Perfectly Broken (5 page)

The door closed behind her, and when Tomas could
again move, he rummaged for another whiskey, coming up empty. Out
of the corner of his eye, he spotted the shreds of lace on the
floor and picked up the ripped panties. Burying his face in the
material, he breathed in. The faint scent of Susanna aroused him,
and he closed his eyes.

Then he remembered he had to be somewhere. He
stuffed the panties under his pillow and glanced over at the
window. It was already dark out. Hustling to the shower, he got
ready quickly. In the closet, Tomas chose a fresh shirt and dark
slacks. Usually, he didn’t dress formally, but for a death in the
family he had to make an exception.

The sick feeling that roiled inside was a
deterrent to socializing. But he had no choice. Tomas finished
dressing and left, even though it felt like his skin had been
ripped from his body and his heart sawed in half with a rusty
knife. The electrifying events of the day had occurred within such
a short time, he couldn’t get his head around any of it.

*****

The bistro was packed when he arrived, and Tomas
was escorted through the busy tables to a room in the back. The
lighting was dim, and the walls were an earthy color. Red sconces
and colorful paintings accented the room. Stepping farther inside,
he looked around at the family sitting at a long table. His aunts,
uncles, cousins, and grandmother were back, along with his parents
and his sister.

Tomas felt like hell, and he needed a drink. The
whiskeys he had downed earlier had long since worn away, likely
burned off during the heated sex of the afternoon. It was hard to
believe it had actually happened, all the intimate and blazingly
hot things Susanna had done with him. But the feeling in his loins
confirmed that it had.

Why Susanna fled like a scared rabbit, he had no
idea. But it didn’t make it any better. His insides were torn up
over a woman he had known less than a day. If there had been any
way to bow out of dinner with the relatives, he would have.

But considering it was the last get-together
before everyone one returned to their normal life, or flew home, he
couldn’t think of a way out. It was the day of the funeral, and to
snub the family at that particularly sensitive time would be pretty
bad. Even for him.

There was only one solution. To drink until he
couldn’t feel anymore. Taking the seat next to Alaina, he flagged
the server. “Whiskey, please.”

The rest of the party had their drinks and were
already working on salad. Tomas was more than fashionably late. His
mother sat to the other side of him, and she leaned over to whisper
into his ear in a sharp tone. “What have you been doing?”

Thrown off balance, Tomas hesitated. Then he put
his mouth close to his mother’s ear and said tentatively,
“Grieving?” The questioning tone of voice just slipped out, and he
doubted his answer would be found satisfactory. Or even believable.
Mari Dempsey was a good mother, but she had always kept the family
in line. She never tolerated disrespect, and even to that day she
could impinge on Tomas with a singular challenging word.

His mother gave him a strange look, and shook
her head. “Well, we tried to wait but I didn’t know when you’d be
here.”

“Sorry.”

Alaina kneed him, and he looked over at her.
“You’re late.”

Tomas let out a sigh. “You wouldn’t believe it
if I told you.”

His sister cupped her hands over his ear and
whispered, “You caught up with the disappearing woman?”

He had to grin, but it faded quickly. “Yes.”

Alaina looked at him, wide-eyed. “Why didn’t you
bring her with you?”

The whiskey arrived and Tomas gulped half of it
in one swallow. “I’ll tell you later.”

The dinner progressed without incident, except
that Tomas got drunker and drunker. He lost track of how many
drinks he had. Everyone else was too involved in conversation to
notice. Although Alaina gave him a disbelieving look when yet
another drink arrived.

His grandmother encouraged him to order the
sticky duck, whatever that was. And maybe if he had eaten some of
it, the room wouldn’t have begun to move as though the dining room
was in a ship on rolling water. But food just didn’t go with shots
of whiskey and deep depression.

Mercifully, no one wanted dessert and the meal
came to an end. What he said to anyone, Tomas wasn’t sure. He
smiled and hugged. Much of the evening went by in a blur. After
most of the relatives had filed out, his father called him
aside.

“We leave in the morning, you know,” Galen
said.

Tomas nodded and swayed only slightly.

“Are you okay?”

“Sure, Dad.”

With a hand on his son’s shoulder, he said what
he needed to: “Well, listen. I know you have things lined up over
here. But if you need anything, just call.” He gave Tomas a bear
hug, making him a bit queasy.

He patted his father’s shoulder. “I will.
Thanks.”

Tomas desperately needed some air. He headed to
the front of the restaurant, and when he stepped outside, he felt a
tug on his jacket. Turning, he saw Alaina. Still in black and with
her hair styled for the evening, she looked pretty.

“I’ll text you,” she said.

“I’ll text you back.” Tomas gave her a hug.

She looked at him with wet eyes. “I’m going to
miss you.”

“Well, if you get tired of college in Boston you
can always come stay with me, and go to school here.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Really?”

Tomas widened his stance to remain steady on his
feet. “Yep.”

“You might be sorry for that offer. If I need
some space I might just take you up on it.”

Alaina gave him another big hug and then took
off to catch up with her parents. Watching her go, Tomas knew he
would miss her too. And he should be looking out for her. He was
her big brother. But she was already in college, and didn’t seem to
need too much looking out for.

More likely someone needed to keep an eye on
Tomas. Considering how his life in Dublin was starting out, that
wasn’t much of a joke. The restaurant was close to the Ashling
Hotel, and he had walked over. But he flagged a cab for the return
trip, not up to navigating the few blocks back.

In the back seat of the cab, Tomas passed out,
and the driver had to shout at him to wake him up. After paying, he
made it up to his room, where he promptly threw up. On his back,
with the marble bathroom floor cold against his back, he raked a
hand through his hair.

The good news was that the funeral was over. The
bad news was that Tomas was fucked up. He fell asleep on the floor
and woke up several hours later. Dragging himself upright, he
managed to strip and get into bed, where he slipped into an
alcoholic stupor.

The last thing he remembered was seeing the
vision of Susanna’s naked body next to him. For a fleeting second,
he thought she had come back. Tomas reached out, but touched only
cool bed sheets. The horror that she had vanished from his life,
probably for good, hit him hard. But he passed out again before he
could contemplate the repulsive prospect.

* * * * *

After picking up her coat downstairs, Susanna
made her way to Quays Bar, situated in the heart of Dublin. It
wasn’t far from the Ashling Hotel, where she had left Tomas.
Acutely aware of being naked under her skirt, she sought relief in
the fact that the hem of her outerwear ended below the knee. Thus,
no one could see her state of undress.

The day at the funeral had left her bereft, but
not so much due to the somber nature of the church affair, as
because of the intimate scene in the hotel room. There was
something satisfying about being the center of a man’s focus, even
if for no more than a couple of hours.

That should have been comforting, and she had
hoped it would be. Somehow it wasn’t. The look on his face when she
had told Tomas she was leaving haunted her. The need to forget him
was thwarted. The urge to have him again superseded her ability to
block him from her thoughts.

Which was unusual. Sex was sex. And just because
it was hot with a guy didn’t mean anything. Normally, he forgot her
as quickly as the unmemorable man faded from her mind. Not so with
Tomas. And it was annoying.

Who did he think he was? A prince or something?
Actually, it seemed that he did. Susanna had to smile at his
rendition of the Celtic fairy tale, or at least what he had told
her of it. She didn’t let on that she had heard the story many
times, but wanted to hear how he remembered it.

Though he didn’t suspect, Susanna knew he had
altered it, giving his version instead. For one thing, the prince
had fiery red hair, which Tomas did not. His was brown. And for
another, the maiden had blond hair, not strawberry blond.

Tomas was telling his own tale. But why? Why did
he care? It seemed like he had been trying to get her to lighten
up. That wasn’t possible, so he would only be disappointed anyway.
It was better for it to happen sooner than later.

Rarely did Susanna’s relationships progress past
the first encounter, and she preferred it that way. The last thing
she needed was some guy getting all doe-eyed with her and falling
in love. That wasn’t going to happen.

The sex was good, though. And with Tomas it had
been especially so. More than that, in fact. The tingling sensation
that radiated through her when she thought of the time she had just
spent with him confirmed that it stood out above others.

Normally, when it was over, it was over. And she
didn’t know why she was still thinking about him. Even if she
wanted to, Susanna wouldn’t let herself get involved. He would only
find out what she was really like, and all his visions of her as
some sort of princess would go
poof
.

Worse, he might despise her. Susanna didn’t let
anyone get close enough for that to matter, and certainly not a
warm, loving man like Tomas. In a way, she had struck gold with
him. And she could see him easily becoming an addiction.

Having enough addictions already, she didn’t
need another. And though she was thought of as cold-hearted by
some, Susanna did have feelings. Seeing Tomas hurt wasn’t in the
plans. One afternoon of fucking without inhibition, he would get
over.

More than that would be tougher. Plus, he didn’t
need to take on her problems. No one did. Which was why she kept
things to herself. But Susanna was lonely. And sad. Just as she had
told Tomas. That had been the truth.

Sex, and plenty of it, helped to fill the void.
Or so Susanna attempted to convince herself. But it didn’t always
work. A man was quickly satisfied, and none were prone to care
about her emotions or issues. It would be nice, but she didn’t
expect it.

And certainly, she knew from experience, that it
was the physical contact she could count on. And it was
that
she craved. The void inside her was another matter. There were
other crutches to help her deal with that. The drugs and alcohol
muted the emotional pain, though it always came back.

Pulling open the door to the pub, Susanna went
inside. Normally, she would have scouted for male attention, but
that night she just didn’t feel like it. Could it be that Tomas had
really satisfied her? It was possible.

Anyway, she was hungry and a bit tired. It had
been a long day, and she had to go to work the next morning. Eating
wasn’t such a bad idea, so she ordered the cottage pie. The meat
pie was served promptly with its crust of mashed potatoes on top.
It smelled good, but Susanna didn’t have the appetite she should
have.

After a couple of bites, she pulled her phone
out of her pocket and texted her friend. Rowan worked a lot, and
many times if she didn’t call, he would just stay glued to his
computer screen at home. He needed to get out more.

The quick reply said he would be right over.
Susanna wrapped her arms around her chest even though she wasn’t
cold. While waiting for him to arrive, she tried to avoid the gazes
of men at the bar. Maybe they’d seen her some other time.

Hoping no one there that night had been with her
before, Susanna studied her partly eaten pie. Then she got up and
asked the waitress to seat her at a table. It would be less
conspicuous. She sighed and ran her hand through her hair.

She needed a drink, but she was at least
trying
to cut back. The drawback was that as one vice got
under control, another reared its head. The less alcohol she
consumed the more alone she felt, and the excessive need for sex
took its place.

Susanna knew she was different from other women
in many ways. Her behavior could easily be criticized due to her
proclivity for sex. But she didn’t know how to stop, any more than
she knew how to abstain from drinking or getting high.

The best she could do was to keep her addictions
in check. Though she didn’t do such a great job of that either. Yet
giving them up wasn’t possible. It was too much. Even she had
limits. And without the comforts, even as frowned upon as they
were, Susanna couldn’t make it through the day.

Rowan Ash walked up to the table and gave her a
hug. In his sweater and jeans, he looked attractive. Though women
didn’t gravitate to him. Her friend was a bit quirky, but that was
partly what she liked about him. He tossed his coat over the back
of the chair and sat down across from her.

His long, dark hair touched his shoulders, the
wave in it defying all styling. The pale blue color of his eyes
against his pasty skin made him look more like vampire than man.
His face was narrow and his eyes were close-set. But he was
goodhearted, smart, and a good friend to have.

“Okay, baby doll, what are we eating?”

She smiled. “I ate. Have what you want. I’ll
stay for the conversation.”

Rowan studied the menu, though he knew it well.
They met there often. “Beef stew, love,” he said when the waitress
came by.