Pigeon English (27 page)

My belly felt proper bad after. I couldn't stand up yet. I wanted to shit but I held it in for if I shit all the powers back out again. I waited. I kept going cold then hot again. It must be the powers going into my blood. I needed it to work. I needed the protection and to make them pay for what they did. I did a big woodpecker fart. It was wet at the end but it didn't escape. I wasn't ShitHisPantsMan, I was UnstoppableMan. When I came out of the forest I was still wobbly. Mr Kenny was waiting for me.

Mr Kenny: 'Where've you been?'

Me: 'I felt sick, sir.'

Nathan Boyd: 'He was smoking a fag in the woods.'

Connor Green: 'He was having a wank.'

Me: 'No I wasn't.'

Mr Kenny: 'That's enough.'

Mr Kenny let me sit out the rest of the game. Rounders is boring anyway. I never hit the ball because the bat's the wrong shape. They should make it more flat. I don't know why nobody thought of it yet.

The war was here. It was real, you just knew it. There was smoke everywhere, it was thick black and it filled up the whole sky. You could feel the fire from miles away. Everybody went to watch the playground die.

Dean: 'I thought it was a plane crash at first. I wish it was, that'd be wicked.'

Somebody set the swings on fire. That's where most of the smoke was coming from. The rubber smell from the seats got in my nose, I couldn't smell anything else. You know when a smell is so big it even makes you laugh? Well that's what it felt like. You only couldn't laugh because all the grown-ups were watching. The fire was a disaster and you had to be serious.

Dean's mamma: 'It's them bloody kids that done it. I saw 'em in there when I come back from the chemist's. They were trying to light it then.'

Lady with big arms: 'When wa's that?'

Dean's mamma: 'Just now. I was coming back from the chemist's. I knew they were up to something.'

Manik's papa: 'Little bastards.'

The climbing frame was on fire as well. All the metal was gone black and the rope from the net was burned off and dying. The fire was very hot. When I got close it made me go proper itchy. It felt lovely and sleepy. It was the biggest fire I've ever seen.

Some smaller kids were playing a game to see who could get the closest. They all ran to the fire and the one who got closest before they ran away again was the winner. It looked brutal. I wanted to play but I had to show respect. When you're Year 7 you have to set an example. Everybody just watched the fire. They didn't even want to talk anymore, they just wanted to watch. They couldn't help it. They were stuck there. The playground was dying but nobody was trying to save it. They knew they couldn't do anything, it was too hot and beautiful. They knew the fire would always win. It was brilliant and sad and hutious all at the same time.

Whenever a new person came along somebody had to tell them the story so far, about the kids who started the fire. Then the new person would say something like:

New person: 'Little f—ers'

and they they'd just watch like everybody else. It was like having a secret except you were allowed to tell everybody. It was like having a secret between all of us. It made you feel like you were together, like you knew everybody, even if you've never talked to them before and you don't know their name. They were all on your side. It's the best thing about a war.

Lydia snapped the fire. All I could see in the picture was black smoke.

Me: 'Ho, you can't even see the fire! Try again!'

Lydia: 'Don't disturb! It'll melt my phone!'

Me: 'No it won't. Snap the pirate ship before it sinks!'

Lydia: 'No, I'm going, the smoke's killing my eyes. Are you coming?'

Me: 'No, I'm staying. I'll walk home with Dean.'

Lydia: 'Be careful then. Don't let them follow you.'

Me: 'I won't!'

I only wanted to snap the pirate ship before it sank forever. I just wanted to be there for when the playground died, so it knew I was there and that I loved it until the end.

Terry Takeaway: 'Alright little man. What happened here?'

Me: 'Just a fire. Asbo! Hello, boy! Good boy! Good boy, Asbo!'

Asbo jumped up and licked my face. It was proper funny, even when his tongue went in my mouth. In the big holiday I'm going to teach him to hunt for spirits.

Terry Takeaway: 'Wanna buy some DVDs? I've got some good ones, there's one with zombies somewhere.'

Me: 'No thanks. If you buy a pirate DVD the money goes to Osama Bin Laden. We learned it at school.'

Terry Takeaway: 'Suit your self.'

Then the fire engine came. I heard the siren from miles away. It drove right across the green. Everybody was proper vexed when they turned the siren off because they wanted to hear it in close-up.

Fireman: 'Everyone stay back.'

But everybody kept going closer again. They couldn't help it. The smaller kids were the bravest. They never listened to the firemen, they just kept going nearer. They just loved being with the firemen, you could tell. They wanted to help. They wanted to be them.

One of the smaller kids tried to lift up the hose but he couldn't even move it because it was way too heavy. He started crying. That was the funniest bit.

Fireman: 'Alright matey, I've got it. You can help next time, yeah?'

The water came out superquick like a bullet. The firemen were very skilful, they put the whole fire out in one minute. When the fire was gone the playground just looked nasty. It was all black where the burning was. It just looked dirty and dead. It made you feel dead as well. It even made you wish the fire was back so it would hide all the dirt again.

Everybody cheered the fire engine away. I was sad to see them go. We didn't know when we'd get to see them in action again.

Dean: 'If I knew they'd be so quick I'd've made some more fires for them to put out.'

Dean's mamma: 'Yeah, and you'd get my foot up your arse for your trouble.'

Dean: 'I wa's only joking!'

Now the fire was gone I could see things I couldn't see before, sad and crazy things that felt like they shouldn't even be there. I saw a piece of dead rope from the cargo net. It was all black and shiny from the fire. It looked just like a snake. I kept suspecting it to move and slide away under the wood chippings. I saw a dead penny buried in the ground by the ladybird. I pretended like it was a shit the ladybird made. The ladybird was so scared by the fire that he shit himself. It made me feel sorry for him even if I knew he was just plastic. His head was all bent and melted from the heat.

The smaller kids started playing a new game where they dared each other to pick up the burnt woodchips. They were still proper hot. Nobody could hold them for longer than two seconds. I saw Killa through the smoke. He was on his own. He'd just been watching the fire like everybody else. He picked up a woodchip, wrapped his hand around it and just stood there holding it, waiting for it to burn his fingers. He was even loving it, he didn't care. He kept holding the woodchip for donkey hours, I didn't start counting from the beginning but I got to 28 before he dropped it again. The secret is to make your fist as tight as it will go. Then he just put his hands in his pockets and walked away not looking at anybody. It was like he was as sad as me, even if he only used the climbing frame for hooting.

Then the light came back on. The smoke started blowing away and I remembered it was daytime. I didn't feel sleepy anymore. People started going home. Me and Dean wanted to stay, even if it meant the playground was dead. It was too late to change anything, it just felt too important to leave yet. We had to see what came up from under the ashes, any powers or important news or any dead things that used to be hidden.

A smaller kid was still crying.

Smaller kid: 'Now I can't go on the slide anymore.'

Smaller kid's mamma: 'Don't worry, they'll build another one. It'll be even better than the old one, you'll see.'

I hoped the new slide would be the longest in the world. I hoped it took forever to get to the bottom. When it only lasts one second it's just too vexing, I remember from before I was too big for slides. I only wanted to be small again enough for one more go.

I took a walk around the ruins of the playground, let the soot stain my orange feet black. I was hoping the flames might bring a concession, a last-minute change of plan. I was hoping to singe my wings in the embers but it didn't work, I'm still here and whole. Still got a job to do. No rest for the wicked, and all that.

We prefer it when you walk around instead of through us. We like to be left in peace while we're eating and performing our courtship rituals. We ask only for the same rights as you: we just want to live our lives, make a place for ourselves, room to shit and room to sleep, room to raise our children. Don't poison us just because we make a mess. You make a mess, too. There's enough of everything to go round if we all stick to our fair share.

Leave us be and there'll be no trouble. Be kind to us and we'll return the favour when the time for favours comes. Until then, peace be with you.

Me and Dean and Lydia all walked to school together for extra security. It didn't even feel like the war would come today, it was the last day before summer and it made an unbreakable spell. It was lovely and hot. Everybody was smiling from ear to ear. We had to shout along with them. We couldn't hold it in.

Me and Dean:
'It's the last day! We're nearly free!'

Lydia: 'Ow! Don't shout right in my ear!'

Me:
'Aaarrghhhhhh!'
(That was me doing a big shout in Lydia's ear.)

In Geography Mr Carroll put the fan on. It was already blowing when we came in. It was a dope-fine surprise. Everybody went crazy when they saw it. We all took turns to air ourselves, the cold wind felt lovely.

Some of us made a dare to air our private parts. None of us really did it, we just lifted our shirts and aired our bellies instead. The cold wind on our bellies was the sweetest feeling of all.

Kyle Barnes: 'Look, Daniel's nipples are going hard! Pervert.'

Daniel Bevan: 'Shut up, no they're not.'

Brayden Campbell: 'He's got wood. Look, Charmaine. Touch Daniel's wood.'

Charmaine de Freitas: 'Piss off!'

Everybody was wearing their ties around their heads. They all pretended they were ninjas. The Year 11s wrote all on their shirts. Their friends wrote their names and messages for good luck. It was the last time they'd ever wear that shirt. They were never going to school again, it was finished forever. You have to cover the shirt with good luck to take on your journey to the world. It's a tradition. It felt lovely. I can't wait until I do it.

GOOD LUCK
KEEP IT REAL
spud
NORTHWELL MANOR TILL I DIE TYRONE
TAKE IT EASY
GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN
naomi
DFC
FUCK SCHOOL
LEWSEY H
I
L
L
R
. PUSSIES
FUCK DA POLICE
LEON IN DROG WE TRUST
Damon
MR PERRY SUCKS DOGS COCKS
JUST ENOUGH EDUCATION TO PERFORM
Cherise
CHEESE TITS RUFUS
RUFUS
repeat after me: DO YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?
ONE LOVE
DON'T PAY TAX, SELL DRUGS INSTEAD
SEE YOU AT THE JOB CENTRE
FASAR TWAT Donovan
hair by Toni & Guy, personality by Ronald McDonald
MALACHI
FREAK KNOBJUNKIE
GINGER
Zaida
ME LUV YOU LONG TIME
TOMORROW IS THE FIRST DAY
OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE - AND IT'S GONNA SUCK ARSE
Don't worry, be happy! MUUMBE
NOTHING SPECIAL E.M.+S.T. 4 EVA Kieron
I'm the only gay in the village VIRGIN
Get high naturally: climb a tree Everyone's a cunt except me
LIVE YOUR DREAM

MARVIN P. IS PENG-A-LENG!
PRACTISE RANDOM KINDNESS
NOT A UNIFORM
Be warned: the future doesn't need you! MOTAHIR
crack whore in training
NATASHA VICKY C. INDIA
SMOKIN HOT
God used to be my co-pilot but we crashed in the
mountains and I had to eat him
NOBODY CARES Jack
GOONER
I TOLD YOU YOU'D GO BLIND
I STINK OF JIZZ
MUNTER
BUY MORE CRAP Lester
HEAVEN IS A HALFPIPE
HUSTLER
MATT
we are all made of stars
S
I
M
O
N
E
Corinne
SPOON Where's the bitches?
JASON B. FUCKED MY MUM
NINJAS AGAINST EMO
bite my shiny metal ass! Michael D. BIG WORDS
Too cool for school!
WILL FELCH FOR BACARDI BREEZERS
everything will be OK!
Every time I didn't say I love you I was lying Nahid
I LOVE POKI BUM WANKS
SLUT

Everybody was watching from the window. The Year 11s got let out before us. Some of them threw their jumpers up in the trees. Some of them brought supersoakers and water bombs and there was a big water fight. They were soaking each other. It looked brutal. Sometimes it turned into a ruckus, then it was even funnier. We couldn't wait to be let out. We were all going to run around like a dog. We started singing at five minutes left.

Everybody: 'We
want freedom! We want freedom!

It was Kyle Barnes's idea. Everybody joined in, even the scared ones. Asweh, it was brutal. We were all banging on our desks like in a crazy movie.

Everybody:
'Out! Out! Out! Out!'

In the end Mr Carroll gave up. He had to let us out or there'd be a riot.

Mr Carroll: 'Go on then. Everyone have a great holiday. Stay out of trouble!'

Everybody: 'We will!'

You forgot all about no running on the stairs. Your legs just wanted to get out, you just had to follow them. It was like a race for the future. First one outside would own the summer.

Everybody put their ties around their heads and drank the rain. Me and Poppy walked to the gate together. We were holding hands the proper way, it was very sexy. My heart was going proper fast. Poppy was more beautiful than before. It was even scary. It sounds crazy but it's true, it was like I remembered how beautiful she was and it made me scared. My belly turned over like an aeroplane.