Riptide Love ( (2 page)

God help me.

Thankfully, because it was so late, Denae was able to slip past the nurses’ station. She turned a corner.
One foot in front of the other. Then you’ll be away from this
. She clutched Nate tighter.

Only the heavy thud of boots followed her, but Denae ignored them. What else could she do? Surely, she didn’t have the courage to face him now. Or ever.

“Denae?” Paige got her attention. “Wait.”

She was forced to slow. Paige and Jack had both been too good to her over the past few years. She owed way too much to the couple to run away from them. No matter how much she wanted to.

“Let me take Natey.” Paige caught up to her. “He can sit with me and Jack while you talk with the dipstick.”

Denae caught her lower lip between her teeth, but released her drowsy son after a peck on his forehead.

Ethan was right there at her side. Tall. Strong. Quiet. The man no longer looked ill, only pissed.

“I’m so, so sorry.” Her mouth trembled, and she worked to still it. Maybe if he’d been quiet the last time they’d spoken, her life would be different. If he’d allowed her to explain things…been willing to hear her out. “I’m really sorry.” There wasn’t much more that she could say. She’d already put in overtime with God.

“You want to sit down?” A tic beat fiercely in his jaw.

She rubbed her arms and shrugged. It made no difference to her. Sit. Stand. Either way her stomach churned. Yes, she was sure to be sick any moment. Swallowing, she prayed for calm. She prayed to faint and miss this whole scene. No, she’d never have that kind of luck.

He made no move to touch her as they located an empty waiting area. Once she claimed a chair, he sat right next to her. His legs were wide apart with his elbows braced on them. “Christ, I came here to apologize for the shitty way I treated you.” Ethan’s head hung down. “But before I can, I find out I have a son?”

“I’m sorry.” Denae compressed her lips together to hold back a scream.
Yes, yes, I should have told you.
Had tried to tell him. Tension tightened her neck. “Do you remember what the last words you spoke to me were?”

He straightened up and with a turn of his head, met her gaze.

“You said…you said you’d better not
ever
see me again.”
Heat flashed in her neck. “You said…” She gulped air, trying for a calm that wasn’t there. His words had made her feel like scum. At that instant she’d became ashamed of what’d they done.
She had wanted to die at that moment. But she hadn’t. Instead she’d climbed into the car he’d called for her and cried like a newborn over her stupidity. How badly she’d wanted to change things. God help her, she’d wanted Ethan.

Sweat beaded her palms. Ethan had been so angry when he’d found out who her fiancé had been. So very angry. He’d acted like he hadn’t taken any part in their fling. But he’d been just as guilty as she was.

“Fuck!” Ethan stood. “I bloody well know what I said! But you kept my son from me!” He raked his hands through his blond hair before he began to pace.

“
Luv, don’t worry…
” She mocked his words from that fateful night. “That’s what you said when you discovered the condom had split.” Nausea twisted in her stomach. He’d been so sure of himself. So sure nothing would happen.

“You had my son!”

“You told me you’d better not
ever
see me again!” The tension knotted the muscles in her back. She’d been so confused. So scared. She hadn’t known what to do. If only Miller and Ethan hadn’t been brothers. As wrong as an affair was, it might have been easier to make things right. She’d have made a cleaner break from the engagement with a little less guilt. No, nothing would have lessened that. It had just been amplified because of who her fiancé had been.

“Fuck!”

Her teeth began to chatter. “You acted like it was entirely my fault.”

“You knew my bloody name.”

“Thorn is a common surname. I had no idea who you were related to.”

“I have eyes the same color as my brother’s.”

“Yes.” She wiped her sweaty palms on her shorts. “You’re blond too. But that’s where the resemblance stops.” Miller had been controlled steel where Ethan… Well, Ethan had stolen so much more than her breath. He’d been like the ocean—breathtaking, fun and wild. And she’d foolishly wished for more from Ethan.

“You knew I was a DES officer.”

Feeling a spark of anger, she lifted her chin. “Believe it or not, Miller didn’t talk much about himself. He was a great listener, but he spoke little of his family and even less of his past.” She drew in a sharp breath. “All I knew about you was that you lived in Sydney and preferred water to land. I’d never even seen a picture of you.”

“Mum’s house has pictures—”

“I never visited…” Denae cut him off while tears burned the back of her eyes.

An achy tightness settled under her breast. God forgive her, at one point she’d blamed Miller too. He’d been the one to encourage her to go to Sydney in the first place. There’d been no grand declaration of love. Only a “Go on, sheila. Be sure an outback life is what you want.”

But even as much as she’d thought it, she knew it hadn’t been Miller’s fault. The blame rested with her and with Ethan.

God knew if it hadn’t been for her time with Ethan she’d have married Miller and made both of them miserable. At least Miller hadn’t been caught in a bad relationship.

The time she’d spent with Ethan had taught her—instinct
told
her—Miller hadn’t loved her, let alone been in love with her. But she should’ve at least spoken to Miller after…after Ethan. Instead, she’d mourned Ethan, and the loss of what might have been if life circumstances had been different.

His nostrils flared. His stance reminded her of the way he’d been nearly four years ago.

“You never once asked after the man I was supposed to marry.” No. Though she’d been honest about being in a relationship, the time she’d spent with Ethan in Sydney had been all about a good time. At least for him. “
Luv
, you know you want to take a walk on the wild side before you settle down.”

God, she’d been an idiot. She and some girlfriends had gone to the city for her bachelorette party. At first sight of Ethan she’d fallen in lust. The man should’ve been a supermodel with his ready smile and sexy moves. But before the night had ended, she’d known he was a bad boy and that had excited her even more.

What should’ve been a weekend away turned into the best two weeks of her life. Something she had wanted to last forever.

What a complete fool she’d been.

“Come on,
luv
. What the man doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” The tears burned the back of her eyes again.

“Christ, stop.” Ethan now stood with his back to her while he faced the window.

She didn’t want to stop. For so long, she’d blamed herself for everything, but they were equally to blame. She needed to get this out. Wanted him to know how truly sorry she was.

“The boy…”

“Nathan. His name is Nathan.”

“You named him after my father.”

“I’d always favored the name.” She hadn’t been able to bring herself to name her baby Ethan.

“Nathan.” He turned his head to regard her. “Nathan. He could be Miller’s.”

“I doubt your brother has ever had an accident in his life.” Something close to a laugh bubbled up. How much easier her life would’ve gone had Nathan been Miller’s. But there was no chance of that. “No, Nathan isn’t Miller’s. He’s yours. I know it.” From the moment she’d suspected her pregnancy she’d known…

He opened his mouth, only she stopped him. “Please let me get this over with.”

Ethan nodded, causing a hank of his hair to fall over his forehead.

“I tried calling Miller. I was going to tell him everything.” She compressed her lips a moment for courage, or to fight back tears she wasn’t sure. “I hung up on him when he answered.” It’d been a stupid, foolish thing to do. But she’d been younger and scared. “He tried calling me back three times over a period of two weeks.” Tears swam in her eyes. “I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to him. I wanted to. God knows I wanted to.” She’d been a coward. “I thought you’d have talked to him by then, and I didn’t know what you’d have told him. And I couldn’t call you to ask.”

With her eyes closed, she heard him exhale.

“After I found out I was pregnant I called your mother’s house. Your cousin, Ace, answered…” Wet streaks burned her cheeks when she looked over at Ethan. The tic was back to beating in his jaw. “He told me no Thorn was taking calls from me and hung up without another word.”

He turned away from her then. A quiver rose through her. She felt as small as she had that fateful night.

“A month later, I went to your condo where I learned you’d transferred from Sydney.” She wrapped her arms around her middle. What a lonely day that’d been. “I asked around but no one knew where you’d gone. Or if they knew, they weren’t telling me.”

Ethan turned only his head her way.

“Then I had to tell my parents I was expecting.” God, her mum had been so disappointed in her. Her dad so very angry. “My dad told me I was a disgrace to him for what I’d done.” How they’d both cursed at her, called her filthy names. The tears grew too hot and they fell from beneath her lashes. “He told me to get out. So, I sought help from my cousin Jack and his wife, Paige.” Thank God for them. She’d have been lost without them.

A rough sound came from Ethan’s direction but she didn’t dare check on him.

“Well.” She wiped her cheeks dry. “I’m sorry for the affair we had. And I’m so sorry for not finding some way to let you know about Nathan. But the one thing I’m not sorry for is having my son. I love him. Nate’s my world.”

Chapter Two

At De’s room he waited for her to get settled back into the bed. He checked his watch to make sure he gave her time to redress in the hospital gown and get under a sheet.

Christ, he was a father. Becoming a parent should be a happy occasion no matter what the circumstances. Yet he didn’t have a clue what to do next. The muscles along his back and shoulders ached something fierce.

He’d never experienced such guilt before. There was so much owed to De, Nate and Miller. His chest constricted. De had belonged to his brother before she’d been his. This moment had been stolen from Miller. His brother would’ve known what to do. How to handle the situation. No, the brother he’d spent his life looking up to would never find himself with a son he’d never known.

There was so much he needed to make up for.

If only he hadn’t left Sydney. He’d attempted to escape the memories of her. Of what they’d shared. Of what he’d done to her while being a complete pig’s arse. Things would’ve been different. Surely much easier on De.

Fuck.

He took a peek into the room and saw De in bed, Nathan tucked in beside her. Slowly, he made his way over to their side.

The boy’s—his son’s—eyes were closed.

He’s yours.

Nathan.
A lump formed in his throat.

Oh, bugger me.

De had named the—their boy Nathan. What bloody irony of it all. He’d left home at Miller’s urging to escape their father. He’d then fucked that same brother over. Only to have his son named after their father. A father neither Miller nor he could stand.

Someone really needed to kick his arse.

At least his mum would be thrilled with the name. In her eyes, their father never did anything wrong. Well, nothing she hadn’t been able to forgive him for.

Swallowing, he fixed his sight on the dark night out the window. The night wasn’t fit for anyone, but bad weather had always soothed him. While his brothers had always cursed storms because they got the cattle and sheep stirred up, he’d always reveled in them.

Tonight’s was the first storm he didn’t enjoy. The first he thanked Christ to see fade away.

He allowed an extra moment of study of the darkness before turning back to De.

Weariness weighed down her shoulders. She rubbed at her arms as if seeking warmth. Then the night’s events came back into focus. She’d had one hell of an experience earlier. Bed and rest were what she needed now.

With a shaky hand, he raked his hair back. “Bugger me. I’m damn sorry for how I treated you. For everything.” Ahead of him, he faced some of the most serious business of his life. The time had come for responsibility. And he’d wear it like a mantle. Like he should have long before now.

De’s lower lip set to trembling, and she dropped her head forward in an attempt to hide her emotions from him. She pressed her face into Nathan’s head.

So, he sat in the chair beside the bed. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m damn pissed right now.” Leaning over, he lifted her chin. “But not necessarily at you.” No, not at her, even as much as he wanted to be. He wanted to kick his own arse for several reasons. “Hey, you need some rest. After a good night’s sleep you’ll feel better.”

“I’m not…” The small voice tore through his chest. “I’m not…an awful…person.”

Ethan caressed her soft skin. “No luv, you’re not.” Christ, he’d fucked things up badly before.

“I…I just didn’t know what else…to do.” Her arms clung to Nathan. “Part of me rationalized—even if you didn’t hate me—a child would only distract you from your work. I pretended it was best you didn’t know.”

He grunted. They hadn’t even been together long, and she’d spent a great deal of time on his mind. What would his life, their lives have been like had he not kicked her to the curb? If he’d had the balls to confront Miller?

Abruptly, he stood. “Listen, I’m going to go outside and make a couple of calls.” Air. He needed some air to clear his head. Some time to think. To plan.

Her eyes widened. “You don’t have to stay. We’ll ride home with Jack in the morning.”

“Oh, I’m staying.” His teeth clenched. “Of that I’m sure.”

“Okay.” She nodded and cuddled Nate closer.

“I’ll be back in a few.” Ethan’s head pounded to an explosive level from the pressure of the building headache.

His boots sounded against the floor with each step. When he made it through the front door, he didn’t go far. Just stepped off to the side of the entrance way.

Wind rushed by but nothing fierce like earlier. The still-dark night threatened to swallow him up.

Inhaling, he removed his cell, dialing Miller’s number as he brought it to his ear.

“’Ello.” Miller’s rough voice came on the line.

“Mate.”

He listened as his brother cleared his throat. “What bloody time is it?”

Wincing, he shot a glance down at his watch. “Late.” He hadn’t been thinking too clearly when he’d decided to call his brother. Up until the time he’d spent with De, Miller was who he always went to when things got bad. His brother had always been his anchor. His sounding board. He’d been his best mate. A better mate couldn’t be asked for.

Guilt constricted around his heart. Best mates didn’t do what he’d done to Miller. De had been his first…

“Finally check you messages?”

“Eh? No.” He hadn’t checked since early morning. A jolt hit his gut as worry set in. While he occasionally checked in to chew the fat, his brother only called when something happened. An accident. An illness. A death. Miller had been the one to tell him of their father’s passing. “Mum?”

“Is fine.”

Ethan released the breath he hadn’t noticed he’d been holding. His heart rate eased.

“If you didn’t get my message, then why the call? You all right?”

He compressed his lips. Miller also checked in if some tragedy happened and it made it to the telly. Christ, he couldn’t do this over the phone. Not to Miller. “It’s been a while. I need Travis to pick me up in Alice.” Their cousin would do just fine piloting home.

“I can pick you up.”

“Nah. Send the boy. He’ll get off on it.” His chest tightened. No way did he want a confrontation anywhere but at the station. He didn’t want to make this homecoming any harder on De than it had to be. “So what’s going on? Cohen and Hayleigh going to have another…” He trailed off.

Nathan. Christ. He had a son.

“No.” Miller was quiet a minute, causing the muscles to tense along his back and shoulders.

Another moment passed. “Big M?” He urged his brother to go on.

“Apparently, we have a sister.”

“What?” He sucked in a breath.
Oh, bugger me. The old bloody whacker hadn’t…
”You okay, M? What’s going on?”

“A week ago, a sheila showed up here wanting to speak to our father. Claiming to be Claudia Rose’s daughter.”

“Who the hell is Claudia Rose? You know her?”

“Believe it or not, I can’t remember every foreigner who visits the station.”

Ethan blew air out through his nose. Of course Miller couldn’t recall everyone. No one would. But maybe Miller would’ve remembered this sheila more than the rest of them.

“Her name is Shania Thorn Rose.” Miller snorted. “Bloody fuck.”

Ethan swallowed back his own curse. “Mum?” It might destroy his mother to find this out.

“Doesn’t know.” An edge entered his brother’s tone. “E, she’s as bloody blond as any of us.”

“How you handling it? Where is the woman now? You didn’t…”

“What? Take her up in one of my birds and push her out?”

The tension aching in his back spread to his joints.

“I considered it.” Miller blew out a breath. “Doc’s doing some tests. E, the sheila’s just a kid not much older than Travis. She’s scared shitless and alone. Says her mum died.”

“Could be an act.”

“Bloody fuck,” Miller growled. “I’m no fool. I want you to check her out and let me know.”

“You bet. Shania Thorn Rose. I’ll see what I can turn up.”

“Now, with that out of the way… Why’d you call?”

Oh, bugger me.
“It was nothing. Like I said it’s time for a visit.”

“Good.” Miller made a rough sound that might be amusement. “Because I’d like some bloody good news for once.”

He winced. “What kind of timeframe did Giese give?”

“I put a rush on it, but…”

“Yeah, nothing moves fast in never-never.”

“That’s the bloody truth of it. Mate, I need to get some rest. Let me know when to have Travis handy.”

“Thanks. And M?”

“Eh?”

“Take it easy.”

Miller grunted before hanging up.

Closing his cell, he let his head fall back so the breeze caressed his face.
I’d like some bloody good news for once.
“Oh, bugger me.”
Christ. Miller had had one rough patch after another. A father who never let up on him. De’s splitting. The bloody drought that was taking a toll on the station. And now this…

He just couldn’t wait to bring more joy into his brother’s life.

Throat constricted, Ethan could barely see by the time he got to his truck. Inside the cab, he laid his head upon the steering wheel. When De hadn’t shown up to marry Miller he’d not been able to say a word to his brother about her. He’d wanted to. Had wanted to clear his conscience. But hadn’t been able to tell his brother he’d gotten naked with De. He’d not said a bloody word. Only let what he’d done to De—to Miller—eat away at him.

And now he had a son. It was a time for celebrating. But the one mate he wanted to toast a pint with him the most was the one mate he couldn’t tell yet. The heat behind his eyes grew hotter.

Bugger me.

Christ, he had so much to make right.

Ethan stood quietly nearby while Doctor Jenkins released De from his care. “You need anything, remember we’re open round the clock.”

“Thanks, for everything. I can’t wait to get home.” The smile she offered the doctor sent him into a tailspin. His blood rushed south causing his prick to thicken. Christ. He’d liked her smile. Even after what she’d gone through the previous evening she was a looker. Again, his gaze drifted down her slender neck to her breasts hidden beneath the gown. His prick hardened. Damn if she hadn’t gone and gotten a boob job. How heavy those breasts would be in his palms now. Where he remembered very small breasts now rested more than a mouthful. They surprised him. He hadn’t taken her for the type.

As he watched, her nipples extended beneath the material. What a temptation they made as they poked out against the thin gown.

With effort, he forced his gaze away. Her breasts weren’t something he should be ogling.

“I completely understand.” The older man patted De’s knee and faced him with his hand extended. “And you, Thorn, watch yourself in the pond.”

“Always.” He nodded and released the doc’s hand. Jenkins was a good mate. One of the most dedicated doctors he knew. He’d lost count of how many times he’d been met by Jenkins after a rescue. “G’day to you.”

“And to you.” Jenkins clasped Ethan’s shoulder on the way out of the room. “Take good care of her.”

“Well…” Nervously, De smoothed the cover. “You know, you don’t have to…”

“I do, De.” Tired, he cleared his throat. He’d spent the night in the chair in her room once Paige had left with Nathan. “Listen, like I told Jack, I’m taking you home.” While De had been sleeping, the doctor had released Jack. Ethan had run the bloke home and arrived back to a still-sleeping De.

“I’ve got to get Nate.”

“That’s fine.” He’d expected as much. “Listen, I want to spend all the time with Nathan I can.” There, he’d made his position clear. He hadn’t wanted to argue any more last night so he had kept silent. But now that she’d had a night of rest, he couldn’t. “I have a world to catch up on with the boy.”

Before his gaze, she paled. “I know. I know you do.”

He folded his arms and rocked back on his heels. Christ. When would he get used to the situation? He had a son. They shared a son. And beyond the wild time they’d shared some three years ago, they knew very little about one another.

This had to be handled with care. He was the one who had to take the extra step. Nothing had prepared him for this day…and he could only imagine the fear she must feel at the moment. She was about to share Nathan with a stranger. Ethan might be his father but he was a stranger to both mum and son.

“I’d better get dressed so we can get out of here.”

“Sure. I’ll wait outside.” In the hallway, sweat coated his palms, and he wiped them on his pants. The muscles in his shoulders ached from stress and apprehension he didn’t understand.

He had a demanding career. Tension he could cope with. But this new form confused the hell out of him. Sometime during the night as he’d watched her sleep, a lot of the anger he’d felt toward her had faded. Some anger still lingered over the lost time with Nathan. But no hate, no loathing, existed toward De.

Truth was, in the early morning hours, he concluded he was pumped over the turn of events. From the moment she’d left his condo he’d never been able to get her out of his system. Had never been able to forget about her. Somehow she’d gotten in his blood. This fact unnerved him as much as it excited him. He wanted to be able to get to know De better.

And now to have a son. A son was something to be proud of. To watch grow. To encourage in the decisions he made in life. Someone to carry on his name.

He raked a hand through his hair in growing frustration. He didn’t know a thing about children. He could count the times on a single hand that he’d been around Cohen’s little girls. They’d tended to giggle a lot. That was all he remembered.

“Ethan?”

He turned to face De. She’d pulled her hair back into a ponytail. “Eh, you all set?”

“Ethan…” She moistened her lower lip. “You don’t have to do this…”

“Do what exactly?” Maybe he hadn’t been clear enough.

“I know you have a stressful job.” Her arms went around herself protectively. “A very stressful job… I don’t expect you to just jump into the role of father. You don’t owe us anything.”

“Just what do you expect of me?” Teeth clenched, he took a step forward. “I’m a responsible man.” But of course she didn’t know that. Not really. After all, look at how he’d acted in the past. He’d have to work to show her that side of him. A side that hadn’t existed when she’d known him. Tension knotted in his abdomen at the rising tide of insecurity. Miller would never be in this position. His big brother would never have to prove himself to another.