Pretending Hearts (6 page)

***

Heat
. So much heat existed when Wyatt and I were together. Fingers tangled in my hair. Deep kisses never seeming to end. I never felt as connected to a man in the way I felt with Wyatt Johnston. And I was hoping he felt the same way.

The week following our date, he had come over to my dorm twice to hang out. I made sure Georgie was scarce when he was around—especially since we couldn’t seem to control our hands and mouths in one another’s presence. I had yet to decide if our physical connection was a good or bad thing. If we couldn’t stop devouring each other’s mouths long enough to speak would our relationship gain any substance?

I had been certain a sex-only relationship would be ideal for me. Love never seemed to be on the horizon and that impression hadn’t changed since spending time with Wyatt. I liked him a lot, but besides my physical needs being met, I wasn’t sure we were on the same page emotionally. I didn’t know much about relationships, but I think they were supposed to consist of more than just wanting to get naked and get laid.

I saw possibilities with Wyatt, but I hadn’t gotten the sense yet whether he felt the same way. There was no need to hide my past because Wyatt didn’t ask me much about myself. Purposely, he seemed to be keeping me at a distance. Although he had a condo, he never invited me over. Instead, came to my place. Also, despite his promise to date the first night we met, we hadn’t gone anywhere besides The Cellar. If he wasn’t putting in an effort, was I selling myself short by continuing to hook up with him?

Then again, I couldn’t help but think I’d regret not giving Wyatt a fair chance. If the physical chemistry was strong, I reasoned the rest could come later. Deliberately, I hadn’t told my mother about him. I had phantom conversations where she would get in my ear about how I had to ensnare him and never let him go. My mom didn’t have much faith in my ability to secure my own future and would tell me to hold on tight to a man who would prevent me from ever wanting for anything again.

The second week of classes saw my course workload doubling. I was struggling, but trying not to freak out. I wanted to prove not only to my family, but also to myself, that I could succeed. I had passed up plans several times with Georgie and Wyatt to hit the books and I was proud of myself for practicing such a high level of self-control.

Wednesdays would likely be the day I did the most studying since I didn’t have any classes. I planned to play catch-up and finish the reading I had due on Thursday and Friday. Unfortunately, Georgie either had cake classes or she had set up a bankroll to pay someone to do all of her homework. Her lack of academic pursuits left her with way too much time to party. I didn’t mind going out, but after two weeks of her consistent
go, go, go
attitude, I was feeling exhausted.

After muting the TV, she turned to face me. “Studying again?” she groaned and pointed to the pile of books spread out on my bed.

I nodded. “Can I get the names of your professors so I can register for their classes next semester? How did you end up with classes that don’t require a ton of homework?”

Georgie shrugged. “I checked out the website 'Rate a Prof' first before registering. Saved me from taking professors who have God complexes.”

“Thanks for the tip. I’ll take a look before picking my classes next semester.”

Georgie opened her mouth to reply, but stopped when a soft knock sounded on our door. She looked to me and I shrugged in response. I wasn’t expecting anyone. If Wyatt had plans to come by, I certainly wouldn’t be caught wearing a frayed gray t-shirt and sweat pants.

Georgie jumped up from her perch and headed to the door. She peeked through the keyhole and from the puzzled look on her features I guessed she didn’t recognize the visitor. She swung open the door, but from my vantage point, I couldn’t make out who was there.

“Hi,” a soft voice said from the hallway. “Is Delia here?”

My body seized up at the sound of the feminine voice. Her lilting cadence was a feature player in some of my worst memories. After only two weeks, my luck had run out. I’d have to see the one person that turned back the clocks and brought me back in time to a place I never wanted to revisit.

“Yeah, she’s here,” Georgie said and gave a short wave. “I’m Georgie, Delia’s roommate.”

Georgie was studying our visitor with a perplexed look on her face. I had no idea what could be running through her head. As I set aside my books and climbed to my feet, I heard the guest reply, “Nice to meet you. My name is Autumn, I’m—"

Before she could continue, I rushed over to the door and blurted out, “Did we have plans? Because I don’t remember inviting you over.”

Autumn came into view and I could see my words took her aback. I’d been the picture of civility in the presence of my brother. However, my brother was miles away and I was fairly certain the distance would mean the demise of his relationship with Autumn. The longer he was away, the more the odds increased of the couple breaking apart.

“I talked to Blake and he said you were in your room studying. I was taking a walk to the bookstore and I thought I’d pop over to say hi,” Autumn said carefully, and I could hear her cautious tone.

I didn’t reply at first. Instead, I took a minute to check what version of Autumn I was getting today. I’d seen many: slutty Autumn, sanctimonious Autumn and clingy Autumn. She was dressed casually in shorts and a tank top. Her dark blonde hair was pulled back in a severe ponytail and the only makeup she seemed to wear was pink lip-gloss. Autumn was pretty, but not extraordinarily beautiful. The way men responded to her, I always wondered if she had beer-scented skin. Her brown eyes looked me cautiously.

Georgie was still standing by the door and looked back and forth between Autumn and me. I could see her trying to figure out our link. Finally, she turned to Autumn. “Do you mean Blake Preston?” Georgie’s mouth hung open as she continued to gape at Autumn. “I heard his girlfriend still went to Cook. You’re Autumn Dorey, right?”

Damn, my brother’s stupid campus celebrity
, I thought. He had graduated a year prior, but he was still worshipped at the school. Stories about him circulated regularly and by default, Autumn had gained a certain recognition at Cook. Not many college girls could claim to have a boyfriend playing in the NFL.

“Yes.” Autumn smiled. “Nice to meet you.”

“How did the two of you meet?” Georgie asked pointing at Autumn before gesturing in my direction. Georgie seemed shocked I knew someone with the clout Autumn obviously had. Her stunned expression told me she was offended I hadn’t mentioned Autumn. Georgie had no idea Autumn was the one person I wished never came into my life.

Autumn’s delicate features pulled together in confusion. “I’m engaged to her brother.”

My shoulders slumped at Autumn’s words. I wondered if her naïveté was authentic. Didn’t she pick up on the fact Georgie had no clue who she was? Couldn’t she understand my need to have my own life away from the heavy burden of being Blake Preston’s sister?

“Your brother?” Georgie managed to sputter out. “Blake Preston is your
brother
?”

My smile was strained. “Yup.” I added, “Surprise.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked in a hurt tone. At least, she didn’t seem angry. She only seemed confused about why I kept my brother a secret.

“Can we talk about it later?” I asked, imploring her to understand with my eyes. “Do you mind if I have a minute alone with Autumn?”

Georgie blinked several times in succession. Finally, she answered, “Sure. I was planning to do a snack run anyway.” She turned to Autumn. “Nice to meet you. Congrats on your engagement too.”

Georgie eyed the rock on Autumn’s finger I was mentally trying to block out. The ring spoke of a permanency in Blake’s life which I refused to accept. Wasn’t it enough he slept with her? Did he really need to propose to her? He was only twenty-three. For chrissakes, how could he be so certain Autumn was the
one
?

Was I supportive when Blake called to tell me he asked Autumn to marry him?
Of course I was
. I had shut my brother out for months after I found out about his relationship with Autumn. And not having Blake in my life sucked. The pathetic truth was my brother had always been my best friend. Who else could understand the hell we had been through since our father’s arrest? My fear was if I told Blake I didn’t want him to marry Autumn, I would lose him forever.

Autumn said goodbye to Georgie, but kept her eyes on me. Autumn emoted in a loud way that was impossible to ignore. We both stayed silent as Georgie gathered up her purse and prepared to leave. I figured I’d have to come up with a cover story later to explain the tension between my brother’s fiancée and me. Although the truth was out about who my brother was, I wouldn’t reveal the twisted relationships that led me to stare at Autumn with a blend of revulsion and mistrust.

Georgie left and I watched her walk down the hallway with dread. I had witnessed Georgie’s gossiping sessions with Fallon—my identity would be common knowledge in less than ten minutes. I’d have to send an emergency text to Georgie and beg her to keep quiet until I had a chance to talk with Wyatt. Autumn didn’t seem fazed by the aggravated look I was shooting at her. “Can I come in?” she asked.

“Fine,” I huffed and stepped aside. I shut the door firmly behind her. Autumn lingered in the doorway. I didn’t bother to invite her to sit down. I didn’t want her thinking she could show up at my room anytime she pleased.

Scooting around her, I resumed my seat back on the bed. The awkwardness between us wasn’t anything new. But I was surprised Autumn would seek me out. My assumption was she’d been relieved as well that two weeks passed without us running into each other.

“I thought I’d check in and see how everything is going.” Autumn’s tone was bright and I could hear the way she was trying to make the best out of an impossible situation. I didn’t plan to make things easy on her.

“How nice of you,” I said in a bored tone.

Autumn shifted from side to side. “Everything good with your roommate? Do you like your classes?”

I sighed. “Did Blake tell you to come and check up on me? Because I talk to my brother all the time and I’ve already told him how great I’m doing. I love college and things were going really well until you showed up.”

Her shoulders pulled back. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Come on, Autumn,” I said with bite. “Can’t you guess why I kept you and Blake a secret?”

Seeing Autumn again reopened old scars that bled out in the space between us. She leaned back against Georgie’s desk and folded her hands in front of her body. “Delia, I’m really trying here and I wish you’d give me a shot. You mean the world to your brother and since he means the world to me….”

I barked out a derisive laugh. “Is that why you’re here? To win brownie points with my brother? Are your delusions about having a normal relationship with each other finally falling apart?”

Autumn’s eyes narrowed. “Look, I understand accepting me as part of Blake’s life isn’t easy for you. But I’m committed to Blake and we will be married one day. Since you’re my future sister-in-law, I thought we could try and be friends.”

“But how committed is Blake to you?” I asked with fake innocence. “He’s in California this week, isn’t he? Attending these amazing parties with gorgeous models and movie stars.” My smile was sly. “My brother does have a known weakness for blondes.”

Autumn’s face turned crimson and I felt a twinge of guilt. My brother would wring my neck if he knew I was suggesting to his fiancée he was cheating on her. Blake was a good guy and I shouldn’t have questioned his character as a way to be passive aggressive to his other half. But maybe Autumn and Blake needed a bit of a reality check. Did they really expect a clear path to their happily ever after? Did they forget what a betrayal it had been to my family for Blake to fall in love with Autumn?

“You win,” Autumn said wearily. “I thought we were coming to an understanding and we were on good terms for your brother’s sake. Obviously, I made a mistake.”

“Do I think you love my brother?” I asked rhetorically. “Of course I do. But that doesn’t change who you were before you met him. Your feelings for Blake also doesn’t erase the relationship you had with my father—”

Autumn’s fury was instantaneous. I’d been trying to push her buttons, but I hadn’t expected such a strong reaction. Autumn’s cheeks flushed and her eyes glinted with an instant fire as she glared at me as if I were the most loathsome person on the planet. Autumn’s entire body shook with rage. She snarled, “I will not talk to you about your father. Not now and
not ever
.”

I gulped down my reply. Her reaction terrified me and forced me into silent submission. I didn’t want to think too hard about what could’ve happened to cause her to react so violently to the mention of his name.

“I’m leaving,” Autumn announced. “Nothing I say or do is going to change your mind about me. I get that you want to believe in your father, but I’m not going to sit here while you continue to insult me.”

“Are you going to tell Blake?” I asked softly. I was showing her my vulnerability and I hated I couldn’t simply tell her good riddance. But Blake was protective of Autumn and he’d be hurt to know I treated her harshly.