Playboy Pilot (26 page)

The extra effort paid off when I walked out of the bedroom.

“Jesus Christ.”

I circled. “You like?”

“You look like every wet dream I had growing up.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or creepy.”

“It’s a compliment. Any boy or man would love to jerk off to you.” He winked, and I laughed.

Outside, Carter opened the door to his SUV and helped me inside. Before shutting the door, I said to him, “You know, I think you get away with saying anything you want just because you’re so good looking.”

“Is that so?”

“It is. I think you make people delusional with your looks and charm, and we start to think that things like ‘any boy or man would love to jerk off to you’ is normal.”

“It is normal. It’s only natural. Any man who doesn’t think of what you look like tonight as future whack off material is full of shit. I just tell it to you straight.”

I laughed. “Again. That sounded charming, but I’m pretty sure if someone else said it…totally creepy.”

Carter drove through the development slowly, although it’s not like he had much of a choice. There were a hell of a lot of speed bumps in his retirement community. As we made our way toward the front gate, we passed at least a half dozen couples power walking in tracksuits. They all waved, and Carter called a greeting out the window to each by name. I still couldn’t get over how entrenched he was in this retirement village.

The exit of the development was next to the clubhouse where Bingo had been held, and the parking lot was packed again. “What’s going on tonight?”

“Singles square dancing night.”

“Are you kidding me?”

Carter smiled and shook his head. “Nope. A lot of widows and widowers in the area so they try to mix things up a bit in activities.”

“That’s awesome.”

We pulled up at the gate, and Carter dug his keycard out of his pocket to scan so that we could exit. While we were waiting, a small car pulled into the last handicapped spot in front of the clubhouse. “Isn’t that your old car?”

Sure enough, George, the old timer Carter had traded cars with, was getting out of a little red Porsche. We both watched him walk around the car and open the passenger door. Extending a hand, he helped a lady out of the car. “What the…” Carter trailed off.

“Is that…is that what I think it is?”

Carter looked stunned, his mouth was literally hanging open. “I think it fucking is.”

The two of us watched, completely speechless, as George got out of Carter’s car and walked his date into square dancing…dressed in a full pilot’s uniform.
Carter’s pilot uniform.

I WISHED FOR A STORM
as I watched the news on the small TV in the kitchen. A hurricane, tropical storm, tornado, cyclone, whatever the hell would cancel my flight tonight. Since the day they pinned my wings, I never wanted to be grounded. Not once. Yet this morning, I hated being a damn pilot. The thought of leaving her for the start of a seven-day trip was making me feel physically sick. Knowing what was looming, an ache in my chest had been building since yesterday.

I was pretty sure Kendall felt the same way. We’d decided to stay in today, rather than go out again. For five days, we’d both danced around the elephant in the room without any direct conversation about what she was going to do. We needed to have
the talk
. Yet I was scared shitless of what the end game might be.

Inside my heart, I knew I was in love with her. I think my mind even had begun to accept it. What I feared had nothing to do with what might happen to me if I admitted it. My fear was what my love could do
to her
. What if I told her I loved her, but then I realized it was something other than love a year down the road? Or I fell out of love?

Lucy.

I couldn’t fuck up Kendall’s life unless I was sure. More than sure. I’d done enough damage throwing false promises around.

And what if I told her, and it influenced her decision?

Money or love? Sounds easy, doesn’t it?

It’s not.

Although the solution that had been on my mind the last twenty-four hours seemed so simple. Why couldn’t she have both? I could give her everything, couldn’t I? My love. A child. Her rightful inheritance.

A child.

Our
child.

Kendall was in the shower. I heard the water turn off and looked at the clock. Twelve hours. I needed to decide. We needed to talk.

Tick-tock.

Tick-tock.

Tick-tock.

Twelve hours was basically the entire day before I had to be at the airport tonight for my flight to Venezuela. I didn’t care what we did today as long as we were together for every last second of it.

When Kendall emerged from the bathroom, I couldn’t help just staring at her with a smile on my face.

She squinted her eyes, “What?”

“Can’t I just look at you?”

She came around and straddled me. “I can’t believe you have to leave tonight.”

Suddenly, it felt like the load of unanswered questions I’d been harboring were starting to choke me.

My tone was abrupt. “What are your plans, Kendall? I need to know.”

She leaned her head on my shoulder and said, “I’m going home to Texas. I need some time away to really think. I owe Hans and Stephen a final answer.”

I pulled back to look her in the eyes. “Those are their names? The dudes in Germany?”

“Yes. I can’t string them along much longer.”

Nodding to myself for a bit, I said, “I think that’s a good idea then. Take some time to think things over. As much as I love being around you, neither one of us can think straight around each other.”

“I need to go online and get a ticket. I’m gonna try to get onto something that leaves out of Miami so we can depart from the same airport around the same time.”

Slapping her ass playfully, I said. “Why don’t you do that, get it over with. I was thinking we’d stay home, but after you’re done, maybe we should hit the beach, get some sun and fresh air, just chill there for the rest of the day until we have to get ready.”

A half-hour later, Kendall and I headed to Deerfield Beach. Even though the water was calm and perfect, we both opted to just lie down on the sand, taking in the sound of the ocean and the crystal clear blue sky.

As relaxing as the beach should have been, we were both still tense. At one point, we were lying on our stomachs, and she wouldn’t let go of my hand. Our faces were turned toward each other. When she finally flipped around, I followed suit and let go of her hand to place mine on her taut stomach. I rubbed my thumb along her perfect navel, and a surge of jealousy and possessiveness overtook me. The answer was becoming clearer to me.

I wanted her to belong to me and only me.

I didn’t want her to carry some other man’s baby. No fucking way.

I wanted her to carry
my
baby.

Not just because of some crazy inheritance shit, but because I
wanted
a baby with her—a future with her.

While having a baby right
now
wasn’t ideal, there was no doubt that I wanted it. So, given the urgent situation, why wait?

Lucy.

That was all I could think of. It was the fear of hurting Kendall, like I’d hurt Lucy. It lingered like a black cloud over me—that fear of letting Kendall down. It was ever present, but damn it, it wasn’t strong enough to overshadow my need for her—my love for her.

This situation was all or nothing.

Now or never.

I wanted time with her for myself, but I also had to respect her deadline. She would lose everything if we didn’t act fast. No matter what happened, it was win-win as far as I was concerned. I made enough to support both of us even if the money were to fall through in the event we had a girl. The thought of a little blonde version of Kendall who called me Daddy made me smile. I wanted to do this. I wanted to father her baby.

Our baby.

My heart started to pound. “I love you, Kendall.” The words came out easy. It was the first time I’d ever said them to anyone but Lucy and my immediate family

She turned to me, looking stunned as she lifted her hand to her forehead to shield her eyes from the bright sunlight.

I continued, “Before you say anything back, I have a lot more I need to say.”

“Okay,” she whispered.

“This is crazy, right? Falling in love so fast? But I’m convinced that’s how it happens when it’s the real thing. You just know when it feels right. Kendall, you make me so incredibly happy. And while ideally, I’d want you all to myself for a while, I understand that loving someone also means taking their needs into consideration.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I don’t want to share you with anyone. That goes for your body, too. I don’t want you carrying another man’s baby. I want to be the one. I want to get you pregnant. But more than that, I want to be a
father
to that baby, to love it, because it would be a part of you and me. I want it
all
with you. I don’t care if we’ve known each other ten minutes or ten years. When you know, you know.” Cupping her face in my hand, I said, “I know where my head and my heart are. They’re on the same page, but I guess you have to figure out whether
you
want the same things I do.”

She leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my lips. “I love you, too, Carter. I really do. I have no doubts about that, but I really wasn’t expecting you to offer what you just did. Having a baby is one thing, but
raising
it is another. I guess you’ve just given me another thing to think long and hard about.”

An intense relief coursed through my veins, relief that she didn’t tell me I was crazy, relief that she seemed to be considering my offer.

“You don’t think I’m nuts for wanting to knock you up?”

“Isn’t this whole situation nuts to begin with…in a good way? Anyway, if I didn’t know you so well, maybe it would seem a
little
nuts. But you’re my loveable, crazy captain, and nothing about our entire experience together has been conventional. Not one single thing.”

“Believe me, I’m scared. I never want to let you down like I let Lucy down. But I think for the first time in my life, something has mattered enough for me to take a chance. I’m way more terrified of losing you than I ever could be of trying and failing. And I can assure you that if we had a child together and somehow ended up apart, I would never turn my back on my kid. There is nothing more important than a child or their best interests. That baby—our baby—will be my priority. If that means finding another career because you can’t handle me being away, then so be it.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to do that, Carter.”

“Well, I guess I just want to drive the point home, that I take this very seriously.”

“Understood.” She looked up the sky. “Would you mind if we left the beach? I’d really just like to spend the last couple of hours back at your place.”

I lifted myself off of our blanket and offered my hand to help her up. “Let’s get out of here.”