Rebel Without a Cause (11 page)

There was a gas station near home and I hung around there a lot. One time I left my coat there and I had a pack of cigarettes in my pocket. When I came back and looked most of the cigarettes were gone, so I don’t think I hung out there much more. There was a lunch wagon near that station and when I was about fourteen I used to break into a little storing shed in the back. They kept bottles of soda there and I would steal bottles and bottles of it. When I was about twelve I would steal milk from the milkman that came around at nights and used to put milk in the boxes that belonged to the stores. One time I walked down the Boulevard with two empty pint bottles and I passed the house of a fellow named Leeter who used to own a motor boat and chased us away so we couldn’t swim around it. I threw the milk bottles right at the door and broke a window.

I sold my bicycle for four dollars because we wanted to buy an automatic and a .22 target pistol from a fellow. When we came to buy them his father had the guns and he couldn’t get them, so me and my cousin Riggs spent the money. Another time when I was living on S—— Street I stole six dollars from a woman upstairs. Me and my cousin Riggs had a fine time for about two weeks on the money and they never found out whether or not I was the one who stole it.

There was a kid lived next door and when I was around twelve I got into a fight with him. He snuck up around me and hit me with a stick in the head and I hit him in the eye. Afterwards I took my knife and stuck it into his father’s automobile tires and slit them.

I used to hide my knives, a checkbook and things like that underneath our porch, and one time a fellow came and asked me for something. He couldn’t find what he wanted so I went out to give it to him. My mother came out to see what it was all about and when I gave it to him she told him not to come back any more, and then she hit me in the head with her hand.

I remember long before my aunt married my uncle a friend of his used to come in with a truck load of onions and potatoes to sell them at the public market near our home. Sometimes he wouldn’t sell all his stuff and he would come to our house and put it in the cellar. I thought I was pretty strong when I could pick up a fifty pound bag of potatoes.

One time my cousin Riggs and I went off on a hitchhike to near where my aunt lives and we got a hitch almost all the way to there. Then we waited a long time for another hitch and finally we started walking and eating apples that some farmer gave us. I have a dislike for that cousin. For some reason I never did like him but I used to hang around with him a lot. Anyway, I was real hungry and when we came to my aunt’s house my grandmother who was staying there gave us something to eat. We were on the way home again when we met my uncle. My uncle Sam was coming up to see my grandmother and he told us to wait a while and he would take us home. So we waited and waited. I had about half a dollar in my pocket and we were waiting at the edge of town, so I told Riggs I would go to town
and get something to eat again. When I came back I couldn’t find Riggs. I waited for about an hour and he didn’t come back and I couldn’t find my uncle Sam either. So I went back to my grandmother’s house because I thought that maybe he went back there for some reason. I found out he had left and I figured my uncle left too, so I stayed there that night, and in the morning my uncle spoke to me. He wanted me to go to work for him and he would pay me fifteen dollars a month. I had a big argument with my aunt. She was always quick-tempered; when she was mad she didn’t care about anybody or anything. I always felt as if I was in the way there. She always fought or argued with my uncle. He just looked at her. Many a time she picked on me but I never said anything to her. I stayed there about three months that time and all the time my aunt was picking on me. She had one big argument with me. She wanted me to go to work on my uncle’s father’s place and I didn’t want to. We had a terrific argument and I didn’t wait for anybody: I just started to hit the road. That was alright too because two or three weeks before this my father wanted me to come home. He was figuring on getting a farm for himself. First he was going to get a farm on Long Island, a big farm: he was going to raise cauliflower or something; then he wanted to buy a chicken farm; then some other kind of farm.

I came home hungry and started eating all the cakes they had. My aunt Louise, she always made cakes for me; she sure used to fix up a cake! She is the one that always told me not to steal or take anything when I needed money, just to come to her and she’d give it to me; not even go to my mother for it. She was just a quiet, motherly type. My other aunt, Vanya, was just the opposite of that. She would always have arguments with everybody and she had a kind of wild look. She always combed her hair straight back: but my aunt Louise had nice hair, and she wore it nice and curly over the sides. She had curly hair like mine. My aunt Vanya has real black hair. She used to live with my grandmother before she was married. Once she and grandma had an argument and she came to our house to live for about two months. She bought our first radio, the first one we ever had, and she used to holler when anybody but her touched it.
She was very good to my sisters and used to bring them things. Both my sisters had diphtheria about that time. I never had it.

I don’t remember much about when we lived on S—— Street. I guess it was four rooms and a bathroom. I used to sleep in the front room, the parlor, and I would close all the doors and windows and listen to the radio until late at night; listening to crime stories and all the comedians I could get to hear. If my mother heard it she would chase me to bed, but as soon as she went out I was at the radio again. I don’t remember the kind of radio it was, but I know it was a cabinet set, a big one. When my aunt went back to my grandmother’s she took it with her, and about a week later we were so used to having one that we bought our own.

My grandmother’s radio is a real old set; must be about twenty years old. My uncle Sam always has a baseball game or something on. He would rather listen to a baseball game or see one than anything else. He used to drink a lot of coffee; he and my aunt Vanya would maybe drink a couple gallons a day. I guess that’s why she’s so sensitive about everything.

Before my aunt moved she was living in my grandmother’s house and my grandmother gave her the money to buy the farm. My grandmother used to say she wanted her children to have places of their own and that’s why she bought this farm for my aunt Vanya.

There was a small cemetery about a mile from the farm. I was always afraid I would run in to it. One day when I was walking in the mountains I ran in to it. I didn’t know what it was at first. Then I saw the stones and crosses. It was in the afternoon but even then I didn’t want to go all the way in, so I circled around it and kept on going.

In front of my aunt’s property there used to be a big tree. I spent a lot of time in that tree just reading. My uncle used to say I must be in love with that tree to sit so often up there and read.

There was this girl Amy who lived right across the road that I told you about. She used to look at me just like I was a younger brother to her. She had a brother, a tough kid who got into a lot of fights. Once his friend made a crack about my eyes winking so I hit him twice, twice in the head, once with my left hand and once with my right. He cried hard. After that we were good friends. I never had any of those fellows bother me or say anything about my eyes after that.

Me and Amy’s brother Toby used to go out a lot together. We went to the town nearby where there was a roadhouse we’d get drunk in.

There was a farmer out there who seemed to like me a lot, Toby’s uncle. He had a son about my age with a brand-new Terraplane coupe and me and Toby and him used to go tearing around in it. We rode fast. I drove it several times. It was light and easy to turn. Toby’s father didn’t like this kid. I guess he was afraid he’d get killed driving too fast, but I always got along with him. My mother didn’t like me to go out with him either because she was listening to Toby’s father. I remember once me and Toby and this fellow—I forget his name—started out to get a driver’s license for me. Toby’s hair was like mine and he and me had about the same build, so he was going to town and register in my name and they were going to take the Terraplane and make the test in it and get the driver’s license for me. Somehow we didn’t get around to doing it.

Me and this other fellow was also going to start in business. There was some money owing to me, about forty dollars from Toby’s father for some work I did for him and about forty-five from my aunt. We were going to rent a blacksmith’s shop and build platforms for truck bodies. They sell for about a hundred and a quarter. This fellow was very good at building them. We also had several ideas for making small plows and discs for cultivating. We thought we’d rent this shop and hire a blacksmith. Around this time my father wanted me to come back to the city. Later on I got into trouble time after time and so we never got around to it …

There was an old brewery with a big chimney and we used to go inside this chimney and climb up the iron ladders way up to the top and look down. You could see the river from up there. From that height it looked like a creek, so small; and the railroad, right at the foot of the chimney; the tracks looked smaller than match sticks; and the train, the train looked like a toy train; and you could see the mountains far away, hazy and misty; and you could see all over our town and the town next to ours.

We used to go to C—— on our bicycles. There’s a big park there with roads through it and bridges and a small pond for sailing with seaweed growing in it. The kids used to sail small boats. It
wasn’t deep enough to go swimming. In the evening it looked all nice and soft.

I get several thoughts in my head all at once.…

I remember back to a place where the B—— Company now stands. There used to be a small farm there next to the railroad yards. One time we hid a whole carton of playing cards there. There was a tin roof on the barn and we would run up and down, up and down.

When we still lived on B—— Street I once went with a fellow to take the lunch to his father where his father worked. We had to walk maybe a mile, and on the way we found some things, some metal things. I don’t know what they were. We hid them in a sandbank and came back about three or four times looking for them, and we’d dig and dig and dig for them but we couldn’t find them. They were long metal things with something like a pulley in the middle. They reminded me of a rounded sword. The other fellows used to have them and throw them. With practice it was easy to control them and you could make them stick in a tree.

One of the fellows had a car that somehow was charged with electricity. We used to play around with it and try to shock each other. When it rained we would connect it with a wet fence and when someone came along and leaned on the fence they would jump.

There was an Italian fellow who lived on this street too and one time I remember he had an argument with my friend. It wasn’t a fight, just an argument. I wanted to get even with him and so I stole a pair of dumbells and a small sailboat from that fellow and hid them behind a pile of wood.

I used to play a lot with a gang that hung out around the Community House near the Catholic School I attended. There was a brewery across the street where we used to steal dry oats and put them down fellow’s necks when we were in school. The sisters would make us stay in and clean the floors because the oats got all over them.

I used to hang around with a fellow by the name of Jimmy. He spent the summer at the shore with his grandmother. He was a blond-haired kid about my height and build, only he used to walk funny with his feet. One time I got sore at the girl I went with because she said something about his feet. He was in German class with me and we’d cut class lots. I didn’t like to go to school very much and neither did he. We only went because we had to.

I’m hanging around with Perry occasionally here. The other guys kid me about him. I hate a lot of them. There’s a fellow named Billings. I hate him. We were walking in the line the other day and he gave us a dirty look. I hate the ground he walks on. About a year ago I almost got into a fight with him. I never did like this guy Billings. He has a dirty, filthy mind.

I was sore at everybody today. I wouldn’t even speak to my best friend. They think that because you talk to someone there is something under-cover going on.

Dobriski is the name of my friend. He plays ball with the institution. One time we were playing ball down at the other end of the yard when some fellow called Shanty said something about my eyes. I quit and walked away.

Dobriski is a stupid sort of fellow but he is kind and considerate to people. He reminded me of an old fellow I used to like to talk to who worked on the same job with me. This old fellow made parole about a year ago, and when he got out he went to see my people and told them how I was getting along. He was just like a prince, always so cheerful. He loved flowers. He is the first one besides you who ever took any interest and tried to make me understand that there is something else in this world than prison and crime.

I worked with another fellow who took the
Reader’s Digest.
Once in a while he’d start an argument and after the argument had gone on for some time he’d bring out his book and prove his point. He would never start with the subject he was going to argue about; he’d start with something else, something entirely different; and then he would gradually bring it around to the point little by little. It would take him about an hour to reach his point.

I also worked in here with another fellow, Johnson. This Johnson, he was funny alright. He didn’t like for anyone to criticize Sears-Roebuck where he once worked. He would get raving mad when anyone said Sears-Roebuck was a gyp-joint. He would work late at night and he used to come to my cell window when he was through with his work and look at my books. Every once in a while he would bring me flowers for my cell.