Paying the Price (13 page)

Once my clothing was off, my maid reached for the collar around my neck, but Dareena spoke sharply, startling the maid, then spoke more softly. She nodded then took my hand and led me to a shower in the corner of the room. I eyed it dubiously but stepped in.

When the maid reached for the chain, I was expecting to be deluged by frigid water, so I gritted my teeth and vowed not to make a sound. The water was cold, but not frigid. The maid doused me well, and I did what I could to rinse my hair as well.

I stepped out and Dareena stepped in behind me. She yelped at the cold water. I smiled sweetly at her then allowed my maid to draw me to one of the tubs. Holding her hand to steady myself, I stepped into the tub, then lowered myself into the water.

I moaned in pleasure but managed to avoid any words.

The maids bathed us. I let mine do whatever she wanted to me, and she was very good. She left my more personal regions for me to wash myself, but she took care of everything else. I adjusted as necessary so she could wash me. She did my hair last, and it took several cleanings.

While she was bathing me, I wondered if this was the last kindness I would ever receive.

I ignored Dareena, but from the sounds she was making, I gathered she was enjoying her bath as much as I was enjoying mine.

Once we were clean, the maids left us to soak for a while.
I closed my eyes and dozed, not waking until my maid was back, touching my arm. I glanced over to see Dareena being helped out of her tub by the other maid.

I let mine help me out of the tub then stood still while she dried me. She dressed me in my under things, then pulled a chair over for me to sit in while she dried my hair with several towels. She spent quite some time brushing the snarls out as gently as she could. Then she stood me back up and finished dressing me.

I glanced over, and Dareena was being treated in the same fashion I was. The innkeeper had found clothes that fit her, more or less, although they were not as fine as mine. I was now dressed in the clothing I had been wearing when I had been kidnapped. It wasn't pressed and had been left folded in the chest for several days, but the clothes were clean and dry and of the quality I typically wore when out on the town for an evening.

Dareena's clothing was more in keeping with a member of the merchant class or an innkeeper's daughter. But it fit and was pressed, so it was a toss up which of us was better dressed.

One of the maids collected our old clothes and spirited them away. The other led us back to our room. Both Dareena and I were barefoot. As soon as we got to the room, I went to my chest. There were two pair of fine dress shoes, which of course I couldn't wear, but there was also a pair of low boots. I sat down and pulled them on.

Dareena talked to the maid for a moment longer then closed the door on her
then she crossed the room to me. "So, are you planning on executing me via dehydration?"

She smiled and spoke quietly. "The maid is finding a pair of shoes for me, then we will go down for a meal. You may have all the water you want, or wine if you prefer."

"Water."

She nodded.

I stood up and went to the window, staring outside.

It didn't take long for everything to catch up to me. I tried counting back the days to my last happy moment. It was the night I had been kidnapped. I had met with friends. We had a nice dinner and exchanged gossip until late. One of my friends announced her parents were trying to talk her into a marriage, but she wasn't sure she cared for the man they had chosen. Still, she seemed happy to talk about it, and I'd been happy for her.

Then I'd been kidnapped, and my world had crashed around me.

I thought again of how my sister had betrayed me, and I felt the tears begin to slide down my cheeks.

I ignored the bustle at the door.

Dareena walked up behind me and took my arm, trying to pull me after her. I tugged away from her, staring out the window. She took my arm and pulled again, this time using enough force I was turned to face her. She saw the tears and her smile faltered. "Ohh," she said.

She looked over her shoulder and said something to the maid, and the girl disappeared, closing the door.

Dareena tried to pull me into a hug, but I pushed her away. She was nearly the last person on the planet I wanted comfort from. She looked hurt by it.

"Don't look at me like that," I said quietly, my voice catching. "This is your fault as much as my sister's. You are not my friend, and you are not forgiven."

I turned back to the window, staring outside for another minute, then dried my tears and pulled myself erect. I turned to face her. "Let's go, I guess."

She nodded and took my hand. I pulled away from her. "Stop it," I hissed. "Every time you touch me the collar gives me little waves of pleasure. I don't want them. I will follow like a docile little prisoner."

She nodded and led the way from the room, I followed.

She led the way downstairs. The innkeeper met us and led us to a table. I grabbed Dareena's arm and pointed to the back of the inn. I would have liked to sit outside. She ignored me and sat at the table the innkeeper had provided.

Bitch.

I sat down opposite her.

Dareena exchanged words with the innkeeper. He stepped away, smiling, and a serving maid stopped by with goblets and poured water for us. I drank mine immediately and held it out to her. She refilled it with a smile then waited to see if I would consume a second glass. I drank part of it and set it on the table. She topped mine off and refilled Dareena's before stepping away.

Dareena chattered at me, but of course I didn't understand a word, so I gave her a dirty look and ignored her. Dareena continued to chatter away as if I understood what she was saying.

I hoped she choked on her food.

I tried to think of something productive, something that wouldn't reduce me to tears again. I couldn't think of a single thing. So I looked down at the table and counted the rings of the wood grain.

Food came. It was some sort of stew, and there was a loaf of bread. I stared at it, and a lump formed in my throat.

I had a serious case of self-pity going and no idea how to break out of it.

I
managed to eat some of the food
, choking it down past the lump in my throat. Dareena tried several times to get my attention, but I stared at my plate, ignoring her and everything else around me as best I could.

Once I had eaten some of the food, my body relaxed. I was starving. We hadn't had any food that day. I drank a lot of water, and the serving maid stopped past several times to refill my glass.

I finished the food, wiping the last of the juices with a bit of bread, then stared into my mug of water.

Dareena's tone was gentle, but I was disappointed she hadn't choked on her food.

I briefly toyed with the idea of standing up and loudly proclaiming who I was. I wondered how quickly the mob would kill me. I looked around the room, judging who was there. In a corner was a table of four men who were clearly soldiers. Another table held a group of women. One table held a young couple. Another held a couple of merchant men. Sitting alone at the bar were several rough-looking men of
indeterminate
origin.

Dareena must have figured out what I was contemplating. She spoke very low but said in Norinian, "It might bring you peace, but it won't bring peace."

I looked at her and nodded once.

I realized my only choice was to accept whatever was to happen. I had no control over matters. It wasn't my nature to surrender in that fashion, and I wondered if that was the worst, knowing I had absolutely no control over the situation, that nothing I did mattered.

I hadn't noticed him approach, but the old man, the port master Nuron, pulled up a chair and sat down at our table. He spoke in an animated fashion with Dareena. She smiled broadly and looked excited and exceedingly pleased. She talked to me, clearly trying to get me to show some excitement at whatever news Nuron had brought, but I was sure anything she found as good news was more bad news for me. I smiled wanly but kept my thoughts to myself.

Nuron and Dareena talked for a few more minutes, then he rose from his seat and departed. I watched him go.

I went back to counting the wood grain of the table in front of us. Dareena talked excitedly. I gave her a look that tried to say, "Whatever."

She got up and reached for me. I rose to my feet and stepped away from her, then followed along behind her as she led the way back to our room. Once we were there, I stepped past her to the wash stand. There was water now. I washed up from dinner.

Dareena stepped up to me and said quietly,
"The
Kilda More
wasn't scheduled to leave for several days, but her captain has agreed to leave tonight. He has been impressed with the urgency of my return to Rendarin. Nuron is sending someone to collect your chest. He is sending clothes and fresh footware to us on the ship."

I looked around. My boots were gone. "My boots? The clothes we were wearing?"

"They're in the laundry. I'll try to get them sent to the ship before we sail." She paused. "We'll be in Rendarin by this time tomorrow."

"Excellent, then my execution can by done by midnight tomorrow."

I turned away from her.

"I told you," she said. "There will be a fair trial."

"That should take at least ten minutes."

"They will need to assemble the witnesses. Send out notices. I will need time to build a defense. The trial won't begin for several weeks and will undoubtedly last several weeks."

I turned and stared at her. "Why? The verdict is predetermined. Why do you need this sham?"

"It's not a sham."

"Dragging it out is more cruelty. We both know what is going to happen. Why do you continue to act as if it's anything but what it is?"

"I vowed a fair trial."

"There is no way I can possibly receive a fair trial within the borders of Tendaria. It is not humanly possible."

I turned away from her again.

"It will be as fair as we can make it, then."

"Why?"

"Because you deserve justice."

I turned back to face her. "Do you really believe that is what is going to happen?"

"Of course."

"You must be the most naive woman I have ever met. I am not going to receive justice. I am going to receive vengeance, and anyone who pretends this is anything different is lying to herself. I suppose it makes you feel better. You'll be able to sleep at night. I received justice. It was just to kidnap me. It was just to engage in treachery to bring me here. It was just to stage a mock trial. It was just to execute me. I was twenty-three years old doing the best I could, and in the four years since, not one single person has told me what I should have done differently. They only have told me what I shouldn't have done."

I turned my back on her. "Believe what you will. This is not justice, and you will never convince me it is. It is treachery and vengeance.
The sooner you admit that to yourself, the sooner it can all be over.
"

After that I refused to respond to her but stood staring out the window into the courtyard below. She tried talking to me, but I shrugged her off, and eventually she gave up.

We waited about an hour before there was a knock at the door. I ignored it and the resulting bustle. Then Dareena was at my shoulder and said very quietly, "Princess, it is time to leave."

I turned around and followed her obediently.

I didn't speak a single word during the voyage. It took all my concentration to ignore Dareena's excitement. She was coming home victorious
, her prisoner in tow, and would be the architect of peace. She had a right to be so happy, but it was at my expense, and I couldn't be happy with her.

The ship's captain had given us his cabin for the voyage, and that is where I spent the entire trip. I didn't see as we left Terini and I didn't see as we entered Rendarin. But I felt as the ship pulled up next to the wharf, and I heard the sounds one would hear in any port city in the world.

I ignored all of it, but I turned to my chest and pulled out my dress. I looked through the chest and found everything else I would need. There was a small mirror, so I did my makeup and adjusted my hair. It was pitiful by court standards, but I had always had maids when I needed them.

Then I stepped out of my clothes and struggled with the dress. I didn't shrug off Dareena's help. She got me into the dress and did up the laces for me. Then she retrieved shoes for me and helped me into them.

I examined myself in the mirror. I looked terrible, but I could stand tall, as I was doing the best anyone else would under similar circumstances. I turned to Dareena.

"You owe me."

"Yes."

"Will you give me the dignity of removing the collar?"

She looked away.

"I saved your life. I could have let you drown. You couldn't have made the boat without my help. I cooperated, knowing what is to happen to me. You owe me."