Ride to Restoration (Ride Series Book 2) (12 page)

Chapter
21

A
nd
ride we did, pulling out of the parking lot just after 7:30, heading west on
the Trans- Canada Highway before going north on Canada Highway. 6. In a little
under two hours we made it to Quill Lakes. Stopping to stretch at a wildlife
viewing area, I grabbed my binoculars and gazed out over the thousands of ducks
and geese, swimming and feeding in the lake. “Here Vic, look through these,” I
said, offering her the glasses.

“
Wow, there are millions of them, D. And they will all fly
south for the winter? I wonder if any of them will come through Iowa?
”

“
This is a main staging area for the Central Flyway. Seems
like most group here and head south following the food as they go. I
’
m sure many will wind up
passing through Iowa.
”

Handing
D back the binoculars while tugging at his sleeve,
“
I have to pee ... bad.
”

Looking
around, I opened my arms wide,
“
The world is your throne, girlfriend.
”

Seriously, D, don
’
t you pick up
on the important things?
“
Uh,
I don
’
t
do natural. I
’
m a girly-girl, remember?
”

“
I do remember quite a bit about you, especially your
exceptional skills, both with your clothes on and off. None of which have
anything to do with your aversion to peeing in the great outdoors.
”

Grabbing
some Kleenex from my saddlebag,
“
this is the best I can do. Turn towards the lake, drop em and
let it fly. The bike will shield you from the road. Besides, it
’
s not like there
’
s bumper to bumper traffic
today.
”

“
OK,
”
I
relented,
“
but look away. I
’
ve got to take off my
jacket, undo the chaps, unbuckle the jeans, wiggle down my underwear...
”

“
Quit talking about it, Vic. Like Nike says,
‘
Just do it!
’”

Off
in the distance, I noticed an 18-wheeler approaching fast.
This could be
fun. Timing is everything.
With Vic bent over in all her glory, her milky
white cheeks contrasting nicely with her black leather, I let the bike quietly
roll backwards, grabbing my phone to capture this memorable Kodak moment.

Making
eye contact with the truck driver, I pumped my right arm up and down giving him
the universal signal to lay down on his booming air horn. Rapid-fire pics from
the iPhone captured what transpired over the next few moments. The horn,
startling Vic forward in the middle of her business, then she lurched backwards
and fell butt first onto the ground, right into her recently created wet spot.

Looking
over her right shoulder, her face flushing multiple shades of pissed,
“
Damn you, D. Damn you!
”
was all she managed to say before breaking out in laughter.
“
Ahhhhhhh
—”
was the last thing she muttered, before finishing up her
business where she sat.

“
Girly-girl, no more!
”
I shouted.
“
You
’
ve just received a taste of country, along with a
greater
 
appreciation for the words,
wet spot.
”

Asshole
.
“
Yep, that
’
s me. A little taste of
country, among other things, on my ass, my jeans, her chaps. At least I don
’
t have to sleep in it. Quit
laughing. Don
’
t just stand there. Get off the bike and help me up. ...
Now!
”

“
Gladly,
”
I
replied, grabbing a micro fiber windshield cloth from my bag, to wipe her off
as I went.
“
I
’
m glad you can laugh at yourself. You
’
ll laugh even more when you
see the pics.
”

“
OMG, pics, for our eyes only, period. You upload them and I
’
ll castrate you while you
sleep. Just a thought. Remind me to stop at a bathroom every hundred miles or
so from now on, will ya?
”
I
had to laugh, it was funny. I grabbed the cloth and cleaned the mess.
“
You owe me big time. What am
I saying? I owe you, big boy. Paybacks are a bitch!
”

Our
little roadside sideshow behind us, we made it to Melfort, SK just in time for
lunch at a local haunt that
’
s famous for their burgers as well as their Sushi. I
remember thinking, yuck, what a combination, yet the food was outstanding my
last time through. Thankfully, we were not disappointed. Vic and I both had
bacon Swiss burgers and fries, leaving the Sushi for the locals.

“
Next stop, Tisdale. You have a chastity belt with you?
”

“
What are you talking about, D?
”
Like I need one?

“
You
’
ll see. Plus, I believe there
’
s another world
’
s largest something in
Tisdale awaiting you.
”

“
I can
’
t wait. About that chastity belt
—”

“
Can
’
t explain it. You
’
ll just have to experience
it firsthand.
”

Riding
east on Canada Highway 3, we passed farm after farm that stretched for miles
and miles. Slowing down enough to talk over the road noise,
“
Vic, did you know farmers up
here can start harvesting grains in the morning until late at night for a solid
week and never cross the same ground twice? That
’
s just how big these farms
are here.
”

“
Bet it
’
s a lonely place to live in the winter.
”

“
Yep, that
’
s why they have such big...
”

“
Things, I got it. Even then it would get old, huh?
”

“
Ice hockey is big up here, just like football is at home.
Communities come together at least once a week during the season. It
’
s a long season, too. There
’
s a photo op coming up on
the right. I expect you to help me make a memory. Close your eyes girlfriend.
Don
’
t
open
’
em
till we stop.
”

Pulling
off the road in a well-traveled wide spot, I stopped.
“
You can open your eyes now,
Vic.
”
By the looks of
things it was a jaw dropping moment.

WTF?
“
Are you serious, D? What
were they thinking? A man did that, no doubt. No woman in her right mind would
ever have approved this sign. Yep, this is a serious photo op. Hell-o, it
’
s a photo worth hanging on
my wall. How do we do this for maximum effect?
”

“
Well, you could start by standing there with nothing on but
your chaps. That would surely get my attention.
”

“
Be serious. Stop thinking with your little brain.
”
The one I
’
ve recently grown fond of.

“
I always think with my little brain first
…
before jumping on to my big one.
”

“
Bet you wish that was reversed don
’
t you, little pecker?
”
I asked, patting him on the crotch before assuming the
position.
“
How
’
s this?
”

Both
hands outstretched, palms up, just to the right of the sign said it all, as in
WTF? The wide angle lens of my digital camera captured it perfectly,

Welcome
to Tisdale, the Land of Rape and Honey

“
Now to explain, Victoria. Rape stands for rape seed which
is where canola oil comes from. It
’
s grown here religiously as
a cash crop and usually more valuable than wheat.
”

“
And the honey?
”

“
Bees are used to pollinate these crops. Hives are
everywhere, thus the honey and a statute of the world
’
s largest bee. OK, maybe the
second largest,
”
I
confessed.

Shrugging
my shoulders as if to ask what
’
s next,
“
I
’
m glad you clarified that to me. I
’
d hate to brag about seeing
the biggest bee, just for somebody to tell me I was wrong. I
’
ll take the sign over the
honeybee any day. Can you imagine being welcomed into a town like this at home?
Bubba would have a field day.
”

“
Would make for an amusing argument for the defense.
”

“
Not hardly, that is unless Bubba went both ways. Which,
come to think of it, I
’
ve heard he does. Now that would be an amusing defense.
”

“
That even hurts to think about it.
”

“
My point exactly. Thanks for stopping, I think.
”

“
Girlfriend, just a few more miles, conservatively speaking,
and we
’
ll
be there.
”

“
Great. I can
’
t wait to shower and wash off all that remains of this
lingering wet spot.
”

Chapter
22

M
aking
memories, that was my goal today. Forty-some minutes later, I pulled into
Mistatim — population 73 — made a left across the railroad tracks
and pulled up to the Mistatim Hotel and Bar.

“
What
’
s this, D?
”
Surely, we
’
re not
stopping here. Maybe D wants a beer.

“
Our home for the night.
”

“
You
’
re joking, right? This place is a hole in the wall and I
don
’
t
even know what that means.
”

“
You
’
re about to find out. Let
’
s go inside and see if they
have any rooms.
”

“
After you.
”
Be good, Victoria. D has a
method to his madness. Or so he says.

Sauntering
inside and up to the empty bar with Vic reluctantly in tow, I inquired,
“
Bartender?
”

“
Name
’
s, Will.
”

“
Sir Will, I'm D. Do you have a suite available for tonight
for me and my beautiful, scrumptious friend?
”

Looking
around the room in the motionless bar, Will replied,
“
you
’
re in luck, we
’
ve just had a cancellation.
All our rooms are suites, so pick your poison,
”
he continued, throwing down a half dozen keys onto the bar
top.

I
spoke up,
“
Will, is it? Good to meet you. I
’
m Victoria. Can we see the
rooms first, especially the ones with a tub?
”

“
Miss, I
’
m not sure what you
’
re expecting, but you
’
re welcome to look around.
You do know where you are, Ma
’
am?
”

“
I know we
’
re in Canada. I know we
’
ve just come through the
land of ... rape and honey. And now we
’
re here.
”

“
D, right? You
’
d best show her the rooms on
your own. I wouldn
’
t go up there with her for no amount of money.
”

“
Come, Vic. Will is right as rain. I
’
ll be glad to show you the
rooms.
”
Walking up the
creaky wooden, L-shaped staircase, eventually turned us down a long narrow
blank hallway with white painted doors, half missing their numbers.
“
Quaint, isn
’
t it?
”

“
Hell-o!
Quaint is not how I
’
d describe it, D. More like
a boarding house I
’
d picture sitting next to the Bate
’
s Motel.
”

“
Give it a chance. Will ya? Let
’
s at least look at the
rooms.
”
Rummaging
around in my hand, I found the key to room number 6.
“
Here let
’
s check this one out.
”

“
I hate to tell you, D, but this is room nine.
”

Flipping
the number right side up the way it was supposed to be before it lost a screw,
“
see I told you it was a six.
It just needs a screw.
”

“
Oh, God. Who would have thought?
…
Me, too!
”

Laughing
at her sexually suggestive remark, opening the door, I flipped on the light.
“
Ladies first.
”

“
Uh ... no way ... no way in Heaven or Hell are we staying
here tonight. There
’
s a bed, a lamp and a fan. D, there
’
s no bathroom. Where the
hell is the bathroom?
”

“
I think it
’
s at the end of the hall. I believe it
’
s communal,
”
I continued, dragging this out for all it was worth.
“
At least sit on the bed.
”

Against
my better judgment, I did, as the springs slowing sank within inches of the
floor.
“
No
way. It
’
s
not happening. We
’
ll ride all night if we have to. I
’
m not staying here.
”

“
Are you sure you don
’
t want to check out the
bathroom
…
just
in case?
”

Grabbing
his gonads, I looked sternly into his eyes while tightening my grip to his
great discomfort.
“
What part of no do you not understand, little brain or big
brain, whichever one of you is listening at the moment?
”

“
Uh, at the moment, they both are.
Vic, you can let go now?
…
Please?
”

“
I need a drink.
”

“
Me, too, although a little
Novocain would be better.
”

Releasing his testicles and
taking his empty hand, I dragged him out of the room before he could turn off
the light or close the door.

“
Will? Two Molson
’
s, please,
”
I announced.
“
Thank you for
letting us look at the rooms. We
’
re gonna pass
on them tonight. How far to the next town? We
’
re going east.
”

“
It
’
s at least a good hour to Hudson Bay. You might try
the Porcupine. I believe they have a few rooms with a shared bath.
”

Choking on my beer, I mouthed,
“
Thank you.
”

The look on Vic
’
s face was priceless.

“
Ma
’
am, I hate it for you. We have the very best rooms in
town. I
’
d love to have your business
tonight.
”

“
Tell her the truth, Will. Not
only are they the best rooms; they are the only rooms in town.
”

“
Yes, ma
’
am. He
’
s correct.
Unless you count the hunting lodge across the railroad tracks on the other side
of town. Now that
’
s a fine place but you have to be
hunting with them to stay there.
”

Taking a swig of Molson, I
quickly changed the subject.
“
When is your
busiest season?
”

“
You
’
re looking at it. On Friday and Saturday nights when
everyone
’
s had too much to drink after
Karaoke, we fill up fairly quick. Like tonight, maybe.
”

“
Drink up, Vic. I guess we
’
d better ride.
”

In three turns of the bottle I
obliged him.