Playing the Game (17 page)

I glanced at each title briefly until one
caught my eye. I snatched up the pages and read through the words,
tears falling absently from my eyes. Yes. This was it. This was the
one I would do Wednesday night. This one would be me. I cradled the
music to my chest as I jumped from the bed and stood in front of my
mirror, letting the words flow effortlessly from my mouth. I had to
not only get the words right but the tone and inflection, also. I
could do it. I gazed into the mirror, a little shocked at the steel
glint in my eyes.

“
Forget Jess,” I ordered
my reflection in a hard tone I was not accustomed to hearing. “You
don’t need him. You don’t need your mother. You don’t need
anyone.”

My heart leapt, exhilarated. I was my own
person. I was not a paper doll for my mother to dress up and live
through in vicarious fashion. I was not Jess’s plaything. I was
Aubrey Rose Quinn and it was about time to start acting like
it.

I sprinted to my closet and started throwing
jeans, pants, shirts to the floor. I needed the perfect outfit. I
didn’t need sweet skirts and proper blouses. I needed something
me.

And then I found them, in the back of my
closet. I grinned, heart dancing gleefully. I remembered hiding
them back there so my mother wouldn’t throw them out. My all-time
favorite jeans. They fit me perfectly in the butt; not too tight
nor too loose, and contoured to every line in my legs. They were
ripped in the knees, frayed on the bottom, and faded to a lovely
light blue. I hugged them like an idiot as I carried them to my
dresser. I dug in a drawer until I found a plain, purple t-shirt
that would match my highlights and I shoved the clothes into my
bag. I located a belt and tossed it on my bed before returning to
my closet to hunt for my favorite boots. I didn’t much care that it
was summer and boots probably weren’t appropriate foot gear but I’d
be on stage so I didn’t think it would matter.

Once my clothes and my music choice were
decided, I cleaned up my mess and hopped into bed. I closed my
eyes, Jess still lingering in my mind, and drifted off to
sleep.

***

Wednesday morning, I headed to the studio
for rehearsal. I ignored Gary and Samantha, as usual, and kept my
chin up, listening carefully to Miguel’s instructions. We were to
do another group number and then the remaining contestants would do
their solo performances. The final three would be decided jointly
by audience vote and judges’ approval. They would announce who
would return Thursday night in the last few minutes of the
show.

Astonishingly, I wasn’t a bit nervous. Did I
want to win? I plunged into the deeps depths of my heart for the
answer and found that I really wasn’t sure. But I did have a
back-up plan forming in my mind. It sort of surprised me when it
popped inside my head but it shouldn’t have. It had always been
there, lurking in the dark recesses of my mind for ages, waiting
for the perfect time to spring itself on me. Maybe it decided to
make itself known after my self-finding rant last night and figured
now was the time to poke me and grab my attention.

Yes, I could live my own life. I could do as
Gwen and find my own way. I would have to tread lightly, though. I
really didn’t want to hurt my mother.

I sighed as I sat before my locker. Of
course Jess had to pick that time to float back into my head. I
didn’t have enough time to prepare for the hurt and despair. I
would love him forever, I knew that. I couldn’t do anything to
convince my heart otherwise.

Picking up my cell phone, I frowned that I
only had two voice mails. My frown deepened as I listened to not
Jess’s voice, but Kendra’s. She’d flown back from the MVP game that
morning with Troy and they wanted to come to the show. But I didn’t
really want her there. Selfish, yes, but she was a painful reminder
of Jess. I’d call her later. Maybe tomorrow.

I finished dressing and left the studio
amidst the snickers and hushed whispers of Samantha and Shelby, one
of the remaining contestants. I should have been worried that maybe
she was trying to sabotage my chances but I couldn’t bring myself
to care. I would go out there later tonight and sing my heart out,
doing the best I could no matter if I wanted to win or not. I
wouldn’t let my conflicting emotions ruin that. It was only fair,
after all. The twenty contestants who’d been booted off the show
over the past few weeks would do anything to be in my shoes and I
had to do this for them, too.

***

My mother was livid when I stepped out of
the dressing area after the group number dressed in my torn jeans
and t-shirt. Her face fell in shock but recovered and turned an
interesting shade of purple that nearly matched my hair. I patted
her cheek and kissed it but it didn’t help.

“
Aubrey Rose,” she said in
a hushed tone. Her eyes narrowed angrily as she inhaled a sharp
breath. “I made you the most adorable outfit and you choose to wear
these…rags? What is wrong with you?”

“
Mom,” I said as gently as
I could. I was aware of Samantha’s curious gaze. “I need to do this
tonight, okay? Just relax and let me have my way for
once.”

“
For once?” She was beyond
livid at this point. “You’ve fought me nearly every step of the way
this entire show. You know how important it is to me!”

“
Yes, to you,” I said, a
little sharper than I’d intended. “But have you ever asked me what
I wanted? Did you ever stop to consider that maybe, just maybe, I
wanted something else?”

Her face paled as the blood drained from her
cheeks. I blinked, suddenly frightened that my words may have
affected her health. I took a step toward her but she brushed away
my hand.

“
Just do what you want,
Aubrey. You will anyway.” She swiveled on her heel and marched to
the waiting area.

I took a deep breath, not quite sure if I
should try to talk to her or not, when Miguel grabbed my elbow.

“
You’re on next, Aubrey,”
he said with a nervous smile. I nodded, tight lipped. I’d find my
mother later.

My name was announced and
I sauntered out on the stage to a loud, rowdy greeting. I grinned,
feeling a little more confident in my clothes. The intro to the
song
began and I closed my eyes, allowing
images of Jess in high school and Jess at dinner Monday night flood
my brain as I sang. The lyrics ran true, as though my heart had
written them, and every ounce of hurt and love and disappointment
shimmered in my voice.

I didn’t see the judges. I didn’t see the
audience. I didn’t see the cameras. I pictured Jess standing in
front of me and I sang to him, putting all my effort into every
word so he could hear my pain and know how far it went. I wanted
him to know that I’d believed everything he’d told me in school. I
wanted him to know that not a day had gone by that I hadn’t thought
of him. I wanted him to know that I loved him like I would never
love anyone else. And I wanted him to hurt as much as me.

I bit out each and every note with all the
raw emotion that tormented my heart and when I finished, the
audible pause was deafening. I stood, blinking, coming back to
myself and remembering that I wasn’t standing before Jess but
standing before five judges who were about to decide my fate.

The audience suddenly realized I was
finished. The roar of applause startled me as the noise assaulted
my ears and brought a tiny smile to my face. It took awhile for
them to settle down as the others joined me on stage, waiting as
the panel told us each what they thought. I was last, which was a
definite plus as I needed to get my emotions under control. When I
stepped forward, it was on steady legs with my head held high.

Chelsea, Stephen, and Big D raved over my
performance and I smiled politely. Their opinions no longer
mattered to me. I turned to Marissa who nodded slowly. A wry smile
graced her lips before she spoke.

“
Nice to finally meet you,
Aubrey.”

With a genuine grin, I looked to Richard. He
laced his long fingers under his chin as he considered me.

“
That,” he began slowly,
“was the best performance on this show.”

It took every one of my facial muscles to
keep my jaw from falling. I tried to keep a neutral face as he
continued.

“
I see you, Aubrey, not
some fabricated sweetheart the world fell in love with. The
emotion, the clothes, the song…it’s you. And it’s perfect. That is
what I am looking for.”

“
Thank you,” I whispered.
He nodded, approval glinting in his eyes. I stepped back while the
show cut to commercial so the audience votes could be
tallied.

Ignoring the nervous chatter of the other
contestants, I took the water bottle a stage hand gave me and
nearly drained it. When the commercials finished, we had to stand
there under the hot lights, each of us wondering our fate, as the
host gibbered away about some nonsense. I was certain he was
stalling while the votes were still tallied and to give the
audience a little drama – allowing their anticipation to grow.

Finally, the host stepped forward,
announcing that the three finalists had been decided. He smiled at
us while he delivered his ‘you all did wonderful’ speech with the
huge ‘but’ at the end. He called Shelby’s name first. She smiled
uncertainly, not sure if she was staying or leaving. He draped an
arm over her shoulder and gently crushed her spirits. She kept a
brave face as she exited the stage.

Next was Gary. I turned my head, not in the
least interested in his fate. But he made it and he stepped back in
line, grin wider than the Grand Canyon on his face. It fell when he
caught my eye.

Samantha stepped up next, confidence oozing
from every pore. She was quickly passed on to Thursday and that
left me and Christopher, the last male contestant. I knew my
popularity with the viewing audience had taken a drop after a
couple of weeks of disparaging remarks from Marissa and Richard, so
I did have a bit of nervous flutters in my stomach. They turned
into excited fireworks when the host regretfully dismissed
Christopher and turned to me with a brilliant smile. I’d made it. I
was in the final three.

Samantha and Gary were hugging me with false
congratulations. It was only for the benefit of the camera. As soon
as the lights flickered on, they dropped their arms and rushed off
to the many friends and admirers in the audience.

My mother sprinted to my side, happy tears
coursing down her cheeks, our earlier argument forgotten. I
accepted her congratulatory hugs as my dad, my sister, and Dane
joined us.

“
I am so excited for you,
Aubrey!” a familiar voice called over my shoulder.

Wincing, I turned to find Kendra dancing
happily from foot to foot. Beside her stood an equally smiling Troy
Neal. And beside him…Jess.

Chapter Fourteen

The tremble of anticipation shaking my body
changed quickly to one of anger. I glared at Jess, doing all I
could to hurt him with my eyes. A tiny smirk curled his lips.

“
What are
you
doing here?” My
mother asked the question playing in my head before I could even
form the words.

“
He’s a guest of mine,”
Gwen said quickly. She raised a brow, challenging my mother to
contest.

“
I’m not sure Aubrey Rose
wants him here,” Mom said with a tight jaw.

“
That’s what you think,”
Gwen muttered. Dane squeezed her elbow as I closed my eyes and took
a deep breath.

“
Why don’t we all just go
get some dinner and celebrate?” Dad offered, ever the peace
keeper.

“
That’s a great idea,
Mitchell,” Dane concurred.

I stood amidst them, all eyes boring into
me. Catching Kendra in my peripheral vision, I quickly introduced
her and Troy to my mother. It worked. My mother immediately, but
politely, grilled her on what she did for a living. My father
beamed as he stood between Jess and Troy.

The crew eyed us curiously as several
conversations buzzed around me and I realized we were the last ones
on the stage. My mother had stopped questioning Kendra, moving on
to figure out a proper place to dine. She studiously ignored Jess,
which only amused him. Biting my lip, I shifted from foot to foot,
longing to get away from all of them.

“
I think we should just go
grab a burger or something,” my dad suggested.

My mother stiffened. “You would. Don’t you
think your daughter deserves something nicer than that?”

“
Mother, it was just the
semi-finals. I’m sure Aubrey doesn’t want a whole lot of fuss,”
Gwen said.

“
Just
the semi-finals?” Mom gasped. “I should expect that from
you.”

This could not be happening. But of course
it was. I took a deep breath. “Why you all decide what I’d like and
what I wouldn’t like, I’m going to change. I’ll meet you in the
waiting room.”

I stalked away but not before catching the
laughter shining in Jess’s eyes.

We ended up at a nice restaurant, nothing
too fancy, not far from the studio. Kendra arranged me to sit
between her and Jess and I wanted to scream. He was so close that
his arm brushed mine frequently, sending little bolts of
electricity up my spine. I wasn’t sure if he was wearing cologne or
if it was merely his soap - whatever it was permeated my nose and
sent my brain afloat. I shoved my hands under the table, locking my
fingers together to keep them from creeping over to touch him.

It was torture.

My mother continued to ignore Jess but it
didn’t seem as if he even noticed. He was talking baseball with my
dad and Troy while Dane and Gwen whispered quietly together. I had
tried to get my sister’s attention all night; thinking now would be
the perfect time to announce her pregnancy. It was obvious that
she’d received my silent message but she acted totally ambiguous. I
prayed the food would come quickly so I could get out of there and
hide in my room.