razorsedge (29 page)

* * *

Kusac realized that the last time he'd been this anxious about a confrontation had been when he'd asked his father to dissolve his betrothal contract to Rala Vailkoi. Nodding to the guard on duty, he hesitated outside Kaid's suite, glad he'd decided to leave his bag with Lijou for the time being.
"You can go now," he said.
He waited till he was alone in the corridor, tugging nervously at the belt on his robe, trying to settle it less awkwardly round his waist. It was the first time he'd worn a priest's robe, and it sat uncomfortably on him, psychologically as well as physically.
He'd followed Noni's advice to the word, speaking to the two Guild Masters, explaining what it was he hoped to achieve. Then he'd seen Vriuzu. He now knew as much as it was possible to know about life at Stronghold without actually having experienced it. All that was left for him to do now was open the door.
From Master Rhyaz' office, the palm lock had been activated to accept his print and, taking a deep breath, he placed his hand on it. From now on, he had to remain confident of what he was doing, for if he had doubts, Kaid would pick them up.
The lounge was empty. As he walked through it to the bedroom, he felt the touch of Kaid's mind at the edges of his own.
"How's the shoulder?" he asked, stopping just inside the doorway.
Kaid was lying on the bed watching a vidcast. Using the remote to switch it off, he looked up.
"They shouldn't have sent for you," he said. "I'm not going back to the estate yet."
"They didn't send for me, I came on my own. I realized the Warrior Guild isn't enough. I need the specialized training I can only get here. It was bunk in with you, or Vriuzu. So here I am."
Kaid looked at him blankly. "You're joking."
"No. They haven't made any other rooms over for telepaths yet. Is there a problem? You shared with Garras, didn't you?"
"Yes..." The
but
was unspoken. "What about Carrie? Does she know?" he asked, sitting up.
"That I'm coming here to train with you?" asked Kusac, going over to the dispenser. "Of course. She'll be fine. She's got T'Chebbi and Dzaka to watch over her. Do you want a drink?"
"No. Look, Kusac, you can't come here. I can't teach you," he said.
"Are you refusing?" Kusac asked quietly, punching his choice of drink into the dispenser keypad.
"It's not that simple. You don't understand what..." Kaid began, getting to his feet.
"I understand that on Jalna our lives will depend on each other," Kusac interrupted. "I've only just started to get to know you, Kaid." He turned, holding his drink in front of him. "We've begun to be friends, but we've a lot more to learn about each other, haven't we? I want to know the person who's guarding my back. You can't deny me that. It's part of the Brotherhood Creed, and we've both sworn to Father Lijou to uphold it."
Kaid stopped in front of him. "It's all an empty sham, Kusac, you know it is! The god Vartra doesn't exist! The rituals are meaningless, invented to feed the ego of one male— one who's used us and lied to us!"
"I'm not here to argue with you, Kaid. You know well enough that the Creed's a way of life that's worked for the Brothers since the Order was founded. Whether Vartra was a person or a god doesn't affect that." Kusac walked past him to sit on the end of the bed. Kaid's impotent rage was only too tangible on every level. Sitting down, he presented less of a potential threat.
"And just when did you swear the Creed?" Kaid demanded.
"Today, when I saw Father Lijou," Kusac replied more calmly than he felt.
"Did he tell you what happened to me? That Vartra pulled me back to the past? How he told Jaisa to bear my cub?" The bed bounced as Kaid flung himself back down on it, letting out a low grunt of pain as he jarred his shoulder.
Kusac put the glass down on the floor, shaking the spilled liquid off his hand. "He told me. Damned foolish thing to do, trying to set fire to the temple, don't you think?"
"I was angry. I still am," Kaid snarled. "He used me! Messed with my mind and stole a cub from me! All because he wanted to play god some more!"
"We were the ones who went back and told him he'd be a god," said Kusac. "And you name me any god that isn't mean, devious, and downright nasty according to the legends!"
"You think you've got all the bloody answers, don't you? What if I do refuse to train you? What then, Kusac Aldatan?"
"Then," said Kusac, picking up his glass again and taking a mouthful of ale, "you're forsworn to me by oaths that don't involve Vartra." He locked eyes with Kaid. "But you're not going to refuse, are you?" he said quietly. "I know what I'm asking you to do, and I know you're going to delight in making my life hell because I've asked, but we'll be doing this together."
"You damned Aldatans are all the same. Never know when to give in. Stay, then, if that's what you choose to do," Kaid sighed, lying back on the bed. "But be damned sure it
is
what you want!"

* * *

If the first day had been hard work, the second was worse. Kaid drove him relentlessly till every muscle ached and he could hardly move. The training he'd done with him before was nothing compared to this.
"You've got a lot to learn yet," said Kaid, walking alongside him as they made their way to the gymnasium showers. "Before, I was teaching you how to protect yourself. Now I'm training you to be a Brother. It doesn't just involve the advanced combat, you've got the paramedic training, too. Every Brother has to be able to treat his own and other people's wounds and administer the necessary drugs under field combat conditions."
"Can't we use knowledge transfers?" asked Kusac, limping into the nearest shower stall and reaching for a tap. "It'd save some time. I used it with you for the telepathy skills."
"We could, with the medical knowledge," Kaid conceded, "but don't think it means you'll have an easier time, you won't. Take a quick shower, no more. I'll wait in the massage area for you. I want those muscles loosened up so you can work tomorrow."
Kusac groaned.

* * *

As he pushed open the door to the massage room, Kusac realized there was a small group of students gathered round one of the tables. Kaid moved away from it as he came in.
"You've volunteered to be their victim," he said with what Kusac recognized as the first attempt at humor he'd heard from him in the last two days. "Up you get," he said, indicating the table that the students had backed away from. He turned his attention to the younglings. "Here's your chance to see what it's like to work on someone with sore muscles, someone who's going to wriggle and moan wherever you touch him!"
Nervous laughter greeted his remark as Kusac climbed reluctantly onto the table.
Kaid, I don't know that I can tolerate their touch!
Then learn to block it. You'll need to out in the field,
was the short reply.
With gritted teeth, Kusa submitted to their inexpert ministrations.
Use the litanies. That's what they're for,
Kaid reminded him as he flinched when one youth pressed too hard on a nerve in his back.
I am!
Later, as Kusac soaked the last of the stiffness away in a hot bath in their suite, Kaid came in. He squatted down at the side of the tub.
"You won't make me quit, you know," said Kusac. "I don't give up that easily."
"This is only the beginning," said Kaid. "Tomorrow the real work starts."
Kusac was aware of Kaid gauging and assessing him with both mind and eyes. It was the first time he'd felt Kaid using his abilities: his mental touch was hard and uncompromising. He tensed, unsure what was coming next.
"You've done better than I thought you would— so far," he said. "It can't be easy for you with your telepath's background. I was sure you wouldn't last out that massage. The students were more than a little clumsy." The mental contact faded, then was gone.
"Almost didn't," he admitted, relaxing a little.
"Why are you here, Kusac? What do you want?"
Kusac frowned, surprised at the question. "I told you. I want to get to know you as a person and a warrior. I want to work with you."
"Do you understand what you're asking? Did someone explain it to you?"
"Yes. I asked Master Rhyaz."
Kaid nodded, beginning to stand up. "Noni sent you, didn't she?"
"No one sent me," said Kusac, suddenly feeling vulnerable. He sat upright, making the water surge around him as he did. He kept a wary eye on Kaid. "I chose to come."
Kaid lunged forward, his hand closing round Kusac's throat in a crushing grip. His face was only inches away, teeth bared as he began to growl ominously.
Fear flared inside Kusac, but he didn't dare move. His hands clutched convulsively at the sides of the bath, knuckles whitening, claws extending till they hurt. If this attack was real, there was nothing he could do to defend himself. Had Kaid gone mad? Was he out of control?
"Release me from my oath to you!" Kaid snarled, his hand tightening. "Give me back my freedom. No more Liege and liegeman. Then ask me!"
Slowly Kusac tilted his head back, mind working furiously as he looked up into Kaid's eyes. There was no color in them, only large circles of black. No Sholan easily tolerated being touched on the neck; it was too vulnerable to teeth and claws. Why had no one had warned him of this? That he had to ask, yes, but not this! What the hell was the response? Was there one? And his oath— was Kaid testing how strong his faith in him was?
"I release you from your oath of allegiance, and I want to be paired with you," he said, not knowing how else to put it, praying he'd got it right.
"I think not." The growl deepened and the claws began to prick his flesh.
Kusac let out a single curse. "
Goddammit!
I want to be
twinned
with you! A sword-brother, like Garras was!"
The grip lessened. "You think you know the cost, but you don't," Kaid growled. "No one ever does at first."
"I felt what it meant." His throat was stretched too taut. "I'll pay it."
Suddenly the pressure was gone, but as he let his head drop, he realized Kaid's hand had remained where it was. His eyes, though, were still dark.
"We'll see. Maybe you won't stay on the trail. Maybe it'll be me that can't pay the cost of any of it, including the oath to Vartra." His hand gently kneaded the muscles on Kusac's neck for a moment before he released him and turned away. "Don't stay in too long. It's almost time for third meal," he said as he left the room.
As the door slid closed behind him, Kusac gradually let go his grip on the bath. The encounter had left him badly shaken. He realized there was a lot about Kaid he didn't know.

* * *

Later that night, Kusac woke suddenly. He lay there trying to work out what had disturbed him, then he sensed what it was. It was the silence. Mentally, he checked the room. Nothing. He was alone. Activating the night light, he threw back the covers and leaped to his feet. A quick touch on Kaid's side of the bed confirmed it was cold: he'd been gone for some time.
Cursing, he ran for the door, grabbing his robe as he went, hastily pulling it on while trying to sense where his friend had gone. Despite Kaid's psychic damper, he found the faint mental pattern, but reaching him physically was another matter since he couldn't yet find his way through the maze of corridors on his own. He had to find him and find him fast before someone, or something, got hurt. Switching off his own damper, in desperation he reached for Carrie, waiting impatiently for her to wake enough to answer him.
I need to find Kaid. Join with me,
he sent as soon as he felt their link strengthen.
He's on the lower levels, where Ghezu held him prisoner,
she replied.
The Gods help him! He's reliving some of the memories, Kusac!
Keep your distance, cub. Don't let his crystal draw you in. Guide me there.
Going over to a set of drawers, he scrabbled in the top one for the flashlight he'd seen there earlier in the day.
Her directions led him past Lijou's quarters to the other side of the main building to what had once been Ghezu's office, and was now Rhyaz's. A crack of light at the edge of the door showed it was slightly ajar. He pushed it open. At the far end was a small alcove that Carrie told him led down to the lower corridors.
I'll manage from here. Better that he doesn't sense you around, cub.
I want to know how he is.
Her mental tone was determined.
Tomorrow. I'll be home early.
Not soon enough. I'll go if you promise to contact me later.
I will. Now go before he senses you!
he replied, switching on his flashlight as he pushed open the door and stepped into the dark opening.
Cautiously he edged his way down the steep stairs. Beneath his feet, he could feel the uneven wear on the stone treads. This route was old and well used. At the bottom, the corridor opened out and, in the distance, he could see a pool of light spilling out from one of the rooms. Switching off the flashlight, he pushed it into his pocket and headed swiftly toward it.
As he approached the door, he could feel the atmosphere around him darkening. He could sense Kaid's presence. From within the room came the sound of faint voices. Kaid stood just inside, his back toward him. Beyond him stood three ghostly figures, the central of which was also Kaid. He was being held at the table by Zhaya while Ghezu forced his head up with a knife held to his throat.
Instantly Kusac realized that Carrie had been right. What he was seeing was a projection of Kaid's memories from his captivity and torture in these rooms.
"I want those codes, Kaid, and I want them now."
The voice was faint and he had to strain to hear it.
"You've had my answer. Go rot in hell, Ghezu."
Kaid's voice seemed to come simultaneously from the person in front of him and the hazy image he was projecting. The anger and hate in the air, Kusac could have cut with a knife. He shuddered, unable to look away as he watched Kaid reliving the memory.
Ghezu's moves were almost too quick for his eye to follow. A flash of silver followed by the sound of the knife thudding into wood, then the room reeked of the metallic scent of freshly spilled blood. The ghostly Kaid yowled and began to collapse, but Ghezu reached out to grab him by the hair, hauling him upright again.
"I told you it was real this time, Kaid. I will have those codes from you if I have to destroy you an inch at a time. Now, are you ready to talk yet, or shall I start on the next finger?"
Kusac felt his friend's fear fill the room, his soul-deep terror of being maimed seeping out to touch even him. Death was nothing compared to this, it was life Kaid feared. Transfixed, Kusac could do nothing as he experienced the other's agony, and his fierce determination not to betray his friends. In front of him, Kaid's shoulders began to slump and his ears disappeared from sight.
"Hold him up," the ghost-Ghezu ordered, pulling the knife out of the wood and flicking the severed finger to the floor.
Zhaya obeyed, wrapping one arm around Kaid's chest while continuing to hold his wrists down on the table with his other hand.
"The codes," Ghazu repeated. "I want the codes, Kaid."
Kaid's chin was still lolling against his chest. Ghezu leaned forward. "I can't hear you, Kaid. You aren't going to lose your voice because of a little pain, are you?"
"Go screw yourself," came the faint reply.
Ghezu pulled back and once more his knife flashed down, this time landing on Kaid's hand with a dull cracking sound.
Instinctively, Kusac winced as the ghostly Kaid jerked violently in Zhaya's grasp, letting out another but weaker yowl of pain before collapsing against his captor. Gods, he knew what Ghezu had done to Kaid, but to actually see it!
The scene wavered slightly, then steadied. As it did, Kusac realized that the miasma of fear was being pushed slowly back. He knew then what Kaid was doing.
Ghezu grasped Kaid by the hair again, pulling his head back so he could see him. "What are the codes, Kaid? All you have to do is give them to me and all this will stop. Tell me the codes."
His face furrowed with pain, ears invisible against his skull, Kaid's voice was barely audible. "Never." Then his eyes flickered, and he began to slump lower within Zhaya's grasp.
In front of him, his friend staggered slightly as the images finally began to fade. As Kusac ran forward to help him, he caught a last glimpse of Ghezu angrily landing two more blows with his knife pommel on the unconscious Kaid's hand.
"Kaid, in the God's name, let me help you," he said, grabbing him firmly round the waist. Kaid resisted when Kusac tried to turn him toward the door.
"No," he said. "I need to sit for a moment." He began walking toward the wooden chair that stood facing the desk. "I should have known it was impossible to keep you away," he said. "I felt the crystal warming. You shouldn't have come. I didn't mean for you to see this."
"It wasn't Carrie," said Kusac, fetching the other chair and sitting down opposite him. "It was me. I woke and found you gone."
"You contacted her, though." The tone was resigned.
"I needed to find you before you did anything..." He stopped.
Kaid's mouth opened in a slow smile. "Don't worry, I'm not going to try and destroy the temple again. You were right. It was a stupid thing to do."
"Being a telepath leaves you exposed to emotions, both your own and those of the people around you. You're learning to cope with your feelings again," said Kusac. "I know how difficult it is because after Carrie and I Linked, I had to learn a different way of coping with the violence within me."
"Uh huh."
"Did you know you were projecting that memory?" Kusac asked.
"I had to see it from outside of myself, to understand what happened to me. I needed to face the fear again, and control it." The last was said quietly.
"You did." Again Kusac shuddered. "Anyone would have been afraid of that, Kaid. I don't think I could have held out as long as you did."
Tiredly, Kaid stood up. "If you want to be a swordbrother, you'll have to be that strong. It's part of the price. Anyway, I found out what I needed to know. That memory won't trouble me again." He turned away and walked slowly toward the door, stopping to look back at Kusac. "Are you coming? I don't know about you, but I want some coffee and something to eat."
"What did you need to find out?" asked Kusac, hurriedly getting to his feet.
Kaid gave him an amused look before he switched out the light. "Work it out for yourself. It's good training. When you know, come and tell me."