Organize Your Mind, Organize Your Life (22 page)

Humans are wired to deftly handle the ever-shifting winds of life. One storm or challenge passes and we pat ourselves on our backs for a job well done. We're on top for a bit—but only for a moment before the next challenge to our well-earned picture emerges.

A recent study by psychologist Barbara Fredrickson determined that the factor that most distinguishes people who are satisfied with their lives from those who are not is their higher level of resilience. Your successes so far in following the Rules of Order—whether it's led to small or enormous changes in your life—should help give you the confidence you need to bounce back from and adapt to whatever comes along and rise to the big picture sure-footedly and swiftly.

This is a powerful way to create not just an organized life but a life you love.

In
Organize Your Mind, Organize Your Life
we boil down many essential “brain functions” to six principles—what we call the Rules of Order. Consider these “brain skills” or abilities that you can develop and master.

1. Tame the Frenzy:
Organized, efficient people are able to acknowledge and manage their emotions. Unlike many who let their emotions get the better of them, these folks have the ability to put the frustrations and anger aside, almost literally, and get down to focused work. The sooner the emotional frenzy welling within you is tamed, the sooner the work is done and the better you feel.

2. Sustain Attention:
Sustained focus or attention is a fundamental building block of organization. You need to be able to maintain your focus and successfully ignore the many distractions around you, in order to plan and coordinate behaviors, to be organized and to accomplish something.

3. Apply the Brakes:
The organized brain must be able to inhibit or stop an action or a thought, just as surely as a good pair of brakes brings your car to a halt at a stoplight or when someone cuts suddenly into your lane. People who don't do this well will continue to act or think in a certain way despite information to the contrary.

4. Mold Information:
Your brain has the remarkable ability to hold information it has focused upon, analyze it, process it and use it to guide a future behavior, even after the information is completely out of visual sight. It is capitalizing on working memory, a kind of mental workspace.

5. Shift Sets:
The organized brain is ever ready for the news flash; the timely opportunity or last-minute change in plans. You need to be focused but also able to process and weigh the relative importance of competing stimuli and to be flexible, nimble and ready to move from one task to another, from one thought to another. This cognitive flexibility and adaptability is known as set shifting.

6. Connect the Dots:
The organized and efficient individual pulls together the things we've already talked about—the ability to quiet the inner frenzy, to develop consistent and sustained focus, to develop cognitive control, to flexibly adapt to new stimuli and to mold information. The organized and efficient individual synthesizes these qualities—much as the various parts of the brain are brought together to perform tasks or help solve problems—and brings these abilities to bear on the problem or opportunity at hand.

Think disorganization and what's usually the first example people will come up with: car keys left on the kitchen table, sunglasses forgotten on the counter of a convenience store or an umbrella abandoned under the table at a restaurant.

Good old-fashioned “forgetfulness.” There's nothing new about that. However, the almost quaint aspect of such behavior—the idea of the “absentminded professor”—belies the fact that in a world with greater choices, more technological options and increasing complexity in almost every aspect—social, work, family—the issue of disorganization and inattention has become serious enough to warrant its own label among the parade of public health crises bedeviling society today: the Distraction Epidemic.

In the preceding chapters, we have talked about the new advances in our understanding of how the brain is organized, in order to give you greater insight into how you can tap into some of the intrinsic tools and skills available to you—our Rules of Order—in order to better organize your life.

However, there may be times when you face very specific organizational challenges. Hopefully, by the time you read this, you will have learned and practiced some of our “big picture” skills; our Rules of Order. But sometimes you might just want a quick-fix, at-a-glance approach to dealing with some of the most common problems of distraction and disorganization.

It's not a substitute for everything you've read in this book. But in a pinch, these specific solutions to the most common problems—provided by our coauthor, Coach Meg—will help.

1. ABSENTMINDEDNESS

(“Where did I leave my keys?”)

When we lose our
mindfulness,
meaning our complete presence and attention to the task at hand, it feels like we're losing our minds. But there's a difference between your mind and your mindfulness! When we're in the shower, we're thinking about a conflict with a work colleague. When we're driving a car, we're thinking about how our kids will be upset by being home late. When we're eating a delicious meal, we're worried about paying bills. When we set down our keys or park a car in a parking garage, we're already on to the next task and don't notice where we left them.

It wasn't always that way. We were good at being mindful when we were children. As adults, our minds fill up with stresses, strains and huge responsibilities as we grow more mature. There are many routes to recultivating that mindfulness we once had. Here's one path to follow that will also lead you back to your car keys!

• Build awareness:
  Start noticing when you are mindful or you've lost mindfulness—jot it down in a notebook or create a notes page on your cell phone.
  
• Set a goal:
  Think about what percent of the time that you are mindful and totally awake and present in the moment. Perhaps you're at a 5 out of 10. Where do you want to get to and by when?
  
• Shift sets to gratitude in an instant:
  The present is a gift. Appreciate it. Or stop and take a few deep breaths and focus on just your breathing to slow down your racing mind.
  
• Practice becoming mindful:
  Concentrate on one small task at a time for one week. For example, this week I will be mindful about where I put my cell phone. I will take a few seconds to consider where to store it in my handbag or pocket and notice where I'm placing it. Next week I'll work on my keys. The week after, my glasses. Then I'll fully enjoy my first cup of coffee or savor a small piece of dark chocolate in the late afternoon.
  

2. EASILY DISTRACTED

(“Oh, that looks interesting…”)

We've become a society of instant gratification. We can't wait. We want to know. We
need
to know. Right now! Sometimes this training is just what we need so that we are responsive to urgent and valid needs and requests. Unfortunately, most new information isn't urgent and perhaps not even important. However, we haven't trained our brains to handle the second step: a quick set-shift to ask, “Is this urgent?” If not, return quickly and effectively to your current focus. If so, do you need to rejigger your priorities or not?

To do this, you need to develop a two-step brain pattern.

A helpful way to do this is to rate the urgency and importance of each new message or input. Give it a rating of 1–10. Anything 7 and over demands immediate attention, so you'll need to set shift from what you're doing to this new information. A rating of 4–6 depends on the task at hand. If this new message or stimuli pops up at a time when you're not feeling swamped or busy with something else, attend to it. If not, respond later. Anything below 4, you can probably ignore for the time being. (Remember here that technology can help us in this process: most cell phones now ask us if we want to listen to a new call or read a new text now or later; with e-mail you have the option to click on the pop-up announcing a new message or not.)

3. OVERWHELMED BY CLUTTER

(“Ugh, this place is a mess…”)

It's amazing how clutter can impact our brains, making our minds feel as cluttered as our sock drawer. Don't you envy the people who can tolerate, even enjoy, chaotic messes and seem immune to this effect?

Decluttering your life requires a long-term plan—at least three months, possibly up to one year. Take the small, gradual measures needed to untangle the messes and restore order, both outside (your home/office) and inside (your brain). But fear not, follow these steps and the end of clutter will be in sight! (Along with the bottom of your desk that probably you haven't seen in months.)

Also, while it may seem that the onus is on you and you alone to clean up the mess you've made, this is where we can tap into your undiscovered forces.

• Getting a partner—your child, mate or friend—to help here can really help declutter. They offer a fresh perspective; they can see the sky from the messy weeds. Invite them to help, be open to their suggestions about what should go where and make it fun. Celebrate a few hours of decluttering by enjoying a great meal (your treat!) or going for a long walk to celebrate your relationship and productive time together. You could find a partner who also has decluttering challenges and alternate spaces.
  
• After a session with your partner, schedule solo decluttering periods of an hour, once a week at first and eventually once a month, to make sure you stay on top of this.
  
• Schedule ongoing decluttering time—fifteen minutes per week to keep decluttered areas under control.
  
• Be sure to focus on and appreciate how many areas have been brought to order along the way, not on how much is left to do.
  

4. CAN'T FOCUS (“Okay, come on,

I've really got to pay attention to this now…”)

Recall the last time you
were
able to focus on one thing 100 percent—a movie, a book, a sports event, a riveting or important presentation or a doctor's appointment. Think about that time. Is it just that you have forgotten how to focus and need some practice in reclaiming that knowledge? Or have you never had the experience of true focus? Either way, we can help.

If you can remember a time when you could focus, recall the conditions—where were you, what time of day or week and what were the conditions that enabled this focus? What are the conditions under which focus can flourish? No doubt the saliency or interest of what you were focusing on was a big part of it. You can't control that, but you
can
recreate the conditions surrounding it.

Think: perhaps it was in the morning when you were fresh. Maybe it was after a good night's sleep, a fun evening with friends, an intimate connection with your mate or a nutritious breakfast? Come up with the top three things that helped you focus on that day of “full focus,” and start experimenting. Try to recreate or at least reimagine those conditions before your next important task or moment.

If you can't recall a time when you could focus—then you need to start now by becoming very deliberate and mindful. Say to yourself, “Now is the moment I want to focus and learn this skill, just as an infant brings his entire attention to getting off of all fours and up on two legs.” Take some deep breaths and clear the noise in your mind. Then work on focusing on a task—a monthly report, a memo, preparations for an important meeting—for five minutes. Stop at five minutes (unless you lose focus earlier) and clap like we do for a child who takes his first steps (or at least give yourself a pat on the back). You made it to five minutes of full-throttle focus. Fabulous!

Now go for ten. Notice what's working and what isn't. Like walking or riding a bike, it's about practice and your willingness to fall down and get back up again.

5. CHRONIC LATENESS

(“Uh, sorry…”)

This may be a sign that your commitments are beyond your personal bandwidth. You may have simply exceeded what you can carry. If so, consider the following suggestions:

• Trim your sails:
  Write down a list of your commitments—daily, weekly, monthly. (Your spouse or a partner can help.) Determine if some of these can be jettisoned, delegated or trimmed down. In that way, try and reduce your list of regular commitments by at least 10 percent. Better to do fewer things well then many things poorly.
  
• Get your fifteen-minute daily down time:
  Lateness and forgetfulness may be a sign that you need some downtime to restore calm and balance and increase brain function. Harvard University mind and body expert Herb Benson recommends ten to fifteen minutes a day of a repetitive, mindful activity (deep breathing, meditation, yoga). You can do it in the morning to start the day on a calm footing or in late afternoon before the evening starts.
  
• Adjust your emotional balance:
  This may be a sign of too few positive emotions or too many negative emotions, both of which hurt brain function, particularly memory. Check your ratio of positive to negative emotions at www.positivityratio.com. The tipping point is 3:1 above which our brains function well and below which our brains don't function well at all.
  

6. CAN'T KEEP ALL THE BALLS IN THE AIR

(“I thought I was doing it all…”)

If by this, the concern is that you can't multitask, don't fret. Despite the conventional wisdom, research has shown that multitasking isn't very effective anyway.

Each task, brief or otherwise, is best done with your full attention, not a quarter, half or even three quarters of your attention. The new skill to learn is to bring your entire consciousness to each task, whether it's talking to your kids, answering an e-mail, even looking out the window to appreciate something pretty. Imagine it like turning your head
and fixing the gaze of another and connecting fully, as we do when we are falling in love and want to send a sign of our feelings. You need to make a clear break, a mental transition from task to task and not let the previous task or future task infect the current one. When you bring your full presence to a task, time slows down and expands and much can be done even in moments.

This is about attending beautifully to each thing, not about getting lots of things done half-baked.

7. TREADING WATER

(“I am just hanging on here…”)

How do you avoid the sense that you can't get ahead because you're just trying to keep up with the constant wave of demands on your time? To stop treading water, and start moving forward, you need a sense of greater control. This will help give you confidence that the things you need to get done
will
get done as well as the peace of mind that comes with knowing you are moving in the right direction.

To regain these important qualities, I recommend you go on the Time-Zone Diet! Here's what I'm talking about:

• Schedule interruption-free zones, the most productive times each day. Start with fifteen minutes, then thirty minutes and build up to several hours a day over a few months.
  
• Schedule zones to deal with interruptions when you need a break from demanding projects—say twenty minutes per day—to check texts, calls, tweets, etc.
  
• Let people who text, tweet, call or e-mail know that you have scheduled zones for responding and you will not respond immediately.
  
• Practice not looking at texts, e-mails and such when you are in an interruption-free zone. You'll quickly enjoy the sense of control that comes from not responding in a knee-jerk fashion.
  
• Take a five-minute break every ninety minutes so that you are more attentive and feel in control of your calendar and your day.
  

8. STRESSED OUT

(“This is all just too much…”)

Granted, who isn't stressed out these days? But this is the kind of stress that is often caused by distraction and disorganization and is leading to an overall deterioration of physical and mental health.

“I can't find the time to get to the gym, I'm too crazed to take the time to prepare meals so I grab fast food, and I'm so frazzled that I can't sleep. I'm a stressed-out wreck!”

We hear this a lot, and while our clients don't say it in so many words, it's a cry not necessarily of depression but of disorganization and distraction. When you get to this point, your check-engine light is flashing brightly. Time to stop. Time to hit the reset button. How can you shift from being a wreck to being someone people look up to as you appear to effortlessly glide through your day—fit, healthy, well-nourished and well-rested?

• First, take a few moments a few times a week to review what you've got going, the good things in your life that you should be grateful about. This may sound trite, but it will help you shift to a more positive footing.
  
• Second, redefine who you want to be—moving from stressed-out wreck to what? Calm and confident? Relaxed and at peace? Who's your role model? How would you describe that person?
  
• Turn priorities upside down and take care of your health first, which will give you more energy, balance and calm to get done what needs to get done.
  
• Find one health behavior to get under control—just one. Maybe it's exercise and perhaps exercising somewhere more convenient than the gym will take less time. So get out and walk or buy a workout video you can do at home. You'll be doing something good for your health
  and
  your stress levels!