Protecting My Hart (Protectors Series Book 1) (19 page)

“Hart?”

“I don’t want to let go. Last time I let go, everything got really bad. I don’t want to let go,” she murmurs into my neck, and breaks my heart.

“Tesoro, listen to me. You don’t ever have to let go; I’m not going anywhere. If things do get bad again I’m still going to be right here. You’re safe here, Hartley, with me. I promise,” I reassure her as she presses closer, and I wrap my arms around her tighter.

“Slyde,” she whispers.

“Right here. Te amo, Hartley, tu es mi Tesoro. Siempre.”

It’s just a few minutes later when Harley is asleep. My mind goes over everything from the last few days. She’s still fighting it a bit; she knows how I feel, and I don’t think that’s what she’s fighting, it’s her feelings that have her all confused. She’s afraid to admit them, and I can’t blame her. She thinks everything good in her life will eventually disappear. She will understand soon enough. I smile knowing she’s carrying my name, Ethan too. No doubt about it, they are my family.
Mine, Mine, Mine!

“Tesoro.” That smooth whiskey voice floats into my dreams. I smile and sigh. I love that voice, that voice brings me peace, brings me calm. It brings safety. “Wake up, mi dulce belleza.” Again, that voice surrounds me. I feel a soft caress against my cheek. Slowly, my eyes open and I’m met with a smile. “Good morning, mi Tesoro.”

“Hey,” I rasp.

“Hey, I know it’s really early, and I’m sorry to wake you up, but I have to go and I didn’t want to leave without telling you.”

“Leave?” I ask my mind still a bit fuzzy with sleep and then it hits me. I shoot straight up in bed.

“I have to go back; there is a big meeting taking place today and possibly tomorrow. I may not make it home tonight.”

“OK,” I whisper.

“I’m going to do my best but it all depends on how it goes today. Beamer is going to be here until I get back; he will stay the night. You can trust him Hart; he’s a good man, and I trust him with my life. If you need anything just let him know.”

“OK.” I nod.

Slyde pulls something out of his pocket, “I want you to keep this phone with you. It’s got my number, Beamer’s, and Kash’s. We can track it if something happens. If you need anything call me or one of the guys. Someone will be with you, but just in case. Also use this.” He flashes a credit card. “If you need anything, anything at all, or you decide you want something, use this card. They won’t give you any problems, and there is more than enough in this account for you to get whatever you need or want.”

He’s giving me his credit card?
“Slyde, you don’t have to. We have what we need.”

“Just keep it with you just in case, and like I said, anything you want or need, use this card. Understand?”

I’m not sure what to say, so I keep quiet and nod slightly.

“Beamer will go with you if you need to leave the house, but don’t feel like you are in a prison. If you want to go somewhere, Beamer will take you. He will keep you both safe, I promise.”

Guilt consumes me. He’s arranged all of this to keep me safe when this isn’t his problem. Beamer shouldn’t have to stay here and babysit me. “Slyde, I appreciate what you are trying to do, but Beamer shouldn’t have to waste his time babysitting me. None of this is necessary, you don’t have to leave me a credit card. I should go back to work too.”

“Hart, we don’t have a lot of time to argue about this, and I know we
will
argue, but we can do it later. Yes, this is all necessary. You don’t know everything that JD is capable of, and if he really has found you again I won’t risk something happening to you when I can do something to prevent it. You don’t have to work; I told you there is more than enough in this account for you to go on a major shopping spree if you wanted to. If you really want to work, I would prefer you do it here in Briley. Just give it a couple of days, relax, and be happy here. When I come back, I promise we can argue and fight it out.”

“You mean argue until you convince me you’re right.”

“I’m glad you understand how this works.” He grins. “Tesoro, I don’t want to control you, and I don’t want you to feel like you are a prisoner here. You are completely free to do as you please. I never want you to feel trapped, just safe. If I’m not here, the guys will keep you safe. Trust me, Hart.”

“I do. We can talk more when you get back. For now, I’ll try to relax.”

“Good. I’ll be back tomorrow at the very latest, OK?”

“OK.”

“Te amo, Hartley. Siempre y eternamente,” he whispers quietly and seals his lips to mine softly but doesn’t linger long. “Go back to sleep, Tesoro.” He leaves another kiss on my forehead before leaving.

Te amo Hartley. Siempre.
His words echo through my mind as I drift in and out of sleep. I like the way his voice sounds when he says them. Just like when says
Tesoro.
I don’t have any clue what they mean, but they sound nice, and I like the way I feel when he says them. I’ll have to remember to ask him what they mean.

I try to go back to sleep, but that just doesn’t happen. So much floating through my head. We had an amazing night last night. It was everything I’d dreamed about and more. The way he makes me feel cherished is something that I crave, but in the same regard, I feel so exposed and vulnerable and that scares me. He wants to take care of me, but I don’t know how to let him do that. I’m used to taking care of myself, doing things on my own. Taking care of my son. Now here I am in Slyde’s house, in his bed, with his credit card on the nightstand, along with the cell phone, and to top it off, my own personal bodyguard in the living room. I’m really not sure what to do with all of this. I didn’t lie last night; I’m terrified to let go because I don’t want things to get bad again. I’m afraid to let go, afraid to fall with no one to catch me. I’m afraid to let go of the past, the pain, the ugliness. If I let it go, then I can reach out for a future. Possibly a future with Slyde. I want a future with him, I always have. I’m trying really hard to accept his truth, that he loves me and wants Ethan and me to stay here. I’m just not sure which is more terrifying: to stop running from my past, or to run toward a future with Slyde. After last night, I’m pretty sure I’ve started to do both, and yeah, I’m completely terrified.

Ethan and I have had a good morning; we made breakfast and Beamer joined us. Ethan gets along with Beamer just as easily as he does with Slyde. Another facet I can’t ignore. The more I see my son comfortable here and around the guys, the more I want this to be a permanent thing. Slyde told me he didn’t want this to be temporary, I just hope he’s serious. Every minute that passes, I feel more and more at home here. Surely that can’t be normal. Ethan wants to go to the park again, and I enjoy taking him. Slyde was right; spending this time with him is wonderful and we get to just relax.

“Momma, my jacket is broken.”

“It is?”

“Yep, my zipper won’t go up.”

“Come here, let me see.”

After an inspection of his jacket, his zipper is busted, and it’s not something I can fix.

“We are going to have to go to the store to get you a new one, sweetie. It’s starting to get too cold for you to play outside without one.”

“Do we have to go now?” Ethan asks, sounding sad.

“Yes we do, if you still want to play at the park today.”

“OK.” He sounds so resigned.

“C’mon, lets go find Beamer and see if he can take us.”

“OK.” I take his hand and we go find Beamer, who is relaxing on the couch.

“Beamer?”

“Yeah, Hartley?”

“Is there a store nearby? I need to get Ethan a new jacket. The zipper on his is broken, and it’s not something I can fix.”

“Yeah there’s one about ten minutes away, just let me know when you’re ready to go.”

“I just need to grab my wallet, give me a minute.” I head to Slyde’s room and grab my wallet; I slip the phone into my pocket and stare at his credit card.
Anything you want or need use this card,
his words echo in my head. I start to reach for it but stop. No, I won’t take advantage of him. I have always taken care of myself and my son, and I will continue to do so. I walk to the dresser and remove my box, which Slyde must have put away this morning, and I pull out the envelope that contains my hidden money. Pulling out enough for what I’m guessing Ethan’s jacket will cost and some extra just in case, I put the envelope back in the box, and the box back in the drawer. Cash in my wallet, phone in my pocket, I head back out to Beamer and Ethan.

“OK, this one fits you nicely and plenty of room for you to grow. Do you like this one?”

“Yes, Momma.”

“OK, do you want it in red or in blue?”

“Red please. I like red.”

“OK, then. Red it is.”

“Momma, can I go see the toys?”

“I want to look at a couple things first, and then we can go and look.”

“OK.” He sounds disappointed. He is a kid, and a boy at that, so shopping is never something he enjoys.

“Hartley, if it’s OK with you, I can take him over there while you wander,” Beamer offers.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s no problem.”

“OK, thanks.” I bend down to Ethan’s level. “Beamer is going to take you to see the toys. You listen and be good. You stay with Beamer, OK?”

“OK, Momma.”

“Good boy, and since you have been such a good boy and good helper at Slyde’s house you can pick a new toy to take home.”

“
Yay!”
he shouts, and I laugh. I love seeing this look of excitement and happiness on his face.

He takes Beamer’s hand and they head over to the toys. I wander around the clothes for a little while. I find a couple new tops that I like, and they are on sale, which is even better. I keep a running tab in my head of how much money I’m spending. Deciding I need to walk away, I head to the toys to find Ethan and Beamer.

“Momma, look what I found!” Ethan runs over to me. “It’s a monster truck, and I drive it with this!” He points to the remote. “It’s red and black, and Beamer said the truck’s name is Crusher!”

“Wow, that truck is very cool.”

“Can I have him, Momma?”

“Um, show me where you found him first.” I follow him back down the aisle where Beamer is standing and Ethan points to the shelf where he found his truck.
Wow, this truck is more than I planned on his toy being, and I didn’t bring enough cash for all of this.

“Can I, Momma?” he asks again. “Please.” The look on his face is so hopeful. He has been such a good boy over the last few days. Well, he’s always good. And I want him to have whatever he wants. He doesn’t ask for new toys often, and I did tell him he could get a new one. I do a quick calculation of the jacket, the toy, and batteries, and I think I have just enough for those three things. Oh well, I didn’t need the shirts anyway.

I give him a big smile. “Yes, sweetie, you can have Crusher. We have to go find batteries for him.”

“Thank you, Momma!” Ethan puts Crusher on the floor and gives me a hug.

“You’re welcome, sweetie.”

“Beamer, you want to play with Crusher and me when we get back home?”

“Sounds like fun, little man.” Beamer grins at him.

Ethan carries his new toy through the store, and on our way back up front, I put back the shirts I found, and then Ethan helps me find the batteries we need. The clerk rings everything up, and I barely had enough cash to cover it all. Beamer stays relatively quiet during all of this. He looks as if he wants to say something, but he doesn’t, and I don’t ask. Ethan hasn’t let go of his toy and talks the whole way home. He’s so excited and happy, and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters to me.