Plain Peace (A Daughters of the Promise Novel) (28 page)

Cora excused herself right after supper, unsure if her meat loaf was going to stay down. She told the girls she wasn’t feeling well, so Mary Jane and Anna Mae set to cleaning the kitchen by themselves, saying they would check on her later.

“
Nee, nee
. I’ll be fine.
Danki
for taking care of the kitchen, and please make sure the boys do their Bible study. Abe will try to weasel out of it.” She kissed each of the girls on the cheek, unsure where her two youngest boys had run off to. Jacob had already excused himself to go check on one of their goats, which was due to kid any day.

John was in the bathroom. She heard his bathwater running when she walked into their bedroom. She hoped he wouldn’t take too long. Her stomach was still queasy, and she didn’t want to lose her supper while he was in there. She kicked off her shoes, sat down on the bed, and laid her head back, dangling her socked feet over the side.

As she rested her hands on her belly, she thought about the life growing inside her, and guilt flooded through her like poison. How could any mother not want her own child? But her guilt about not wanting the
boppli
was compounded by resentment. No other child could replace Leah. But people would say that. They would think that’s what she was trying to do. And it wasn’t true. It was just the opposite.

She closed her eyes and thought about how she’d treated Lucy today, recalling the look in Lucy’s eyes before she left the waiting room. Marianne was right about Lucy needing a friend, but Cora couldn’t be that person. She had too many bad memories about John and Stella Parks, the
Yankee
woman John befriended at the auction barn.

Stella had always been friendly to Cora when she went to auctions with John. About ten years Cora’s junior, the woman had been responsible for assigning everyone an auction number and collecting the money. Cora probably wouldn’t have known anything was
going on between the two of them if John hadn’t crumpled up one day and made a full confession.

Cora had made him suffer miserably for his actions, but that had been ten years ago, and now she rarely thought of it until something reminded her—like Lucy’s confession. Now she couldn’t look at Lucy without thinking of Stella. That type of woman didn’t change, and Lucy represented everything Cora despised. But if she were honest with herself, she missed Lucy and Benjamin, and in hindsight she wished Lucy had never shared her past. Then they could still be friends.

John stepped out of the bathroom just as Cora was sitting up. Her nausea had passed, thankfully, but her pent-up resentments toward John were bubbling to the surface. And now she was carrying his child. Should she tell him? Would he be one of those people who thought this
boppli
could replace Leah? Or would he instantly resent this unborn child the way Cora did?

The minute that last thought crossed her mind, she laid her hands protectively across her tummy. It wasn’t the child’s fault he or she was coming into their messed-up lives. She rubbed her belly, trying to muster up some sort of positive feelings about her situation.
He or she
. For the first time, she found herself wondering if the
boppli
she was carrying would be a boy or a girl.

“What’s wrong with you? You look pale.” John stood in front of her, a white towel wrapped around his waist, his grayish-brown beard dotting the wooden floor with droplets of water.

It was the first time in a very long while that he’d showed some sort of interest in her well-being, and Cora worried she might burst into tears. Maybe she should tell him now. He would figure it out eventually.

“I’m fine. My stomach was just a bit upset during supper.” She stood up, walked to her dresser, and pulled out fresh nightclothes.

“Maybe a hot bath will help.”

Cora turned to face him, knowing she must have a blank look on her face. She wasn’t sure what to say. Was this a real conversation? “Maybe,” she said softly, her eyes still on him, a tiny bit of hope in her heart. Could it be that her husband was returning to her?

But then he walked around her to his side of the bed and pulled back the sheet. He slipped beneath the light cover, reached for his reading glasses, and picked up a book. And he was gone from her again.

Cora walked to the bathroom, closed the door, sat down on the commode, and wept quietly. When she was done, she stood up, lifted the lid, and vomited.

In between her heaves, she listened to see if John might be coming to check on her.

He never did.

Noah dropped Jenna off at school since Carley had an early eye doctor’s appointment in Lancaster.

“Have a good day, sweetie.”

“You too, Dad.” Jenna pulled her backpack from the floorboard, opened the door, and blew him a kiss. “See you tonight.”

Noah smiled. Jenna had been blowing him kisses for as long as he could remember. It was their thing, and he hoped she’d keep doing it for a while. He couldn’t believe how fast she was growing up.

As he left the school and crossed Lincoln Highway, he thought about Benjamin. The child was already two years old. Ivan would
be very upset with his siblings for not getting to know their nephew, even though Benjamin had been born out of wedlock.

Noah picked up his cell phone as he pulled into the clinic parking lot and dialed Katie Ann’s number. She answered on the third ring.

“How is my favorite sister-in-law?”

Katie Ann chuckled. “You best not let Lillian hear that.” She paused. “How are you, Noah? How are Carley, Jenna, and everyone else?”

“Fit as a fiddle. We’re all doing good and sure wish you would come for a visit sometime.”

“
Ach
, I know. I miss all of you, but planes and trains go both ways. I would love for you and Carley and Jenna to come here to meet Eli, his children, and all our grandchildren. And of course Jonas is growing like a weed.”

Noah felt a little stab of guilt. It would be much easier for them to go see Katie Ann and Samuel and their families in Colorado than it would be for them all to come here. He felt bad that he hadn’t made it happen.

“We were really looking forward to seeing Emily and David, but we certainly understood why the doctor didn’t want Emily traveling.”

“Oh, Noah, you should see those twins of theirs—Rose and Lena. They’re so precious, and you can definitely tell they are Stoltzfuses.”

“I hope to see all of you soon.” He paused, thinking of a good way to broach the subject of Lucy, then decided there wasn’t one. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Uh-oh. Is something wrong?”

“No. Nothing’s wrong. I just . . . well, I need to talk to you about Lucy Turner.”

Silence.

“Katie Ann, are you still there?”

“
Ya
, I’m here. What about her?”

Noah knew that Katie Ann was happily married, but he suspected that the mention of Lucy still stung. “Her son, Benjamin—he’s two now. I guess you know that. Anyway, Carley and I feel like Ivan would want us to get to know his son, but we don’t want to do anything that will upset you. I guess we’d kind of feel like we were betraying you if we befriended Lucy against your wishes. And Lucy and Benjamin are a package deal.”

After another silence, Katie Ann asked, “How do Mary Ellen and Rebecca feel about it?”

Noah remembered his recent conversation with Mary Ellen. “They’re worried about your feelings too.”

“The past is the past, Noah. I agree that Ivan would want Benjamin to know his family, and I’m sure that Jonas and Benjamin will want to meet someday.” She paused, and Noah heard a long sigh. “I’m happy, Noah. I really am. I have a wonderful life. If I lived there, I wouldn’t want to be around Lucy all the time. Just bad memories for me. But I’m not there, and all of you are. You should get to know Ivan’s son.” Another silence. “Ivan’s other son,” she added.

Noah knew that Ivan had been secretly planning to get back together with Katie Ann. He had built the house where Lucy lived now in the hopes of reuniting with his wife. Noah wasn’t supposed to know that. The attorney who had handled Ivan’s estate had accidentally let it slip, assuming that Noah knew. The amazing part had been that Katie Ann had just signed over the house to
Lucy. She’d been anxious to start her life in Colorado and to cut her ties here. Noah didn’t think Lucy knew that Ivan had basically cut her out of his life even before he died.

“If it’s really all right with you. We wouldn’t—”

“Noah, it’s fine. It really is. Please assure Mary Ellen and Rebecca that I’m okay with it. I appreciate you all feeling a sense of loyalty, but I suspect Lucy might not have the type of family we do. I think Benjamin should at least be introduced to our way of life. I’m not saying he’ll grow up and want to join the Amish community, but I think it’s important that he understands our core values and faith.”

“You’re an amazing woman, Katie Ann.”

“And don’t you forget it.” She laughed. “Come see us soon, Noah.”

“I sure hope to. It’s not like I have patients beating down my door these days.”

“It’s so sad that the bishop has banned everyone from seeing you. That’s why David had hoped to visit last year, to maybe help with that.”

Noah smiled as he thought about his nephew wanting to battle the bishop on Noah’s behalf. “He’s a good kid, that David.”

Katie Ann chuckled. “Hardly a kid anymore.”

“True. Well, Katie Ann . . . give everyone our love, and all of you take care.”

Noah hung up the phone and got out of the car, glancing around at the empty parking lot. Only Francine’s car was there. He sighed as he walked into the building.

“Anything scheduled for today?” He stopped at the small window. Francine shook her head.

“Sorry, Dr. Stoltzfus.”

Noah nodded, then headed down the hall to his office. It was only a few minutes later when Francine walked in. Noah sat down in his chair and motioned for Francine to sit down.

“Dr. Stoltzfus, you know how much I’ve loved working here, right?”

Noah caught her use of the past tense—
loved
working here—right away. “Yes,” he said softly, waiting for the “but.”

“But I’ve accepted another job in Lancaster, and I’ll be starting right after Labor Day. It’s just that I’m a people person, you know, and . . .” She shrugged.

Noah forced a smile. “. . . and there aren’t many people here.”

“Yeah. Do you hate me?”

Noah rubbed his forehead for a moment, then looked up at her. “Of course not, Francine. I understand.”

“Are you going to try to find someone else quickly so that I can train them?”

Noah thought for a few moments. Carley used to work in his front office. But Carley had quit to stay home with Jenna when she was younger, and she’d just never gone back to work. Maybe she’d want to fill in part-time while Jenna was in school. Or maybe he and Gloria, his nurse, could just function without a receptionist for a while. That would certainly help the clinic balance sheet, which was rapidly tilting out of balance. So far their savings had kept them out of real trouble. But he couldn’t continue the way he was going.

“I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I’ll figure something out.”

“I’m really sorry. I hope that mean old bishop guy changes his mind. All those Amish people really loved you.” Francine shook her head. “It’s just a real shame.”

Noah nodded. He wished the old man would change his mind too. “Well, you never know what the future holds.”

“True.” Francine got up. “Okay. Well, let me know if you need anything.”

Noah watched as the door closed behind Francine. He hated to see her go, but he could certainly see why she’d want to.

Noah scrounged around in his desk until he found Lucy’s phone number, the number he’d asked Alice for the day she came to his office. Lucy didn’t answer, so Noah left a message, unsure if he’d reached a cell phone or home phone.

“Hi, Lucy. This is Noah Stoltzfus. Could you please give me a call when you have a few minutes to talk?” He rattled off his phone number and hung up. He doubted she’d call, but at least he was trying.

“Why is Ivan’s brother calling you, and why didn’t you answer the phone?”

Lucy listened to the message again, but she didn’t write the number down before she hit Delete on the answering machine. “I think they want to get to know Benjamin, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”