Promise Me (23 page)

“Aren’t you going to eat?” she asked me, completely oblivious to what was going on in my head as she spooned a sampling from each container onto her plate and speared an egg roll with a fork.

“Uh, yeah,” I grunted, feeling like my head was suddenly disconnected from my body.

I had no idea what was wrong with me. Not only was I being a shitty friend, but I was a complete jackass of a boyfriend for even looking at another girl like that. But it was like I couldn’t help it. With that much of Kate’s smooth, tan skin on display, I wasn’t sure where else I was supposed to look. I was like a man possessed, and I hated that I couldn’t control my thoughts enough to feel like I wasn’t being an unfaithful asshole. Seriously, Alyssa would have my nuts in a vice if she knew the kinds of impure thoughts I’d been entertaining just moments earlier.

I told myself, this was Kate. She was my friend. She was my insanely hot friend, but we were still just friends. I had no romantic or sexual feelings toward her. But damn, it was like trying to eat dinner across from a Victoria’s Secret model. Why was she wearing so little? Was she trying to kill me? Did she even realize the effect she was having on me?

“Is that what you’re wearing to the party?” I asked her, still unable to focus on much else.

My appetite was pretty much gone at that point, but I forced myself to dish a few things onto my plate. I knew it would look suspicious if I didn’t.

Kate laughed as she lifted a bite of cashew chicken to her lips and sucked the noodles off her chopsticks. Dear God, even that was sexy.

What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I so fixated on things that hadn’t even been on my radar three days earlier? I’d spent a month around this woman, and outside of noticing that she was really pretty and had a great ass, because it was kind of hard not to notice, never had my mind wandered to the dark place it had suddenly gone.

It was like I’d been punched in the gut with a great realization I hadn’t let myself see before. But now it was clear as day, and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to focus on much else when I looked at her. Maybe things would be better once she covered herself up. I could only hope, because if not, I was going to be in big trouble.

“Oh, God no,” Kate said quickly. “I’m going to shower and change before I get ready for the party. I smell like barbecue.”

“I love that smell,” I said, sounding like a horny teenager.

Kate gave me a funny look, and I knew she’d heard the innuendo in my tone. I definitely hadn’t meant anything suggestive with what I’d said. At least I didn’t think I had.

“You’re so weird,” she told me as she took another bite of food.

“I am,” I agreed, trying to pull the reins back in somehow.

That made her laugh.

“I promise I wasn’t hitting on you,” I told her quickly, very much wanting to clear the air, even though I wasn’t a hundred percent sure that I
hadn’t
been hitting on her.

“I know,” she said casually. “You have a girlfriend. I get it.”

I nodded. “Yes, that is true. I have a girlfriend.”

She smiled. “Eat your food, Jack.”

Even though my stomach had started churning, I forced myself to eat a few bites. Then I made myself think of Alyssa, and I started to calm down. I figured as long as I didn’t look at Kate, I could force out of my head the images of her that I’d conjured.

“So, what did you do today?” she asked me.

I kept my head down as I said, “I, uh, hung out with my little brother.”

“Little brother?” she questioned. “You have a younger brother?”

I looked up involuntarily, realizing I’d never told her about Charlie. She had no idea who I was talking about.

“Charlie,” I said, keeping my gaze on her soft blue eyes so it wouldn’t drift south. “He’s not my real brother. I volunteer with Big Brothers. We got paired up a little over a year ago when I moved here.”

“That’s really cool, Jack. How old is he?”

“He’s eleven, but he acts like he’s forty. His mom watches a lot of Dr. Phil and Dr. Raven, and just about anyone else that gives love and life advice. He watches with her, so he thinks he’s wise beyond his years. He likes to give me advice on my love life.”

She smiled. “That’s really cute. What does he tell you?”

“That I should find ‘the one’. He thinks I’m getting old, and it’s time I settle down.”

That made Kate laugh, and she covered her mouth because she had food in it. “Because twenty is ancient!”

“I know! But he’s had a fairly dysfunctional life, so I humor him most of the time.”

“Have you always volunteered with kids?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I have. I coached pee-wee football back home for a few years, and I refereed, as well. I like kids, but this is really the first time I’ve gotten involved in a one-on-one situation. And most of the kids back home were from stable families. Charlie’s different. His mom’s a nurse, so she works a lot, and his dad’s not in the picture. He’s never really had a strong male influence in his life, so I try to be there for him for the guy stuff.”

Kate smiled. “I think that’s amazing.”

I shrugged, feeling sheepish all of a sudden. “Yeah, well, I know what it’s like to not have a positive male role model in your life, so it makes it easier for me to connect with him.”

“I can understand that,” she said softly, and I instantly knew what she was thinking.

Kate never knew her father. He left when she was little, so he was never really a part of her life. When we were younger, she used to talk about looking for him when she was older. I think a part of her wanted to know why he left, to know if it was something she’d done wrong, but another part of her just wanted to know who he was.

“Did you ever find your dad?” I asked her.

She shook her head and looked down at her food. “No, I didn’t. I thought about it, but by the time I was old enough to track him down, I’d sort of lost interest. He’d been gone for thirteen years at that point, and I guess I just figured that he didn’t want to be found. I didn’t really feel like looking for someone who probably wouldn’t be excited to know me.”

“He’s missing out,” I told her, because it was the truth.

She smiled, but she still didn’t look up at me. “Thanks.”

“Kate, I’ve learned that sometimes we have to make our own families. My dad was the worst kind of person, and I hate him for what he did, but he’s not my family. My aunt, my uncle, my cousins, my friends, Charlie – they’re my family. Even if we’re not blood related in some cases, it doesn’t matter. I’d take them all any day over my dad.”

Kate looked up at me with curiosity. “Have you seen him since . . . everything happened?”

I shook my head. “Not once. Since he turned himself in and admitted to what he did, there wasn’t a trial. He was just sentenced, put in jail, and he’s still there. He got life in prison, and he’s not likely to get paroled anytime soon, which is fine by me. As far as I’m concerned, he’s a danger to society, and being locked up is the only thing that makes sense.”

“I’m so sorry for what he did to you.”

“Me too,” I said, letting out a long, slow breath of air as I thought back to the last time I’d seen my dad.

I realized that I had no memory of his face. It was like it was blacked out or blurry or just an ugly sneer that sort of looked like him – and quiet honestly it was better that way. I had no fond memories of him, and the last one hadn’t been any different.

That night he woke me up by smacking me across the face at four in the morning. I’d opened my eyes feeling disoriented, and even though it was dark in my room, I knew he was there, smelling of whiskey and cigarettes, and looming over my bed. My cheek burned as he’d barked at me to get my ass out of bed, and then he’d smacked me again. He told me to take out the trash. I told him I’d do it in the morning, and he hadn’t liked that. So he’d grabbed my arm and dragged me out of my room as I’d tried to keep quiet so my mom wouldn’t hear me, even though he was practically ripping my arm from its socket. Regardless of how much it hurt, I didn’t want her to wake up and see what he was doing, because if she did, she’d lose it. And then he’d lash out at her. I couldn’t let that happen.

So instead, I let him drag me to the front door. He opened it and tossed me outside into the freezing October air. As I stumbled down the steps that led up to our trailer, my foot caught, and I landed on the ground with a thud, silencing the cry that wanted to escape my throat. I felt a burning on my arm and knew I’d cut myself on something. As I’d rolled over onto my back and tried to catch my breath, my dad had appeared in the doorway. He threw the garbage bag from the kitchen on top of me, spilling trash all over the ground and me. Then he’d laughed maniacally and said, ‘Pick that up, boy. You made a fucking mess.’

Without waiting for me to respond, he’d slammed the front door, and left me outside. Tears had pricked my eyes as I’d picked up the trash and put it back into the bag, but I refused to cry. I knew he was watching me from inside the trailer, and he was waiting for me to cry. Because if I cried, he could call me a pussy. I’d never give him that satisfaction – not again. Instead, I cleaned up the trash as quickly as I could, shivering the whole time, and then I walked barefoot to the dumpster at the back of our neighborhood.

I was half frozen, and my teeth were chattering, by the time I made it back to our trailer. My forearm was bleeding, staining my long sleeved t-shirt, and my shoulder where my dad had yanked me had started aching. I rubbed it as I made my way back into the house and found my father sitting on the couch watching TV. He glared at me as I came in, but he didn’t say anything, and neither did I. I just went to my room, closed the door, and then I’d let myself cry.

That was my last visual memory of him, and quite honestly, it was the perfect depiction of how I’d felt about him my whole life. He was a bully and an asshole, and in my heart, I had nothing but pure hatred for him.

“Is your arm okay?” Kate asked, pulling me back to the present.

“Huh?” I asked her at the same time I realized I was rubbing my shoulder in the spot where my father had hurt me. I dropped my hand and looked up at her. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Shit. I hadn’t ever told her how my father had really treated me. She’d been under the impression for years that he’d yelled at me, but she had no idea that he’d hit me and yanked my limbs and shoved me whenever he could. Rarely did he leave a mark that I couldn’t explain as a childhood injury, but the abuse was constant. I’d just never wanted Kate to know, and I sure as hell didn’t want her to know now when it no longer mattered.

“You were rubbing your shoulder,” she questioned.

“I do that sometimes when I’m thinking,” I told her, wondering if she thought the lie was as lame as I did.

“What were you thinking about?”

“Just my mom,” I said, lying again and hating it. I never wanted to lie to Kate, but I couldn’t tell her the truth, not now.

She nodded, and either she bought my lies or she was kind enough not to probe. I figured it was probably a combination of both.

“Are you finished eating?” I asked her.

She nodded.

“Then I’ll clean up,” I said, needing to do something other than sit across from her. “Why don’t you go grab a shower? Cullen said he wants to leave at ten.”

I watched Kate glance down at her watch. “Oh wow, it’s late. I really should get ready. There’s no way I’m going out like this.”

I started to tell her I didn’t think that would be so bad, considering how hot she looked, but I stopped myself at the last second. It would sound like flirting, and even if it was harmless – which I was telling myself it was – I wasn’t going to go there.

“Take whatever time you need,” I told her instead. “We’ll wait for you.”

She flashed me a wide smile. “Thanks, Jack. And thanks for dinner. It was great.”

“My pleasure.”

* * *

“Why is Kate talking to Emerson?” Cullen grumbled as he sidled up next to me, his eyes glued to where Kate was talking to Brady Emerson, one of our older frat brothers.

I shrugged, even though I’d been keeping an eye on her all night. I was also keeping an eye on her drinks to make sure nothing funny happened. Not that my frat brothers made a habit of putting things in girls’ drinks, but there were some non-brothers at the party, and I had no idea what their intentions were. I figured it was better to be safe than sorry.

“No clue,” I told Cullen.

“Doesn’t that piss you off?” he asked me. “He’s snaking your girl.”

I glared at him. “Don’t go there. She’s not my girl.”

He threw his hands up in surrender. “Hey, man, no judgement. And I won’t tell Alyssa if that’s what you’re worried about.”

I shook my head in annoyance. “Fuck you. I’m not sleeping with Kate.”

Although if she didn’t stop wearing things that messed with my head, I might be tempted. I’d thought her outfit earlier was hot, but then she’d come out of her apartment wearing a dark purple tank top, jeans that looked painted on, and heeled sandals that made her several inches taller and only made her legs look that much sexier. It was no wonder every guy at the party had been eyeing her all night. Not only was she fresh meat, but she was easily the hottest girl there.