special way for the attractive young widow, and in time, Ellie for him, well, that would be a good thing for both of them, wouldn't it? Hadn't she prayed about that very thing not so long ago, prayed that he would find happiness with a wife and family of his own someday, just as she had prayed for Ellie Sawyer as well, for God's comfort and peace to fill her emptiness and ease her sorrow?

Jeremiah was free to love whomever he chose, and in all likelihood, Ellie would eventually find her way to love and happiness again as well. It would be a most grievous sin to not wish them exactly that, even if the thought of Jeremiah looking at another woman with the same softness in his eyes that had once been there for her sliced at her heart with an icy knife.

“Rachel?”

Her sister's questioning tone brought Rachel sharply back to her surroundings.

“Shouldn't we be going now?” Fannie asked.

Only then did Rachel realize she'd been sitting in the buggy, staring at the road ahead without making a move to drive on.

“Ja,”
she said, her voice shaky. “We definitely should.”

“You've been awfully quiet tonight,” Asa said, clearing the table of the supper dishes. “Something troubling you?”

Gant felt his friend's eyes on him but avoided meeting his gaze. There was plenty troubling him all right, but he didn't feel up to talking about any of it. Instead, he got up from the table and went to the stove, where water was heating for washing the dishes.

“Nothing in particular,” he said and then changed the subject. “Have you seen the boy today?”