Pushing the Limits (31 page)

“So what are you doing here?”

“I was hoping we could talk,” she says sincerely. “I promise I won’t stay long.”

“Did my mother put you up to this?” I narrow my eyes, trying to read her.

“No, I swear she didn’t.” She sounds genuine, so I push the burning hatred in my heart aside for now.

After a beat, I open the door wider and let her in.

“Smells good. Have you learned to cook since you left California?” she asks, taking off her coat.

“I’ve been practicing.”

Natalia comes strolling in and snickers. “He lies.”

“Nat, go to your room. I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.”

“What?” She gasps. “Why do I have to leave?”

“Because I have a guest, and I don’t need you eavesdropping on our conversation.”

She smirks and shakes a finger at me. “Getting smarter, Uncle Morgan.”

Jennifer furrows her brows as she watches Nat walk down the hall to her room.

“What was that all about?”

I shake my head and walk toward the kitchen, her following behind. “She thinks I don’t get women.”

She snorts. “Well…”

“Trust me, I know. Apparently, I know absolutely nothing at all.” My chest tightens as I think about Aspen. I busy myself by the stove and direct all attention back to her. “So, tell me why you’re here.”

She sits at the breakfast bar and lowers her eyes. “I want to tell you what happened,” she begins, but I’m quick to cut her off.

“Jen, don’t. It’s been five years. I’m trying to move on.”

“I know. And I want you to move on. That’s why you need to hear this.”

I inhale, sighing, as I don’t feel prepared at all to have this conversation. “If I let you talk, no more uninvited visits.”

“Deal.”

“All right. Well, dinner will be ready in ten minutes. So make it quick.”

“I don’t know if you ever knew, but Ryan and I didn’t stay together after you left. We stayed friends, but that was it. I know you don’t want to know anything about us, which I don’t blame you at all, but I think you need to know that Ryan beat himself up every day about what he did to you. He knew it was the ultimate betrayal and he hated himself for it.”

My throat tightens, unable to say anything.

“Up until then, he was in a really bad place. Once you left, he went and got himself help. He went to therapy and wanted to be the best dad he could be for Natalia. He wanted to be a better person. He loved you so much, Morgan. Even though he was older, he looked up to you and valued your opinion on so much. After a few years, you hadn’t come back. He started to lose himself again, but Natalia helped him stay on track. When your mom mentioned the will to him, he refused to change it. He knew you were the absolute best person for her and you really are. You’re everything and more to that little girl.”

I tilt my head up to the ceiling, not wanting to release the tears, but her words are so genuine and soft, they burn right through me.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I know you, Morgan. You’re dwelling on how you didn’t get back home in time. The guilt is so obvious on your face, and it keeps you from moving forward.”

“How would you know any of this, Jen? You haven’t been in my life. You don’t know anything about my life now.” I can’t stop the defensive tone in my voice, but I hate being told how I’m supposed to be feeling with all of this.

“I know, but I’m right. You know I’m right.”

I shake my head, not wanting to give her the satisfaction that she
is
right.

“You can’t move on when you never confront your feelings. You bury them, and I know that’s what you’ve been doing since he passed away.”

“Yeah, well…who else should I blame?”

“Blame whoever you want…but don’t push it away as if it didn’t happen.” She sighs, choking back her own tears. “Your mom told me you don’t paint anymore.”

I shake my head and choke in a laugh. “Of course she did. That’s what I get for telling my mom.”

“That’s a shame. You’re really talented.”

“I haven’t exactly been inspired.”

She stands up and pushes her chair back in, wrapping her jacket around her arm. “Well, find what does inspire you and hang on to it. But don’t let the guilt keep you from living your own life. Not just for you, but for that precious little girl, too. She needs you more than anything.”

I watch as she walks away without a glance back. As much as the anger builds up inside me at what she did, I know her words are true.

I have been beating myself up and probably always will if I don’t let the feelings surface and learn to deal with them properly.

Being with Aspen, I thought I was. I really thought I could get passed it or at least learn to move forward. I thought we could fight our battles together and come out stronger, but now I feel so lost without her.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

ASPEN

I can’t remember the last time I’ve really slept. My sleeping pills make me tired enough to get a few solid hours in, but I still wake up numb.

It feels like months, but it’s only been a couple weeks. If I’m not at work or school, I’m in bed
not
sleeping. I listen to Christina Perri and The Band Perry on repeat until I cry myself to sleep, which actually only ends up being a couple hours at a time until a memory of him—us—wake me up.

He doesn’t look at me during class. I can’t blame him, but it’s killing me. I can’t even blame him for being upset about that, but he hardly even fought for me. The moment I told him the truth about the Ariel Rose Collection, he just let me go. He walked out, ripping my heart in two on the way.

I’ve been trying to distract myself as best as I can with working a couple extra shifts at the gallery and chatting with Ellie—anything to avoid the urge to look at Morgan. 

The semester ends in about a month, and then I won’t have to see his tense, expressionless face twice a week anymore. I can see he’s putting on a front, smiling and cracking jokes with the other students—except me, of course. 

Ellie notices a change in my behavior and pushes me for answers. I play it off as having a stressful couple of weeks. With finals approaching, I’ve been staying up late studying and coming to school overtired. It’s not farfetched considering my zombie-like look, so she buys it. 

I should’ve known I couldn’t avoid them for long. After last weekend’s wine fest, I’ve avoided hanging out with them so I could wallow alone. 

“What are you doing here?” I ask casually, not trying to sound rude, but today’s a day I’d rather just suffer alone in silence.

Kendall and Zoe stand at my door with their arms firmly crossed and a sly smile on their faces. “You’re not spending your birthday alone in pink kitten pajamas and fuzzy socks.”

I look down and scowl. “What’s wrong with fuzzy socks?”

Kendall snorts and Zoe pushes her way inside. “We come bearing gifts, birthday girl. Come on.” 

I groan, shutting the door behind them as they both walk in and aim right for the couch. “These gifts better get me drunk.”

“Would we get you anything else?”

We settle in with our glasses of wine, and I lay against the arm of the couch before Kendall eyes me up and down.

“So you look like death.”

“Thanks.” I deadpan.

“I take it you didn’t karate chop Ms. Bitch’s face off?” Zoe asks with a brow arched, sitting on the other end of the couch.

“Nope.”

“I bet the three of us could take her,” Aspen offers, getting a small smile out of me.

“It’s not that,” I assure them, even though it’s part of it. “Just not a fan of celebrating my birthday.” It’s the truth, but after six birthdays, I’ve gotten really good at staying numb to it.

“All right, up. We’re going out to do something fun for your birthday. You need a distraction.” Kendall stands up.

“I have a distraction. Her name is Chardonnay.” I hold up my almost empty wine glass and grin.

“You can’t just drink yourself to death.” Zoe grabs my hand and pulls me up. “You drink
while
doing something fun. That way it looks recreational.” She winks, and I resist the urge to laugh. 

I don’t have the energy to argue, so I do as they say.

An hour later, I’m showered, dressed, and looking semi-decent. Kendall insists on driving, so I can’t escape early. Not that I’d even try at this point. Anything is probably better than wallowing in my apartment alone.

“Where are we going?” I ask from the backseat. 

Yeah, she wouldn’t even let me sit in the front. 

“You’ll see. Be there soon,” she calls from the driver’s seat.

“Don’t you think turning on the childproof locks is a bit extreme?” I pout. She meets my eyes in the rearview mirror, and I can tell she’s scowling at me. “Fine,” I mutter.

We pull up to a small Ma and Pop shop with large white windows and a chandelier in the foyer. Above the door reads,
The Art Shoppe. 

“What are we doing here?”

“Come and see,” Zoe says, opening the door and getting out. 

Kendall opens the door for me with a wide smirk.

“Come on,” I groan. “Why are we here?”

“It’s called a Sip ’n Paint and, Aspen Danielle Evans, you are going to enjoy it. Do you hear me?” she says in a motherly tone. 

I try to hold in my laughter. “Fine.” I say and follow her in. “As long as I can Sip
A lot
’n Paint.” 

She snorts and leads us through the entrance. 

By the end of our Sip ’n Paint party, I feel much better—probably because I’ve managed to have six glasses of wine—but nevertheless, it ended up being more fun than sitting in my apartment alone. Kendall only drank half a glass since she was driving, so I took the liberty of drinking hers for her.

That’s what friends are for.

Once I’m home and the alcohol burns off, I’m alone again—alone in my apartment reminiscing about everything I’ve managed to lose in my life. I try to remember that I only have one year left of college before I move on to graduate school. I could go anywhere. Move. Travel. But even with all my options and potential experience, I’d choose to be here with Morgan. I’d leave it all behind if it meant we could be together. 

Ms. Jones has been so wrapped up in the gallery, she hasn’t noticed anything at all. Or at least, she’s pretending not to. During my weekend shift, I overhear her phone conversation. 

“Oh my God!” Her high-pitched tone grabs my attention. “Is she all right? Are they doing an X-ray?” She’s silent a moment. “Well, you let me know when you find anything out. Tell her Aunt Melly loves her, okay? If you need anything, call me. I’ll leave here right away.” Her voice is serious, and I can’t help eavesdropping to hear the whole story. “Are you sure? I can come to the hospital if you need me to.” My breathing quickens as I think about who she’s talking about… “Okay, call me later, dear. Bye bye.” 

She rounds the corner, nearly bumping into me, before I can walk away and pretend I wasn’t listening in. Startled, she drops her phone in her hand and it lands on the floor with a crash.

“I’m so sorry!” I quickly reach down to grab it the same time she does and we bump heads.
Jesus
. 

“Oh, are you all right?”

“Yes, I’m sorry. Again. Geez. I hadn’t meant to run into you.” 

“Oh, it’s not your fault. I was distracted and not paying attention.” I raise my brow, shocked that she’s taking the blame when it was clearly my own fault. 

“Oh? Is everything okay?” I ask, hoping she’ll tell me what the phone call was all about.

“Natalia fell from the monkey bars at school and they think she broke her ankle. They’re at the hospital now waiting on x-rays.” 

“Oh no,” I shriek. “If you need to leave, I can stay late.” 

“No, it’s okay, dear, but thank you. Morgan’s going to call me as soon as he knows.” 

“She must be so scared,” I mutter, mostly to myself. And he must be freaking out right now.

She pats me on the shoulder, her eyes soft and genuine. “She’ll be okay.” I nod. “Your shift over?” 

“Yeah, I was just going to go clock out.” 

“Well, have a great night.” I watch as she walks away.

As I’m driving back home, I can’t get Natalia out of my head. She’s a lot like me, and I think that’s why we bonded so well. She’s felt loss and has had trouble grieving, expressing her feelings through anger instead of processing it.

And if I’m totally honest, I really miss her. 

I’ve missed Morgan every single day, but I hadn’t realized how much of
us
I missed. Just hanging out at his place, eating and watching movies. Natalia was a little stiff at first, but she easily came around. She accepted me, and I hadn’t realized how attached I got in such a short amount of time.

I drive past my apartment building and head to the hospital instead. Morgan may be off-limits, but checking up on Natalia isn’t. I want to see her even if he hates my guts right now. I’m sure she doesn’t understand why I suddenly just stopped coming around either.

I walk into the emergency room entrance and stop at the registration desk to ask about her. They tell me she’s in a room and waiting on x-rays still. 

“Can I see her?” I ask, eagerness in my voice. 

“Are you a relative?”

“Yeah, I’m her aunt.” 

“Oh, okay. Her uncle’s in there already with her. She’s in bed seven.” She points me in the direction. “Right down that hallway.” 

“Thank you,” I say in a rush, already walking down the hallway before she figures out I’m lying. 

My heart races as I think about seeing Morgan face to face. He’s avoided eye contact with me as much as possible, but this time would be unavoidable. 

I stand in front of her door, inhale deeply, and knock. “Come in,” his rough voice demands.

I push the door open and immediately see his intense green eyes widen as he realizes it’s me. 

“Aspen!” Natalia’s voice directs me to her where she’s laying on the hospital bed, her leg covered in blankets and ice packs as she chews on an orange popsicle.

“Hi,” I say hesitantly. “I hope it’s okay I came.” I direct my attention back to Morgan, but he stays silent as he stares at me. “I heard what happened and wanted to make sure she was okay.” 

“Hell, yes, it’s okay you’re here,” Natalia answers for him and he scolds her for her language.

“Dude, they have Xbox here!” she shouts enthusiastically and once Morgan gives me his nod of approval, I step to the side of her bed. 

“Well, that’s exciting.” I flash her a sympathetic look. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, but the school called Morgan and he rushed me here like an overbearing mama lion.” 

“You’re not fine,” Morgan interrupts with a firm tone. “Your ankle swelled up to the size of a watermelon.” 

My body shudders at the image. “Are you in a lot of pain?”

“I was until they gave me some meds.” 

“Ahh…” I smile. “Explains why you’d feel fine now.” 

She shrugs and cracks an unapologetic smile, finishing up her popsicle that’s turned her lips orange.

A nurse comes in and instructs us that she’s taking Natalia to x-ray now. Morgan kisses her forehead, and I squeeze her hand. “Good luck.” I wink at her and she winks back. 

The nurse rolls her bed out of the room, leaving the two of us behind in awkward silence. We haven’t spoken since the breakup and now there were no students or easels to buffer between us.

“How are—”

“You look—”

We both blurt out at the same time, nerves fluttering through my body. We both laugh, mine more awkward because I feel him staring intensely at me. I can barely take my eyes off the floor, but at the sound of his amused laugh, I peek up at him. 

God, he looks good. 

He always looks good. But I see the pain in his eyes at me being here. 

“Thanks for not kicking me out. I just really wanted to see Natalia.” 

“She’s been asking about you. I knew she’d be happy to see you.” 

I nod with a smile. “I should get going. I hope everything turns out okay.” I lower my head and begin walking back out the door when he stops me.

“Aspen, wait.” His words come out frantic. I stop but don’t turn around. He pauses shortly before speaking. “Thanks for coming,” he finally says, and I hear the agony in his voice as it cracks. It nearly cripples me. 

Painfully, I silently nod and continue walking out of the room. Every step I take is another wound to my heart that I’m not sure will ever heal.