Riptide Love ( (5 page)

Steady once more, De jerked back. “Sorry about that. “ She wiped her hand on the long T-shirt she wore. “Well, he’s asleep for the night.”

“Yeah.” Enjoying the quick rise and fall of her breasts, he pushed to his feet.

“Well, I guess we’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Eh, you bet.”

De’s arms folded under her breasts. Watching her nipples pebble caused arousal to tingle in his balls. Sweat coated his palms. It’d been a while since he’d fucked. Maybe that was the deal with his increased reactions to her. It had to be.

Still he wanted to know. Needed to know. And no time like the present to find out. Using two fingers, he reached out and caressed the pulse in her graceful neck and slowly ran them down along the vee in her night shirt.

His fingers slid across to drag over a single nipple.

On a moan, her hips arched, her breasts thrust forward.

He stepped into her space to press his stiff prick into her.

De whimpered.

He inhaled roughly, enjoying the feel of her along his body.

Christ, she smelled good. Damn good. He inhaled again. Nuzzling her temple, his mouth buzzed a kiss. He shifted impossibly closer. Lips trailed a line of kisses to her mouth. Greedily he played over her lips. He groaned at the feel of her mouth under his as she opened for him. Her sweetness made him drink. His thirst for her shuddered through him.

It’s been too damn long
.

The fire for her that’d stayed kindled nearly brought him to his knees at the feel of her hands on his chest.

The craving, the yearning he’d always had for her erupted on a groan. He deepened the kiss. His tongue and lips explored, teased hers. His rigid prick throbbed in need.

It’s been too damn long.

“I missed you, De.” He relished her sweet taste.

The soft sounds she made caught in his mouth. His balls drew up in warning.

“I missed you so damn bad.” No one had ever compared to her. Not ever. He wanted her back. What she’d done to him. The way she’d made him feel.

Groaning, he slid a hand down her body to cup her hip. He pressed his hard prick into her.

Focus, mate. Ignore your own growing need for release.

He eased back to allow his hand to trail under the nightshirt she wore. Her panties were wet to his touch.

She gasped into his mouth.

“I missed you, luv.”

De whimpered on an arch of her hips.

His free hand caught the back of her neck to keep her anchored to him. Her pussy was hot as he worked her clit through the cloth.

With a turn of her head, she broke the kiss off. “Ethan.” Her hand pushed at his chest.

He stilled. A new type of tension sank into his muscles.

Nervously she pressed her hand over the heartbeat in her neck. “Ethan…”

“Yeah?” He eased back to look into her gaze.

“I’ve already experienced this…move of seduction.” She motioned between them. “And I have the proof to show it.”

Cold water washed over him, through him. What the hell had come over him? Trying to seduce De? What was he thinking? He hadn’t. Unless it was with the head below his waistline.

No. It’d been more than his prick thinking. She’d been hot for him too. He’d felt it. But he’d abandoned her. Hell, he’d not only abandoned her… She’d never been his. She’d belonged to his brother. A bloody fine mate. A second chance wasn’t something he deserved. Guilt and a rising tide of insecurity caused him to step away to give her space.

“I have to be at work early tomorrow.” She led the way from the bedroom to the entryway. “You’re welcome to visit Nate. We’ll be here by five most days. But…but…” Her arms went back under her arms. “I’m a mother, and the last thing I want to do is become involved with a player again.”

Ethan’s teeth clenched. He hadn’t been a player since she’d walked out his door.

“What we had was a fun time…”

Fun time? His arse. She’d bloody well had the time of her life. He’d made sure of that. Hell, what they’d shared those two weeks had been the best of his bloody life…

She turned away from him to pull the door open. “It was no more than sex.”

Only sex? He’d thought he’d suffocate from wanting her. Even after he’d tried to forget her. De had gotten into his system. She’d affected his life just as his calling for a career as a rescue swimmer had.

When she faced him, her face held tight lines. “Let’s stick to being friends for Nate’s sake.”

Muscles along his back bunched. Rejection wasn’t something he’d ever experienced before. She’d just rejected him and he disliked it. Disliked being compared to the man he once was.

“Sure, for Nate.” He forced a smile. “Goodnight, sheila. I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

“Hooroo.” She closed the door before he left the steps.

Christ. What had gotten into him? And why did he want to prove he’d changed?

Out on the airfield in Alice Ethan approached Travis slightly ahead of De and Nate. He attempted to pass his cousin his bag.

Travis removed his hat to scratch his head. The young man continued to ignore the bag so Ethan dropped both bags he held.

“Isn’t she…” Travis replaced the hat and rocked back on his heels.

“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you some of it in the air.”

“Nuh-uh.” His cousin shook his head. “No how. No way. No can do.”

“Your cousin?” De gasped when she stopped beside them.

“So you met Travis already then?” That was good.
Not
. The flight was going to be awkward as hell.

“You’re having your cousin fly us home?”

“I’m a damn good pilot.” Travis glared.

“Whoa…” Ethan held up a hand. His cousin was a fine pilot. He’d been taught by the best bush pilots around. His brother Miller and his cousins, like many on the outback, used planes instead of autos.

“He’s a kid.” De turned to face him.

In his mum’s arms Nate swiveled his head back and forth.

“Pig’s arse, I’m no kid.” Travis faced only Ethan. “Big M didn’t say a thing about
this
.” He thumbed toward the pair beside him. “Not a damn word.”

“He said a bad word.” Wide-eyed, Nate grinned.

“I can’t do this.” De clasped his arm sending a wave of arousal along his nerve endings. Sweat beaded her forehead. “I can’t.”

“Listen.” He rested his hand over hers only to have her pull away as if he’d burned her. He clenched his teeth. Every time he’d touched her since the night in Nate’s room she’d reacted as if he was contagious. Every bloody time. She acted as if his touch repelled her. Not that he blamed her. He’d fucking abandoned her.

Christ, how would he ever make it up to her? To Nate?

“This wasn’t part of the deal.” She clutched Nate even closer.

“Come on, De. We’ve only got six days.” And half the day had been spent on a commercial flight into the interior of Oz. He got between De and Travis. “I swear Travis is a good pilot. Licensed and everything.”

“Damn straight.”

“He said a bad word again.”

“Oh, God.” De hefted Nate higher.

Ethan put his back to his cousin. He tried to give them a little privacy as he massaged her shoulder. He didn’t like to see her afraid. “Luv, I swear Travis is a fine young man.” At seventeen Travis was a man if a very young one. “I swear he has a good head on his shoulders. I’d never put either of you in danger.”

Long lashes lowered to shield her gaze.

“What do you think, mate?” He turned to Nate. “Want to go for a ride?”

“I like planes.” Nate wiggled, but De held him tight.

“You really trust…”

Chest constricting, he cut her off. “Yes I do. I’d never put either you or Nate in jeopardy. Not ever.” Damn, did she not trust him at all? His teeth clenched—he couldn’t take looking at the emotions swimming in her gaze. Maybe her reaction, her fear had to do with more than just Travis. Maybe she was worried about the trip in general.

“Okay. Okay.” She shifted Nate up on her hip. “You swear…”

“I swear, luv.” He crossed his heart.

“Oh, God…let’s go before I change my mind.”

He helped her get Nate settled onboard the four-seater. Miller had sent Travis with the roomiest of his birdies.

“This is bull.” Travis was tight-lipped when he strapped himself into the pilot’s chair. “Big M didn’t say a bloody word about…
her.
”

“Respect your elders.” Ethan buckled himself in. “Just get us in the air, mate.”

Travis scribbled something on the back of his flight log and tapped it for Ethan to read.

Leaning over he read his cousin’s note.

Is that ankle biter Miller’s?

The world closed in on him. Fuck. Others would wonder the same thing. But he knew Nate was his. There was absolutely no doubt for him. If there’d been the slightest chance De’d been pregnant with Miller’s child, Miller would’ve gone after her. Instead his brother had held his head proud and like with everything else hadn’t said a bloody word about De to anyone.

Bugger me.
He had so much to explain. Ethan shook his head before bringing his gaze up to meet the young man’s head-on. “No. Now get this birdie in the air.”

“Fuck. I swear you all think I’m an idiot.” Travis passed around headphones before he booted up the plane. “No talking until we’re in the sky. Got it?”

Knowing the instruction was meant for De and Nate, he glanced back and pressed a finger to his lips. “Just for a few minutes. Travis needs silence to talk to the tower.”

Nate grinned excitedly. “I like planes.”

Travis snorted. “I’m carting an ankle biter around.”

Take off went without a hitch. Besides De entertaining Nate with toys and little games, the flight was quiet. About two hours into the flight, Nate had to piss in a baggie, after which he then declared, “I like peeing in baggies.”

Travis didn’t let Ethan off the hook though. During their fuel stop, the young man turned on him when De took Nate inside for a break. “What the fuck is going on?”

“Listen, mate, I need to talk to M and Mum first.” He raked his hand through his hair. “Can you understand that? Let me do this.”

“You want me to dump her in Miller’s lap? No warning. No nothing. Just have
her
show up? After what she did.”

“No. It’s nothing like that. Just get me there so I can talk to Miller. And my mum.”

“I remember her. What she did…” A tic beat in Travis’s cheek. “Big M deserves to be warned.”

Christ, Travis was mature. Far more mature than Ethan had been at seventeen. “Tell me, mate, what kind of day do you think Miller’d have if I call him with a by-the-way, I’ve got De with me? And it’s hours until we’re home.”

“A shitty one.”

“Exactly, so why ruin the entire day for him when it can be avoided?”

“To hear M tell it, he has a lot of shitty days, I don’t think telling him about…” Travis’s mouth twisted. “
…her
and that
ankle biter
is going to make things worse. I’m calling M. No matter what you say. I won’t surprise M like this.”

“Christ, mate”

Travis pulled his cell out.

“Nate is my son. Not Miller’s.” He exhaled noisily. That’d felt good. Nate was his son and he’d not hesitate to announce it again.

“What?” Travis turned storm-filled eyes on him. “What the fuck did you say? Yours?”

“You heard me.” He clasped Travis’s shoulder and squeezed it. “Now, I need to talk to my brother in person. I can’t tell him this over some fucking phone. And it’s my place to tell him.”

“This is fucking bullshit.” Disgust shone clearly in Travis’s gaze. He shook his hand off and climbed back into the plane.

Sickness churned in his belly. He couldn’t imagine M’s reaction. Or his mum’s. Or Co’s.
Oh, bugger me.
He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply before he released the breath slowly. Somehow he’d make it through this. For Nate.

“You okay?” De walked up to him holding Nate’s hand.

“Yeah.” He nodded, not feeling the least bit okay. “I had to tell Travis… T wanted to give M a heads-up. It’s important I talk to him in person.”

“I know.” She picked Nate up. “Well, let’s get this behind us.”

Travis didn’t speak a single word to them the rest of the trip. And Ethan didn’t blame his cousin. Hell, he couldn’t blame anyone but himself. Still the situation might be harder on Travis than some. The young man had never known his mum. Aaron-Matthew had had Travis long before he should have. A few weeks later Travis’s mum had disappeared.

Too bad there were never any do overs in life. He sure would take one. Looking back—and knowing what he now did—he might not have chosen a brother’s loyalty over a woman’s love. He’d been bloody serious about De.

Chapter Five

“Where are the puppies?” Nate’s wide eyes scanned the yard as they approached the house.

Not a hound in sight. This time of day, they’d be out working the animals. He’d make up for disappointing the little mate later. “We’ll have to search for them after a while.” Ethan hefted the boy up on an arm. “I’ve got to say g’day to my mum first.”

“I like puppies.”

“Eh, me too.” He patted his son’s back. “I promise to show you some.”

Ahead of them, Travis dropped the bags on Mum’s porch and left them without a word.

Ethan tried not to notice, but he did. Tension knotted his muscles. He disliked discord among his family. It’d been one reason he hadn’t told M when he should have. Not only had he not wanted to disappoint, to hurt M, but he hadn’t wanted to face the conflict.

“You okay, Ethan?” De brushed his upper arm. “I’m nervous.”

He reached down and gave her hand a squeeze. The contact soothed him. Her admission surprised him. Pleased the hell out of him. He wanted her to be open with him.

She caught her lower lip between her teeth but didn’t let go of his fingers. Some of the tension eased as he gave her a smile. “Visiting with Mum is going to be the easy part.” Yeah, Mum would be easy compared to Miller. You could always count on Mum to love, to accept.

After another squeeze, he released her fingers to knock on the screen door. His hands shook as he pulled the door open. “Mum!” Inside, he passed Nate to De. “Mum!”

“E, I was sewing.” The smile she wore faded when she saw De, but she still embraced him in a hug. “Son, I’ve missed you.”

“You too.” In turn, he squeezed her in a bear hug. “Mum, I’ve brought visitors.” He stepped back, taking in the grey in her hair. The tired eyes. Every time he visited anymore reminded him she was aging. Faster than he liked. He didn’t want his mum to grow old…

“I can see you have Denae.” Mum’s mouth tightened. “Who else have you brought with you?” Her hand trembled when she brushed back loose strands of hair. “Ethan, what’s going on?”

A shortness of breath nearly buckled his knees. The feeling of being ten again overcame his senses. “Mum…” Oh, Christ. How did one tell their mum they’d fucked up in the worst way? Explain what a pig’s arse he’d been?

Sweat beaded his brow. He’d never wanted to disappoint his mum.

Denae took a single step forward. “Maree, I’d like you to meet Nathan Button. Nate, say g’day to Maree.”

Relief at the initial introduction relaxed his spine.

“G’day.” Nate did as his mum told. “You got puppies.”

Mum’s smile was small. “I believe we do.”

“I like puppies.”

His mum nodded, covering her mouth with a shaky hand.

A knot of emotion clogged his throat. He didn’t have to hear his mum say it. He knew what she was thinking. She was looking at Nate and seeing what he had at first sight of the boy.

Nathan was a Thorn. Only the little mate wasn’t M’s. He was his.

“Well, we’re going to go play a few minutes while you two catch up.” Listening to the quiver in Denae’s voice, Ethan wanted to pull her into his arms and offer comfort. Neither she nor his mum would appreciate that.

De carried Nate over to the couch and set him down. She quickly pulled out a few toys from her pack.

“Thanks, De.”

She offered a small smile in return.

“Come on.” He wrapped his arm around his mum’s slim shoulders and urged her to go outside with him. “I’ve news to share with you.”

“I’m getting old, Ethan.” A grimace slashed across his mum’s face as she sat in a wooden rocker. “I’ve a feeling I’m about to get older.” The smile she offered him was weak when she faced his way.

“Mum, Nate’s mine. I can’t tell you how sorry I am over how things came about.” He straightened his spine. “But Nate is my son. And I’m damn proud to be his father.”

She nodded. “I could tell he was a Thorn… Your father’s coloring…” She waved a hand. “Miller…he…” Her throat worked.

“He’s not, Mum. Nate’s mine.”

“Well.” A long sigh passed through her lips. “Everything worked out for the best then. Denae wasn’t right for Miller. I knew it. I never felt a spark between the two of them.” She shook her head. “Still, I tried to push them together. Thought they needed each other.”

Ethan reached out and took her hand in his. He brought her hand to his mouth and placed a kiss on it. “Thank you, Mum.”

“I wish I could do more than accept little Nate.” Sadness swamped her gaze. “Miller may need time to come around.”

“Me too.” He chuckled. “Christ, me too.” He just hoped time would be enough.

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “I’m going to go inside and get to know my grandson.”

A weight lifted as she walked by him.

“Thanks, Mum.”
He closed his eyes and turned his face up to the heavens. His mum had a good heart. That hadn’t been an easy task but at least it was done. And had gone better than even he’d expected.

At the slam of the screen door, he jumped up. “Wait, Mum.” He followed her in to catch up to her. “We’ve not told Nate I’m his dad yet.”

“Humph, well then, you’ve got about a minute to break the news because he’s going to know I’m his grandmum.” The set of her mouth meant she was serious.

“De.” He called to get her attention.

Green eyes lifted to meet his, but it was too late to tell her of his mum’s intentions.

His mum got down onto the floor to sit across the coffee table from their son. “Nate, do you know what a grandmum is?”

The little boy shook his head.

De’s eyes widened. He willed her not to get angry with his mum. Surely, Nate wasn’t old enough to make all the connections.

“Grandmums give presents and let their grandsons take a puppy home with them.”

Nate’s grin was quick to spread from ear to ear. “I like grandmums.”

They all laughed.

Dinner had been quiet at his mum’s. Ethan kept checking his watch. If Miller followed his routine he’d be home any moment. Ten minutes passed before they heard the sound of a vehicle pulling up.

De stood with him, but he encouraged her to stay put. This one, like the last, he had to handle alone. “I’ll be back in a few.” Impulsively, he leaned over and kissed her temple. “Thanks, luv. You’ve been great.”

Mum’s watchful eyes followed him out.

Big M climbed out of the truck as he approached. “Mate, good to see you.” A rare smile greeted Ethan along with a quick hug. Damn, his brother’s response to seeing him shook him up. He hated to steal that smile. Hated even more to give him the news.

“Brother.” His hand clasped M’s shoulder. “It’s been too long.”

“That’s a fact.” Miller took his hat off and wiped his brow. “Let me clean up, and we can get a beer.” His brother slapped him on the back as he passed by.

“Wait.”

“Eh?” M came to a standstill to wait for Ethan. “What can’t wait ten minutes?”

Tightness settled in his chest. His heart thundered painfully. Christ. His brother was his best mate. “I’ve got something I need to say.” He forced a breath out.

“I’m listening.”

Where in bloody hell did he start? With Nate? In Sydney?

“Little brother, it appears what’s eating you is going to take some time to get out.” M patted his back and headed off. “Come on. I need a pint. There’s plenty in the house. Talking always goes better with beer.”

Oh, Christ.
“Wait, M. Listen, first, you gotta know I’m sorry before I tell you…”

M stopped once more. “Tell me what?”

He shuddered on a breath. “You remember all those times you told me to think before I acted?”

“Been telling you that since you were about four.” Miller nodded. “Think I took more than one licking for your dumb arse.”

In his mind’s eye, Ethan reviewed the last licking his father had given Miller over him. Ethan had taken better care after that one. He’d climbed up into a tree. Christ, he’d done some stupid things as a kid. They’d gone fishing, and on the way back, he’d climbed an old tree to show off for Co.

Miller had pleaded with him to come down before he got hurt. He hadn’t listened, only climbed higher instead. He’d fallen and broken his right leg. Miller had carried him home. Their father had beaten the living shit out of Miller for not taking better care of him. M hadn’t been able to walk right for four days.

His stomach knotted.

Oh fuck. If only he’d listened… No. Because if he had, he’d not have Nate.

Nate was a fine little mate.

“E, I’m still waiting.” Miller now stood by his truck. His arm folded over the side of the truck bed.

“I’m sorry to do this to you. But I have to tell you something.”

“So you’ve said.” M yanked his hat off and raked his hand through his hair before replacing it. “Still waiting on the what for.”

“You know I slept with a lot of women, not caring about their pasts…” About them. De hadn’t remained among those women. He should’ve had the balls and told her so. Stood up to Miller. His shoulders slumped in remorse.

“Did you go and get yourself a life sentence?” Miller straightened.

“Hell no. I’m clean.” He shook his head. The one lesson he’d paid careful attention to was Big M’s talks on safe sex. Until that protection he’d used with De had failed. “Christ, mate, let me get through this… You have to know…I didn’t know who she was…”

M arched an eyebrow.

“Denae…”

“I’ve been patient long enough.” M folded his arms across his chest. “Get this over with.”

“Denae had a baby….”

“She say it was mine? Because if she did, she’s lying.”

“Christ, no. Miller,
I
have a son. I swear to Christ I didn’t know who she was…when…” He couldn’t breathe through the tightness. “I didn’t know she was your woman…I’d never have…”

Again, he felt ten years old. Besides him mum, Miller was the only person he’d never wanted to let down. Or hurt. Shame washed through him. He trembled with it and guilt. If the situation had been reversed—he knew in his soul—Miller would have come to him. Big M was the better man. Had been the better man since they’d been boys.

“I’m bloody sorry.”

His older brother gazed off across the landscape. A rapid tic pulsed in his clenched jaw.

As silent moments passed, Ethan’s heart hammered until he couldn’t take it any longer. “M, say something.”
Or kick my bloody arse.
Eh, he deserved a beating from his brother.

“What the fuck do you want me to say?”

His own teeth clenched as a clog worked its way up his throat. Oh, Christ. “I’m bloody sorry, mate.”

“A sorry and five dollars will buy you a bucket of piss.” Miller walked off, his back stiff.

“M, I swear to Christ I didn’t know De was Denae. I swear.”

Full on, Miller turned around. Anger radiated from him. “You bloody well knew what you’d done. You fucking knew when you sat at the pub with me… You had a dozen opportunities to speak up.” He knotted his fists. “I can get past the fact you fucked Denae. Life happens. I can forgive that. That’s what you want to hear, isn’t it?” Miller advanced.

Ethan forced himself to stay put.

“But, I cannot, will not…” M pressed two fingers into his chest. “…
ever
forget that it took over three bloody years for you to tell me what had happened.” Miller shuddered, alerting him to the fact he’d slipped from anger to fury.

“Miller…” Alarm bells buzzed in his ears. He’d never said when he’d hooked up with De. Or how old Nate was.

“And you,
mate
, better be bloody glad Travis called me and warned me what the fuck was coming.”

Ethan groaned.
Oh, Christ.

“I’ve had the day to cool off.” His brother stepped away from him. “Otherwise. I’d probably have broken your bloody jaw.” Then he headed toward the house.

Ethan had been dismissed. He’d rather face a great white than this. The brother he’d looked up to, admired beyond all others was shunning him. Christ knew he deserved it. Christ knew his brother was the better man. His breathing turned rough.
Fuck!
His chest heaved. He’d rather have M kick his arse. “Wait.” He had to warn Miller that De and Nate were inside.

“What?” M glanced back, tight-lipped.

“De and Nate, they’re inside with Mum.”

“My problem isn’t with them.”

With no other choice left to him, Ethan followed him. Inside, Miller stepped into the living room and removed his hat. “Denae, good to see you.”

Ethan eyed the white knuckles M clasped his hat with.

“G’day, Miller.” De’s lower lip trembled but she stilled it.

“I hear I’m an uncle.”

“Yes. Yes you are.” She offered up a weak smile. “This is Nathan. I call him Nate.” She kissed the back of her son’s head from where he sat in her lap. “Nate, say g’day to your uncle Miller.”

“G’day.” Nate hid behind a storybook he held and peeked out from behind it.

“You hungry, M?” Their mum pushed up from her chair she’d been sitting in.

“Nope. I’ll eat something at Auntie’s. I figure they can use my room.” Replacing his hat, he tipped the brim. “I’ve got to grab a few things, then it’s all yours.”

“Thank you, Miller.” De hugged Nate to her and watched him leave the room.

His mum patted Ethan on the arm as she passed, heading to the kitchen.

His throat worked. His shoulders had never been so heavy. He regarded the hallway his brother had walked down. If it hadn’t been for him. If he hadn’t screwed things up so completely…maybe just maybe everyone would be happy. Everyone but him.

It felt as if someone had died. Never had he thought this breach between him and Miller would come to pass. What he wouldn’t give for one of their old man’s lickings instead.

Swallowing, he looked over at where De sat with Nate. His son. There’d be no trade off. He hadn’t gained one relative to lose another. M had to forgive him. Mates remained mates.

De lifted her head again to see the time. She groaned. The minutes crept by.

Stay in bed. Do the smart thing and stay in bed.

She couldn’t though. The evening had been spent agonizing over Ethan and his brother. God, Miller hadn’t even bothered to look Ethan’s way, while Ethan’s gaze had pleaded for forgiveness.