Open Arms (3 page)

Rob gently took her by the wrists and moved her arms apart. Her hands snapped in to fists.

“Open your hands, Tammy.”

She did and he saw where she had cut her palms with her nails.

“That’s good. You’re doing really well.” He held her arms to her side, felt her resisting against his hands, wanting to cross her arms again in that age-old gesture of defence and protection. “Keep your arms here. It’ll get easier now.”

He was right, Tammy knew: the air was moving deeper in to her body. She didn’t feel like her lungs were burning anymore, and the lightness in her head was clearing. She breathed more slowly now, feeling her chest relax and loosen.

Rob held her wrists, watching her face. Her cheeks were still too flushed but she had regained control of her breathing. He took a deep breath himself, letting the relief spread through him as she stopped shaking.

Tammy raised her eyes from the flower and looked up at Rob. His face was tight but he tried to smile at her. “You OK?”

“Yeah.” Her throat was dry and her voice came out in a croak.

“Hold on.” He stood up and brought her the glass of water from the table. He held it in front of her lips. “Drink that.”

She lifted her hands and put them on top of his. She let the cool water run over her tongue and she drank greedily, feeling like she’d been in the desert for days.

Rob lowered the glass. “Enough?”

She nodded. He set the glass down next to the flowers and moved away, wanting her to have space. He sat in the armchair on the other side of the table and looked at her.

“How are you doing now?” he said.

She looked back at him and suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to cry: she was weak and shaky and her head hurt and all she wanted to do was lie down and sleep for a week.

“I’m tired,” she said.

“I’m sure you are,” he said. “Your body has had a terrible shock. You want to lie down?”

She nodded and lay down on the sofa. He got up again and picked up the blanket from the floor, covered her with it. She reached out and grabbed his arm. “Wait.”

Rob paused.

“Would you – would you stay for a little while?”

Rob had an overwhelming urge to touch her face, to offer her some comfort. “Of course I will. As long as you need.”

She let go of him and closed her eyes. “Thank you.”

He sat down in the chair again and watched her. She buried her head in the blanket, hiding her face. Her eyes opened suddenly and stared over at him.

“I’m really sorry about Christine, Rob.”

He smiled, a real smile this time. “Thank you. And I’m really sorry for what happened to you.”

“Thank you.”

She closed her eyes again and she felt a wave of exhaustion just crash over her. For the first time since she had been attacked and beaten, she fully relaxed, and let herself fall in to the dark oblivion of sleep. She knew Rob would be there, standing guard.

**
It was dark outside when Tammy opened her eyes again. She jumped, disoriented and afraid, no idea where she was or how much time had passed. When she saw a massive shape move out of the darkness towards her, she cried out.

“Tammy, it’s OK. It’s Rob.”

He turned on the light on the table next to him and he saw the fear on her face. “I’m sorry I scared you… I was just about to turn on a light in the kitchen.”

“What are you still doing here?” she said. “What time is it?”

“It’s just past seven o’clock.”

“At
night
?”

“Yes.”

She sat up now, rubbing her eyes. “But – so – you’ve been here for like… six hours?”

“Yes.”

“You didn’t have to do that.” Tammy was feeling stupid.
God, he sat here for six hours, watching me sleep?
“I mean, you do have a job.”

“I do. But it just so happens that my boss is your best friend, and when I called her to say that I’d be here with you until you woke up, she was totally fine with it.”

Despite herself, Tammy smiled. “She would be. She’s amazing.”

“And she’s also very worried about you. She just wants you to feel safe, Tammy. Whatever it takes for you to feel that, Julie will do it without a second thought. You just have to ask her.”

“I know.” She felt tears in her eyes. “But please don’t tell her about – about what happened earlier. She’ll just worry.”

“You mean about your panic attack?”

She nodded.

“Do you get them a lot?”

“No. That was the first one. It just came out of nowhere.”

“It happened when I told you about Christine. Did what I say about her scare you?”

“It – it made me start to remember.”

“It did?”

“Yeah.” She shivered. “What you said about that guy just waiting for a woman to walk by… It – I don’t know. It hit something.”

“It triggered your memory?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.” She looked up at him, and he saw that she was crying for the first time since he met her. “I think so.”

Rob got to his feet and walked over to the sofa slowly. He sat down right next to her, almost touching her. He waited.

Tammy didn’t move away from Rob this time; instead, she found herself leaning towards his warmth and solidity. She needed to be touched, for the first time since what happened in the alley. She suddenly understood that a man’s body could offer comfort and safety – she had forgotten that in the past month.

When Tammy moved closer, Rob gently put both arms around her and pulled her head down on to his chest. She tensed.

“Tammy?”

“I remember a man in an alley, wearing a green hat. I think – I think he was the one.”

“OK.”

“I can’t see what he looks like, though.”

“Don’t worry about that right now… you’re doing great.”

She looked up at him, her face totally open and vulnerable and honest. “I’m afraid I may have done something to bring it on myself.”

“Tammy. No. No, you didn’t.”

“I always wore – my clothes were – I dressed… sexy. I wore short skirts and tight clothes and I think that maybe…”

“No. Nothing you did or said or wore made this happen. This guy, whoever he was, made his choice to hurt you because of something
he
thinks or believes.”

“How do you know?”

“Because that’s how violence works, Tammy. Christine was in a business suit. Oversized pants and a blazer and a little white blouse. Flats, almost no jewelry. She wasn’t drinking or in a bar or flirting. She was just walking to her car after a day of work. You hear me? These kinds of guys are predators, just looking for someone to hurt. My sister was just – in the wrong place at the wrong time. Like you were.”

Tammy shook her head. “I still think that I did something. I think it’s my fault.”

She burst in to tears now. She was too tired to pretend that she was fine anymore, and she couldn’t understand now why it was so important for her to pretend in the first place. Everyone was here for her – why wouldn’t she let them help her?

Rob held her close as she wept, took her shaking in to his own body. He knew that she was feeling everything, letting herself go, starting to talk about her deepest fears and darkest thoughts. It was an act of surrender and it was the bravest, strongest thing she could do right now.

He smiled, remembering the first time that Christine had cried like this, when she finally stopped telling him that she was fine and turned to him for help. When she had finally had the strength to let herself be weak; to trust that she could fall apart and put herself back together again.

He stroked Tammy’s back and waited for the storm to pass. She was going to start to be OK now. He was sure of it.
**
Rob was in the kitchen making Tammy a cup of tea and heating up some of the pasta from Manny. He heard the shower still running in the bathroom and glanced at the clock. She’d been in there for twenty minutes. He’d give her five more and then go and check on her.

Earlier, she had cried for almost ten minutes, and then sat limp and exhausted in his arms. He just held her and waited for Tammy to move away, when she was ready. He was surprised when she stayed close for another ten minutes, just breathing and holding on to him. When he asked her if she was OK, she smiled and said that yes, she was just listening to his heartbeat. At those words, he’d been overwhelmed by a feeling of tenderness for her.

He went back to the living room and stared out the window at the moon overhead. It was so beautiful here at the ranch, and he hoped that Tammy could start to see that now. He wanted her to leave the cabin soon and stand under the mountains and just let her breath rise in to a clear blue sky.

Rob heard a noise behind him now and he turned. Tammy was standing there in fresh pajamas, drying her black hair with a towel. In the dim light, the bruises were hard to see, but her eyes were lovely and clear as she gazed at him.

“You feel better?” he said.

She nodded. “I do.”

“OK, come on. I have some food for you.”

She padded through the kitchen on bare feet. She brought a scent of rose and jasmine and he closed his eyes, just for a second, feeling his body respond to her. She was almost as tall as he was and model-slim, with small curving breasts and delicate wrists. She was just so gorgeous, the most arresting woman he’d ever seen. He reminded himself to keep his own desire in check: he was here as a friend. The last thing she needed was to be pawed by some guy she barely knew.

Tammy sat down and looked at Rob, puzzled. She couldn’t figure him out at all. He seemed to have a bottomless well of patience and kindness, but he also had a darker side which sometimes slipped out from behind his good-guy persona. Every once in a while, she saw a flash of deep, real anger in those amazing blue eyes. Was he still angry about what had happened to his sister? She was sure he was. When he talked about it earlier, his face went hard and still and she felt like Rob disappeared.

He was back now, though. She hadn’t really understood just how broad and strong he was until he held her, and she was surprised that she wasn’t afraid of him – something about Rob made her trust him. He was the first man that she could relax around since what had happened in the alley; she had even tensed up around Jake and God knows the guy would never, ever hurt her.

But what she knew in her head and what she knew in her body were two completely different things right now, and her body was winning. She had strong, visceral reactions to men being near her, looking at her, touching her… and none of these reactions were positive. Even on the flight over from New York, she’d wanted to scream when she was standing in line in JFK, waiting to board. Just being around that many men – pressing up against her, looking at her legs and breasts – had stressed her out. If Julie hadn’t been there holding her hand, and Jake hadn’t acted as a physical barrier between her and the crowd, she would have lost it, right there in the airport.

Rob was different, though she couldn’t figure out why. With him she just knew on every level that he wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want him to. She was safe.

Tammy smiled at him. “Thank you, Rob.”

He sat, stunned at the beauty of her face when she smiled like that: it was a burst of sun reaching across the table, warming him. “You’re welcome.”

That was the moment when he knew he was in trouble, worse trouble that he had maybe anticipated at the beginning. He knew that if the Tammy of the photos came back, and he was around her, he’d be falling for her. Hard. And that was just about the last thing that Tammy could handle right now.

Chapter Three

Three days later, Tammy got up at about seven o’clock, after a more rested night. She had a shower and ate breakfast and cleaned up the living room area. When Julie came over, she invited her in for a cup of coffee. The startled look on Julie’s face was so comical that Tammy laughed.

Julie jumped at the sound. It had been a long time since she’d heard Tammy happy, and she found herself smiling back at her, with tears in her eyes.

“Yeah, OK,” Julie said. “I’d love a coffee.” She sat down on the sofa, noticing that the cabin smelled fresh and aired-out; a delicate fragrance of flowers wafted out from the bathroom. She recognized it as Tammy’s favorite soap.

“So, how are things going with the new cabins?” Tammy asked, pouring out the piping hot coffee.

“Umm. Good. I mean, a bit behind schedule, but Rob has handled things beautifully. He’s really been a rock.”

“Yeah.” Tammy brought over the coffee and set it on the table. “He’s a good guy. A great guy, actually.”

Julie examined her as she stood there, in front of the large window. Tammy had opened the blinds and the morning sun streamed in, lighting her face. From a distance, it had looked like the bruises were fading a bit, but now she saw the truth: Tammy had put on makeup this morning. Some powder, a bit of blush, even some lipstick. Her glorious eyes were still ringed by dark shadows, but they looked brighter and more alive than Julie had seen them in a month. She almost sighed aloud with relief – whatever Rob was saying and doing, whatever help he was offering Tammy, it was what she needed.

“Have you been getting to know him a bit?” Julie asked, taking a sip of coffee.

Tammy sat down with her own coffee. “Rob? Yeah. He’s been coming by and having lunch with me for the past few days.”

“He told me. He also said that he sits with you while you get some sleep in the afternoons?”

Tammy nodded and blushed. “Yeah, it’s kind of – kind of dumb. I mean, I feel embarrassed about that…”

“Why?”

Tammy shrugged. “Because – I don’t know. Because he sits there with his laptop and works while I sleep. But the truth is that I sleep better when he’s here. I even sleep better at night, knowing that he’ll be back the next day to see me.” She looked down, drank some more coffee.

Julie looked at her friend. “I don’t get why that’s embarrassing. I sleep better when Jake is there with me, or when I know he’ll be checking on me. Having someone close makes us feel safe, Tammy. Nothing wrong with that, is there?”

“No. No, I guess not. Except that – I don’t know Rob. Not really. We’re just starting to become friends.”

Julie smiled. “So, get to know him. Take your time. He’s not going anywhere.”

“Yeah.”

Julie looked at her watch. “OK, I figure we have about thirty minutes before I have to get going. What do you want to talk about?”

“The new cabins,” Tammy said promptly. “I want to hear all about them. Now that I’m here and I have a better idea of this place, I want to know what you’ll be doing.”

“Really?” Julie said. “All the boring architectural and design and décor stuff?
That’s
what you want to know?”

“Yeah. I haven’t said this before, Jules, but this place is amazing. I mean, absolutely freaking
gorgeous
. I can see now why you fell in love with it and wanted to stay here, even without Jake.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah. The mountains, the cabins, the sky. And the people here are incredible.” She grinned, a touch of her old sassiness coming back. “Between Jake and Rob, you must have two of the hottest men in the state in your employ. Even Phil is easy on the eyes.”

“I know, right? The guy may be two seconds away from fifty, but he looks good in his jeans. Don’t tell Jake, but I’ve noticed that more than once.”

The two friends looked at each other and burst in to peals of laughter. And for the very first time in a month, Julie fully relaxed. Tammy was going to come back to her, she was sure of it; she just had to wait a bit longer.

**
Tammy started watching the clock from noon. Sometimes Rob was there right at twelve; other days, it was a little past one. She was never sure exactly when he’d show up. She just knew that he would.

She fussed and fidgeted a bit, fixing her hair and applying fresh lipstick and pulling at her clothes. She had lost a lot of weight over the past month, and things hung off her body in ways that she didn’t like. She tidied up the cabin again. She tried to watch TV, flipped through the channels without really seeing anything passing in front of her eyes. She got on the laptop in the office and clicked on site after site, aimlessly.

When she heard him coming, her heart leapt in her chest. She shot over to the window, and watched him walk up to the front door.

His blond hair was tousled in the wind, his cheeks were pink from the cold. His large body was wrapped in his heavy coat and his hands were stuck deep in the pockets. When he knocked at the door, she forced herself to count to five before opening it, even though she was standing right in front of it, her hand on the door handle.

That first glimpse of Rob always took her breath away: he grinned down at her, huge and healthy and achingly handsome, with those eyes and lips and shoulders.

“Hey, Tammy. How are you doing today?”

“Good. You? Come on in.”

“Yeah, good.” He walked in, shrugged off his coat. She watched his body emerge, admired his broad back as he turned to hang up his outside things. He looked perfect in a suit, but she had started to wonder lately how he’d look in jeans and a t-shirt. Or just in jeans. Or maybe in nothing at all.

She imagined him as large and muscled, with gold hair on his chest that trailed down to his flat stomach, and lower. She pictured him standing in front of her naked, reaching for her, slowly taking off her clothes. Her mouth went dry at the thought.

He turned now and she went to him for a hug. As always, his arms encircled her around the waist, held her close and tight, just for a second, before letting her go. She wanted him to hold her longer, harder, closer, but she knew he wouldn’t. He was gentle and kind and thought of her just as a friend, she was sure. He looked at her with affection, but that was it.

Rob stood back from Tammy, his hands itching to touch her again. God, that short, intense hug was the only time that he touched her anymore, and it just wasn’t enough. Or maybe it was too much… he was starting to dream about her at night, and he woke up in the mornings rock-hard and frustrated and longing for her.

OK, well. He’d just have to work extra hard at hiding his feelings for her. If she ever found out that he wanted to cover her body with searing kisses, and spread those long, slim legs and lick between her thighs, and pull her on top of him and sink deep in to her pulsing heat, she’d run screaming.

She was still hurting, still frightened. She was just starting to trust him, and he wasn’t about to do anything to jeopardize any of that. This was all about Tammy – about helping her go back where she belonged. In some of their more recent conversations over lunch, she had told him about her life: her lost dream of clothing design, her string of bad relationships. Despite her disappointments, what came through clearly was how much she loved New York. He thought she was starting to open up to the possibility of going back and living her life in the city again – starting again, with more focus and purpose this time.

Her future wasn’t here in Colorado, with him. She was a lovely, courageous, bright thing in his staid and routine existence, just for a little while. That was the reality.

He pushed the thought of her naked body out of his mind and grinned at her. “Hungry?”

She gazed back at him, a million thoughts running through her mind; all the things she’d like to do to him, the things she wanted him to do to her. She cleared her throat.

“Starved.”

Their eyes met for a second. They both looked away.

“OK,” he said. “Let’s eat.”

**
The next morning, Tammy opened her eyes and felt different. She lay in bed for a while, puzzling over what had changed, and then it hit her: she wanted to go outside.

She showered and braided her hair, put on makeup and some earrings and then went to the wardrobe to contemplate her clothing. Julie had left most of her clothes back in New York, and the clothes that she had insisted that Tammy bring were depressingly functional and practical, but she had agreed to a few of Tammy’s favorite things. These included some tighter tops and short skirts, though Tammy now did have to admit that she had few places to wear these things. Julie had been right, as she so often was.

To hell with it this morning, though. This was the first time in ages that she felt like herself, and that meant dressing like her old self, the self from before. She chose a pair of tight jeans and a red blouse with a sash that wrapped around her slim hips, hugging her minute curves and pushing up her apple breasts. She twisted and turned in front of the mirror, liking the way the jeans showed off her long legs and tiny waist. She donned a pair of boots – sadly, without high heels, in deference to her trek through the snow – and she was ready to go.

She stepped outside for the first time in over two weeks, pausing on the front porch. The sun and wind felt unbelievably good on her face and she closed her eyes, loving the warmth and caress. She imagined for a second that the breeze was Rob’s fingers on her cheeks and she smiled.

She walked slowly, taking the time to look around Open Skies Ranch. She looked up at the Rocky Mountains and found them both intimidating and comforting – she had the sense of being watched over and protected by them. She looked down the hill to the stables, saw the horses outside running around in their massive fenced area. She thought she saw Jake on one of the animals, and she squinted a bit to make sure. Yep, that was him: she recognized the black hair and broad shoulders.

She walked up the stairs of the main building and smiled at the shocked expressions on the faces of the girls on the reception desk.

The younger girl – what was her name? Was it Maggie? – rushed out to greet her.

“Ms. Jenkins! It’s so good to see you again!”

“Tammy,” she corrected her. “And you too.” She glanced down at the name tag on the girl’s uniform. “Maria.”

Maria Torres beamed. “Are you here to see Julie? ‘Cause she’s not in yet. I can call her, if you’d like.”

“No, actually, I’m here for breakfast. I’ve heard rave reviews about Manny’s waffles, and thought it was time to come and check then out for myself.”

“Oh! Well, let me take you to the restaurant.”

“No, it’s OK, Maria. I can see the way.” She smiled again and headed to the long hallway just off the entrance lobby.

Maria turned to Andrea, almost beside herself with delight. “Can you
believe
it? I have to call Julie.”

Tammy entered the restaurant and looked around. She saw a few guests, and supposed that they were skiers. They were eating heartily and they all nodded at her and wished her a good morning. She returned the greetings and saw Mattie over by the window. Her hair was loose and shining in the sun, and her silver eyes watched Tammy’s approach calmly.

“Hi, Tammy,” Mattie said.

“Hi. Is it OK if I join you?”

“I’d love that, hon. You go on and help yourself to breakfast, and I’ll get you a coffee. Milk and sugar?”

“Yes, please.”

Tammy wandered over to the buffet and was immediately ravenous: the smells were delectable and she hovered over the sausages and bacon, wavering in her decision which one to have, before finally shrugging and grabbing some of each. She piled her plate high with waffles, drizzled on some syrup, and added a side bowl of cantaloupe melon and strawberries.

When she turned around, she saw that Phil was sitting with Mattie now. When she joined them, he nodded at her, acting for all the world like he’d just seen her ten minutes before. His face didn’t even change expression as he greeted her.

There was something about Phil that appealed to Tammy deeply: he looked like the kind of guy who had seen it all at least once in his life, and so nothing at all could take him by surprise. His calm was unshakable, and Tammy envied him whatever hard-won knowledge and certainty he’d gained. She felt like Phil probably had all the answers, to pretty much everything, and she was back at the starting-block, still.

“Thanks for the coffee, Mattie,” Tammy said reaching for the mug.

“You’re welcome.” Mattie looked her over now, her eyes not missing a thing. “So, how are you doing now?”

“Better.”

“I can see that,” Mattie said. “You want to come down to the stables today, maybe? You like horses?”

“Umm. Well, not much. But to be fair, I’ve never been near a real horse, except for those horse-drawn carriages that pick up tourists around New York.”

“Well. If you feel like coming by, you know where we are. We’d be happy to show you around a bit.”

“Thanks, Mattie. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Mattie got to her feet. “I’ve got to get going, hon. The vet’s coming in ten minutes, and I’d like to be there. I have a few questions for her.”

“Sure,” Tammy said. “See you later.”

Mattie nodded at Phil, and left the restaurant.

Tammy was surprised at how relaxed she felt, sitting alone with Phil. There was no pressure to talk to him, and she didn’t get the feeling he’d be all that offended if she sat and ate and said nothing. He was drinking his coffee and eating a piece of toast with strawberry jam, and looked so comfortable in his own skin, Tammy wanted to stay near him, bask in his calm.

Phil was trying to decide if he should tell Tammy what he’d been thinking about for the past three weeks or so, ever since she had arrived at Open Skies. He looked at her and he saw his past staring back at him. He knew a thing or two about violent men, men who preyed on and hurt people. He knew these men because he used to be one of them. He wasn’t sure that she’d appreciate his perspective, though, considering everything.

He cleared his throat. “So you’ll come to the stables later?”