Permanent Resident at the Purse Table (4 page)

“Whatever you want to do. I have a training tomorrow that starts at ten o'clock so I can hang all day if you like.”

“Good.”

They entered through the automatic sliding doors. Ava asked, “What do you have a taste for?”

“I don't know if I'm really that hungry. You pick the place.” Rene looked up and read the sign above the first store. Her eyes lit up. “Ooh, there's that store 5-7-9. I thought they went out of business. Wanna go in there for a minute?”

Ava smacked her lips. Was she serious? “Girl, please. I ain't five, seven, or nine! I'm more like five plus seven plus nine! What I'ma do in there? Get a bracelet?”

Rene laughed. “Ava, you are too funny. But yes, they have jewelry and other accessories. You may see something you like.”

“No, you go ahead.” Ava smiled. “I'll run down to the big girls' shop.”

“Okay. I'll meet you back in the food court in twenty?”

“Sounds good. I feel like Chinese, so I'll meet you over at Chinatown Grill.”

Ava turned and walked down the row of specialty stores until she reached her destination. Full-figured women calmly searched through racks and tables of clothes. Ava scanned the entrance to see how many people walking by noticed her going in the big girl store.

“Hi. Welcome to Avenue.” A smiling clerk greeted her. “Everything's half off today. Looking for anything in particular?”

“No, just looking.” Ava joined the other shoppers in their search for the perfect outfit. Well, forget perfect. Something that fit would do.

Last time she tried on clothing she was a size twenty-two. The same size or a miraculously smaller size would please her. She picked up a pair of black slacks with plaid buttons, and then grabbed a plain navy V-neck top.

Ava took a deep breath, looking at the sales associate. “I guess I'll try these on.”

“Sure. Here you go, ma'am. Let me know if you need anything.”

Ava placed her wallet on the bench, hung the outfit on the clothing hook, and removed her clothes. She took a minute to look over her body in the full-length mirror and poked out her lips. As she stepped into the pants, one leg at a time, she could tell that these were not the pants for her.

She gave them a good tug over her belly, and attempted to button them up, but was unsuccessful. Holding in her breath, she tried again. This time, victory. But the button held on for dear life. For fear the pants would burst open, she unfastened them.

After she removed the pants, she threw the V-neck over her head. Ava viewed the shirt straight on and then turned around to see the back view. The roll that hung over her bra was not what she wanted everyone to see when she walked away from them. Next, she fumbled with the sleeves that looked glued to her arms.
This is ridiculous. I gotta do better.

“Ava? You in here somewhere?”

What was Rene doing in here? Could she not find anything in the itty-bitty store? “Yes, I'm in the last dressing room.”

“I decided to come find you. I need my girl right now. Want me to find you a cute outfit?”

Not really.
“Sure, girl. Go crazy.”

Moments later, Rene handed Ava a white and hot pink top with horizontal stripes, and some too-little jeans. She didn't want to hurt her friend's feelings, but Rene could've left those garments on the rack. Ava changed back into her clothes and toddled out of the fitting room.

The associate stood outside the dressing room, grinning. “How'd everything look?”

“None of it worked for me.” Ava handed her the clothes. She probably would've had more success with the bracelet idea or other accessories in 5-7-9.

“Okay, ma'am. Would you like to try another style or size?”

“No, thank you.”

The sales associate returned the clothes to their racks. “Well, have a nice day.”

Yeah, whatever.
“Thanks, you too.”

Ava trudged toward the exit, Rene following her. Next time, they should just go straight to the food court.

Ava and Rene ordered their favorite dishes from Chinatown Grill. After sitting down with the chic food court trays, it only took Ava a few minutes to make a good-sized dent in her chow mein noodles. She chewed the delectable bitter-salty combination as she watched a couple flirting with each other a table over. Craving that closeness, she mentally removed the female from the scene and pictured herself feeding the man and cleaning his chin with a napkin.

Rene's cell phone went off. She blew out a heavy breath of air.

Ava looked up from her plate. “What's the matter?”

“Ishmael keeps texting me saying he wants to start the making up process.” She twisted her fork in her fried rice.

“Are you up to it? I mean, do you want to see him?” Ava hoped Rene's answer would be a definite no.

“Yeah, I guess. He's said sorry a thousand times and I know people make mistakes.” She put her fork down and tapped her fingers on the table. “Part of me misses him, but I'm getting tired of every time I turn around there's some drama waiting for me.”

Ava wiped her mouth with her napkin.
What would be the best advice to offer without sounding like a hater?
“Don't see him until you're ready. There's no rush. He ain't going anywhere. “

“I don't know if my mind is ready.” Rene smiled. “But my body is.”

“No, you didn't, girl.” Ava lowered her eyes. “I knew you two had slipped up before, but I thought you guys were putting it on hold until the wedding night.”

“I know, Ava. But I'm not as strong as you. I need to have him next to me. In more ways than one. He definitely has the good stuff with some to spare.”

“Please
spare
me the details.” Did Rene not think Ava would've loved a man next to her too? But that feeling only lasted so long. And after the comfort of a man's affections went away, the woman would be left with his clothes on the floor, him being more concerned with impressing his homies than keeping things on the up and up with her, and gas coming out of every part of his body. If Ava was to put up with all that and more, she'd want it to be from someone she liked and not just lusted for.

“No, I'm just saying. He is the best I've ever had. So gentle and sweet, but at the same time he takes care of his business. And don't even get me started on his equipment.”

“Okay! TMI. I don't want you to get started on that or anything else.” Was Rene trying to sabotage Ava's newfound celibacy?

“I'm sorry.” Rene snickered. “And I know premarital sex is wrong, but anything that feels that good can't be wrong. Am I right?”

“Well, since you keep talking about it; what about how you feel when it's over? I want the day when I can enjoy sex with my husband and not feel guilty afterward.” She looked around to see if any bystanders were listening. Rene asked for candidness and Ava was going to deliver. “Sex is a beautiful thing in a marriage. And you know I'm no saint, but I want to take a shot at doing things the right way. 'Cause obviously what I've been doing ain't working. Then I feel my relationship will truly be blessed.”

“I know all that, Ava, but it's hard to say no to those muscles, that smile, and those captivating green eyes.”

Ava's brow rose as she stared over Rene's shoulder. “Shh. Speak of the devil.”

Rene turned around to look behind her. “Ishmael?”

“Surprise.” His six foot one inch frame stood next to Rene. As he bent over to kiss her, he had to hold his belt buckle so his pants wouldn't hit the floor.

Just because he halfway did the club promoting thing didn't mean he had to walk around like he was the next big thing to hit the rap scene, baggy pants and all. What did Rene see in this wannabe thug?

“I'm sorry, babe. I had to see you,” Ishmael said.

“Now?” Rene rubbed her forehead, seemingly conflicted and embarrassed.

“I couldn't wait any longer.” He extended his hand toward Ava for a handshake. “Hey, Ava. How are you?”

Shaking his hand was the last thing she wanted to do. “Just fine, Ishmael.”

“And you're looking fine too.” He winked at Ava. “Don't mean to bust up your girlfriend time, but I really needed to talk to Rene. And I needed to start working off those towing fees she had to pay. I plan to pay her back with some one of a kind interest.” He grinned. “If you know what I mean.”

Ava rolled her eyes. “I wish I didn't.” Snapping her fingers and disappearing like a genie was the super power she needed at that moment. “I'm going to leave you two alone, so you can talk.”

“You don't have to go, Ava.” Rene stuck out her hand.

“No, it's okay. I need to go home and plan the menu for an event I'm catering in a few weeks.” Ava rubbed her hands together. “It's the first time I get to plan the menu from scratch.”

“Be sure to put your famous chicken and dumplings on that menu. They're the bomb.” Ishmael seemed happy to see her go so he could work his magic on Rene.

“Will do.” She gave them a two-finger salute.

“Are you sure, Ava?” Rene's eyes saddened. “Please stay.”

Ignoring Rene's plea, Ava didn't want to be the third person on a two-person bicycle. “No, I'm good. Y'all go 'head.” She threw her napkins on her plate, and picked up her tray. “Hope it all works out.”
Yeah, right. Please, Lord, forgive me for that lie.

Ishmael confidently grinned. “Oh, it will. Thanks.”

“I'll call you later, girl.” Rene half smiled and added an awkward giggle.

“You do that.” Ava nodded and scurried through the tables and into the mall traffic. It was just like Rene to kick her to the curb for Ishmael. He had a hold over her that Ava didn't understand. Could his stuff really be that good? They'd probably make up two seconds after Ava left. More power to them. Ava could find something to do. She could go home, grab a good book, and jump into a bubble bath. Maybe roll by the Krispy Kreme drive-through first.

 

 

Rene sat still with her eyes following every motion Ishmael made toward her. He scooted his chair closer. She leaned back and awaited his explanation.

“I'm sorry, Rene. I know I should've paid more attention to where I parked your car, but my plan was to run in and run out.” He rubbed the side of his low-cut fro with a dollar sign trimmed into it. Ironic, since he never seemed to have any money. “But you know when me and my homeboy Mike get together, a five-minute confab turns into twenty or thirty minutes.”

“Yeah, I know that. And since you do too, you should have paid more attention. And I wouldn't have had to pay over three hundred dollars to get my car out.”

“My bad, baby. And I can't believe it took over three hundred dollars to get your car. Crooks. I will pay you back every penny.” He tickled her side. “And of course there's that special interest I was talking about. We can take care of that tonight, if you'll stop being mad at me.”

Rene pushed his hand away. He wasn't getting off that easy. “Don't play. I'm upset. I don't even spend that kind of money on myself. And yes, you will surely pay me back all three hundred and seven dollars. About that interest you keep talking about, I'm not
interested.
”

He put both hands around her waist. “Come on, baby. Don't be like that. It was an honest mistake. That won't happen again.”

“Oh, I know it won't happen again. 'Cause you won't be driving my car anymore. Speaking of which, how'd you get up here?”

“My moms let me borrow her car.”

Of course.
Either that or she would've driven him up there herself.
Momma's boy if I ever saw one.
“Isn't that sweet of her?”

“Yes, it is. I'm blessed with two of the sweetest women in the world in my corner. So let's say you follow me to my mom's, we drop off her car, and go to your place and chill. I'll cook for you, and we can relax and talk.”

“Just talk?” Rene didn't believe that for a second.

Ishmael raised his hands in the air as if to surrender. “Yes, I promise. Just talk. And then maybe after you've calmed down, I can interest you in my interest.” His wink sent a subtle chill down her spine.

She shook her head and stood. Why couldn't she resist his charm? The inner battle ceased. Rene wanted her man back. “Come on, let's go. Maybe your momma can talk some sense to both of us. I don't know which one of us needs a talking to more.”

He rose and tagged alongside her out of the shopping mall like a hungry stray puppy.

Ava, almost home, wondered how Rene and Ishmael's conversation had gone. He probably begged until Rene gave into him. She hoped Rene could stand her ground at least a little while, so he'd remember this and not let history repeat itself. But she knew by the way Rene talked before he showed up, his job of getting her to forgive him would be an easy one.

Replaying Rene's description of Ishmael's good stuff in her head, Ava imagined more than she would ever admit to. He was definitely an attractive man, but she didn't need to hear the details.

Kids playing football in the parking lot of her apartment complex acted as if they didn't see her driving their way.
I guess I get dissed by men of all ages.
She gently honked on the horn for an unsolicited timeout in their game, then drove to her designated covered parking spot. A white truck sat across the lot in the visitor's section that resembled Xavier's ride.
I know this fool is not here.

As Ava approached the staircase, she could see Xavier standing on the top step in front of her apartment. He looked down and waved. What could he possibly want? She'd already said all she needed to say to him. And he couldn't have picked a worse time. With Rene sharing how well Ishmael performed in the bedroom, her flesh screamed for a man's touch.
Lord, give me strength.

By the time she reached the bottom of the last flight of stairs, he had taken a seat and was now sitting with open arms. She glared into his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I came by to talk. Hope you'd let me take you to dinner tomorrow night for Valentine's Day.”

“We have nothing left to talk about. And you never wanted to take me out before. I'm uh, how'd you put it? ‘Borderline fat.'” She folded her arms. “That sound about right?”

“I said I was sorry. Sometimes you tick me off and I lose control. But I do think we have something to talk about. I love you, Ava, and I can't let this go.”

“You don't have a choice in the matter.” She came up the rest of the steps and maneuvered around him.
I should kick him while he's down.

He grabbed her hand. “After almost a year together, you can't stop your feelings for me like that.”

She jerked her hand back. “This was a long time coming. I just wanted a man and was too selfish to end it.”

Ava's pride and self-centered side could have made it another month or two with Xavier. Even though they didn't go out much, when they did she felt lucky to have him by her side. His build, muscular and solid, looked nice against her stout frame. The strong outline of his jaw told more of his story. He was put together and exuded swag with every step he took.

Xavier sauntered over to her. She could hear the overly starched crease in his jeans as he moved. “Why does this have to end?”

“Because I want more.”

He placed his hand on her shoulder. “Let me be that more for you.”

“You've tried. And I tried, but I can't do it any longer. I'm tired of the smart comments about my weight.” She backed away from him.

“I thought I was helping you.”

“Helping me?”

“Yeah. Like motivating you to want to work out. I don't know. I sincerely apologize.” His eyes reminded her of a lost puppy's.

“Thanks, but that was only part of it. All the phone conversations you mysteriously had to take in another room and phone numbers in your pockets.” She had several issues with him. These two were just at the top of the list.

“I told you I was holding those numbers for my cousin.”

“Then he's cheating on his wife?” Ava double pumped her neck. He must've mistaken her for a naive teenage girl.

“That's his business. I was lookin' out for him. That's my boy.”

She lifted her right eyebrow and grinned. “Well, birds of a feather, right? Plus, I want a man who can lead me in the things of God. Not someone I have to drag.”

He took hold of her hand. “I can be that, Ava. Please give me another chance.”

“Xavier, I'm out of them.”

He leaned in and kissed her lips. She used both hands to push him back.
Nice try.
He went in again, this time running his hand through her hair, then resting his hand on her cheek.
Shoot!
She lingered in this lip lock a bit longer. Ava's neighbor stepped out to throw away a bag of trash.

The interruption startled her and she jumped back. “Xavier, stop.”

“There's still passion between us, baby. Give me five minutes to plead my case. And if your answer is still no, I'll leave you alone.”

She put up the peace sign. “Two minutes.” Ava pushed the door back and held it open enough for him to slither in. When he brushed past her, his cologne left a trail, sending a shock wave through her body.
Dang.
He knew what scent to put on before he trekked over to her place. In the past, that fragrance had proven to be irresistible to Ava's womanhood. She dropped her keys and wallet on the breakfast bar, and turned toward him with her hands on her thick hips. “So go ahead. Plead.”

“I know I have my faults, like anyone else, but you make me want to be a better person. In fact, I am a better person when I'm with you.”

“Well, I'm not. I'm a hot mess. Always worried about what you might say when I put on my clothes. Or when I take them off. Constantly thinking you'll leave me when you find someone smaller. I just—”

“Ava. You're beautiful just the way you are.”

“I don't feel beautiful with you.” She didn't want him to see her cry, but one tear escaped and traveled down to her chin.

He glided over to her. “I can show you better than I can tell you.”

His hands pulled her body up against his and caressed everywhere they could reach. Their kiss was now mutual as she threw both arms around his neck. A warm, tingling sensation shot down her spine to the tips of her toes and jolted her even closer into his body.

Two minutes had come and gone. The familiarity, among other things, felt good. Then when his fingers ran over the plumpness that overlapped her bra strap, Ava caught herself.
This is how he got you back the last time. This is lust, not love.
She moved her arms between them and shoved him back.

“What's wrong?” he asked with a look of confusion on his face.

Ava kept her hands up. The barricade of arm's length away was the only thing that could stop her from taking the unwelcome affection too far. “Everything. I need you to leave.”

“Leave?” His voice elevated to a higher pitch. “What are you doing? Trying to tease me?”

“No. I don't want this and I let it go too far already. I can't do this with you again, X.”

“Then who you gon' do it with?” His face scrunched in anger.

“It's not about anybody else. I don't want to be with you anymore. I'm done.”

“You didn't seem done a few seconds ago.”

She moved toward the door. “I know. I didn't mean for that to happen.”

“It happened because you still love me.”

“No, I don't. Please leave.” Opening the door, she knew this good-bye was the true end of their relationship.

He looked out the door but didn't move. Ava didn't want a scene, but had no problem calling the police if he didn't leave her apartment. As a juvenile probation officer, she possessed a service pistol. The .22-caliber gun tucked away in her nightstand was only twenty feet away. She had no problem using it if he needed help getting out the door.

“Xavier, you need to go.”

“Dang it, Ava! I'm tired of you playing games.”

“I'm not playing games. Now good-bye.” She gripped the door handle.

He stepped toward the door. “Okay, see if you get anybody who looks as good as me again. And who's willing to put up with your big butt. Ain't nobody gon' want you.”

A few choice words were on the tip of her tongue. It took an act of God to hold her mouth mute.

“Well, maybe if you lose fifty pounds,” he scoffed.

No, he did not.
She squeezed the doorknob. “Are you finished?”

“Yeah, I'm finished. Finished with your two-ton behind.” He turned to look in her eyes. “Glad it's over!”

“Not as glad as I am.” She shut the door hard enough to rattle the wall. “Ahh! Why didn't you let me cuss him out, Lord?” He was truly crazy. Five minutes before she was beautiful just the way she was, then when he didn't hear what he wanted to hear, he flipped the script.

She stormed down the hall to the guest bathroom, yanked a few tissues out of the box, and threw the box against the wall. Wiping her tears, she marched into the kitchen. Enough was enough. Why did she put up with his crap for so long?

The cabinet above the sink stored wine glasses and corkscrews. She snatched one of each and slammed the door closed. After placing the glass and corkscrew on the counter, she grabbed a bottle of Chardonnay out of the fridge. Tears and mumbling flowed as she forced the wine bottle open and poured herself a hefty glass. She would never say two words to him the rest of her years on this earth. Nor spit on him if he was on fire.

Raising her glass to the ceiling, she mocked, “Well, I'm fat and that's that! Here's a toast to me and my big butt.”

She gulped down the first glass, took a deep breath, and then poured herself another.