Point of No Return (10 page)

Afterward, we lay in companionable silence on Kade’s bed, me on my back and Kade between my legs, his cheek resting on my stomach. My pulse was slowly returning to normal as my fingers threaded leisurely through Kade’s hair, the strands soft as corn silk.

He turned his head and placed a gentle kiss low on my abdomen, right under my navel, and my heart turned over in my chest.

“I was so afraid you’d be angry,” I said softly.

Kade looked up at me, laying an arm across my stomach and resting his chin on it.

“Why would I be angry?” he asked, frowning.

I shrugged. “Bad timing, I guess. And I just
. . .
didn’t know how you’d feel about it.”

Kade looked at me for a moment, his blue eyes seeing too much, then he crawled up my body until he hovered over me.

“I love you,” he said. “How could I possibly be mad about the best thing that’s ever happened to me?”

I reached up and curled my arms around his neck, pulling him down to me. My vision was blurred with tears.

“Don’t cry,” he whispered in my ear, his lips brushing away the wet tracks down the side of my face.

“I’m not crying because I’m sad,” I whispered back. “I’m crying because I’m happy.” I smiled through my tears.

“Oh. Well, I guess that’s all right then,” he said, his cocky grin returning. He flopped onto the bed beside me, swiping the wet trails from my face. “So, I have a business thing I have to do in Boston. Want to come with?”

My heart leapt. He was taking me with him. “Absolutely,” I said, my smile so wide it almost hurt, then I remembered something and my smile faded.

“What?” Kade asked, frowning.

I hesitated. “Are you—” I began, then cut myself off. I wasn’t sure how to ask what was inside my head.

“Am I what?” Kade repeated.

“Are you going to keep doing the same job?” I blurted, my face heating. I didn’t want that, didn’t want Kade to continue taking contracts as an assassin. I’d always felt that a little of his soul died every time he killed someone. He was better than that, deserved better than that. And I didn’t want to think about how dangerous his job was or how many close calls he’d no doubt had over the years.

“I told you in Vegas that I was starting something new,” he said, reaching out to play with a strand of my hair. He idly twisted the long curl around his finger.

“I know,” I said, “but after what happened, I wasn’t sure if—”

“Shhh.” He placed a finger against my lips. “I’ll make it work. I’ll keep you and the baby safe. I won’t let anything happen to you. I’m through doing what I used to do. I promise.”

Kade did not make promises. Ever. The fact that he’d just done so momentarily robbed me of speech.

“You’d do that for me?” I asked.

Kade leaned over, resting his body half atop mine, and kissed me. When he pulled back, his blue eyes stared into mine. “I’d do anything for you.”

Tears flooded my eyes again and I wrapped my arms around him, holding him as tight as I could. Finally, we parted.

“Before we go,” I said, “we have to tell Blane.”

A heavy silence fell between us at the mention of his name. Kade turned onto his back, his gaze on the ceiling.

“I’ll do it,” he offered.

“No. I should be the one to tell him.” He turned to look at me. “He deserves that much,” I said. Though I quaked inside at just the thought of that conversation.

Kade wasn’t smiling, and his brows were drawn together in a frown. The deep blue of his gaze held mine for a long moment.

“All right,” he said finally. “Tell him tonight. We leave tomorrow.”

I swallowed. “Okay.”

I tried to remember the conviction I’d felt earlier that I should be the one to do this as I stood outside Blane’s house in the deepening twilight shadows. I’d driven around the block at least half a dozen times before I finally mustered up the courage to actually park, then had taken another ten minutes before I’d convinced myself to get out of the car.

Now I stood staring at the forbidding front door, trying to persuade myself to knock. It was nearly dark and if I kept standing there, the mosquitoes were going to eat me alive.

I raised my hand just as the door suddenly swung open. I jumped back, startled, then saw it was Mona.

“Kathleen!” she exclaimed in surprise. “I wasn’t expecting you there.” She smiled and reached out to hug me. “So good to see you.”

I hugged her back. “Good to see you, too,” I replied.

We parted and I cleared my throat, glancing nervously over her shoulder into the darkened hallway.

“Um, is Blane home?” I asked, the coward in me fervently wishing he wasn’t.

“He is,” she confirmed, dashing my hopes. “I believe he’s in the library. Shall I announce you?”

I shook my head. “That’s okay. May I come in?”

“Of course.” She stepped back to let me in, then passed me as she moved out the door. “Just heading home for the evening. Good night!”

“Night, Mona,” I said.

She closed the door behind her, leaving me standing in the empty hallway.

Memories assailed me and I wondered, not for the first time, if I was doing the right thing. There was so much history between Blane and me, my feelings for him so confused, that I nearly turned around and walked out.

But I couldn’t do that. He needed to know, and didn’t deserve hearing it from someone other than me.

The door to the library was closed. I raised my hand and knocked.

“Come in,” I heard after a moment.

Tentatively, I turned the knob and pushed open the door.

“Leaving for the night, Mona?” Blane asked, his voice flat. His back was to me. He sat at the piano, smoke from the cigarette in his hand curling as it drifted upward. Only one lamp was lit in the far corner, leaving much of the room in shadows.

I couldn’t speak. The loneliness of the scene broke my heart.

When I didn’t answer, Blane half turned, and spotted me. He froze for a moment, then deliberately stubbed out his cigarette and stood.

The sleeves of his shirt were unbuttoned, the cuffs turned back. His hair was mussed slightly, and he quickly ran his fingers through it to arrange it properly as he walked toward me.

“Kat,” he said when he was close, “I wasn’t expecting you.”

I forced myself to speak. “I’m sorry to intrude, to be here uninvited,” I began, the stilted formality between us making my voice shake.

“It’s all right,” he interrupted. “Come in. Sit down. Let me get you a drink.”

“No, that’s—”

But he was already moving to the sideboard, pouring two glasses of scotch. Returning, he handed me one and I laid down my keys to take it from him.

“Sit down,” he encouraged, but I remained standing.

“Blane—” I began, but he interrupted again.

“I apologize about yesterday,” he said gruffly. “I was worried, and I had a shitty way of showing it.”

“It’s okay,” I said, guilt rising like nausea. His eyes were a brilliant green as he watched me, seeming to drink in my presence.

Although I wanted nothing more than to swallow the liquid courage in my hand, I carefully set aside the glass he’d given me. “Blane, I came tonight to tell you something,” I said.

He didn’t answer. He just looked at me.

“Kade and me—” My voice faltered and I had to force the words out, cringing inwardly as I did so. “Blane, I’m pregnant.”

Blane’s whole body went still as stone. I waited, expecting
. . .
I don’t know what. But he did nothing for several moments.

“Please,” I said in a broken whisper when I couldn’t stand the silence any longer, “say something.”

My words seemed to jar him and he lifted his glass to his lips, taking a long swallow of the amber fluid.

“Congratulations,” he rasped.

I waited, but he said nothing more. “That’s it?” I asked. “That’s all you’re going to say?”

“What more do you want from me?” he yelled, making me jump.

I stared at him, wide-eyed, but he didn’t yell again. Instead, his jaw clenched tightly before he turned away and headed to the sideboard to refill his glass. His voice was toneless when he said, “I’m sure you can see yourself out.”

My throat closed off as I choked back a sob, his coldness cutting me so deep it felt like ice had buried itself in my stomach. Turning, I rushed from the room, flinging myself out of the house and half running toward my car.

I leaned against the metal, still lukewarm from the day’s heat, and cried. I hadn’t known what I’d expected. There was no path back to what Blane and I had once been.

After several minutes, I regained control of myself and got in the car. Only then did I realize I’d left my keys inside the house.

“Dammit!” I exploded, slamming a hand against the steering wheel. I roughly brushed my hands across my cheeks and cursed six ways from Sunday over what I knew I had to do.

Getting out of the car, I walked back inside, only to stumble to a halt inside the doorway.

Crashes. The sound of breaking glass.

My feet moved until I was standing in the open door to the library, aghast and staring in dismay at what Blane had wrought.

The room was demolished. Everything breakable was smashed, glass and shards of wood littering the floor. Books from the shelves were strewn everywhere. The flat-screen television had been ripped from its alcove on the wall and thrown onto the floor. The only thing that remained untouched was the piano, which stood, pristine, in the midst of chaos.

Blane stood in the center of the room, his shoulders heaving from exertion. I watched in silence as he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and removed one. He set it to his lips with hands that shook slightly. I heard the rasp of a lighter, and then he saw me.

He seemed to hesitate for a moment, then finished lighting the cigarette and took a long drag.

“Was there something else?” he said on an exhale. “You wanted revenge? Congratulations. You got it.”

“How could you possibly think that?” I asked, sudden anger rising in me. “
You
ended us first, Blane,
not
me. Was I supposed to come running back to you every time you broke my trust? Did you think there wouldn’t be consequences? Or did you just think you could control those, too?”

Our eyes held and Blane was the one to finally glance away, taking another drag of the cigarette.

I sighed and rubbed a hand across my forehead. A headache was coming on. “I’m sorry, Blane,” I said. “I’m sorry this happened. I never meant to fall in love with Kade, never meant to hurt you in this way. I know you may not believe it, but it’s killing me, seeing you like this. I just—” I broke off and had to swallow, then took a deep breath. “Please forgive me.”

Blane stubbed out his cigarette and sighed. He pushed one hand through his hair while the other rested on his hip.

“It’s just so sudden, Kat,” he said, his voice edged in bitterness. “A few months ago, I thought maybe it would be us starting a family, and I wanted that so goddamn much. Then everything went to shit. I thought I might get you back, that I still had a chance, and now that’s shot to hell, too.” He paused. “I can’t forgive you. Not yet.”

I nodded, unable to speak. Moving forward and avoiding his eyes, I snagged my keys off the table.

“Kade and I are leaving town tomorrow,” I said. “Heading to Boston, I think. Kade has business there.”

Blane didn’t say anything, just nodded and turned away. Hesitantly, I moved toward him, my steps muffled by the carpet. When I was close enough, I slid my arms around his waist and rested my cheek against his back, squeezing him in a hug. His body was stiff, unyielding, and he gave no sign at all that he even noticed me.

Stepping away from him, I left without another word.

C
HAPTER
S
IX

I
t was hard to concentrate on packing. Kade had said we’d be gone for a while, so obviously I needed to take a decent amount of clothes, but all I could see in my head was the way Blane had looked at me when I’d told him I was having Kade’s baby.

I prayed that Kade’s and my departure would help, that being out of sight would make it easier on Blane. But I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t going to miss him.

I was nearly finished when I heard the knock. I dropped the shirt I’d been folding, hurrying to the front door. Hopefully, it was Kade. I’d tried calling him after I’d left Blane’s, but he hadn’t answered and it had been hours since then.

Hastily pulling open the door, my welcoming smile froze when I saw who it was.

Blane.

The expression on his face was stark, his lips set in a grim line. Remembering how he’d demolished the room earlier, I took an instinctive step back, my pulse jumping with nerves, but he made no move toward me.

“I need to talk to you,” he said.

I swallowed. Was he still angry? Kade was supposed to come by and pick me up along with my luggage. It would be bad if he showed up while Blane was still here. I couldn’t handle a confrontation between them.

“Um, I’m kinda in the middle of packing,” I hedged. “Can it wait? I can call you tomorrow.”

At my words, a hint of pity flashed across Blane’s face.

“No, Kat,” he said softly. “It can’t wait.”

Something about the way he said that made the blood drain from my face and I started to shake.

“What happened?” I asked. “Is it Kade? Is he okay?” Panic clawed at me.

Blane hurriedly stepped inside, taking my hand as he shut the door behind him. He led me to the couch and I gratefully sank down onto the cushions when he tugged on me, my knees suddenly weak.

“He’s okay,” Blane said. “Kade’s not hurt.”

His reassurance made the breath leave my lungs in a rush and I slumped over, relieved. I didn’t know what I would’ve done if something had happened to him.

“Kat—” Blane began, then stopped. I glanced up at him. He paused, the look on his face twisting into one of regret. My stomach dropped.

Suddenly, I didn’t want to know, didn’t want to hear whatever it was that Blane couldn’t even bring himself to say. I jumped to my feet.

“I really need to finish packing. Kade’s going to be here any minute and you know how he hates to wait
. . .
” I babbled, turning and walking back toward the bedroom.

“Kat—”

Blane was following me, but I kept going, not stopping until I was back in front of my suitcase. I grabbed the shirt I’d dropped, my hands trembling as I tried to fold it.

“Do you think Mona would keep Tigger for a while? I don’t know how long we’ll be gone. He didn’t say. But Tigger likes it over there and Mona loves him, so I can’t imagine that she’d mind—”

“Kat!”

I jumped, my mouth snapping shut.

Blane stepped up to me, removing the shirt from my fingers and then taking my hands in his.

“He’s not coming,” Blane said much more gently. “Kade. He left.”

My heart seemed to stutter and my hands turned to ice.

“Wh-what do you mean?” I asked. “Of course he’s coming. He said—”

“He’s not coming,” Blane repeated.

I jerked my hands out of his grip. “Stop saying that! You’re wrong!” I hurried to my bureau, yanking open a drawer and pulling out a handful of shorts. “He’ll be here. Any minute now. He said he’d come.” I avoided looking at Blane as I piled the shorts in the open suitcase sitting on my bed.

Kade wouldn’t leave me. He just
. . .
wouldn’t.

“He came by the house,” Blane said. “He said
. . .
he said he was leaving. Alone. And he’s not coming back.”

I let out an involuntary gasp from the pain that lanced through me at Blane’s words. The clothes in my hands dropped to the floor. I turned on Blane.

“Why would you say that!” I screamed at him. “Why are you telling me such
. . .
such lies!” I spun away, but Blane snagged me around the waist and pulled me into him.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice breaking. “Listen to me. He’s gone, and I’m so, so sorry.”

I fought him, pushing and struggling to get away, agony building in my chest while tears poured down my cheeks. Finally, I ran out of fight, of denying what I knew was the truth, and I sagged limply against Blane, my body shaking with sobs I couldn’t control.

Blane’s shirt grew damp, my tears leaking through the starched white cotton, but he kept holding me. His strength was the only thing that kept me on my feet, his arms holding me tight, a hand cradling the back of my head while I cried.

My breath hiccupped in my chest when I finally stopped crying. I felt exhausted, my emotions numb. Kade had left me, didn’t want me. Why? What had I done wrong? He’d seemed so happy when I told him I was pregnant. Had he been lying to me? Or just had second thoughts once I’d left?

I looked up at Blane, needing some kind of answer. “Why?” I managed to ask, my voice a hoarse rasp from crying. “What did I do?”

“Kat, listen to me,” Blane said, his palms cradling my cheeks. “It’s got nothing to do with you. You didn’t do anything. It’s Kade. And I can’t pretend to understand why he does the things he does.”

But Blane was wrong. It had to be me, had to be that I was pregnant. Kade hadn’t really wanted me, or at least not now that I carried his baby. I’d sprung it on him out of nowhere after we’d only slept together a few times. We hadn’t even had an official relationship and I’d tried to tie him to me for life. How could I have expected him to react any differently?

I stepped out of Blane’s arms and he seemed reluctant to let me go. I sank down to sit on the bed, staring straight ahead at nothing. I felt numb.

I was going to have to do this alone. The shock of being pregnant had faded when I’d been with Kade earlier, his open acceptance easing my worry and fears. Now it all came rolling back with a vengeance, and I felt if I even breathed too deep, I’d shatter into a million pieces.

“Kat,” Blane said, crouching down in front of me. He rested his hands on my knees. “Come home with me. Even if it’s just for a few days. I don’t want to leave you here alone.”

Absently, I looked at Blane. The pity in his eyes was almost more than I could bear. I was his ex-girlfriend, pregnant with his brother’s child and abandoned by him. Yet here Blane was, offering me solace and comfort.

But there was no way I could accept. I’d put Blane through enough.

I shook my head. “I’ll be fine on my own.” Somehow.

Disappointment flashed across his face, then was gone. Searching my eyes, he finally gave a nod and stood.

“Did he say where he was going?” I asked, my voice small. “I’m not going to
. . .
bother him, if that’s what you’re thinking. I just
. . .
wondered.”

“He didn’t say,” Blane replied.

Tears sparked my eyes again and I couldn’t speak, so I nodded.

“I’ll come by tomorrow,” he promised.

I forced the next words out. “And you’ll call if you
. . .
hear anything?” The request sounded pathetic, but I couldn’t
help it.

A pause. “Yeah. I will.”

Blane bent and I felt his lips brush the top of my head. My eyes slipped closed, more traitorous tears leaking from my eyes. I heard his steps recede, and a moment later the front door opened and shut behind him.

I sat there, the agonizing ache in my chest squeezing my lungs like a vise. I had no thoughts, no plan for what to do other than taking my next breath. It seemed impossible that my heart could still beat when I was in such pain. How was this not killing me?

Kade was gone. I would probably never see him again. Blane hadn’t even sounded like
he
would see him again, and they were brothers. And worse, Kade didn’t
want
to see me.

There had to be some mistake. Something had happened. Or maybe he thought I wanted to get married and that had spooked him. If I could just talk to him
. . .

I jumped to my feet. I had a key to his apartment. Maybe he wasn’t gone yet.

Grabbing my keys and cell, I hurried to my car, not even stopping to put on shoes. I broke the speed limit on my way to Kade’s apartment, screeching into the parking garage and slamming the car into park. Seconds later, I was jamming my finger repeatedly on the elevator call button.

My hands shook as I unlocked Kade’s door. I pushed it open and stepped inside, flipping on a light switch.

The place looked exactly the same as it had hours earlier, as though Kade had just stepped out. Dishes from breakfast were still in the sink. But I could tell immediately that no one was there. The apartment held an emptiness that I could feel.

Hoping against hope, I ventured farther, back to the bedroom. The bed was unmade, the sheets, blankets, and pillows where we’d left them when Kade and I had climbed from the cottony cocoon earlier. Making my feet move, I went to the closet. Kade’s clothes remained, hung neatly on wooden hangers.

Nothing gave any kind of an impression that Kade had left in a hurry, or permanently. Maybe Blane had been wrong, but then, where was Kade?

Pulling my cell from my pocket, I dialed him.

The number had been disconnected.

My legs wouldn’t hold me anymore and I sank onto the bed. Kade was gone. Really gone. And I knew it, deep down inside, in the place where you just know that the bad thing tearing your life apart is real, and isn’t going away.

Something broke inside me then, though I couldn’t say what it was. After everything, all that had happened, what I’d been through—Kade’s blood on my hands, almost losing him, kidnappings, beatings, too many close brushes with death. All of it had been for nothing.

I was alone and I was having a baby. It terrified me. How was I supposed to raise a child when I didn’t want to face another day?

Sitting with my back to the headboard, I pulled my knees into my chest. I was cold, though it was warm in Kade’s bedroom. I didn’t think, didn’t feel, and didn’t care. I stared at the wall, listening to the deafening silence of the apartment. Kade would come back. He had to. If he didn’t, for the first time in a young life already filled with too many bad things, I didn’t wonder
how
I’d go on—I wondered if I even wanted to.

My phone was buzzing. I opened my eyes, blinking blearily. Sunlight streamed in the room now. The phone lay on the floor a few feet from me. I vaguely remembered dropping it.

I stared at it until it stopped.

Voices.

I opened my eyes. The room was dark. My body ached from being in the same position for so long. I didn’t care. Then it hit me all over again. Kade was gone. A fresh wave of despair washed over me.

The voices grew closer, but I didn’t care enough to listen. The light flipped on and I winced in the sudden glare.

“Kathleen!”

A woman’s voice. Alisha’s, I thought.

“She’s in here!”