Playing the Game (15 page)

There. I let the thought that had been
rattling inside my head all night out for scrutinizing.

“
You’re just going to have
to be prepared for either,” Gwen said.

I envied her and her mature answers. No
matter what my mother said, Gwen could only ever have a positive
influence over me. No, I didn’t enjoy arguing with my mother and I
still had a huge smattering of guilt hanging over my head. I did,
however, want to be my own person. I had a lot to think about.

“
So what’s going on with
you? How are you feeling?” I asked. It was time to shift the
conversation and get the answers to the questions that had been
haunting me.

“
Better,” she smiled. “The
baby is due this winter.”

“
And have you told Dane
yet?”

With a heavy sigh, she rose to her feet. She
dug a feather duster from beneath the counter, ambled around the
counter, and began dusting a display of ancient trinkets.

“
I will, soon.”

I jumped from my stool and stood in front of
her, arms folded over my chest. “Why haven’t you told him yet? I
don’t understand!”

She set the duster carefully on a shelf.
“It’s complicated.”

“
It can’t be that
complicated. I’m sure Dane will be thrilled.”

She smiled softly and her face suddenly
looked much younger. “He will be. But Aubrey, my life is finally
coming together. I have a great man, the shop is taking off, we
just bought the house. A baby is going to wreak havoc.”

“
He’s going to find out
soon,” I warned.

“
I know. I plan to tell
him this weekend.”

She turned her eyes from me and I was
horrified to see tears in them. I placed my arms around her
shoulders and pulled her into my embrace.

“
Gwen, maybe it seems like
a lot to take in but you’re going to be an excellent
mother.”

She laughed as she rested her cheek on my
shoulder. “What if I turn out like Mom?”

I eased her away to glare at her. “You’ll
never be that way. You see what she’s done to me and you’d never
put your child through that.”

She wiped her eyes and stepped away. “Mom
isn’t that bad. She could have been much worse.”

My jaw fell. Gwen never really bad-mouthed
Mom, per se, but she wasn’t exactly her biggest fan. “Are you
actually defending her?”

Gwen shrugged. “When I think about having a
child of my own, I begin to understand some of Mom’s madness.”

“
So why are you so worried
about having a baby?”

“
I don’t know,” she
admitted. “I’m so confused. One minute I’m thrilled and can’t wait
to tell Dane. But the next minute, I’m terrified and I don’t want
Dane to know.” She bit her lip. “I know he’ll be happy and I know…”
she sobbed and it startled me. Tears began to fall down her cheeks.
“He’s going to want to get married.”

That
was what she was worried about – the man she loved wanting to
marry her? The man who positively adored her wanted to make her his
wife and she was scared?

“
What’s the
problem?”

“
I don’t know if I want to
get married,” she admitted. “I don’t want to turn into Mom and
Dad.”

I laughed and she glared. “You two will
never be them! First of all, Dane isn’t a walking sports
encyclopedia and you won’t hover over your child, determined to
make it the next big celebrity!”

“
I know it’s silly,” she
said, smiling through her tears. “I’m just so confused and all
these hormones aren’t helping any.”

I
wrapped my arms around her again. “You need to talk to
Dane.”

Sniffing, she nodded. “I know. Since when
did you become so mature?”

***

I returned home feeling much better about
Gwen. And the anticipation of becoming an aunt was almost stifling.
I couldn’t wait for her to announce her pregnancy and was bummed
that she didn’t plan on telling our parents for at least a
week.

Kendra called me that night to reassure me
that Troy and Derrick, as well as Jess, weren’t worried about any
implications concerning the Gary incident.

Even though they weren’t worried, I still
was. I kept checking entertainment news websites to see if the
story had leaked to any of them. So far, nothing, but I wasn’t
holding my breath.

I soaked in the tub that night and tossed
the latest events of my soap opera life around in my mind. I was
relieved that Gwen was doing well and had finally decided to come
clean with Dane. I almost wished I could be there to see his face
when she told him.

I slid down into the bubbles, allowing the
warm water to soothe my fears. Jess. What would he say Monday?
Would he tell me things wouldn’t work or would he say that we would
find a way?

I dipped my head underwater and held my
breath, hoping to send all thoughts of Jess into oblivion. When my
lungs screamed for air, I surfaced and pushed my wet hair off my
face. Of course, Jess could say absolutely nothing about
our…relationship. I almost wished he’d say it was a no go rather
than spend another day wondering where we were.

If I pressured him, would that send him
scurrying for the hills? I didn’t want to chase him away, but would
I be able to handle having him in my life if we were just friends?
Or the casual whatever we were now? Could I live with him the way
we were now or would I be able to live without him again?

One thing was for sure, I thought as I
drained the water and dried my body, this weekend was certainly
going to be long.

***

My mother suddenly forgave me for all my
recent wrongdoings and spent the weekend suggesting music and
outfits. Eager for peace, I allowed her to prattle about, though I
had a couple of ideas for what I wanted to sing. And I had already
secretly picked out my clothes. I was going to do as Richard and
Marisa had suggested and just be myself. My mother wouldn’t be
happy, I was sure, but it was my only hope if I wanted to win.

I sat on my bed as my last thoughts seeped
into my brain. Did I really want to win? I hadn’t really thought
about it before. I had just been going through the motions. But now
that the end was so close, was this really what I wanted? Did I
want a recording contract? Did I want to make CDs and tour the
country?

I flopped back on my pillow and stared at
the ceiling. I didn’t know what else I liked to do. I’d never tried
anything. Music had been my life since third grade. I knew I liked
to write music but did I like to write poetry? Love stories? Did I
like to paint? Do pottery? I liked animals - I discovered that from
the few times I’d visited Kendra’s house. Would I enjoy doing the
work she did?

I groaned as I pulled my body into a sitting
position. My head spun with all the questions for which I had no
answers. Slipping off my bed, I walked over to the mirror and
looked at my reflection. I loved my new hair but was there more to
me than just that?

I took a deep breath and watched as the
reflection in the mirror released it. I didn’t have a clue who I
really was.

Chapter Twelve

I was a wreck, plain and simple, all day
Monday. The only consolation I had was that my mother would not be
home that night. She had plans with a bunch of women who had
children or spouses in the entertainment business. She’d met them
at different auditions and management offices over the years and
had formed a weird sort of friendship circle. They weren’t
technically a group or a club but they tried to meet once a week to
moan and complain about the industry and their loved ones who were
trying to make it big.

I dressed in a casual skirt and blouse. Jess
hadn’t said where we were going but he was never one for fancy
stuff and besides, if he showed up at my house in a suit and tie, I
had a backup outfit I could change into in no time.

“
Big date tonight?” my dad
asked when I came down the stairs and peered unnecessarily out the
window. He was watching the sports channel and I hadn’t thought
that he’d notice me.

“
Sort of,” I mumbled as I
escaped to the kitchen. I grabbed a diet soda from the fridge and
stood against the counter while I took anxious sips from
it.

When the doorbell rang, I darted through the
living room before my dad could heave his body out of his chair. I
yanked open the door and found Jess, dressed in khakis and a blue
button down shirt, leaning in the frame. My breath left my chest in
a rush and I thought for sure I’d faint. His smile turned my heart
to mush.

“
Um, come in, Jess,” I
mumbled. “I’m sure my dad would like to see you.”

He followed me through the foyer and to the
living room. My dad was standing by his recliner, goofy, not to
mention embarrassing, grin on his face. He stepped forward to shake
Jess’s hand.

“
How are you, Jess? It’s
been awhile.”

“
Hanging in there,
Mitchell,” Jess responded as though it’d only been a couple weeks
instead of a couple of years since the two had talked. “How’s
business?”

“
Booming,” my dad said.
“It’s a shame about your shoulder. You were a shoo-in for the MVP
game.”

Jess shrugged, tight smirk on his face.
“There’s always next year.”

“
Are you ready to go?” I
asked, desperate to leave before they began breaking down the game
of baseball play by play.

“
Sure, Aubrey,” Jess said,
smirk relaxing into a lazy smile. “Nice to see you again, Mitchell.
I won’t keep her out late.”

“
Okay, Jess. Good luck
with the rest of the season.”

Grabbing Jess’s arm, I hauled him out the
door. He chuckled.

“
What’s the hurry? I
actually like your dad.”

“
I know but I’d rather if
you two didn’t sit and discuss baseball all night,” I pouted. He
opened the passenger door for me, unfamiliar look in his eyes. I
slipped in and waited for him to join me. “Where are we
going?”

“
Wherever your little
heart desires, sweetheart.”

“
I don’t care, really,” I
muttered. Some place private, I thought, so you can either break my
heart or make me the happiest person alive.

“
How about Moe’s?” he
suggested as he whipped his huge truck out of the drive and onto
the road. “You used to like that place.”

My heart quivered. Was he trying to relive
our happier days? Was this a sign?

“
It’s fine.”

Reaching over, he found my hand. He laced
his fingers with mine and gave them a squeeze. “Relax, Aubrey.
Geez, it’s just me and we just going to grab some food.”

I nodded, biting the inside of my cheek. My
nerves were frayed and I didn’t want to blurt out something I’d
regret later. I just held his hand and watched the scenery fly past
my window.

He parked the truck and even helped me out.
I was very impressed with his manners, even though it stirred more
conflicting emotions inside my heart. Was he being nice because he
wanted to let me down easy or because he wanted us to be
together?

Oh, just stop trying to
analyze every little move or word,
that
little voice in my head screamed.
Just try
to enjoy yourself for once
.

He carefully draped an arm over my shoulders
as he escorted me inside the quiet pub. A smiling waitress seated
us immediately. We studied the menus and ordered, waiting for our
server to hurry away before jumping into any sort of
conversation.

“
Are you excited about the
show this week?” he asked as he sucked on his straw. His eyes
weren’t on me at all but taking in the other diners.

The pub wasn’t very busy even though it was
a Monday night and that suited me just fine. But there was a table
full of college-aged boys not too far away and I feared they’d
recognize Jess and accost him.

“
I guess,” I said with a
shrug. “At least it will be over.”

His brows dipped as he turned his attention
solely on me. “You haven’t enjoyed the experience?”

I opened my mouth to speak but shut it
quickly. Had I enjoyed it? Some aspects, sure. But the stress of
facing Richard and Marissa, not to mention their disparaging
remarks, were tearing me apart.

“
I guess I have but I
don’t think I’d ever do it again.”

His eyes darkened as he smiled and took my
hand. “You won’t have to after you win this thing.”

His confidence lifted my heart and I ducked
my head so he wouldn’t see my blush. “We’ll see.”

“
Aubrey, you need to a
little more confidence in yourself. You’re talented and you’ve
lasted this long. You can win it if you’d only put your heart and
soul into your music. I know you’re amazing; it’s about time to
show the others.” His eyes were fierce and soft all at once. I
couldn’t look away. “Show them what the American Sweetheart is made
of.”

I laughed, releasing all tension from my
body. “I will.”

“
Have you heard anything
else about the Samantha blog incident?” He leaned back in his
chair, releasing my hand.

“
Not at all. I’ve been
watching the entertainment websites and stuff but I haven’t heard
anymore about it. I don’t know how Miguel managed to keep this
whole incident quiet,” I mused.

“
Sorry to burst your
bubble, sweetheart,” he smirked, eyes shining devilishly, “but it
wasn’t
that
big
of a deal. So what if you got drunk at a party – you’re of
age.”