Out There (16 page)

“What's happening?” Doctor Karen appeared wearing sleeping clothes.

“It's Katelyn, she's outside.”

“Outside?”

“By the side of the building.”

She looked at me for a moment. “Wake the nurses,” she ordered. She ran back into her room and came out carrying a small kit. Then she shoved her way past me and hurried to the stairs.

I followed her orders until every nurse was grabbing pieces of equipment and rushing outside. After the last one was on her way, I ran down to follow them and shoved my way through the front door, recently unlocked, until I was standing by the ring of women surrounding Katelyn.

I peered over their shoulders and saw her tiny body still shaking as they fed her liquids and pills and sips of oxygen. Her eyes were stained with tears and there were still traces of immense pain in them. I looked over at her and let the tears pour out of my own eyes. It felt like I had failed her. I was completely helpless as the nurses all treated her until she was breathing normally and the pain in her eyes had subsided.

They lifted her up and brought her back inside and up to her room.

“You have some explaining to do later,” the doctor said as she walked past me.

If only I
could
explain.

I wasn't allowed to visit Katelyn for three days following the incident. After they had got Katelyn back into bed and run a series of tests on her, I was interviewed. There was no alternative but to lie, even though it went against everything our community stood for. I had found myself lying a lot at that time. I merely told the doctor that I went to visit Katelyn that night because I forgot my purse that had my electronic essays for school in it. Then she said she was feeling light-headed so we decided it would be best to get some fresh air and then she just…

They told me and everyone else that she had a bit of a fever but would most likely be back on her feet in no time. But the way she had been shaking all over with pain, it just didn't seem right. I had no choice but to hope that she would recover.

I didn't even get a chance to sustain my own oath because they didn't let anyone visit her. Mother was allowed to but that was it; not even Jennifer could see her. Every afternoon I asked Mother how Katelyn was doing.

“She's almost at the top of the mountain, darling, she'll be back to normal soon.”

Then on the second day I spent every minute of it picking at my fingernails and sitting on my bed waiting. As soon as Mother walked in, I ran downstairs.

“How is she?”

“Give it time, she's doing better.”

“Can I see her?”

“No Ava.”

“Why not?”

“You don't want to see her like this, it'll break your heart,” she replied and walked away.

The third day of being away from her was unbearable. I stayed in my room and drifted between restless sleep and painful reality. There was no place to hide from my feelings and Katelyn's face as she begged me to help her, so I forced myself into sleep, my refuge.

“Ava, wake up.”

I opened my eyes and saw Mother looking down at me.

“What?” I croaked.

“It's Katelyn.”

I sat bolt upright. “Yes?”

She smiled and said, “She's fully recovered and wants to see you tomorrow.”

“She does?”

“Yes, darling.”

“Oh Mother!” I pulled her into the tightest embrace I could muster.

“Ava, I can barely breathe.”

“Oh sorry,” I said and let her go.

“Now you sleep and tomorrow we'll go and see Katelyn.”

And when the fourth day came I was there as soon as the sun rose. I ran up the stairs and over to Katelyn's room and burst through the door.

“Katelyn!”

“Ava!”

I ran over to her and held her so tight she too had to tell me to let go. I looked up at her face, it was warm and bright and rosy-cheeked. Her chocolate eyes sparkled and danced as she smiled.

“You look amazing,” I gasped.

“The doctors said it was a pretty miraculous recovery.”

“I agree. How are you?”

“I'm good,” she said, smiling. “And you?”

“I've been pulling my hair out waiting to hear from you.”

She squeezed my hand and said, “It's not your fault.”

I looked into her eyes. “But if we had just been more careful…”

“No. It was my idea and you took the blame. I knew I was in no condition to exert myself that way but I still did because of pride. And I'm sorry I got you into trouble.”

“Don't be sorry, I should've tried harder to stop you.”

“You know nothing was going to change my mind,” she said, laughing.

“Yeah, you became me.”

Then the nurse came in. “Here's your breakfast, Katelyn. Can I get you anything else?”

“No, I'm fine.”

The nurse placed the tray on the bedside table. “Is this OK? Do you want something else?”

“This is perfect, Claire, thank you.”

The nurse walked back towards the door. “Are you sure you don't need anything else?”

“Yes, I'm sure.”

“OK,” said the nurse. She hesitated in the doorway then turned and left, shutting the door behind her.

“I just realised, we're going to be mothers together,” I said.

“Oh yeah, you're number two.”

“Imagine that, us raising children together,” I sighed.

“They can play together and go to school together.”

“And they'll be best friends just like our mothers and us.”

“And we can help raise our granddaughters together.”

“And maybe one day we could take them all to…”

“I almost forgot,” the nurse interrupted me, coming back in. “You have your tests in ten minutes so Ava will have to leave now.”

“OK, thank you.”

The nurse nodded and left again.

“I guess I'll see you tomorrow,” Katelyn sighed.

“Tomorrow? Girl, you'll be seeing me as soon as the first tram after school stops outside your door.”

“I love you, Ava,” she said as she leant over and held me tight.

“I love you too, Kay.”

“Have a good day at school, perfect those nappies.”

“Cross my heart, I shall be the best nappy folder in all the land!” I got up to leave.

“And don't forget about bathing.”

“I shan't forget my superior bathing skills,” I said as I waved and slipped out of the door.

“Bye, Ava bear,” she called as the door shut behind me. “Bye Kay.”

School seemed to go on forever. The clock on the wall was almost mocking me. It felt like time had stretched itself to twice the length. Katelyn was sitting in the hospital all healthy and happy, waiting for me, and I was stuck learning about what a child needs. I pictured her face all smiley and warm with those eyes that sucked up every word I said. It was impossible to describe how relieved I was that she was OK again. I didn't know what I would do without her.

Then the day ended. I ran out of the building so fast that heads turned. I saw the tram ahead pulling into the stop so I sprinted faster in hopes of catching it before it left. But then I saw someone familiar walk out and I stopped. Her black hair swayed as the tram departed and she just stood there at the stop, waiting. I continued to walk towards her slowly until her face became clearer.
Mother?

It was strange to see her outside school because I knew just how busy she was all the time. It was a nice surprise.

“Hello Mother, what are you doing here?” I ran up next to her.

She didn't say a word but her face said it all. Her eyes were red and her face was the most serious and sombre I had ever seen. My smile melted off my face.

“Mother, what's wrong?
Mother?
”

“It's Katelyn,” she said and I could hear the strain in her voice.

“What?” My heart did a flip. “Did she have a relapse?”

“No.”

“Then what? Mother, please talk to me.”

“She, she…” Mother could barely get the words out.

“She what?!” I was practically screaming.

“She's dead, Ava. She's dead.”

Chapter Eight

Katelyn, Six Hours Earlier

“Bye, Ava bear,” I called out as Ava shut the door behind her.

I looked over at my best friend through the glass door. She stood there with her fingers pressed against it then she gave a little wave. “Bye Kay.” I couldn't hear her but I knew what she said.

Then she left and I slumped back in my bed and stared at the ceiling. I loved Ava so much, I hoped she knew that. I turned to stare out of the window at the street and the people passing by. Each of them had somewhere to be, somewhere to go; I had nowhere.

Then I mentally hit myself for sounding so selfish. It wasn't like me. Never in my life had I questioned my purpose and my responsibilities – that was Ava. Ava always wanted more, I saw it in her eyes. For her, this life just wasn't good enough. But I had learnt to accept it; it wasn't as if I could change it.

That reminded me of that one night in the forest when Lexi and I were arguing over if the Bubble had a purpose or not. I knew it did because everything in the city had a purpose. That was what it was founded on – purpose. But Lexi pointed out that we had just proven the reasons for the Bubble false by leaving it. And that was when Ava said that maybe they never told us the real reason because they were keeping it from us. And it all clicked.

Our city was designed to be as perfect as possible and even though we all made an oath to be true, that just wasn't an option. Ava made it all clear to me that maybe our elders stretched the truth a bit to keep us safe. They knew what it was like before and they knew that the best way to protect us was to hide us from what turned the world so black in the first place. That way it would never happen again.

I knew I would never tell Ava as she wouldn't understand. I had come to realise that this was something every woman figured out at one point or another and accepted for herself. It all went against everything I believed in – that staying true and honest would never turn you wrong. But what if sometimes the best thing for people was to not know at all?

“Katelyn?” The nurse peered through the door. “Are you ready for your test?”

“Sure, Claire.”

“OK, I'll go and get the doctor.” She walked out and shut the door behind her.

I leant over to look out of the window again at all the people. Something inside me was changing and I could feel it. Obviously there was literally someone inside me growing but that wasn't what I meant. Being stuck in the tiny room so long had messed with my brain. I found myself getting angry and upset and acting completely out of character.

It all seemed to come out with Ava more than anyone else. I used to always make sure I heard her and listened to her every word, but in the past few months I found that I was fading. Ava was always such an interesting person to listen to, when she wasn't joking around, because she always said the most out-of-the-box things. It amazed me what went on in her head, so much creativity and questioning of everything. The funniest part was that she would always shrug it off and not embrace how intelligent she was. One day she would see.