Pretending Hearts (11 page)

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked. His eyes scanned the room and I could see him taking inventory of my pile of belongings on the floor.

“No, I’m far from okay,” I mumbled. I took the palms of my hands and pressed them into my forehead. I only imagined what a freak I looked like. The defenses that helped me stand up to Wyatt and Georgie were crumbling. Suddenly, I felt so very alone and so very fragile.

Levi deposited the caddy on the table and I heard him walk toward me. I moved my palms away from my face when I felt a hand on my elbow. “Look, I could lose my job if I let you stay here. But I can give you a ride to downtown. I know of some shelters that could take you in….”

I shook off his grip and gave him an offended look. “What the hell? You assume I’m a bum trying to take up residence in the school’s library?”

He didn’t say anything, but the answer was clear on his face. Between the bags and my frazzled appearance, he came to the most obvious conclusion. “You just told me you had nowhere to go,” he pointed out.

“I had a fight with my roommate and I can’t go back to the dorms,” I clarified.

He looked disappointed by the answer. I supposed a homeless girl in need of help required more sympathy than a disgruntled roommate. He walked back to the doorway and said, “Go to the housing office in the morning. But if you have nowhere else to go, you’ll probably just have to suck it up for the night and deal with the roommate.”

“I can’t just ‘deal’ with it,” I huffed, using air quotes for emphasis. “You shouldn’t dispense advice when you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Look, I was trying to be nice. I have gum to remove from under desks and soda cans to pick up and only five more hours to do it,” he said in a clipped voice. “The college doesn’t pay me enough to play therapist too.”

My spine stiffened. “Like I need therapy from a janitor.”

He smiled wryly. “We prefer the term custodial engineer.”

“I’m leaving, so you can get back to work.” I stood up and started grabbing for my bags. Silently, Levi observed me and I guessed he didn’t trust me to leave on my own accord. The library contained three floors and I could probably spend the night ducking him if I wanted to. Finally, I brushed by him.

As I stomped in the direction of the library’s main exit, I heard him behind me. I spun around. “I told you I was going.”

“Where are you going?” He shoved both hands into his pants pockets. “I’m not comfortable with having you wander around campus in the middle of the night. There have been assaults before.”

I stilled at his words. After a slight hesitation, I dug my cell phone out of my purse and ran my fingers over the buttons. I did have one other person besides my parents and brother to call, but using the number felt like a last resort. For the moment, I’d have to swallow my pride. Levi was watching me as I hit the call button and brought the phone to my ear.

After five rings, I finally got an answer. “Hello?”

“Hi, it’s Delia.” I paused and swallowed hard. “I need your help.”

***

On the library steps, I awaited my ride. Levi decided to accompany me and I didn’t stop him. His words about there being assaults on campus rattled me. After I ended my call, he claimed it was almost time for his break. After grabbing a brown bag left on top of his maintenance cart, he followed me out into the cool evening. I sat on the steps with my elbows resting on my knees. Levi climbed on top of the retaining wall next to the steps. I peeked at him out of the corner of my eye as he swung his legs back and forth.

The campus was quiet—too quiet for my noisy thoughts. I turned to Levi and found him watching me. His face was obstructed by the shadows, but I could still make out his soulful eyes. He was the antithesis of Wyatt: darker hair and eyes with a paler complexion. He had rolled up the sleeves of his uniform and I could make out some ink on his biceps and left forearm. He was lean and tall, but not wiry.

The fact of the matter was Levi was incredibly hot and I’d taken notice. Above all, I was pleased that prick Wyatt hadn’t left me heartbroken. If he’d meant anything to me, I wouldn’t be scoping out the sexy janitor.

“So, Delia…” Levi started. “What year are you?”

“Freshman,” I replied. I sighed as I twisted my body to face him. “Sorry, about my bitchiness earlier. I’ve had a rough day.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” He laughed, low and deep. “I mean I’m only a
janitor
, but maybe you need an outside perspective.”

I considered him. I got to my feet and walked over to his vantage point. I leaned against the retaining wall while he remained seated. As I shifted, I felt his leg brush against my arm. I looked out into the distance as I spoke. “Well, it’s been less than four hours since my boyfriend dumped me and my roommate kicked me out.”

“What happened?”

“They found out a secret about my family and they weren’t happy about it.” My pulse thrummed as I thought about the self-righteousness of their reactions. “My ex’s family is in politics and he accused me of trying to ruin his family.” I shook my head. “And my roommate is one of his best friends.”

“Their loss then,” Levi said. I smiled at him. He put his hand into his brown paper bag and pulled out a wrapped sandwich. He held it up for my inspection. “Are you hungry?”

“Starving,” I admitted. He passed the sandwich to me and I took it greedily. I broke off half of the sandwich and handed the other piece back to him.

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Please, I don’t want to steal your dinner.”

“I’m not hungry,” he insisted. “Besides, there are vending machines in the basement I can raid if I get hungry before my shift is over.”

“Well, thank you,” I said and took a bite. I was surprised by how delicious the sandwich was. I had expected a typical brown bag sandwich with soggy bread and warm lunchmeat. Instead, I tasted spicy turkey, provolone, pepper and pesto. The roll was fresh and crusty and I took another voracious bite.

“This is so good,” I mumbled between mouthfuls.

Wyatt laughed. “Do you need a drink?” He held out a silver thermos and I really hoped he had the container filled with hard liquor. With the day I’d been having, I could use a stiff drink.

I took the thermos and pulled a long swig from it. I waited for the burn of alcohol. As I swilled the liquid in my mouth, I suppressed a giggle. “Is that… chocolate milk?” I asked with disbelief.

Levi snatched the thermos back and gave me a mock hurt look. “Yes.”

“What are you, like seven?” I teased.

“I’m actually twenty,” he said. “But my mom does insist on packing my lunches for work.”

“I don’t know if that’s creepy or adorable.” I laughed and I could feel some of the tension in my body dissipate.

“I have two older brothers and she still considers me her baby,” he said with a shrug. “I want to move out soon and I think she’ll have an apoplectic fit when it happens.”

His words made me think about my own family. The pain returned and I wondered if I’d keep longing for the normalcy others had. The stark truth was I’d never have that life. Moreover, I probably would never have a normal relationship because of my father. Resentment for his past reared up, but I pushed back against it. I didn’t want to think too hard about what my father had done or hadn’t done. Playing the “what if” game would only bring up old questions I didn’t want answered.

“So you’re going to be okay? You have somewhere to go?” I could feel Levi’s eyes on me and I was curious what he saw. Did he see how broken I was? Did he sense how hearing about his idyllic family was tearing me from the inside out?

“Yes, I’ll be fine,” I said with more resolution than I felt. I was a month into college and I already had a failed relationship under my belt. I’d been bred to always succeed. My father parented Blake and me in the same way he coached. His doctrine was based on the idea winning was the only thing that mattered. I had not won at love because I wasted time on someone as undeserving as Wyatt. At least, my tarnished reputation would keep Wyatt far away.

“What was the secret?”

“Huh?” I asked as Levi’s voice broke into my thoughts.

“You said your boyfriend and roommate found out a secret about your family. What was the big secret?”

I gaped at him and wondered at his nerve. I never thought of myself as approachable. My mother said I had a cold beauty and men were likely to find me intimidating. I lacked the warmth girls like Georgie and Autumn seemed to carry around in spades. I was the icy blond who showed nothing behind her steely blue eyes.

“We just met and you expect me to just blurt out all my problems?” I asked, my voice rising in indignation.

Levi shrugged. “Well, if your ex already knows about whatever you were hiding, it’s not exactly a secret anymore, is it?”

His reasons were sound and my argument died on my tongue. “Do you know who Blake Preston is?”

“Of course I do. The only other famous person to come out of Cook was the guy who invented that pancake thing.”

“The pancake thing?”

“You know that pan that promises to create perfectly round pancakes?”

I bit on my cheek to conceal my smile and shook my head. “Anyway, Blake’s my brother.”

His eyebrows were furrowed as he stared at me—most likely he was trying to make sense of the head case before him. “Is that a bad thing?”

I figured I could safely assume Levi wasn’t the type of guy to read gossip magazines and he likely missed the story about my father. The college would make an effort to sweep the story under the rug. Blake was their shining star and they wouldn’t want to scare off beneficiaries whose contributions would help build Cook’s new football stadium.

“My father, Blake’s stepfather, went to jail for sexual assault. He was accused of trying to rape a student,” I blurted out. Keeping family secrets hadn’t done me any favors, so I figured why not blab my problems to a virtual stranger. “Years into my dad’s sentence, Blake met the girl who accused my father. Blake didn’t tell her who he was at first and they became friends. Blake fell for her and now they’re engaged.”

I took a breath and awaited Levi’s reaction. His non-reaction gave me pause. I expected him to make up a lame excuse and leave me alone to wait out my ride. In a few brief sentences, I had painted a clear picture of how fucking nuts my family was.

“I don’t get why your ex or roommate would care about who your brother is engaged to or your dad’s past. What does your family’s private lives have to do with you?”

I felt soothed in a way I hadn’t since I left the dorms. Levi’s words affirmed my feelings toward Georgie and Wyatt. I was my own person and that was the reason I hadn’t told either of them about my dad or Blake. What was my crime? Was I to be shunned for standing by my father?

Maybe my crime was maintaining my belief in my dad’s innocence. I had faith in my father’s version of events. Autumn had been a confused girl who regretted an affair with a married man. And Blake chose to forgive her lies. Because Autumn at seventeen was different from the Autumn he met as a freshman at Cook. I had to believe my version. I had no other choice.

Levi appeared ready to continue our conversation, but he stalled once we both spotted a figure heading toward us.

I swallowed hard and said, “Thanks for waiting with me. This is my ride.”

He didn’t move and I shifted uncomfortably from side to side. I was surprised to find his eyes glued to my face when I dared a glance in his direction. As soon as Autumn had come into view, I expected him to be as drawn to her like all other men seemed to be.

“Hi,” she said, and I noted the awkwardness in her tone. I stayed quiet and did a quick onceover. Autumn was as beautiful as ever: golden hair, perfect skin, and wearing yoga pants and tank top hugging her curves. However, I did note the exhaustion etched into her features. I wasn’t the only person scandalized on campus over the course of the day.

“Hi. I’m Levi.” Levi sidestepped around me and held out his hand. Autumn shook it and gave him a demure smile.

“Thanks for staying with Delia. It was very kind of you.”

“My pleasure,” he said and his tone hinted that he was being completely honest. Maybe finding a half-deranged student hiding out in the library had made his night. At least, he’d have an interesting story to tell in the break room.

“Do you need me to walk both of you to your car?” Maybe I was projecting, but I thought Levi sounded hopeful.

Autumn shook her head and gestured to the parking lot less than a hundred feet behind her. “I’m parked up front, so we’ll be fine.”

Levi turned away from Autumn and faced me directly. He chewed on his lower lip and I couldn’t figure out what he was thinking. I suddenly wished I could be inside his head to know what he saw when he looked at me. I had a similar mindset when I had met Wyatt. I was realizing Wyatt had only seen arm candy he could use to boost his image.

“It was nice meeting you, Delia.”

“Thanks for everything,” I said softly.

“Take care.” He smiled and as he started to walk away, I felt some of the hurt from earlier return. He climbed the steps of the building and paused to look my way one last time before entering. After a brief wave, he reentered the library.