Playboy Pilot (22 page)

“Okay. I can understand that.”

“And while I’m being honest with you, I’m gonna say something else, because things might get a little crazy tonight, and I might not have a chance.”

“Alright…”

“We only have a few days here. I know you have to spend some of that time deciding what to do. I feel at the very least, we’ve become close friends. So, as your friend, I need to let you know that I think you’d be making a huge mistake going ahead with the artificial insemination in Germany.”

“Okay, tell me why.”

“It’s a fuck of a lot of money at stake. I get that. But money isn’t everything, Kendall. Some day, when the panic of this deadline has passed, you’ll look back and regret giving up your beautiful baby. And believe me, that baby
will
be precious if it’s coming out of you. You can’t play around with human life. Not to mention, money can’t truly make you happy, either. I think your childhood is proof of that. It may not be millions, but that’s my two-cents. Pun intended.”

I just stared into his eyes, absorbing his words before asking, “What makes you happy?”

“You,” he said without hesitation. “You’re the only thing that’s made me happy in a really long time. And I don’t want to even imagine losing this feeling.”

“Thank you. I feel the same, and your opinion on everything is noted. Believe me, I heard it loud and clear.”

Carter let out a deep breath and looked down at his phone. “We’d better get out of here before he wakes up and makes me wash his ass.”

“Say what? Has that happened before?”

“He’s got a bad back…has trouble reaching behind himself. I’ll come back tomorrow and check in on him.”

“God, you’re a saint.”

“Nah. Just doing what any good son would do.” He winked.

“Earlier you said we had a busy night. Is something happening tonight?”

He looked way too amused for my comfort. “I’ll let you guess, but before you ponder it, just remember where you are.”

“Give me a hint.”

“It starts with a B.”

“Blowjob?”

“Fuck. Why did you have to say that? Now, I’m gonna be scooting down the road with major wood.”

I concentrated and repeated to myself, “Where we are…where we are…I know! Barbecue!”

“Good guess, but no. I’ll give you another hint. You might get lucky tonight.”

I laughed. “Ball gag.”

“Bingo!”

“That’s it? I’m right? Ball gag?”

“No, Perky.
Bingo.
That’s the answer. It’s Bingo night.”

“COME IN!” I YELLED
over my shoulder as I stood in front of the mirror in the guest bedroom finishing tying up my hair into a ponytail.

The door creaked open. “Come in?
Fuck.
You gotta stop talking dirty like that to me when we’re about to go out and be in front of a hundred senior citizens.”

I laughed, “
Come in
isn’t dirty. It’s your brain that’s dirty, Carter.”

He walked and stood close behind me, speaking to my reflection. “I think you should avoid using certain words tonight, like
come
and maybe a few others.”

“What others might that be?”

“Off the top of my head? Blow, suck, jerk, hole, ride, bend, swallow, inside, meat, nuts, slurp, taste, munch, lick, pull, yank, hot, warm, wet, nibble, throb, bang, cherry, box, eat, ache, stroke, push, pull, ram, screw, messy, plow, thrust, and fill.”

My eyebrows shot up. “
All of that
was off the top of your head?”

Carter looked down and groaned. “
Fuck.
Better add
head
to that list, too.”

“I think you’ve gone insane.” Finishing my hair, I turned to face him. Since he had been standing behind me in the mirror, I hadn’t noticed what he was wearing. “You’re wearing your uniform? To Bingo?”

Cocky Carter seemed to blush. “The ladies ask me to wear it.”

I covered my mouth and cracked up. “Oh my God. You’re old lady eye candy.”

“Shut up.” Carter was embarrassed. It was the first time I’d seen him be modest about his looks, so I couldn’t help but goad him.

“You’re their bingo bitch.”

“Pipe down, Perky.”

“The cougar caller.”

He shook his head, but I could see the corners of his mouth twitch.

“You’re their PILF.”

“PILF?”

“Pilot I’d like to fuck. Like a milf, but with a hot pilot instead.”

Carter grabbed my ponytail. “Keep talking, big mouth. Every time you tease me, I’m gonna tease you back.” He gave my hair a good strong yank, exposing my neck to him. Then he proceeded to lean down and slowly lick from my collarbone to my ear. When a small mewl fell from my lips, he whispered into my ear. “You’re going to have to lock this door if you decide to sleep in here tonight.”

MY LIPS WERE STILL SWOLLEN
when we arrived at Bingo ten minutes late. The room erupted in cheer when Carter walked to the front of room. Some of the men walked to greet him, slapping him on the back and shaking hands. The women all buzzed in their seats. It was the craziest thing I’d ever witnessed. Carter was a rock star…to a group of elderly people in a retirement community.

I watched amused from the back of the room until an older woman approached me. “You must be Kendall?”

“Yes. How did you know?”

“Carter texted me earlier asking me to take care of his girl tonight. And…well…” She looked around the room. “You’re the only one who didn’t have to sling your breast over your shoulder for the walk over to the bingo hall.”

I smiled, and she offered me her arm. “Come on. I’m Muriel. I saved you a seat between me and Bertha.”

Muriel and Bertha each had at least a dozen bingo cards spread out in front of them. Both had also set up their tables with personal items. Muriel had a small silver frame with a picture of three small children, a water bottle, three different colored ink stampers and a small candy dish filled with jellybeans. When she caught me looking, she lifted the frame. “This is Seth, Rachel, and Emma. My son’s kids. He married a bitch on wheels but she gave me the gift of grandchildren, so I tolerate her.”

“They’re beautiful.”

“Thank you. You and Carter want to have kids some day?”

My heart sank at the mere mention of me and a baby. “I don’t know. We haven’t known each other that long.”

Bertha leaned over and interjected, “I’d have his babies if I could. Pop out all those little mini pilots with dimpled chins.”

Muriel whispered to me. “Ignore her. She hits the sauce before coming to Bingo. We don’t complain because it makes her unable to mark up her cards right, which means better chances for the rest of us to win.”

Bertha yelled. “I can hear you, you know!”

Muriel shrugged and waved her off. Bertha had a straight line of four 7-Ups at the top of her table area and offered me one. “You want a 7 and 7, Barbie? Water bottle’s got Seagram’s for you to mix it with. Gotta disguise it because some of the uptight board members decided Bingo night should be alcohol free.”

Muriel snickered. “Tell her
why
they made that rule, Bertha.”

Bertha gulped from her red cup. “My pants were too tight. I opened them while I was sitting here and forgot to snap them back up before I got up. These people all act like they’ve never seen a little ass before.”

Muriel added, “First, it hasn’t been a little ass since 1953. And second, she’s leaving out the part where she tried to walk with her pants down around her ankles, tripped and fell, and pushed Mr. Barthman on her way down. He cracked a tooth when he landed.”

“It was a denture, not a real tooth.”

Muriel and Bertha then proceeded to bicker over me, both leaning in to yell in a different ear. When I looked up, Carter was watching from the front of the room and cracking up. He held up one finger, and then plugged in his microphone and tapped it before speaking. “How are all my Bingo Babes doing tonight?”

The women around the room hooted and hollered.

“Is everyone ready? We’re going to kick off tonight with a favorite that I’d like to dedicate to my guest here with me this evening. The first game will be any horizontal line. Just mark off any five spaces across your card to win.” He looked directly to me as he continued and winked. “Any which way you want to lie down horizontally will earn you a prize from me.”

I rolled my eyes. Bertha gave me one of her cards, a stamper, and slid one of her fuzzy-haired, freaky trolls in front of me wishing me luck before the games started.

Carter stood at the front of the room behind a folding table that held a wire cage filled with small white balls. He cranked a lever at the side, which started the balls jumping round. Stopping it, he reached in and pulled out the first ball. “Today we’re starting off with one little duck.”

The room quieted, and everyone picked up their stampers and began stamping. I had no idea what was going on, but Muriel seemed to be stamping the number two. When she saw I was confused, she explained. “One little duck…it’s a bingo term, it means the number two. The two looks like a duck.”

I didn’t have a two on my card, but I watched as Carter’s eyes scanned the room. He was making sure everyone had enough time to stamp their dozens of cards. Eventually, he cranked the lever again. This time, when he pulled out the ball he said,
Grandma’s getting frisky
into the microphone.

Muriel translated again, “G60. Frisky rhymes with sixty.”

Again everyone went to work at stamping their cards. It seemed I was the only one who needed a bingo lingo dictionary. While they were all busy checking their cards, Carter began to hum into the microphone. I recognized the tune, but couldn’t put my finger on it.

A few more calls later, Carter looked down at the ball and then winked at me, “Anyway up. A favorite of mine.”

I didn’t need Muriel to translate Carter had just called O69. Throughout the night he continued to hum that same song. I’d initially assumed it was the Beatles, but then when he began to sing the first line about knowing when to throw in the cards, I recognized it as Kenny Rogers,
The Gambler
.