Relatively Rainey (16 page)

“We examine behaviors. If a person does not overtly display a behavior, we have no extraordinary capabilities to recognize abnormal psychology. We study crimes after the fact. We identify traits of an UNSUB based on behavior already exhibited. We, all of us, we interact with psychopaths on a daily basis and have no idea. They survive by appearing normal.”

“We were dealing with an organized predator in the Wilson case. They aren’t easy to catch,” Roger said. “It would be easy for us to put the blame on Rainey because she did not allow a cognitive interview, but there is no guarantee her memories would have returned any sooner. It’s much more telling that we interviewed Wilson, stayed in his home, and not one of us spoke up about his resemblance to the profile. We all talked about the gut feelings we ignored, but only after the fact. It was Rainey who saw Wilson for who he was. We may never have caught him and instead lost more people that day, had her instincts not kicked in when they did.”

“Hold up a minute,” Brooks interjected and turned to Rainey. “How many of the cases mentioned were solved with your firsthand input? I seem to remember it was you who put together the Jared Howard-Dalton Chambers connection.” She looked around the table. “You all fell for Chelsea Thomas’s act, the broken-hearted, misled girlfriend of a serial killer. And Danny, didn’t you spend time with Naomi Pierce? I ran the background check before Rainey hired her. No red flags. And that woman last spring, she was a special kind of crazy-bitch and had a whole town fooled.”

Danny answered, “Those are valid points, Brooks. And what Curtis said about not seeing things in people we interact with every day, that’s extremely relevant. People in close relationships with these individuals never saw it coming either.”

Rainey knew he was talking about Katie and JW. She defended her with, “Who wants to believe someone they care for is actually a murdering psychopath? I’m more concerned with why I continue to find myself a target.”

James, who had remained silent to this point, said quietly, “They come for you because they know you see them. Predators recognize hypervigilance in others because they survive on it. Instead of lacking in skills, it is precisely your ability to read behavior that draws them to you. An apex predator will attack when it perceives danger. They don’t wait around for the hunter to see them first.”

Rainey smiled at James. “The team has been wasting your talents. You should be an analyst.”

“Nope,” he said, returning her smile, “I don’t want to spend my days sitting at a desk looking at what humans are capable of doing to one another. I know your work, Rainey. I’d follow you into any battle. Besides that, you are damn hard to kill.”

The table erupted in laughter. When it subsided, Danny spoke again.

“I think what everybody is saying is we respect your talents as an analyst. What happened to you could have happened to any of us. It’s time to cut yourself some slack.”

Roger reached across the table and touched Rainey’s hand. “You know I’d follow you too, through any door. I got your six.”

Paula wagged a finger in Rainey’s direction. “If anything, you should learn to trust your instincts more. We all know there is a fine line between arrogance and self-confidence, but you need to get your swagger back. You’re still standing. That has to mean something. I trust you too, Rainey. I’d follow you.”

Curtis grinned, saying, “I believe in you. I have your back.”

Brooks raised her eyebrows and surrendered her palms when all eyes fell to her. “I don’t follow or cover sixes. I listen, I direct, I provide key information, but I don’t follow.” She smiled at Rainey, offering a fist to be bumped, adding, “But you know Brooks got your back twenty-four seven Rainey Bell.”

Rainey bumped fists with Brooks, saying, “Always.”

Danny followed with his endorsement. “Rainey, you’re good at what you do. I agree with everyone here, you wouldn’t be alive if you weren’t.” He paused, to give his words more weight. “I’ll be there, Rainey—wherever, whenever—but you know that.”

Rainey made eye contact with each person at the table, responding to their show of faith, with, “Thank you. Your trust is sacred to me. I wouldn’t be sitting here if I didn’t trust each and every one of you with my life.”

Brooks reached for and squeezed Rainey’s hand. Rainey returned the gesture and continued on her journey. There were unanswered questions. Some of the best behavioral analysts in the world were there to help her. She intended to take advantage of that.

“When I called Danny in December, I told him I couldn’t deal with the knowledge I could have stopped JW Wilson before he killed more people, before he killed Katie’s child, and almost killed her. It was a selfish act of preservation on my part. I needed help processing that guilt. Danny told me I needed to come home to you, my friends who know me, who have seen me in my best swagger,” she smiled at Paula before continuing, “and who have witnessed my most vulnerable moments.”

Rainey paused for a breath and exhaled slowly. Her audience waited for her to begin again.

“This bout of post trauma stress hit me out of nowhere. My mind exploded with images and thoughts it had been examining for years. We’ve worked with victims. We know how traumatic an experience sudden recall can be. Knowing how PTSD manifests and experiencing it are two separate understandings, a difference I now comprehend quite clearly. From inside the trauma, it’s easy to forget what you know about the victim recovery process.”

In an earnest quest for more knowledge, Curtis asked, “What do you think the dreams are telling you now? Danny said they’ve worsened and grown more vivid, yet you’ve seen the story’s ending and it’s a happy one. What more does your mind require of you?”

“I don’t know, Curtis. That’s why I’m here.”

“I think I know the answer,” Danny said.

His statement struck Rainey with the fear that maybe he did comprehend what was at the root of her problems, even if she couldn’t recognize what that was. The anxiety Rainey was sure her facial expression projected did not deter Danny. Her body language alone was enough for a seasoned behaviorist to know he was treading on prickly ground, but he continued.

“We’ve talked over your dreams, analyzed them, and sought the meaning of each component. There is one recurring element you gloss over time and again. It’s a new perspective added during this last round of nightmares. Do you know what that is?”

“I don’t blame her.”

The words were out of Rainey’s mouth before she actually thought them. The others remained quiet while Danny asked Rainey to face her demons.

“I know you don’t blame Katie, but she’s appeared in your dreams bound and gagged beside you on that bed. JW asks you why Katie hasn’t had to pay for her sin of not knowing who he really was. Where is that coming from?”

All eyes shifted to Rainey. She stared at Danny but remained silent.

When Rainey worked with Curtis, she always had to remind him to let the suspect think and be patient in waiting for the response. He had not changed. He spoke up when the quiet was too much for him to bear.

“It’s the same source of her own self-doubts and guilt, her psyche needs someone to blame. On a conscious level, Rainey knows she did everything right. The unconscious, more lizard brained reaction is the one saying, ‘I can’t believe I missed that,’ and is looking for the cause of this error or someone else to blame. The lizard doesn’t like to be wrong, and rightly so. Recognizing danger is one of its prime directives.”

Paula added, “We all think unfathomable thoughts for a fleeting second and then dismiss them just as quickly. At some point, it crossed your mind that some responsibility rests with Katie. Your training and experience immediately quashed that idea, but your subconscious has seized on every single doubt you ever had concerning your assault, from you own liability to what Katie should have known. It makes you relive those misgivings in your dreams.”

Danny spoke again, “You’ve explained to me that during most of the nightmare retelling of your assault, you are disconnected, floating above what is happening to your body. During this phase of the dream, you’re able to look around and recall new details. Your brain has let go of the physical assault. It has allowed you to see more because you can process it now. What you cannot process, and the moment your nightmare throws you back inside the body on the bed, is your inability to protect the unconscious Katie. He asks you to condemn her. He threatens her for your reaction but never hurts her. That pain is reserved only for you. Why, do you think that is?”

Rainey broke her silence. “Because he is a sadist,” she answered.

Brooks corrected her. “He
was
a sadist.”

Danny smiled at Brook’s insightful comment.

Roger leaned forward, making eye contact with Rainey. “It’s because Katie doesn’t remember the sadist JW Wilson. Her abduction is a complete blank. She never suspected him and can bear no witness to his crimes. She’s unconscious in your dreams because you alone have the burden of remembering. He’s still alive in you because your mind thinks it has to keep the record. You are the only living witness. You haven’t told anyone everything that you remember, not Danny, not even your wife. There is no one to help you carry the tale forward. Your mind doesn’t want the event forgotten. You have to share that burden with someone so it can cease its vigilance.”

Rainey sighed heavily, tucked her chin, and stared at her hands now folded in her lap. Her body language conceded the point and could be easily read by those in the room.

“I received an email this morning,” Danny said, reaching for his phone, “in answer to one I sent asking Katie if she had any insights that might help you.”

Rainey’s head popped up at Katie’s name.

Danny touched his finger to the phone’s screen a few times and then read aloud.

“Rainey will not discuss the assault or her dreams with me. If I could say anything to her it would be this: Rainey, neither of us is to blame. If you must hold someone accountable, then I ask forgiveness for not wanting to see the evil in the man I married. You don’t have to protect me from those doubts. I know they exist. You wouldn’t be so damn good at your job if you didn’t wonder what signs I ignored. Thank you for helping me forgive myself for those sins and for making possible this incredible life we built together. I’m not willing to share you with JW Wilson’s ghost. Banish him from our home.”

No one said a word when Danny stopped reading. Rainey knew they were all looking at her. She was staring at her feet. Her head had dipped slowly as Katie’s words hit their mark. A single tear fell from her eye and landed on the toe of her shoe. Rainey knew what she had to do. She did not raise her head. She just began to speak.

“I had gone out on the footbridge to clear my head. I started back to the SUV, after about twenty minutes of being pissed and self-absorbed. I was just passing the boathouse when JW Wilson put a stun gun to my neck…”

2:30 PM, Thursday, March 5, 2015

Behavioral Analysis Unit

Quantico, VA

Danny left Rainey in the conference room with Paula to discuss the team’s analysis of the Triangle fetish case.

“We reviewed the case again,” Paula began. “We looked at your assessment and that of Teague, the behaviorist Wake County asked to come on board. Our analysis agrees entirely with yours and for the most part Teague’s. He thinks the UNSUB is younger, late teens-early twenties, and advanced because of exposure to Internet porn and information he can acquire online. He points out that size and strength are not necessarily signs of maturity. But we agree with you on the age range being higher. The victims’ impressions, the UNSUB’s quick escalation to sadistic murder, and the organization he displays, outweigh Teague’s arguments.” There was a pause, followed by, “Are you listening to me?”

Rainey looked up from her phone. “I’m sorry. I was texting Katie again. She seems to have her phone turned off. I guess she’s resting. She caught the virus the kids had.” Rainey put her phone down on the table. “Yes, I’m listening.”

Paula asked, “Did you hear what I said about Teague’s age assessment?”

“Yes, he thinks the UNSUB is much younger. His point is valid. Sadists can mature at a faster rate with all the information available to them now, but his vocabulary and the in-depth literary discussion he had with his third assault victim, those indicate an older, well-educated UNSUB. He could be in college now and we know he’s smart, but Arianna Wilde, the second victim, said she was sure he was in his forties. She said a young man’s skin feels different from an older man’s.”

Paula looked up from the file. “What’s it like, Rainey? How do you sit across from victims, encouraging them to tell you what you were unwilling to divulge until an hour ago? It’s hard enough for me to interview an assault victim, but you know what it feels like at that moment.”

Paula only wanted to be better at her job and treat victims with respect.

Rainey answered without any defensiveness. “Every victim is different. Some need the time to process what happened. Some need to share. I let them know that I do understand exactly how they feel and if they want to talk, I’ll listen. If they don’t, I give them my card and tell them I’ll be there when they are ready. I might have pushed harder before my assault, telling them that solving the case was their best hope of recovery. I don’t believe that anymore.”

“What do you believe?” Paula asked.

“There are a lot of unsolved and unreported assaults out there and many of those women recovered and moved on with their lives. Solving the case and locking up the assailant may be one victim’s healing resolution. For others, that closure isn’t possible or necessary. As evidenced by my own case, even the death of the assailant won’t close the case for some. Every victim has her own path back to a healthy mental state.”

“Have you closed the case now, Rainey?”

Rainey smiled. “I hope so. I suppose I’ll have to forgive myself. I tell victims they should never second-guess their behavior during the attack. There is no right or wrong way to survive a sexual assault. The important thing is they did. I needed to be reminded of that myself. I really appreciate what the team did for me today. I do feel lighter after dumping that load.”