Parker's Island (42 page)

“It’s okay. 
I should have known something was terribly wrong
,
”
s
he said, hugging me back.

“Are you happy?” I asked her.

“Yes.  I love Brian.  That’s okay
,
isn’t it?
  We didn’t plan this….we
only
start
ed
talking
because of you.
”

“It’s great
,
Molly
!  I couldn’t be happier for
the two of y
ou.
  I never really liked Jason
,
”
I smiled.

“You were right about him.”

“
Maybe
,
but
you have a wonderful man now.”

“You’re staying
now
,
right
?”
s
he asked.

“I’m going to stay with
my
Aunt Vickie for a while.  Logan’s going to come and try to talk me into going back with him, and I can’t be here, or I’ll cave.”

“I don’t understand.  How could he be married, and why is he coming after you if he doesn’t love you?”

“He does love me, but it doesn’t change the facts.”

“I’m trying to understand, but you’ve lost me.”

“We both have a few issues to work out.  Maybe in time we’ll be able to be together.  But right now, we have to work things out on our own.”

“Will I see you soon?”
             
“You can call me anytime.  But, I’m asking you to promise me that you won’t tell him where I am.  Swear it!”

“Okay, okay.”

“Thank you.  I have to go.  I’m getting on a bus in a few hours.  I love you
,
Molly.”

We hugged once more and I walked out the door with Brian following close behind.

“I’m fine to walk
,
Brian.  Go back to Molly
,
” I said.

“Not a chance
,
”
h
e said, opening his passenger car door for me.

“Always the gentleman
,”
I said, and stepped into the car.

We drove in silence for a while,
and then
finally he pulled over a block from my house.

“What are you doing
, Brian?”
I asked.

“I need to know who it was
,
Delaney
.  P
lease tell me who it was.”

“Brian, I can’t tell you.”

“Dam
m
it Delaney, stop being so brave
, and tell me who hurt you!
”

I stared straight ahead, unable to say his name
,
“Brian, I can’t say it…
please don’t make me.”

“I need to know.”

“Why?  What are you going to do?  And will
that
make everything alright?”

“Was
he
what
you saw
the night that we were…
together
?”

“Yes
,
”
I whispered.

“
I need to know who it was
,
Delaney.  I don’t think I can live with all this anger.”

“You have to let it go.  He can’t hurt me anymore.”  I turned to him and saw the pain in his eyes, pain that I was
once again
responsible for.  “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.”

“What are you going to do if I tell you?”

“I’m going to beat the
h
ell out of him
!
”
             
“Well, that was an honest answer. 
But
I won’t let you do that.  I can’t let you do that.”

“Why are you protecting him?”

“That’s what Logan said.  But I wouldn’t tell him and I’m not going to tell you.”

“Logan doesn’t know?”
             
“Yes, he
does know
.
But I didn’t actually tell him.  I
t kind of slipped
out
in a moment of panic and he guessed.  He took care of it
,
Brian!  He punished him, somehow.  I know some of what he did, but I know there was more and I didn’t want to think of him that way
, so I asked him not to tell me
.  And I don’t want to think of you that way
,
either.  Just go home and be happy with Molly.  You deserve it!  You do love her
,
right?”

“
I love her
.  B
ut I won’t lie
, s
he’s not you.  I finally understand exactly how you felt
about me and Logan. 
Whatever happened between you two, you need to fix it.  Don’t let him go.”

“
It’s complicated.”

“You said that before, yet you went to him when you needed someone the most and I wasn’t there for you.  He took you in
,
then
.
I’m certain
you can work it out
,
now.”

“
You were always there for me
,
Brian. 
M
olly is so lucky to have you!”
I said, kissing his cheek.

“Are you going to be okay?”

“
Yes…e
ventually.”

He started driving again and soon we were in front of my house.  “Thank you for the ride
,
” I said, and started to get out.

He reached over me and closed the door.  “Delaney, I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For not protecting you that night.”

“You were drugged
,
Brian
.  W
e both were.  It wasn’t your fault.  Please don’t blame yourself.”
             
“I have to know
,
”
h
e said again, clenching the steering wheel until his knuckles were white and bloodless.

“Please, just forget it.”

“Do you still see hi
m
, like that night?”

“I used to, but not anymore.”
             
“So that makes it alright
,
then?  You don’t
have flashbacks
of him
anymore, so suddenly what he did is okay?”

“NO!  It’s not okay.  I hate him!
  I s
aw him every night in my sleep…
and I woke up screaming every night until…
”  I said, knowing that was the first time I had actually said anything bad about my attacker.

“Until what?”

“It doesn’t matter.  It’s over.”

“Then tell me who it was!”

“NO!” I yelled.

“
Tell me
,
Delaney.  I have to know.”
             
He wasn’t going to stop until I told him, I knew that, but the
name
just wouldn’t come out of my mouth.  I had held in the anger for so long
,
that even then, when I was finally furious
,
I couldn’t say it out loud.

“You can’t even say it, can you?  You can’t even say his name.  How is it ever going to be over until you
can
tell someone who it
wa
s?”

“It is over,
” I said
,
crying
, and started to step out of the car.

He stopped me from getting out of the car again.  Then he pulled me to him and held me.  I was sobbing
, and he cradled me against his chest
.

“I’m sorry
,
Delaney.  But don’t you see
;
if you don’t tell someone, then he wins.”

“I…
can’t.  I told Logan.”

“No you didn’t, you said he guessed.
  You have to
tell
someone
.  Y
ou have to face it before you can put it behind you.
  You have to say his name.
”

“No.”

“Who was it?”

“
I won’t tell you.
”

“Who was it?
  Whose face did you see the night we
started
to make love
?”

I was tired of fighting and I was tired of trying to forget.

“Who was it?”
h
e asked me again, softly
, pulling my face up to look him in the eye
.

“Chad
,
” I whispered.

He didn’t say anything, he just held me while I cried.   After a while he asked me if I was okay.

“I think so.”

“
I know that was hard,
but you needed to say it.  You know that
,
right?”

“Yes.  But just because I told you who it was doesn’t mean I want you to do anything
about it
.  Please don’t.  Promise me.  If you do, and something
happens
to you
,
then
I couldn’t live with it
.
”

“I knew who it was
,
Delaney.  I knew the second you told me you were
…
raped,” he said, his anger even more apparent now.

“You knew?  Then why would you make me…?”

“I told you why.  You needed to say it.
  And, I needed to be sure.
”

I knew he was right.  He was always right.  “
What d
o
you mean you needed to be sure?
”

He ignored my question.
“I know that
things are different between us now, but I do still love you
,
Delaney.  If you ever need anything, I’m here for you.”

“Thank you.”
I sat up, dried my eyes and stepped out of his car.  True to his gentlemanly nature
,
he walked me to the door, one last time.
             
“Take care of yourself
,
”
h
e said, and started to head to his car.

“Brian, wait.  How did you know who it was?” I asked, needing to know.

“I remember the night Molly told us about
what happened to Chad
.  I remember your face went pale white
and you were shaking
. 
I always knew he had a thing for you. 
I had heard about some conquest he had bragged about
that night
, but
I
never thought he meant you. 
I should have gues
sed then, but I didn’t see it. 
I’m sorry.”

“Please stop apologizing!  Don’t you see
;
you were there for me when I needed you?  You loved me, and that’s what I needed more than anything.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that I didn’t protect you that night
,” h
e said,
and
then added, “W
ere the
transcript and steroid
s Logan’s handiwork?
”
h
e asked, guessing
right again
.

“Yes. 
There was more, bu
t I d
idn’t
want to know
, so I wouldn’t let him tell me
.”

“That’s pretty good
.
Logan’s a smart guy. 
Hit him where it hurts. 
I would have just beat the
h
ell out of him.”

“Brian, PLEASE don’t go after…
Chad.  Please. 
Promise me! 
I couldn’t bear to see you get hurt.”

“I won’t!”
h
e said, and then headed back to his car
without another word
.

I walked in the house, thinking about his answer, and realized what Brian said could have been taken two entirely different ways.  I felt a chill run down my back as I thought of him going after my attacker.  “Certainly he meant that he wouldn’t go after Chad, not that he wouldn’t get hurt
?
” I
asked
myself.