Permanent Resident at the Purse Table (8 page)

“I'm not interested in what you have to say. I'm interested in what you can do.” His hand squeezed tighter on her arm.

She pushed her hands into his chest, but he stood his ground.
Lord, please get me out of this. I won't ever be this stupid again. Please.

“Stop fighting me, Toni. You're making this harder than it has to be.”

“Leave me alone.” She hiked her knee, grazing his groin area and ran for the door.

He roared at her, causing a lamp to crash into her glass coffee table. Pieces of glass smashed everywhere. “Come here, trick!” Roderick pulled the back of her hair, turning her around by the fierce grasp. Using his left hand to rip the front of her blouse open, his fingers intruded under her bra. Toni exerted all her strength to wrestle his hands away from her. When that didn't work, she poked him in the eyes with a quick two-finger motion.

“Ahh!” He readjusted his grip on her hair and slapped her across the face.

She screamed as the left side of her face was on fire.

He collared his hand around her neck and yelled, “I told you not to make this hard. It's going to happen whether you want it to or not!”

The door vibrated. A male voice was on the other side of the door. “The heck it is! Ain't nothing going to happen but me kicking your tail. Open the door!”

“Eric? Hurry! He's attacking me.” She repeatedly pushed his hands off of her.

Roderick relaxed his grip on her neck. “Who's Eric?”

“Someone who's about to whoop you.” She backed away from him. Just then, the door burst open. Eric stood there. He stormed at Roderick, taking hold of his collar, fighting him to the ground. Then Eric repeatedly introduced the backside of his fist to Roderick's face.

Toni rushed to retrieve her cell phone out of her purse to call 911, hoping it was charged enough to make the call, since she never did get that landline her mother told her she might need for emergencies. She never figured she'd have this type of emergency.

Describing the events to the dispatch operator made her more neurotic, only able to spit out a few words in between hurried breaths. The operator assured her someone was on their way before she hung up. Once Eric was physically tired, he got up off the ground and backed away from Roderick who lay on the floor unconscious.

Sitting crouched in a ball in the corner of the living room, Toni exhaled. Eric road in on his white horse and transformed into her knight in an Air Jordan sweat suit. He'd shown up at her house many times before, but this time she was overjoyed. He knelt down beside her. Turning her body toward him, he held her in a tight embrace. As her heart pounded, she buried her head into his chest while her tears fell into the creases of his shirt.

When the police arrived, they arrested Roderick and placed him in the back of one of the two squad cars. After Toni and Eric gave their statements, Toni thanked the officer and closed the door. How could she show Eric how grateful she was? With showing up at the right moment, he had come a long way in a short time. A knock pounded the front door.

Toni looked at Eric. “Who is it?”

“Officer Walker.”

She unlocked the door and opened it to let him in.

The officer scratched the back of his head. “Um. I hate to do this, but Roderick is pressing charges against Eric.” He moved over toward Eric and began placing handcuffs on him while he read him his Miranda rights.

Toni was in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? If it wasn't for him, I could've gotten raped.”

“Yes, ma'am, I understand. But he did beat him up pretty good. Some might say it was overkill.”

“Overkill? Boy, this is the justice system at its finest.”

Eric gazed into Toni's eyes. “Don't worry. I'll be fine.”

The officer guided Eric out of the house. “It probably won't take much to get this all cleared up. If he posts bail tonight, he'll be out by morning.”

She followed them onto the porch. “I'll be right behind you, Eric. And I'll give Rene a call, too,” Toni yelled toward the officer. “My lawyer.”

Eric turned his head as best he could in her direction. “I'm just glad you're okay.”

She smiled and wiped her tears. “Thanks to you. I'm grateful you were here.”

Eric tensed his body, so the officer couldn't push his head into the car just yet, and raised his voice. “I'll always be here for you, Toni.”

The officer put Eric in the back seat of the second patrol car. After she watched the car pull off through her window, she changed out of her torn clothes and into a more comfortable outfit of sweats and a T-shirt, and then cleaned the makeup off her face.

Replaying the scene over in her head, Toni drove in silence to the police station. That was the Eric she knew and fell in love with. In the past few months, he'd called numerous times and shown up at her house unexpectedly to apologize, and try to fix the disorder he'd caused in their marriage. She didn't want to listen to anything he had to say. But after tonight, she could at least hear him out. When Toni arrived at the station, she paid Eric's bail, and waited for him to be released.

Ava had never gone more than three days without talking to her best friend. Rene might've suspected something was up. The good thing was that Rene, who had recently told Ishmael the wedding was back on, was busy with wedding plans, her current court cases, and now handling Eric's case, would hopefully not notice the lack of conversation between them.

All during her lunch break at work, Ava dreaded heading home. Friday was the best day of the week, but chatting with Rene on the weekends was inevitable. And Ava needed to tell Rene the truth about her and Ishmael's betrayal sooner rather than later. Rene would be finalizing wedding plans in the days to come, and Ava didn't want her to continue making those plans until she knew everything. Not that she would move forward in the planning once she found out, but paying deposits she couldn't get back would add to the jankyness of the situation.

After lunch, she went to the county jail to visit two of her juvenile inmates. As she strolled down the row of cells, she heard comments like “Dang, she's bad built,” and “Look how her shoes slump over,” along with other ridicule and laughter. Ava acted as if she were deaf, but the cruel comments cut straight to her heart.
That's okay, 'cause while y'all are in here locked up, I'll be enjoying a cheeseburger and fries.

Her visits went well as she discussed release dates and the definition of good behavior with the adolescents. One of her kids, a thirteen-year-old boy named Tommy, asked to speak with her in a private meeting room.

They traveled to a nearby room with a guard.

Tommy nervously rubbed his hands together. “Miss Alexander?”

“Yes, Tommy. What's the matter?”

He hesitated, looking downward. “I need some help, but I can't say anything or I'll get into trouble.”

Ava scooted her chair closer. “What do you mean?”

Although he said nothing, she read fear in his eyes. Hoping this wasn't a ploy to play on her emotions, she took the bait. “You need to tell me or I can't help you.”

Tommy's stone face barely opened his mouth to speak. “It's about gangs.”

“You aren't getting mixed up in that mess, are you? You have one month left until you get out.”

“I know, but it's hard in here.” His eyes filled with water. “I don't want to but then I'll be left out.”

“Tommy, what you're talking about is peer pressure. You have to be your own person. Forget about what everyone else thinks.” Wishing she could do the same, she went on. “The folks trying to get you to join their gang will still be locked up when you're on the outside getting a fresh start in the right direction. And you need to stay out of trouble in here to be released out there.”

Tommy shook his head with a partial smile. He was a good kid. Just picked the wrong friends to hang out with at the wrong time, and got caught in the driver's seat of a stolen car. Ever since his father left, he'd been trying to find approval from many different sources. Nothing worked in his favor yet. But Ava was determined to get him back on the right track.

“Listen, I want you to do your daily duties and stay away from kids who are going to pull you down. Concentrate on who you are and who you want to be. And what you're going to do when you get out of here. Like check back into school, handle your business in the classroom, and get involved in some extracurricular activities.”

“Yes, ma'am.” His grin grew larger by the second.

“Hey, you like running in races; we can have you join the track team.” Ava stood.

He laughed and gave her a hug. “Thank you, Miss Alexander. I'll see you soon. And I'm going to be good. I promise.”

“That's what I want to hear.”

On the way home, she rolled through the drive-through and ordered her favorite combo with a milkshake. The remarks made to her a couple hours before didn't sting so much as she savored every bite of delicious melted American cheese on each inch of the hamburger patty. The fries had just the right amount of salt, and the sweet coldness of the shake sent it over the top. Once the meal had disappeared, her anxiety about the hurtful comments did too.

Instead of eating away her problems, Ava needed to take her own advice that she bequeathed to Tommy: not to worry about what others thought. But her brain had been trained for so long. It'd be a struggle to change now. Mulling it over in her mind tired her out. She soon fell into a deep sleep on the couch.

Her cell phone went off Saturday morning early, waking her. Seeing Rene's picture on the screen, she set the phone on the coffee table. Saturdays consisted of trying new recipes for her catering ventures, washing loads of laundry, and catching up on her favorite recorded shows on the DVR. All of this kept her busy and her mind off of the situation at hand. For the most part. Ava hated avoiding her friend.

Sitting on the edge of her bed, she closed her eyes. “Lord, I pray for your guidance. Please forgive me and help me to forgive myself. Right now, I need your strength. I know my mistake will damage my relationship with Rene, if not end it all together. I truly do care about her and did not intend to hurt her in any way.” She slipped underneath the covers. “I need to get hold of this self-esteem, self-image, whatever my problem is 'cause now it's leaking into other areas of my life. Please help me, Lord.”

Ava clamored out of bed the next morning to get dressed for church. Looking forward to pouring everything out at the altar, she planned to take the courage she needed away with her when she left the House of the Lord church. God knew what she was feeling and what she needed, but Ava didn't have the slightest idea for moving forward in her situation. In fact, she was in the negative range now. She had backslid and backtracked so fast, she didn't know what moving forward felt like anymore.

As churchgoers filled the sanctuary, she headed for her designated seat in the back. She found her row and crossed over a handful of people to reach her seat.

Rene sat there with a welcoming smile. “Hey, Ava.”

Ava halted in her footsteps. Her swallow hurt going down. “You didn't tell me you were coming this morning.”

“Well, I called you yesterday, but you didn't call me back.” Rene put her arm around Ava as she sat down. “I missed my best friend.”

“I missed you too.” Ava, stunned in her seat, was glad the service started.

During the worship portion of the service, Ava's thoughts scattered all over the place like a child's spilt marbles on the floor. What would they do after the service? Would she be able to unveil her wrongdoings?

After the offering was collected, Pastor Monroe stood behind the podium. “Good morning, church.”

The crowd flooded the pulpit with greetings. Ava looked down at her church bulletin for fear Pastor would be talking directly to her again, and with Rene sitting an inch away.

“It's a blessing to be in God's presence this morning. Today's message comes from the book of Matthew. Please turn there with me.”

Everyone with their Bible flipped through pages, while others with their electronics utilized their touch screens. “I want you to stop in Matthew 10:26.” He paused to look up at the congregation. “When you have it, say amen.”

“Amen,” the congregation answered in unison.

“I want to focus on the second part of that verse. In the NIV Bible the verse reads, ‘There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known.'”

Someone called out, “Say that, say that!”

“Church, can I be real with you?”

While others encouraged him in their own way, a man on Ava's row shouted, “Please do, Pastor!”

Ava's heart drummed inside her chest.
Not too real, Pastor.

“You may be going on in your everyday life, thinking you can get away with certain actions and behaviors. Hoping what you do behind closed doors will never become public knowledge.” He wiped his brow. “But God's people, let me set you straight. First of all, the Lord knows all and sees all. He sees what sins are committed and your part in them. And guess what? He loves you anyway.”

A “glory” and a “preach, Pastor” went forth. “Secondly, it's just a matter of time before the people around you find out what you think you have kept hidden.”

Really, Lord?
Ava looked to the ceiling and fidgeted in her seat.

“I can remember when I was in college some twenty-five, twenty-six years ago. I came home for a visit and called myself going to smoke my reefah, that's what we called it back then. I hid around the back of my parents' garage.” He smirked. “Raise your hand if you know I got caught.”

Several folks in the church raised their hands and a few laughed.

“And by my momma, too. Here she thought I was her perfect li'l angel. And from then on out she saw her li'l angel as a reefah cheefah.” Chuckles flooded to the front. “Let me tell you something, church. A guilt-free conscience is the way to live your life. All secrets come out. It's just a matter of when. Let the truth set you free today.”

Did Ava want to be set free this soon? A nervous heat shot through her body. Her bulletin turned into an old-school church fan. The rapid waving back and forth almost caused her to lose her grip on the pamphlet of church info. Or, it could've been the temptation to go into a nervous panic. Either way, Ava needed to calm down and cool down.

Pastor Monroe continued, “You may think it's only an external problem, but the torment of what you are doing or have done is definitely an inside job, tearing you up internally. Free yourself by coming clean, asking for forgiveness, and repenting. Turn away from those sins that hold you back from moving forward in what God has for you.”

Ava was sure her face read every ugly detail she and Ishmael shared. She looked everywhere in the church except Rene's direction. What would be the best way to start off the conversation with Rene? Ava left her seat to go up for prayer at the close of the service.

Rene gave Ava a consoling embrace when she returned to her seat. “Feeling better, Miss Ava?” They walked out of the sanctuary arm in arm.

“Yes, I do.”
I am lying in church.

“Well, you wanna go grab a bite to eat?”

“How about I whip up something at my place? I'll call Toni and we can make it a wonderful Sunday dinner for the three of us.” With Toni in the room, Ava could conjure up enough courage to tell Rene about her betrayal of their friendship. Ava prayed that, hopefully, Toni could drop what she was doing and beeline it over to Ava's. Having her there could prove to be a good buffer, conversationally and physically.

“That sounds good. I need to talk to her about Eric's case anyway.”

“Good news I hope.”

“Yep, that punk Roderick ended up dropping the charges. He came to the conclusion his own attempted rape was enough. And the charges against Eric only put his own violence against Toni in the spotlight even more. I have some technicalities to go over with her and some documents for Eric to get notarized.”

“Awesome work, counselor.” Ava grinned, but it didn't take long for her focus to revert to her own spiritual crime she had committed against her best friend.

After she and Rene separated to find their cars in the parking lot, Ava sent Toni a text: Get to my house asap. The stuff is about to hit the fan.