Paint It Black (34 page)

Tearfully, I nodded. We shared a desperate kiss, and sometime later, I helped him to bed. I wanted to be strong for him, but I felt so weak in the face of all the things he could never tell me.

A week later, we were in his kitchen making a late breakfast when the phone rang. I had my hands in dishwater and Cougar was flipping eggs. I wiped my hands on a towel and hurried to answer it. The machine
clicked on before I got there.

A cheerful female voice said, “Mr. Stratton, this is Dr. Hargrove’s office. Your test results are in—”

I heard a clatter as Cougar yanked the skillet off the stove. He nearly knocked me down in his haste to get to the phone. “This is Jason Stratton.”

He cast a guilty glance in my direction. I quickly walked back toward the kitchen, but I heard him say, “Yes. When can I—as soon as possible. Today would be great. Thank you.”

He hung up and I busied myself wiping down the stove. I felt him approach, but I didn’t turn around.

“That was my doctor’s office,” he said in a “no big deal” kind of way. “I had a physical last week, my semiannual HIV test…”

“Oh?” I said with deliberate casualness, though my stomach knotted. Would this suffering never end? One glance at his face confirmed the underlying tension I heard in his tone. His eyes looked suddenly hollow, his face tight, though he was trying so desperately to act normal. I couldn’t hold his gaze long for fear that I’d bawl like a baby.

“Yeah,” he said and gave me a smile that was so wrong it looked grotesque. He must’ve realized it, too, because it quickly disappeared, though he tried to keep his tone light. “Now that I’m off the market, I won’t have to fool with those damn things much longer. I guess I’ll run by
there now so I won’t be late for work. Okay with you?”

I nodded, unable to speak. He couldn’t even kiss me. He smacked a kiss in the general vicinity of my ear and left.

I waited until he left, then picked up the skillet and hurled it at the wall.

I went on to work, but I couldn’t concentrate on the file in front of me. I should’ve followed him. What if it was bad news? What if he needed me right now? I made myself wait another twenty minutes before snatching up a phone book to search for Dr. Hargrove’s number. My hand was on the receiver when Cougar strode through the door.

He flashed me such a wide, happy smile that my knees nearly buckled with relief. It was a real smile, and it didn’t fade when he walked over to me.

I stood and he came around the desk to plant an enthusiastic kiss on my lips. “Hey, babe.”

“Everything’s okay?”

“Everything’s great.”

For awhile, we simply stood there. I knew I was grinning like an idiot, but I couldn’t help myself, not when I saw a glint of happiness in his eyes again. A spark of hope. It was crazy, but his irises even looked
lighter, like someone had flipped a switch inside of him and chased the shadows away. They were the most beautiful blue I’d ever seen. Impulsively, I hugged him. He laughed and squeezed me back.

“Hey,” he said, when I could finally bear to let him go. “What do you say we knock off early, grab Abby, and go someplace? I’d like to take my girls to an early dinner.”

I smiled. “I’d love to … but, oh, wait … today’s Friday, and Grady’s supposed to pick Abby up at four.”

Cougar folded a piece of gum and shoved it in his mouth. “I called him and asked if we could drop her off around seven. He’s cool with it.”

That made me pause. He’d
called
him? We all got along pretty well these days—crazy relatives notwithstanding—but I figured that was mainly because Cougar and Grady didn’t do more than exchange greetings when Grady dropped by the apartment for Abby. The thought of them having an actual conversation was somewhat unnerving.

Abby’s kidnapping had made us remember what was important, and I don’t think Grady had touched a drop of alcohol since that day at the morgue nearly two months ago. I was proud of his regular AA attendance and knew he loved his daughter. That was enough for me. The past was the past, and I held no grudges. I hoped he felt the same.

“An early dinner sounds great,” I managed. “Where are you taking us?”

Cougar made a face. “Well, I’d take you to Le-Bec Fin, but I doubt they serve hamburgers or pizza, so I know you and Abby would hate it. We’ll resort to the second swankiest place in town … Fat Daddy’s!” I giggled, and he slung his arm around my shoulders. “But I’m warning you, if that bird gives me any beak this time …” He thumped his fist in his palm.

The rest of the day passed quickly. Cougar laughed and joked with the others, flirted with me. He seemed almost like his old self. I dared to think that maybe we could get past this.

I’d worried at first that my relationship with Cougar would hurt Abby, that she’d resent him for taking her father’s place in our home, but those fears had proved unfounded. He was so careful with her. I’d never asked him to sleep on the couch when she was home, but he’d done that out of respect for her. He played with her and helped with schoolwork, not because I asked him to, but because he wanted to. He loved her, and she knew that. She loved him, too.

That night, even Abby seemed to notice the change in his mood. She clung to his side and laughed a little too hard at all his jokes, even the goofy ones. I guess I did, too. I wanted us to stay that way forever.

We spent five dollars’ worth of quarters playing games while we waited on our pizza. We’d skipped lunch, and I was starving by the time the waitress set it in front of us. I
don’t know if I’d ever eaten anything that tasted so good. I even caught Cougar licking his fingers. He’d lost nearly ten pounds, and I was happy to see his appetite back.

The eagle walked by and ruffled Cougar’s hair. Cougar gave him a dirty look that dissolved into a reluctant smile when Abby and I giggled. This just encouraged the eagle, who launched into an impromptu dance at our table. He kept trying to pull Cougar up with him.

Cougar laughed and tried to shoo him away. “C’mon, man, cluck off.”

“Jason!” I said.

He gave me a sheepish smile and rolled his eyes. Then he reached into his back pocket and motioned the eagle forward. Flashing his badge, he said, “Hey, man. You see the initials DEA?”

The eagle nodded vigorously and ruffled Cougar’s hair again.

“They stand for Designated Eagle Assassin. I get paid to shoot birds.”

The eagle waved him off with a “pshaw” gesture and grasped my arm. He pulled me out of the booth and motioned for Abby. She crawled out from behind Cougar and took his wing. He led us in a conga line that grew to around twenty people before we made it back to our table. Breathless and laughing, it took me a moment to notice the ring boxes on the table, one pink and one blue. The eagle saluted Cougar and led the line away
from us.

“What are these?” I asked when Cougar slid the pink one toward Abby.

Cougar gave me an odd smile and stirred his ice water with his straw. “Open them and see.”

I did as he said, and my heart thumped in my ears as relentlessly as the conga music when I saw the square-cut diamond ring inside. I twisted to look at Abby, who stared down at a tiny diamond eternity band.

Cougar’s eyes shone when he said, “So much has happened in the past few months, things that I never thought could happen to me. I never thought I’d fall in love with my best friend.” He winked at Abby. “And her daughter. I never thought I wanted to be a husband or a father.” He gave me a crooked smile. “And for sure, I never thought I’d end up proposing in some dive called Fat Daddy’s with the help of a giant bird, but here we are.”

I laughed and swiped at my eyes. He slid out of the booth and took a knee in front of us. “So, I don’t know a lot of things, but one thing I know for sure is that I want both of you in my life forever. What do you say?”

“We say yes!” Abby blurted. She tugged on my hand. “We do, don’t we, Mama? We say yes!”

I nodded happily. “We say yes.”

Cougar put her ring on first, then took my hand. “You’re shaking,” he said with a tremulous smile. He slid the ring on my finger, and suddenly the music stopped. I
glanced over my shoulder to see the eagle hold his wings out in a “well?” gesture.

Abby and I looked at each other and held up our hands. The crowd roared. The eagle strutted over to give Cougar a sorrowful pat on the back before cuing the teenager by the jukebox. The walls shook with the opening strains of “Another One Bites the Dust.”

The eagle fell to the floor and proceeded to twitch and kick before throwing his feet up in the air and playing dead. With a mortified laugh, Cougar grabbed mine and Abby’s hands and dragged us toward the door. He tried to pay the cashier, but she grinned and yelled, “On the house!”

Cougar thanked her and gave the eagle a bow. The eagle bowed back and gave him a thumbs-up. When he acted like he was going to follow us, Cougar practically shoved us outside. We stumbled into the cold evening, laughing and gasping for breath.

After dropping Abby off at Grady’s, we went back to my apartment. Cougar helped me out of my coat, then shrugged off his own. With a smile, he hung them up and strode over to turn on the radio.

“Let’s dance,” he said, and scanned the stations until he found a song he liked, “Shameless” by Garth Brooks. “Oh, that’s perfect.” He held out his hand and grinned. “May I?”

Giggling, I tucked my hand in his and let him pull
me close. He glanced at our entwined fingers, at the sparkling engagement ring, and said, “I love you. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” I whispered, and his other arm tightened on my waist.

He sang along with the radio as we swayed and I laughed.

He smiled. “What’s so funny?”

“I think that’s the first time you’ve sung anything to me that wasn’t X-rated.”

“Oh, now you’re just confusing me with Angel,” he said, and dipped his head to kiss me.

The kiss, gentle at first, grew more urgent. He fumbled at the buttons on my sweater, pausing only to let me skin his shirt over his head. We left a haphazard trail of clothing before he picked me up and carried me the rest of the way to the bedroom.

He made love to me with a quiet desperation that left us both exhausted and satiated. We fell asleep tangled in each other’s arms and, for one night at least, the nightmares didn’t find him.

Things seemed to settle down after that. We were happy, especially when Angel’s condition improved enough that he was released from the hospital. If everything wasn’t just right, at least it was getting better. Cougar and I eased into a comfortable routine while we planned for the wedding. Although I knew the storm
inside Cougar was still there, it had subsided enough to give him some peace. At least, until the night of his bachelor party.

The phone jarred me awake. I woke wild, my heart thumping painfully against my rib cage, and automatically felt for Cougar beside me. His side of the bed was cold and empty. I squinted at the clock. Two a.m.

I fumbled for the phone and pressed it to my ear. “Hello?”

“Hello, Necie?”

The tone of Ubi’s voice shook off the last spider webs of sleep.

I sat up straight. “What is it? Is it Jason? Where is he?”

Ubi paused. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“He freaked out, and he left.”

“What do you mean, he freaked out? Tell me what happened.”

“We were just having fun. Cutting up and drinking, then…” Ubi hesitated again, and I grew impatient.

“Damn it, Ubi, what?”

“We had a stripper come in.”

“Oh, thanks a lot.”

“It was just for fun. Cougar didn’t know, I swear. Before she came in, a couple of guys grabbed him, cuffed him to the chair. She came in and danced over him … Necie, he lost it. He nearly tore the place apart, yelling
and cussing until somebody let him loose. Then he left. We thought you should know.”

I hung up without replying and threw on some clothes. I thought I knew where I’d find him.

Fifteen minutes later, I knocked softly on the door of Mrs. Angelino’s apartment. She answered the door in her robe, her dark eyes worried. “He’s here,” she said. “Said he had to talk to John. Is something wrong?”

“I don’t know, Mrs. Angelino,” I said honestly. “How long has he been in there?”