razorsedge (26 page)

* * *

The physician leaned forward to remove the small electrical device attached to Kaid's forehead. "Neat little gadget," he said, switching it off. "Chernarian origin. We're getting to test it. Uses brain waves or some such thing to keep the patient sedated. Much better for this kind of situation than drugs. He'll start coming to any moment now." He turned and walked to the door. "Press the buzzer if you need me. I'm only just down the corridor."
Kaid stirred, opening his eyes. He looked round, catching sight of T'Chebbi standing by the door beyond Lijou and Noni.
"Bad shot, T'Chebbi. I thought you at least would have finished it. Where'd you get me?" His voice was a lazy drawl.
"Left shoulder." Her reply was barely audible.
He nodded, winced, and slowly raised his other hand to his head, feeling the dressing there.
"The pole hit you," she added.
He turned his head to look at Noni. "It's all a sham, Noni. He played god with us, changed us because he thought he could. He betrayed and used me." He was tired of it all.
"Forget about that for now," said Noni, brushing the matter aside as if it were of no importance. "I need to know about these memories that keep coming without warning. Why didn't you tell me what was happening?"
"I'm telling you now, but you're not listening."
"The other ones. What were they, Tallinu?" she insisted. "Were they from the past?"
He started to frown but stopped as it pulled at the staples in his forehead. His head hurt abominably. "I had to remove the memory of meeting myself and the others before I could send myself— the cub— forward," he said. "I didn't know what to do. There was no time— the temple was exploding."
Noni grunted. "How did Vartra and his lot make you forget?"
"I don't know."
"Then I'll have to go look for it," she said. "I'd have thought you'd have learned by now how to stay out of trouble, boy. But no, you keep on getting into scrape after scrape," she grumbled. "I got better things to do than fix you up every few months, let me tell you!"
"Leave me be, Noni," he said, turning his head away from her. "I've had enough. You know damned well I never went looking for any of this. I told you, he's taken everything I had from me now. There's nothing left, not even my sanity. I can never be sure he won't do it again!"
Before anyone could even blink, Noni's hand shot out and grasped Kaid round the throat. Her talons extended and began to press into the flesh over his larynx.
"Tired of it, Tallinu? Really tired, or just fancy words?" she asked, her voice a low, menacing hiss.
His eyes flew open in shock, his hands reaching for her, but she increased the pressure and he let them fall back to the bed.
"I'll end it for you now, if you ask me. They won't," she said, jerking her ears backward at Lijou and T'Chebbi. "But I will. Just tighten my grip, that's all, till my claws meet in your throat." As she spoke, he could feel her hand doing just that. "Or should I start and wait for you to tell me to stop if you change your mind, eh? What's it to be, boy?" she asked as her clawtips began to press harder and his breath began to falter.
He tried to shift his hands again, to grasp hers, pull it away, but he couldn't move. She was suffocating him, and he couldn't stop her. Her face seemed to fade until he could see only her piercing brown eyes.
So this is how you die, Tallinu. Beaten by memories! A fine epitaph for a Brother— he died rather than face his fears!
Her mocking laugh echoed inside his head till finally he could stand it no more, and he broke free of her spell. "Enough!" he gasped, his hand hitting hers aside, then returning to massage his throat.
Noni turned to look at Lijou. "You get back to that new life-mate of yours, Master Lijou. She wants to make plans with you for that nursery you'll need in a few months. As for you," she said, fixing her eyes on T'Chebbi. "Go fetch us some c'shar, my girl. A person could die of thirst in this rambling bird's nest of a place! I'll see to Tallinu."
Lijou got to his feet, his confusion evident in the set of his ears. "I'm not going to even think about how you knew," he said. "I'll be in my office on the first floor. There's a guard outside..."
"Guard?" she interrupted. "Why would I be needing a guard, pray tell me, Master Lijou? You stop fretting, we'll be fine."
She waited till they'd gone before turning on Kaid. "I've never met a greater fool than you, Tallinu! By the Gods, I don't know who gifted you their brains when you were conceived, but I have my doubts that they had any themselves! Have you any idea just how lucky you are?" she demanded. "You lie here moaning and whining about what Vartra's taken from you, yet you possess some of the greatest gifts He could bestow and you don't even realize it!"
"Gifts? What gifts?" he demanded, pushing himself up against the pillows so he could see her more easily. "When he knew I came from their time, he used me, Noni! He cared nothing for me as a person! He had one of the females— Jaisa— conceive a cub without asking me! I have a daughter I'll never know living in the past!"
Noni snorted in disgust. "Listen to yourself, will you? A daughter living in the past? You have
nothing
living in the past! They're dead, not even dust now, Tallinu! Long gone. He did what I'd have done in His place. Used the tools at hand, namely you. You had what none of them possessed, boy. You'd been touched by the Humans, and you were of their people, a Sholan from their time, not modern like Kusac. So Vartra got you to sire a daughter. With her they could breed any number of the new strain of telepaths. You were the father to her, she became their mother. Your Triad, not Vartra, is responsible for the mixed Leskas! Stop whining for one cub when you'll have more than enough to delight you!"
"I've told you I don't want cubs, Noni," he snarled.
"Then why such a fuss over this one?" she retorted. "If she means nothing to you, let her go."
"You're doing it again, tying me up in your own brand of logic," he growled angrily.
"You wanted to know His other gifts," she continued, ignoring him. "Because of Him, you live here and now. Had you stayed in their world, you'd have been in constant danger from those trying to kill the telepaths for causing the Cataclysm. Instead you got a fresh start. You have Dzaka, as fine a son as anyone could wish, now he's gotten over his stupidity with Ghezu. You're part of a family that cares deeply for you; you have not only as a lover, but as a third, the female you wanted so much it robbed you of common sense! In fact, by registering the Triad at the temple, you're as legitimately her husband as Kusac is under the old laws. Then there's Kashini. If not for you, she could never have existed. And what has all this cost you? A few nightmares and a lost cub! If that's a ruined life, then the Gods take pity on you, Tallinu, because I, for one, won't!"
"It's not that simple, and you know it! What he's done has cost me my faith! I can't believe in him any more!"
Noni sighed, reaching out to touch his hand where it lay on the covers. "You're confusing the person with the God, Tallinu. Vartra the person made you his carrier,
he
told the female to conceive that night, not Vartra the God. When you have time, think it through carefully. Look at what Vartra the God has said to you, not Vartra the person."
He didn't want to listen to her, didn't want excuses for Vartra's behavior to be found— but some of what she was saying made sense. The hand holding his tightened slightly in a gesture of affection.
"Good. Just look at the differences, that's all I'm saying. Then come to me with your questions. He speaks to me, too," she said with a small grin. "Now comes the hard part. I need you to let me into your mind."
He would have pulled away from her in shock, but her hand held his in a grip of steel.
"No," she said firmly. "I think I know what's happening. When will you learn to bring your problems to me? You make them worse by waiting. I could have solved all this weeks ago had you only told me."
"You can't do anything, Noni. My Talent's unstable, I know it is. That's why I came here, because I was afraid that I'd cause harm to Carrie or the cub."
"You're not unstable, boy," she retorted sharply, "you're unhinged! I never heard such rubbish in my life! Did it ever occur to you that your very existence as a member of the Brotherhood is a testament to the strength and stability of your mind and Talent? You're the only telepath on Shola without a Human Leska that's capable of fighting. You survived childhood with that damned M'Zushi family, survived the pack wars in Ranz, and were finally picked up by a recruitment team from Stronghold. How the hell did you do that with an unstable Talent, eh?"
He remembered Kusac asking him the same question and now, as then, he had no answer.
"Trust me, Tallinu. I need to know what Vartra's people did to you to lock the memory of your return to the Margins away until now. That's what damaged your mind. I'll look nowhere else, believe me."
He studied her face, feeling her sending him the truth of what she was saying.
"Sometime, Tallinu, you've got to start trusting people," she said softly.
Slowly he nodded his head.
"That's my lad," she said, her voice dropping till it was almost a whisper. "Always had time for you, though never knew why, but you've repaid me over and over lately as you've traveled the path I knew you had to take. You've done well, Tallinu, better than many predicted you would."
He could barely hear her voice now, and once more her eyes dominated him. Tiredness swept through him and gratefully, he shut his eyes and let go.

* * *

When T'Chebbi returned, Noni had finished and Kaid was still sleeping.
"It's done, child," she said in response to her mute appeal. She took the mug from her, taking a sip to taste it. "It'll do," she said. "Not fresh c'shar, but then I didn't expect it from the kitchens here. Tallinu won't be wanting his for a while yet. You might as well have it."
"What was it?" T'Chebbi asked, taking the other vacant seat. "What caused all his memories and visions?"
"Mainly those mental butchers from the past," Noni said. "They were afraid he'd be so angry at what they'd done that he'd try to sabotage Vartra's work. They blocked the memory, hoping he'd pair several times before it returned. It was done in such a way that it interfered with the memories of his meeting with Carrie that were trying to resurface." She took a large mouthful of her drink and sat back in her chair, closing her eyes.
"Would you do me a favor, child? Ask Father Lijou if he could find me somewhere to rest for an hour or two before I go home. Mental healings aren't easy, and I'm getting old."
"Of course, Noni," she said, putting her mug down and heading for the door.
"And child," she said, opening her eyes and pinning her with a look. "Keep the next cub."

* * *

Carrie had spent the morning with the female members of her family, helping to prepare for the evening's feast. Root vegetables, specially set aside earlier in the autumn, had been scrubbed by the army of clansfolk working inside the feasting hall. Above the roasting pits, the meat that would form the main dish was already cooking. At midday, the plaintive sound of a horn caused everyone to stop.
Rhyasha dried her hands on a towel and passed it to Carrie. "Time for Nylam's Dance," she said. "All our young males eligible to become adults will take their place in the dance for the first time."
"Does that include Kusac?" she asked, joining the throng of people filing outside.
"Good gracious, no, he's far too old for that! This ceremony is for those who've reached their eighteenth year. Although not fully adult, they're considered legally old enough to ask a female for a bonding contract. There will be one or two of the older males dancing with them today, but you'll not be able to recognize anyone as they all wear masks."
At one edge of the circle, the drummers were already settled at their instruments and had begun to beat out a low, steady rhythm. The drums were of all shapes and sizes, ranging from small ones held between the knees to large ones made from hollowed out logs. The range of sounds they were producing was unlike anything Carrie had heard before.
"We'll stand opposite," said her bond-mother, drawing her to the edge of the circle painted on the ground. She pointed to a group of older males waiting on one side. "See, not everyone dances. For one thing, there wouldn't be enough room."
"Will there be enough game?"
"Oh, yes. I make sure there's enough livestock to release for the festival. Each hunter is allowed to bring back only two kills, and only the senior clansmales are allowed to hunt the rhakla. The hunt is more symbolic than anything else these days."
As Carrie watched, the dancers began to gather. A group, shepherded by Ghyan, were first to enter, and she knew these were the younglings that by the end of a successful hunt would have entered early adulthood.
"There's quite a few with dark pelts like Kusac," she said.
"He has cousins who share the same coloring," agreed Rhyasha. "Any one of them could be Kusac if he were dancing, but that's part of the fun and the mystery of it! Those who've been successful will dance again tonight, approaching the females of their choice and inviting them to spend the night with them. Kitra was trying to persuade Dzaka to dance, but he was concerned that some other male would try to claim her and she'd not be able to tell the difference. It's the first time she's watched the hunt as an adult female, after all, and she wants to join in the fun."
"Surely no one would do that to her!"
"It's not unknown for the males to pretend to be someone else when after a popular female." Rhyasha looked down at her with a twinkle in her eyes. "The music at the evening dance is very different from what they'll play now. If Dzaka does decide to take part, I'll stay with her till he comes to claim her."
Their conversation ended as the drummers began to beat a louder rhythm. Almost magically, the circle was filled with dancers. Dressed in costumes made from decorated animal pelts, their faces hidden behind masks, they began to move in time to the beat of the drums. Their movements, she realized, mimicked those of the animals depicted on the masks they wore.
They're playing the parts of the creatures they hope to catch,
sent Rhyasha, linking her arm through Carrie's.
Dancing to please Nylam, Liege of the Hunt. It's also one of the few chances the young males get to show off for us females! I'll wager quite a few bonding contracts will be made in a few days' time. Ghyan will find himself quite busy, as will the estate birthers in six months!
The clouds began to part, allowing the sunlight to shine through for the first time that day. Now Carrie could see the light glinting off the ornaments worked into the costumes.
Mirrors and bells to ward off Khuushoi's demons,
sent Rhyasha, tugging gently at Carrie's arm to draw her attention to the ring of smaller fires that encircled them.
Look, there's Konis and Kusac. Over there by the fires, upwind of us. You'll hear the music change in a minute, then they'll throw a special incense on the flames. It heightens the dancers' senses, making it easier for them to commune with the God and follow the trails of His creatures.
Carrie watched as father and son waited till the tone of the drums became a deep, booming sound that seemed to echo through the very ground. Then the two males began throwing handfuls of powder into the fire. Sparks flew into the air and, gradually, wisps of scented smoke began to rise and drift across the circle toward them. Kusac and his father moved on to the next fire to repeat the process.
As she returned to watching the dancers, she felt a pang of regret that Kusac wasn't in the circle. She sensed her Leska's gentle amusement.
You'd have me play the hunter now, would you?
They look so
... she searched for an appropriate word...
primitive and wild in their costumes. They remind me of you after the Challenge you fought on Keiss.
In that case, I'll not risk dancing tonight! Who knows whose invitation you might accept before I reached you!
was his teasing reply.