Paint It Black (24 page)

I laughed, and he squeezed my waist as he reached around me to open the silverware drawer.

“Seriously, my first week there, he was running around the office yelling that he couldn’t find his khakis.” Cougar placed a steaming bowl of soup in front of me. “I didn’t know how he’d gotten separated from his pants, but I thought,
What the hell
, and helped him look. Then he grabbed this huge Red Sox key chain off the floor and said, ‘Found ‘em!’”

I covered my mouth with my hand and laughed so hard tears came to my eyes. Cougar grinned.

“What’s really a hoot is when he and Mama get together. He was asking her about Texas once, and if they had any bay-uh down there. Meaning ‘bear.’ My poor, sweet mother looks at him for a moment in absolute confusion, then she winks and says, ‘I won’t let him keep them in the house, but you can always find a few of them in Charlie’s outbuilding.’”

I was howling by this time, having picked up enough
of both Cougar and Angel-speak to see where he was going with this, but Cougar was on a roll. “Angel looks at her, dumbfounded, and says, ‘Really? You keep bayuhs in your outbuilding?’ Man, I thought I was going to die. When I picked myself up off the floor, I explained to him that she thought he meant bee-ah instead of bay-uh and to her that he meant bear instead of beer. I felt like a translator at the tower of Babel.”

“Please stop!” I gasped. “My sides hurt, and I’m gonna pee on myself.”

“You’d better not,” he said. “Your clothes are still in the machine downstairs. You’ll have to run around here naked as a bay-uh.”

I don’t know how long I stood there, fanning my face and trying to stop laughing. We were hopeless by this point. Even after we sat down to eat, all it took was a sideways glance or a snicker to get us going again. Cougar finally turned his back to me and shoveled down a few bites of soup.

I ate two bowlfuls and half a sandwich. Cougar polished off the other half, along with another bowlful of soup.

With a contented sigh, I leaned back in the chair. “That was great. You
are
a good cook.” I sighed. “How do you do it? Today has been one of the most miserable days of my life, but I feel more relaxed right now than I have in weeks. I can’t remember when I’ve laughed so much.”

Cougar gave me a crooked smile. “We’ve always had
something special between us, huh?”

So much for relaxed. My heart beat like a jackhammer while I stared at him. I felt like he was waiting on my reaction. What would happen if I took his hand? What would happen if I kissed him?

I wimped out. Jumping to my feet, I grabbed our bowls and carried them to the sink. I thought I heard Cougar laugh softly when I turned on the faucets. He came over to help.

“No,” I said, nearly panicked by the feel of his arm brushing against mine. “You cooked. I’ll get the dishes while you get a shower.”

He gave me a funny look. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.”

He cupped my shoulders and gave me a brief kiss on the back of the head before he walked over to his closet. “Your clothes are probably ready for the dryer now,” he said. “I’ll go downstairs and check.”

“I’ll get them. Just tell me where to go.”

He grinned. “You’re going downstairs like that?”

“Like what?” I glanced down at the baggy shorts. “Hey, at least they’re long enough to cover my scabby knees.”

He winked and said, “Just teasing. You look adorable. Laundry room’s in the basement. I used the machine near the coin changer. And I brought you a couple of newspapers up. Thought you might find an apartment in the classifieds.” He pointed to his stereo. “That cup over
there has quarters in it. Help yourself.”

“Thanks, Cougar.”

He shut the bathroom door and in a few moments, I heard the water come on.

By the time he came out, I was sitting in the floor, going over the newspaper ads.

“Find anything interesting?” he asked, coming to sit on the sofa behind me.

I caught a whiff of Dove soap and dared a peek. He wore a tank top and pair of black shorts.

Be still, my Yankee heart.

“I’ve got a few marked.”

He peered over my shoulder. Taking the pen out of my hand, he crossed off one of them. “Bad neighborhood.”

“That neighborhood’s okay.”

He tweaked my nose. “Not good enough for you. I stopped by the manager’s apartment and asked if he had anything open in this building. He said not right now, but he could put you on a waiting list. I told him to go ahead and write your name down.”

He stood and walked over to the bed. I watched him pull a box from underneath it and take out a couple of extra blankets.

“I’ll take the couch,” he said, then gestured at the television at the foot of the bed. “Are you gonna be a few minutes? I thought I’d watch the news if you are.”

“Sure,” I said.

He grabbed a pillow and the remote and flopped across the foot of the bed.

Somehow, I forced my attention back to the classifieds. Twenty minutes later, I’d circled five possibilities within reasonable distance of Abby’s school and my workplace, not counting the one Cougar had crossed out. I looked up to tell him so and realized he was sound asleep.

Quietly, I walked over to the bed and eased the remote from his slack fingers. I turned off the TV, then the light. Moonlight streamed through the window, bathing his face in silvery light. He looked younger. Vulnerable. No way was I going to disturb him. Since he was lying on the bedspread, I picked up one of the extra blankets he’d gotten out and covered him with it.

I looked from the queen-sized bed to the couch, debating what I was going to do. Cougar’s couch didn’t look very comfortable. I could imagine my skin sticking to that leather all night.

We were adults, right?

I moved the other pillow to the foot of the bed, shook out a blanket, and crawled in beside him.

The next thing I knew, sunlight streamed through the big bay window. I think I’d crashed as soon as my head touched the pillow.

Cougar was gone.

Shielding my eyes against the glare, I crawled out of bed and staggered toward the kitchen before I realized,
to my dismay, that I would find no coffee in this place. What I did find was a note propped atop my neatly folded clothes, along with Cougar’s car keys, two one-hundred-dollar bills and his Visa. Yawning, I sat down at the table to read.

Hey
,

Had to run by office. Didn’t know what your $$ situation was, so take what you need. Here are my khakis so you won’t be stranded (just don’t drive my Camaro like you did Grady’s Porsche). I’ve got my cell if you need me, but I shouldn’t be long
.

Love
,

Jason

P.S. There’s some Folgers in the cabinet
.

I was so happy to have coffee that I tried not to wonder who he kept it there for. After gulping down a cup, I grabbed the clothes and the keys, left the cash and plastic, and got dressed to go apartment hunting.

The first office I went to was closed, since it was Saturday. It didn’t look like the kind of neighborhood I wanted anyway. By the time I got back to the parking lot, three teenage boys were circling the Camaro. The ringleader, a tall blonde who could’ve been the poster child for the Hitler Youth, wanted to get a little friendly, but he backed off when I flashed my badge. The next
three neighborhoods weren’t any better, and I couldn’t believe how high the rent was.

The last apartment on my list was in a decent neighborhood, and the rent was better, but the place was a disaster—peeling walls, stained carpet, and no furniture save for a scarred kitchen table.

Discouraged, I told the landlady I’d think about it, then I went to visit Abby. When I pulled up the driveway, I found her and Grady playing basketball by the garage.

He looked up, and I felt a rush of apprehension. Although the panic dissipated quickly, the strangeness of the emotion lingered. I never thought I’d fear the father of my child.

“Mama, Mama!” Abby said, and ran over to hug me.

“Hey, baby!” I kissed her cold nose and tightened the drawstring on her hood.

“Whose car is that?” Grady asked.

I smiled at Abby and forced myself to look at him. “A friend’s.”

He nodded. The muscle in his jaw twitched before he turned and tossed the ball at the net. It sailed through it with a
swish
.

Abby tugged me toward the house. “Mama, come on, you’ve got to see my new room.”

“New room?” I asked, staring at Grady.

He refused to meet my eyes.

A sudden chill raced through me, and it had nothing
to do with the cold December wind. I’d dismissed the idea that Grady was responsible for the fire even before I’d gotten Maria’s phone call, but what if he’d known about it? Was he still seeing Maria—maybe still under her influence? He’d taken this all pretty calmly, considering many of his things had been destroyed, too.

“Abby, honey, why don’t you run on up to your room, and Mama will be right behind you. I need to talk to Daddy for a minute.”

“Okay, Mama,” she said, and ran toward the house.

Grady exhaled and violently dribbled the ball against the asphalt. “Don’t make a federal case out of this.”

I crossed my arms. “I was just thinking it was pretty convenient. A new room already, the day after our house burns down.”

Abruptly, Grady slammed the ball against the garage door. I flinched at the metallic clang. He took a step toward me, and I jerked backward, nearly falling into the hedge that bordered the drive. “Don’t!” I yelled, angered as much by my fear as from his reaction.

For an instant, he froze. Surprise chased the fierce expression from his face, and he slowly lifted his palms. “I wasn’t … I …”

Grady cursed softly and turned his back. For at least a minute, I watched his shoulders move up and down, and the soft white clouds of his breath rise.

Finally, he looked at me. In a calm voice, he said,
“Convenient? What are you trying to say, Necie? I thought you believed me.”

“Tell me you’re not still seeing her, Grady. Tell me you didn’t know it was going to happen.”

Hurt contorted his face. “I already told you it’s over with her. It was nothing. A mistake that cost me a million times what it was worth. And as for your second question, I resent like hell that you could even ask me that. The room was Mom’s idea. She started on it before the fire, when you kicked me out. Said that since Abby would be spending half her time here, she needed a room that was really her own, not a guest room. You know how she is with Abby.”

He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “I hate this. I hate that you’re scared of me now, that you’re so suspicious of me, and I don’t know how to make it better.” He looked me in the eye and pointed at the house. “If you never believe anything else I say to you, believe this: I love that kid in there. I’d never hurt her. Not to get back at you, not to have her to myself.”

My vision blurred, and I swiped at the corner of my eye. “I know you love her. I also know you think I’m a rotten mother. Maybe you think she’d be better off without me.”

“Shh, Necie, no,” he said, and walked over to me. Before I could protest, he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight. “You’re not a rotten mother.
I’m sorry for the things I’ve said and done to hurt you, especially where Abby is concerned.”

Footsteps clicked on the walkway. I pulled away from Grady and found myself face-to-face with Elizabeth. “What’s going on?” she asked. Her voice was pleasant, but the ice in her eyes betrayed her true feelings.

“Nothing, Mom.” Grady took my hand and pulled me toward the house. “We were coming inside. Abby wants to show off her room.”

“I see.” Elizabeth caught my sleeve. “I want you to know, Denise, that we’ll take good care of Abby until you get back on your feet.”

“Thank you,” I murmured, and let Grady lead me to the house.

Even though I was well acquainted with Elizabeth’s extravagant taste, the sight of Abby’s new bedroom stunned me. It was a room fit for a princess, with pale ivory satin on the walls, a bed with a gossamer canopy and plush baby pink carpet. A white play castle with pink turrets occupied a full quarter of the enormous room. Although it had been many years since I’d been upstairs in Elizabeth’s house, I didn’t remember any rooms this large. She must’ve had a wall knocked out and joined two rooms together. My unease was back. I knew my mother-in-law, and I saw what she was trying to do. Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm myself. Abby ran past me and flung herself on the bed.

“Isn’t it
beautiful?”
she exclaimed.

“Yes, it is,” I managed.

Grady rubbed the small of my back, and I walked away from him, toward Abby. Over my shoulder, I said, “If you don’t mind, I’d like a few minutes with Abby.”

“Sure,” he said, and I heard the click of the bedroom door when he exited.

I sat on the bed beside Abby and swept her up in a fierce hug. “Oooh, I’ve missed you, Tink!”

She giggled at the old nickname and smacked a kiss on my nose. “I’ve missed you, too, Mama. And Ralph.”

I winced. Ralph was a fat purple bunny Grady had won for her at last year’s fall festival. A pang went through me when I remembered how Grady and I had laughed when she’d christened him with the unlikely name, and how she’d carried the ugly, cross-eyed toy everywhere for the next month before he took up permanent residence on her bed.

Old Ralph was gone for good.

Gently, I told her about the fire, and of how I was trying to find us a new place to live. Abby’s eyes darkened, and she bit her lower lip. Her next question caught me off guard. “But how will Santa find me now?”

I blinked. My mind whirred, trying to pinpoint the day of the month. With everything that was going on, I was doing good to know what day of the week it was. Monday had been the eighteenth, so today was … I
paused, counting on my fingers.

Oh, God, today was the twenty-third. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, and all the presents I’d had stored in the attic for Abby had been cremated along with Ralph. Although I knew Abby wasn’t lacking for anything, it made me sick to my stomach to realize I didn’t have anything to give her for Christmas.