Real Vampires Know Hips Happen (37 page)

He nodded. “Go, wait in the alley. She’s here. I can handle this.” Ian glared at me. “Keep your hands off of me, Gloriana. You really don’t want to defend Aggie, do you? I remember a time when you hated her as much as I do.”

“She’s mortal now. Helpless.” I smiled. “I kind of like Aggie that way. But you’ve turned her into a blood slave. That goes against my principles. You can afford a good synthetic. Drink that.”

“Please. What is this? Women sticking together? Or something else?” He pounded on the bathroom door. “Come out and look me in the eye, woman.”

“No way in hell. You’ll just use your mind control on me. I’m not stupid.” She hit the door from her side. “Go away. I’m not going back.”

“She tell you what she did?” Ian paced around the small room, kicking the chair out of the way. “Used her Siren song on me. Damn her! I should have known it. No woman has ever measured up, been powerful enough to truly hold my
interest for long before. Then suddenly it was like I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I wanted to be with her constantly. Had to have her no matter what it took. You were there. I even called in a favor from Campbell.” He slammed his palm on my table and I heard the wood crack. “Under a fucking spell. The whole idea makes me insane.”

“I’m sorry, Ian. Of course you hate it. She was wrong to do it. But don’t you think losing her immortality and her powers is a pretty good punishment?” I stayed out of his way. I’d never seen Ian out of control like this before.

Suddenly he stopped pacing, his bright blue eyes zeroing in on me. “It helps but it’s not nearly enough.” He smiled and moved closer. “Now you, Gloriana. Daughter of a goddess.
You
interest me. Did you know Aggie tried to use her Siren powers, other than the song, after she became mortal? Zip, nada. Yet you have discovered you still have many of them, like the statue trick you threatened me with. I wonder why.”

“I guess my mother is responsible for that.” I didn’t like the way his eyes were gleaming.

“Your mother the goddess. That’s quite a pedigree. Fascinating.” He leaned his hip against the table, too close. “Have you been to Olympus yet? Seen Zeus? I heard her say he’s your grandfather.” He grinned. “Think what he could do for you.” Ian slid his hand up my arm. “And he’s bound to love you.”

I’d had a variation on this conversation with him before. If Ian thought a woman could give him something he wanted, he could pour on the charm. After seeing him in action, having suffered as a result of his manipulative scheming, I was immune.

“Go home, Ian. Without Aggie. You two are done. Drink synthetic or find yourself another blood donor, a willing one. You’ve had your revenge. Aggie can’t squeeze into a size six now. It’s killing her.”

“That’s something.” He looked me up and down, smiling
in a way that made me want to check my buttons. “Though I have always preferred a woman with a more generous body myself.”

“Ancient males tend to be that way. Which is why I prefer them. But you and me together? Not in a thousand years.” I put more room between us without letting him know that he made me uncomfortable. “Now aren’t you leaving?”

“Fine. I guess the fact that she’s doomed to live a mortal’s short life
is
a pretty good payback.” He nodded. “Because I bet you aren’t going to turn her either, are you, Gloriana?” He stepped over to the bathroom door. “Hear that, Aggie? Your pal Glory follows the rules. She’ll never turn you vampire. You’re stuck, chubby cheeks. How do you like that?”

He turned and ran a fingertip down my own chubby cheek. “I find power such a turn-on. You haven’t seen the last of me, my dear. And if it takes a thousand years? Well, we both have time, don’t we?” With that, he opened the alley door and signaled to his men. They shifted and flew off into the night.

The bathroom door creaked open. “Is he gone?” Aggie peered out cautiously.

“Yes. I’m sure you heard that.” I shut the back door and slid the dead bolt closed.

“He said you wouldn’t turn me vampire.” She dropped to her knees in front of me. “Tell me he was lying, Glory. Please! You
have
to do it. You can’t doom me to this horrible, powerless and ridiculously short existence.”

“No, Aggie, Ian was right. I’m not turning you.” I pulled her to her feet, then grabbed a top and pants, those in an eight, from the shelf. “Come on, I’ll take you to my apartment, where you can clean up and change clothes.” I sniffed. “You smell funny and not in a good way.
How
did you get here?”

She jerked away from me. “I was desperate. I hitchhiked. The only thing on the road out there in the boonies where
Ian lives this late at night was a chicken hauler. The truck driver had his prize rooster in the front seat next to him, so I had to ride in the back. So, yeah, I reek of chicken shit. That’s my life now, Glory.” She threw open the door into the shop. “Don’t think I’m giving up. I’ve always been stubborn when I want something. I’ll wear you down. You
will
turn me.”

“Keep your fantasy, Ag, if it helps you get through the night.” I followed her out of the shop, stopping to let my clerk know I’d be gone awhile. What was I letting myself in for? Aggie for a roommate? But where else could she go? I passed Lily, who had flushed cheeks and a satisfied smile on her face. One more problem child. Seemed like there was a saint for helpless causes. I’d have to ask Richard about that. These two women needed to set up an altar to that one.

•  •  •

Jerry
had left a message on my landline. That told me he really didn’t want to talk or he’d have called my cell. The message was short and to the point. He’d be gone another week. There was no promise of a heart-to-heart talk when he did get home. Of course he hated those anyway.

In the nights to come I realized living with a mortal was even worse than living with a shape-shifter. Valdez had loved junk food and thrived on it. Aggie was still worried about her figure and had picked up a diet book. She wanted me to buy her special foods and a treadmill. On my budget? She was lucky the book had been on a shelf in my shop.

As it was, the lettuce and celery went bad while she sneaked out to Mugs and Muffins, next door to the shop, and gorged during the day while I was in my death sleep. I wouldn’t know about it except she charged it to me and I got the bill. Nasty surprise. Sorry, but when I can’t have a chocolate chunk muffin and a latte with whipped cream, I sure as hell don’t want to pay for it. We were due for a showdown.

“You have to figure out a way to earn some money.” I picked up the remote. Who knew that
Judge Judy
ran ten times a night?

“Hey, she was about to decide whether the woman got to keep the ring. That idiot she was engaged to ran around on her. I say it’s hers all the way.” Aggie stuffed a carrot stick in her mouth. The fact that it was loaded with ranch dip didn’t seem to bother her, it was diet food in her interpretation of the book.

“Aggie, the judge always lets the woman keep the ring. Now listen up.” I sat across from her. “You are running up bills I’m having a hard time paying. Food, electricity, water.” She took long showers and then soaked in a tub. A holdover from her Siren days, that craving for water. Or so she claimed.

“Hey, we can solve that with one bite.” She smiled and pointed to her jugular. “When I’m a vamp, I’ll go drink from those people I see walking down the street. And I’ll be dead when you are. No TV going all day, lights either. Guess it would cure me of the water thing too.” She sighed. “I’d miss that.”

“I won’t turn you. Now let’s be realistic. We have to figure out if you have any marketable skills.” I’d just had this conversation with Lily. I was turning into a regular guidance counselor. But no way was Aggie working in my shop. I was already sick of her. She complained constantly. Becoming mortal hadn’t improved her personality.

“I think I should sue Ian for support. I could go on Judge Judy’s show. Like you say, the wronged woman always wins. He made certain promises and Ian didn’t follow through.” Aggie sat up, excited. “That’s perfect. I’m calling the show first thing tomorrow morning.”

“Slow down. Are you nuts?” I wanted to beat her over the head with my red throw pillow, which now wore ranch dressing stains. “Ian is a vampire. Your problem is about being turned into a bloodsucker. No court is going to listen to that. They’ll think you’re cracked.”

“Yeah.” She sat back, dragging another carrot stick through the dip. “Wait a minute! We do have a court of sorts here. The vampire council. You said it yourself. It has rules. I could take Ian in front of them. Damian, you said, is the head of it. Right?” When the carrot stick fell, she dabbed at the front of her robe, one she’d appropriated from the shop. “He liked me. We made a connection at Flo’s wedding.”

“Will you get a grip?” I grabbed the dip and carrots and dumped them in the trash. “And quit eating like a pig. Too much of anything, even diet food, will make you fat. Any more of that and you’ll be lucky to fit into a ten.”

“Now you’re being mean.” She sniffled. “I’m trying, Glory. You won’t buy me a membership to that health club down the block. If I could work out…”

“Forget it. Walk around the block. You’ve got all day to do it and it’s free.” I could see this conversation going nowhere. “Forget suing Ian. If he turned you, the vampire council would be all over him. They would never award you support.”

“But what if they fined him for holding me prisoner as his—what did you call it?—blood slave.” She stood. “I have Damian’s number. He gives every woman his number. Casanova he calls himself. Easy to see why. Anyway, I’m running this past him. Why shouldn’t Ian pay a fine? There’s bound to be a rule against white slavery or whatever you want to call it.” She pulled her phone from her purse. “Oh, shit. I forgot. The Storm God cut me off. No service. Can I use yours?”

“A fine would go to the council, not to you, Aggie.” I dug out my phone. “But maybe you could ask for damages. Mental anguish. It’s worth a shot.” And I’d do anything to get her out of my apartment.

“There you go. I knew you’d help me.” She smiled and found Damian in my contact list. “And of course you have his number. You two ever hook up?”

“No, but he tried.” I sat back while she dialed. Yes, it had been a flattering move but a long time ago. I liked Damian.
I could see him trying his luck with Aggie. She was still beautiful when she wasn’t covered with food stains. Probably wild in bed. Men would always be after her, as long as they didn’t have to live with her.

I could see her chattering away, making Ian sound like a heartless bastard. It was pretty much the truth. Would the council listen to her story? Apparently so. In a few minutes she hung up, all smiles.

“He’s going to arrange a hearing. You’ll have to go with me, Glory. You were a witness, of course. You heard the whole thing both with the Storm God and Ian’s threats at your shop. And you know how Ian is.” She rubbed her hands together. “I bet the council has had other complaints about him. What do you think?”

“Possibly. He’s a doctor, though, the only one paranormals have here. They’ll be careful not to make him want to leave town. He did save Jerry’s life.” I wiped off the coffee table, gathering an empty glass, paper napkins, and a bag of chips, empty too, of course. Aggie was a slob. I was ready to testify to anything to move her out.

“Somehow I’m going to get big bucks. And there will be handsome men there. All of them vampires. If I can make a good connection, maybe one of them will turn me.” She headed to the kitchen carrying the garbage I’d thrust into her hands.

“They’re all members of the council, Aggie. They
made
that rule against turning mortals.”

She came out with a pint of chocolate ice cream and a spoon. “Couldn’t resist. Sorry you can’t join me. Got to get it while I can.” She winked. “Anyway, when I lay my sob story on the council? How I lost all my powers? I bet you my last pair of Manolos that they make an exception for me.” She grinned and took a bite, sighing with pleasure. “Oh, yeah. I’ll be rich and a vampire, Glory. Count on it.”

I leaned back and wondered if my mother had any of her first potion left. Amnesia looked really good right now. Or
maybe I’d stick Aggie with it and she could forget she knew me. Clearly I had the makings of a manipulative goddess. Like mother, like daughter?

I glanced at the ceiling. I never knew when my mother would tune into what was happening in my life. So I’d better watch my impulses or Hebe might decide to take these random thoughts as wishes and act on them. Damn. I couldn’t even safely fantasize about murder anymore. Life was so not fair.

Seventeen

Of
course Ian called me as soon as he got notice that the council wanted to see him. I ignored the call and then deleted the message that contained more bad words than good. He knew I’d show up there with Aggie. I tried to call Jerry, sure he’d be interested in this. I got voice mail. Dodging my calls or just busy? I’d drive myself crazy wondering about it so I left a message that I missed him, which was true, and hung up.

I’d been thinking about our relationship. I had secrets so why couldn’t he have them? If the reason he’d hotfooted it to Texas and changed his name didn’t concern me, then I should probably let it go. I’d done things I wasn’t proud of in my past. When we’d taken breaks, it had been tough for me to make a living. During gold rush days I’d been a saloon girl who’d always promised more than I’d given. I had never prostituted myself but had come close. And there had been a few mistakes, especially when I’d been with mortals, that I would be ashamed to trot out into the light of day.