Pushing the Limits (14 page)

CHAPTER ELEVEN

ASPEN

“This is the dumbest holiday of the year,” Zoe groans, leaning an elbow on top of the bar.

“It’s not even a holiday,” I counter. “But I get your point.” I take another sip of my beer as I sit across the bar from her. Zoe’s working at the bar tonight, and Kendall went out with Kellan for Valentine’s Day.

“Before I got to know you, I would’ve totally pegged you for a girl who goes gaga over Valentine’s Day,” she admits.

“Why’s that?” I wrinkle my nose. “Because I brush my hair and wear lipstick? Or is it the heels?” I crack a sarcastic smile.

“It’s the whole package.”

I purse my lips and lean an elbow on the bar top. “Guys are too needy,” I begin. “I like focusing on my paintings and classes. It’s hard for guys who aren’t passionate about what I’m passionate about to understand that. It’s like at first they’re all ‘sure, no big deal’ and then within a couple weeks, they start complaining about the lack of attention I give them or wanting to go out all the time. And I…I don’t want that.”

“Well, that’s an easy fix,” she says matter-of-factly. “Find a guy who’s passionate about what you’re passionate about.”

“I think all guys are passionate about sex,” I tease.

She glares at me with a smirk. “You know what I mean.”

I snort. “It’s not exactly that easy.”

“Yes, it is. It’s just like when famous people marry famous people. They get the extreme work schedules, the traveling, the paparazzi, the tabloids.”

“Yeah, and most of them end up in divorce!” I defend. “If you actually research famous people who stay married, you’ll notice it’s those who rose to fame together, or around the same time, and the ones who married a non-famous person. Or someone less famous than they are. Having two people with crazy, strict schedules and cameras in the face all the time wouldn’t make them understand more—it’d make them twice as crazy.”

“Well, you aren’t famous. You aren’t avoiding the cameras and being pressured to look half your age.”

“No, but being into something that someone else isn’t doesn’t work either.”

“But don’t you attend a college primarily based on the arts?” A wrinkle forms in-between her eyebrows, and I sigh.

“Yes.”

“So…shouldn’t it be like swarming with guys who are passionate about arts and all that stuff?”

“You’d think so. But then you have two people who are overly passionate about the same thing and then neither of you care about spending time together.”

“Wouldn’t you spend time together doing the same thing? Like when couples watch movies together because they’re both really into action movies, or when couples run or workout together because they’re both really into fitness?” She turns the dishwasher on before slicing the lemons. “I think you’re just making excuses.”

I roll my eyes and scowl. “I’m just a realist, that’s all.”

“A pessimist is more like it.”

I don’t get the chance to respond because a few customers start flagging her down. The before dinner rush begins so I take my drink and walk back to my booth. I sit alone as I watch the overly-PDA couples suck face.

I think about Professor Hampton and how we share the same passion. Putting the fact that he’s my professor aside, I wonder if someone like him and someone like me could actually work out. I’m not exactly emotionally stable, but he makes me want to try. He makes me want to try to have something more.

“Dude, why are you sitting here alone?” I look up and see Kendall shifting into the seat across from me with a beer in hand.

“Because there are literally no single guys here tonight. It’s all couples and desperate chicks.”

“You’re a desperate chick.” Her words oozing sarcasm and pity.

I glare at her and take a drink of my warm beer. “If I’m desperate, then those chicks literally have no standards at all.” She snorts. “Why are you here, anyway?” I ask.

“Kellan got called into work.”

My brows furrow. I know she’s lying. “Really? Your car salesman boyfriend got called into work?”

“Y-yeah.” She quickly grabs her beer and takes a swig. “They had someone call in sick last minute and they needed an extra car detailer.”

“Hmm…really?” I’m not buying her shit for a second.

“Yup. So are we going to find you a hookup or what?”

“I seriously doubt it.”

“Oh, come on. The choices can’t be that bad. Look! A group of guys just walked in.”

I check my phone and notice the time. “It’s after midnight. They’re in here looking for a drunk, easy lay.”

She narrows her eyes, confused. “Isn’t that exactly what you want?”

“Oh, well, yeah,” I stumble, confused at my own words. “Of course.”

I’ve never wanted more than just a fun few hours with a guy, but lately the thought of having more has been circling in my mind more and more.

“I’ll grab us some more drinks and see if I can get a couple of them to follow me back.” She winks as she gets out of the booth, and I laugh at her implication.

It’s not long before there’s a crowd of drunken guys at our booth. Kendall managed to hustle at least four of them, as well as buy our next round of drinks and shots.

Trevor, or maybe it’s Trent, has squeezed my knee at least a half a dozen times. Every few minutes, he grips my leg and slides it upward, and every time, I grab it and slide it back down. Kendall shoots me a look that tells me she’s wondering what the hell is wrong with me, but even I don’t know, so I just shrug and make an annoyed face.

My phone lights up with a text from her.
He’s cute! Why are you acting like he’s covered in mold?

I sigh in frustration. I really don’t know. Considering I’ve never thought twice about bringing a good-looking guy back to my place, tonight just feels different.

I think I’m going to head home. Just not feeling it
, I text back.

She cocks her head in disapproval.
You’re staying! Come on. Just give him a chance.

Since when do you encourage one-night stands?
I text back, suspicious that she’s up to something.

Since I haven’t seen you bring a guy home in weeks, which means you’re sex-deprived! And you’re like an angry octopus when you don’t get laid.

I roll my eyes and put my phone down.

Fine
, I mouth to her and glare. She has a point, but that doesn’t mean I’m taking Mr. Grabby-Hands home.

“So, Trevor, what do you do for a living?” I ask, trying to make actual conversation.

“I’m a club promoter,” he slurs proudly.

“Oh? What does that consist of?” I ask, pretending to be interested.

“I find little honeys like yourself and encourage you to visit one of the clubs I represent.” He eyes me seductively and licks his lips.

I cringe at his suggestive tone. “And what does that entail? How do you encourage people?”

“I promise them a
real
good time.” He winks, and I shudder—and not in a good way.

“So what happens when you neglect your promise and they leave unsatisfied?” I ask directly with mock amusement.

Kendall’s eyes widen as she tries to conceal her laughter, but he hears her anyway and shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

“Oh, sweetheart.” He shifts closer. “You’d never leave unsatisfied.” His thumb plucks my lower lip, his eyes on it like lasers.

“On that note, I’m going to go before I catch a disease.” I grab my purse and push my way out of the booth. “Good luck with your promoting or whatever it is you do and with actually getting laid in real life.”

I walk back to the bar and say bye to Zoe before heading outside. I hear Kendall trying to catch up with me as I dig around for my keys. “Aspen, wait!” I can feel the adrenaline pumping through me, my heart beating rapidly as I speed walk to my car. “Aspen, hang on!”

She’s out of breath by the time she reaches me. I spin around and lean against the driver’s side door as she stands in front of me. “What?” I ask harshly.

“What’s wrong? What the hell was that?”

I shrug, my jaw tense. “I’m sick of guys like that.”

“Okay, sorry. I didn’t know.”

“I didn’t either.”

“Talk to me. What are you thinking?”

My throat begins to burn as tears threaten to pour out. “I have no idea, Kendall. I-I just don’t want to be that girl anymore. The one who lets strange men into her bed, the one who can’t form or hold an emotional relationship, the one who pushes people away. I hate that girl.”

She reaches for my hand and grips it in hers. “Aspen…I don’t know what to say.”

A tear slides down my cheek as I close my eyes. “I have feelings for someone and it scares me half to death.”

“Who?”

“It’s not important. There’s no scenario in this world that allows us to be together.”

“What do you mean? Why not?”

“He’s almost ten years older than me.” Eight to be exact.

“So? Age is just a number.”

I snort at her cliché response.

“He’s also a professor at the University.”

“Okay?”

“He’s
my
professor,” I clarify.

“By professor, do you mean Ms. Jones’ smoking hot nephew?” Her brows tilt upward.

I groan. “Am I that predictable?”

She snorts. “No. I just saw the way you acted around him.”

I sigh. “I can’t stop thinking about him. And I know nothing can ever happen, but the way I feel when he’s around is something I’ve never felt before and it’s terrifying. I have anxiety attacks over it.”

“It’s completely normal to be scared and nervous around a guy you like, but I suspect even more so when it’s someone you can’t openly express your feelings to.”

“On top of it, I don’t even know if I could let someone like him in. Not all the way at least.”

“Why not?”

I shoot her a look. “You know why. I feel guilty even being alive, Kendall. How am I going to date and have a stable relationship?”

She gives me a sympathetic look and small smile. “You evolve.”

I exhale. “I don’t know. I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing anymore. Weeks ago, sure, I’d gladly take Trent home and fuck him six ways to Sunday, but now I don’t even have the desire to.”

“His name is Tony.” She deadpans.

“Whatever.” I laugh. “I just feel so lost.”

“I know how that feels.”

“What do you mean?”

She shrugs and lowers her eyes. “Kellan broke up with me tonight.”

“What?” I gasp. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I was embarrassed and trying to not think about it. I wasn’t going to let him have the satisfaction of ruining my night.”

“What happened?”

“He said I was pressuring him when he wasn’t ready.”

“Seriously?” I almost laugh. “You get turned down for sex, and I can’t turn it away fast enough. We have some messed up lives.”

“Yup,” she agrees. “So let’s go wallow in a bottle of wine and a fifty-percent off box chocolates.”

I open the car door and hop in. “Deal.”

I’m not sure how late Kendall and I stay up drinking and wallowing with heart-shaped chocolate, but when I wake up the next morning, my body is covered in sweat. My breaths are coming in harsh pants while my heart pounds in my chest. Normally, waking up like this would be from a nightmare, but this time it’s from dreaming about Professor Hampton—and not just any dream. My body is still humming from the way he had me moaning and crying out his name.

The feel of him between my legs was so real that I could feel the exquisite fullness of him moving deeply inside me. He completely overwhelmed my senses as he worked my body as if that was what he was born to do. His mouth devoured my pussy, his tongue teasing my slick folds before wrapping his lips around my clit and sucking it between his teeth. The roughness of his stubble rubbing against my thighs—the perfect counterpoint to the pleasure he was wringing from my body.

My pussy clenches at the memory of how he sucked my nipple into his mouth, rolling the tender flesh between his teeth as if he knew just how I liked it. Then he thrust hard and deep, moaning my name into my mouth before he took my lips in a scorching hot kiss.

I squeeze my thighs together, feeling how swollen and wet I am just at the memory of it all. His lips were full and eager, kissing and sucking down my neck, chest, and torso until he landed right where I begged him to be. I haven’t even felt his mouth on mine yet, but I can feel my lips still tingling.

After spending week after week with Professor Hampton in class, it’s not getting any easier to be around him, especially since the dreams have started. He continues watching me work in the classroom, and I continue to let him in. It’s a slow process, but I take it one day at a time. The tension between us has apparently been more obvious than I thought because Ellie is starting to get suspicious—either that or she’s just giving me shit, it’s hard to know for sure, but enough to make me concerned.