Plain Peace (A Daughters of the Promise Novel) (34 page)

John began to sob so hard that Cora starting crying too. “We need each other, John. I know how you feel. I lost her too. I feel the pain you feel.” Cora spoke the words, but she could see now that John’s pain had taken him to a bad place, a place so dark that he couldn’t seem to find the light anymore. And she didn’t know how to bring the light to him.

She finally wrapped her arms around his waist, and her husband
latched onto her in a way he hadn’t done in months, burying his head on her shoulder. Cora stroked his hair as she’d done so often for the
kinner
when they were upset. John continued to sob as if Leah’s death had just happened minutes ago. And for the first time, she realized that John was suffering in a different way than she was. He didn’t just miss their daughter. He was blaming himself twofold. He was drowning in blame.

Cora finally got him tucked back in bed. He was still crying. Cora got into bed with him, cradling him in her arms until he finally fell asleep.

All this time she’d been wanting John to take care of her and the children. But her husband couldn’t even take care of himself. And she didn’t know if she had it in her to care for him the way he needed.

Once John was asleep, Cora sat up in bed. For a long time.

And as soon as it was daylight, she called the only person she could think of who might be able to help them.

A
NNA RODE WITH HER GRANDFATHER
TO
J
ACOB
’
S
house. They were quiet most of the trip, but then her grandfather spoke up.

“I don’t think anyone ever gets over the loss of a child.” Then he turned to Anna and smiled—something Anna hadn’t seen him do since
Mammi’s
overhaul of the house.

“You are a lot like both of your parents. Your mother was kind and loving, a gentle soul. And your father was a strong man with a willful spirit, but he always had
gut
intentions.” He paused, a faraway expression on his face. “The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. It is how we deal with the latter that defines our destiny. We can choose to survive. Or we can just die inside.”

Anna knew that her grandfather wasn’t just talking about John Hostetler. He rarely talked about Anna’s parents, but he was obviously thinking of them now. From what she’d heard, he’d been in a bad way for a long time after her parents’ death. If anyone could help Jacob’s father, it was
Daadi
.

When they arrived at Jacob’s, she helped her grandfather get the horse and buggy settled, then followed him up the walkway to the Hostetlers’. She wasn’t sure why
Daadi
had asked her to come along. He’d even asked her
mammi
to make the bakery deliveries
today so that Anna could join him on this trip. Jacob was at work, so it wasn’t that
Daadi
thought she’d want to see him.

Jacob’s mother was waiting for them at the door. “
Danki
for coming, Bishop Byler.” She opened the screen and ushered them inside. “All of the
kinner
are busying themselves, so it’s just John and me at home.” She smiled at Anna. “And I’m so glad you came with your
daadi
. We’re very excited about your upcoming marriage to Jacob, and we are looking forward to getting to know you better.”

“Danki.”
Anna smiled as she continued on into the living room. Cora’s eyes were swollen, but her welcome was genuine, and Anna said a quick prayer that her grandfather would be able to help Jacob’s father.

“He doesn’t know you’re coming, Bishop. I told him to take a break from work today, and surprisingly he agreed. He’s in our bedroom.” Cora nodded toward a closed door. “Should I go tell him you’re here?”

Anna’s grandfather shook his head. “He won’t be happy to see me. And that’s all right. I’ll just go on in, if that’s all right with you?”

Cora nodded.
“Ya.”

Anna now knew that it was her role to keep Cora occupied, to distract her from what was going on in the other room. Cora’s eyes were fixated on the door, so Anna spoke up.

“Did Jacob tell you that we are thinking about having the wedding the last weekend of October?”

Cora turned to face her, joy beaming through her worry. “
Ya
, he did. That’s not much time to plan a wedding, but what fun we’ll have doing it. I know your
mammi
will be doing most of the work, but I hope you’ll let me help. We . . . we’ve never had a wedding in our family.”

Anna and Cora spent the next hour talking about the wedding and glancing from time to time at the bedroom door. Every once in a while, Anna heard faint voices, but she couldn’t hear anything that was said. Finally, the door opened.

Cora stood up from where she and Anna were seated on the couch, and Anna did too.
Daadi
and Jacob’s father walked into the living room together. “
Danki
for coming, Bishop.” John Hostetler reached out and shook her grandfather’s hand.

Daadi
simply nodded, then told Anna it was time for them to go.

“Is he going to be okay?” Anna asked as they headed home.

Her grandfather flicked the reins and picked up speed. “It will take some time. These things are not easy.”

“But he’ll get better?”

“
Ya, mei maedel
. I believe he will.”

They were quiet the rest of the way.

Lucy unpacked her mother’s things at the care facility. Her mother hadn’t spoken one word to her in three days, ever since Lucy told her she would be moving here. Cora had offered to watch Benjamin while Lucy got her mother settled.

“So, are you ever going to speak to me again?” In some ways, Lucy wished she wouldn’t.

Mom didn’t move from her spot on the twin bed. Lucy felt sorry for the person in the other bed, who seemed to be sleeping. That poor soul would awaken to find Alice Turner as her roommate, a fate Lucy wouldn’t wish on anyone.

She recalled the way her mother used to be, and guilt nipped at her. She reminded herself that Mom wasn’t mean by nature.
It was the stroke—or maybe Alzheimer’s. Noah had said there were some new treatments they could try. But even then, Mom would probably never be her old self. Something had changed in her brain. She couldn’t help being the way she was.

“I have all your toiletries in the bathroom, and all your clothes are unpacked in the dresser. Can you think of anything you need?”

“A daughter who loves me. That would be nice.” Mom frowned as she glared at Lucy.

“You have a daughter who loves you.” Lucy stowed her mother’s red suitcase in the small closet on her side of the room.

“Really?” Lucy’s mother looked all around the room. “Because I don’t see a daughter who loves me. The only daughter I see is one who is locking me up in an old folks’ home.”

That stung, but Lucy couldn’t think of an alternative arrangement. Just last week her mother had caught a kitchen towel on fire. It was bad enough living with mean, but Lucy couldn’t have her mother being a danger to Benjamin.

“Mom, you know why you got kicked out of the last place, right?” She wasn’t sure if her mother would remember or not.

“Yes. I smacked a woman who deserved it.”

“Can you at least try to get along with everyone here? This is a very nice place, and you’re only in here because I’m not able to take good care of you like they can.”

“You don’t
want
to take care of me.” Her mother waved an arm toward the door. “Just get out of here. And don’t ever come back. You’re a worthless daughter.”

Lucy bit her tongue the way she’d been doing several times a day. Her tongue was practically growing scar tissue from being
bitten so often. But she was getting better at holding her temper. Maybe a little more patient.
Maybe I really am a daughter of the promise
.

She kept her voice gentle. “Don’t you want to see Benjamin?”

Mom glared at Lucy through squinted eyes. “Are you stupid? Of course I want to see my little Benny.”

“Well, he can’t drive here himself. I’ll have to bring him.”

Silence, and her mother stared at the floor.

“I’m going now.”

Mom kept her head down. Lucy said a quick prayer that her mother would be kind to the staff—and her roommate. She turned to leave. But before she made it to the door, she turned around again.

“I love you, Mom.”

Her mother didn’t look up. And Lucy left.

That Saturday Marianne had invited Cora and Lucy over, so Lucy picked up Cora around mid-morning. Mary Jane had insisted that she and Anna Mae would keep Benjamin, and Cora could tell that Lucy was glad to have some time to herself, especially since she had started her new job on Wednesday.

“Marianne has something on her mind,” Cora said as they stood on the front porch waiting for the door to open.

“Why do you say that?”

“I can just tell. It might be that she’s just lonely because we haven’t been around as much. I know you’ve been busy learning your new job. And I see her at church service, but other than that—well, I’ve been enjoying being with
mei
husband lately.”

Cora smiled, forever grateful to Bishop Byler for whatever he’d said to John. Things were far from perfect—John wasn’t going to
be healed of his depression overnight. But the bishop’s visit had helped, and surprisingly, the bishop had suggested that John go to Lancaster and talk to a professional counselor. Even more surprising was that John had agreed to do so. He’d had his first session last week.

“Come in, come in.” Marianne ushered them into the living room with an urgency that Cora hadn’t seen before.

“Is everything okay?” Lucy pulled the filmy scarf from around her neck and laid it on the couch.

Cora untied her black bonnet and hung it on the rack by Marianne’s door.

“
Ya, ya
. Everything is fine. But I need you two to help me with some things.”

Cora glanced around the living room, surprised that the bishop hadn’t made his wife get rid of all her new things. The lace curtains were still hanging, and a few other decorative pieces graced the mantel.

Marianne motioned with her arm for Cora and Lucy to follow her.

“Does this door go to the basement?” Lucy asked as Marianne pulled open a door beneath the stairs.

“Ya.”

Cora and Lucy stepped carefully down the narrow steps until they reached the concrete floor. There were some boxes, pipes, and a row of columns that apparently ran the length of the house—nothing unusual for a basement that hadn’t been finished out. To their left, tucked behind the staircase, was a door with a shiny knob. Cora knew that Marianne was about to share her secret room with Lucy, even though she wasn’t sure why.

“This way.” Marianne walked to a door, stood on tiptoe to reach above its frame, and pulled down a key. She turned it in the lock, pushed the door open, then picked up a flashlight right inside. She shone it inside until she found her battery-operated lantern.

Cora looked at Lucy, who’d brought a hand to her chest. “Where in the world did you get all this . . . stuff?”

“Oh, here, there, and yonder,” Marianne said as she picked up a radio. It looked like it must be thirty years old. “This is one of the first things I purchased. I had to go to the Sears and Roebuck and pay them cash to order it from their catalog. Then they mailed it to me.”

Lucy was wide-eyed as she scanned Marianne’s inventory. Cora recalled her own reaction the first time she saw this room. She’d probably looked just like that.

Lucy picked up a box filled with jewelry. “Is all this stuff allowed?”

Cora grunted. “Of course not! Why do you think she has it hidden down here in the basement? Only reason her husband didn’t know is because he has bad knees and can’t make it down here.” Cora thought about the ballerina jewelry box she’d bought with Marianne awhile back. It had given her great pleasure, and she’d come to believe there was nothing wrong with a little pleasure. Perhaps Marianne had gone a bit overboard. Cora suspected Marianne had invested quite a bit of money in this, um, hobby of hers.

There was one chair in the room, a cushy upholstered one. Marianne sat down in it and gestured around her. “I’ve decided to get rid of these things.” She frowned. “Not all of it. But most of it. I’ve put the things out around the
haus
that I believe to be acceptable, and Isaac and I have compromised on some things—like
mei
little
cuckoo clock.” She flashed a grin, then gave a businesslike nod. “But the rest of this stuff I really shouldn’t have, and maybe it can benefit someone else.” She pointed to Lucy. “So you first,
mei
dear. I want you to take anything you’d like.”