Open Arms (10 page)

“I’m sure, Phil. It’s OK.”

And Tammy told Kimana everything: she started with the party at the bar, and entering the alley, and waking up in the hospital. She told her about her panic attack when Rob talked about someone he knew who had been attacked and how she had remembered a man in a green hat. And finally, she told her about being desperate to retrieve a memory – that few minutes in the alley that were buried somewhere deep in her mind. The face of the man who had hurt her, maybe; the face of an animal, someone almost less than human.

When she was done, Kimana smiled at her. Its brilliance was beautiful and Tammy was taken aback.

“You’re – you’re
happy
about what I told you?”

“Oh, Tammy. Not happy that you’ve been so badly hurt and frightened, no. But I
am
happy that we have the answer to your question.”

“We do?” Tammy looked at Phil, but he seemed as puzzled as she was.

“We do.” Kimana set down her coffee cup.

“Ummm. OK. I’m sorry, but it’s totally escaping me.”

“Well, let’s think about this. Wolf comes when someone is hiding. I mean, you even used the expression yourself when you talked about what happened last night. You said that ‘the wolf was right outside my door’. Right?”

“Yes.”

“When we say the wolf is at the door, we mean that something we are avoiding or denying is sitting there. Waiting patiently for someone to lower their defences and open the door and let them in by accident. Originally, it meant keeping poverty away, but in recent years, its meaning has expanded to include any misfortune or bad thing. Yes?”

“Yes.”

“So. What you need to do is face your wolf.”

Tammy was silent. “You – you mean my memory? My memory of the man in the alley?”

“Yes.”

“But how can I? I don’t remember him.”

“And you won’t, not until you face Wolf.”

“You mean
this
wolf? The physical one wandering around Open Skies? The one with all the damn teeth and sharp claws and snapping jaws of death?”

“Exactly.”

“So, you want me to face this wolf, and you’re saying that after I do, I’ll be able to face the man in the alley?”

“It’s all the same beast, Tammy,” Kimana said softly. “It’s all the same fear: monsters in the night, creatures with dead eyes, animals with sharp claws. The man who hurt you, the Wolf that stalks you… you need to face them both down. Then, and only then, will they let you go. Then you’ll be free.”

Tammy stared at her, her thoughts and emotions racing.

My God. She’s right.
**
Kimana and Phil were gone. Phil had wanted to stay, but Tammy insisted that he go, and Kimana backed her up.

“You’re a good man,” Kimana told Phil. “One of the best men I know. You want to help and I understand that. But you can’t do this for her, Phil. Some things are simply done alone. This is one of them.”

So now here she sat, waiting. Waiting for the wolf to come to her door, so she could open it up and face him down.

She just hoped she came out of it in one piece. Literally.

Chapter Seven

Tammy jumped when her cell phone rang. She glanced at the clock: it was almost eight o’clock at night. She’d been sitting and waiting for Wolf to appear for almost an hour now. So far, no sign.

She picked up her phone and looked at the number: an unknown caller, New York area code. She hesitated, then thought that maybe one of her former co-workers might be checking in with her. She pushed ‘accept’.

“Hello?”

“Hello. Is that Tamara Jenkins?”

“Yes.”

“This is Norm Jaruzelski, from the NYPD. Do you remember me, Ms. Jenkins?”

Tammy froze. Two days after she had regained consciousness, Officer Jaruzelski had come to the hospital to take her statement, such as it was, since she had no memory of specifics. He was a tough cop, she could tell, experienced and world-weary from seeing bruised faces and damaged bodies almost every day that he showed up for work. He’d been gruff with her but not unkind. Julie had liked him a lot, she remembered.

“Yes, I remember you.”

“I’m calling to let you know that there has been another incident in the same alley where you were attacked. It looks very much like what happened to you, so we’re thinking that this guy chooses the alley for some reason.” He paused. “Has anything else come to you, anything that may help us catch him?”

Tammy sat down, her legs shaky.
Another woman has been hurt! My God, if I could just remember something, anything, maybe I could have stopped this from happening to her too.
She closed her eyes.

“Ms. Jenkins? Are you OK?”

“Yes. Yes, I think so.”

“So, has anything else come back to you? Besides the green knit hat you told my colleague about a few weeks ago, I mean.”

“No. I’m so sorry. I wish I could remember more – I wish I could help –” Her voice broke and she felt tears coming.

“You’re doing great. Really. It’s OK.”

“But, if I’d remembered something sooner, maybe this other woman wouldn’t have been hurt…”

Jaruzelski’s voice was harsh. “Do
not
do that, Tammy. This is
not
your fault. It’s nobody’s fault but
his
. Do you hear me?”

She was silent, trying to hold on to what Rob told her, what Phil told her, about not blaming herself for falling prey to a predator.

“Tammy?”

“Yes.” Her voice was very small.

“Are you alone right now? Where’s Ms. Everett?”

“She’s in Arizona overnight.”

“Is anyone else there?”

“No.”

“Can you call someone?”

She thought of Rob, and she actually ached for him to be there with her.

“Tammy? Can someone get to you quickly and stay with you?”

She made up her mind. “Yes. I can call someone.”

“Do it. Trust me on this, OK?”

“OK.”

“I’m sorry to upset you. It’s just that the media has picked up on the story this time, and I didn’t want you finding out on the morning news.”

Something in his voice pierced through her daze. “What? Why would an attack in an alley be on the news? Doesn’t that happen a hundred times a week in New York?”

“Well, yes.” He paused. “But the thing is, this time it wasn’t just a bad beating, like the one you suffered.”

“What do you mean?”

“The woman was raped, Tammy. And she died from her injuries. This time, it was murder.”
**
Tammy sat, looking in to the darkness outside. He was close; she could feel it. He was coming now.

She was badly shaken by Officer Jaruzelski’s phone call and all she wanted to do was call Rob and have him come to her. She needed his arms around her. She would call him – but she had something to do first.

The moon was hidden behind thick clouds, and the air felt like rain. Tammy sensed the storm coming over the mountains at her. She knew it would be upon her soon.

A sudden gust of wind blew the clouds aside and the moon shone through, bright and clear and white. It was beautiful, to be sure, but cold and indifferent. Far away and detached from what she was feeling and thinking.

As the moon rose higher, it lit up the small clearing in front of Tammy’s cabin, and there he was. Sitting on his powerful haunches, his silver eyes glinting and trained on the front door.

When he saw her through the window, he stood up and walked closer. Closer still. He was on the porch now, out of sight of the window. Sitting outside her door.

Tammy stood up and crossed the room, her thoughts racing.
This is crazy. This is bat-shit insane. Am I really going to listen to some woman I met exactly twice in my life, and open the door to a wild animal, based on some Native story? I am, aren’t I? I am certifiable. This thing is going to eat my damn face off.

She was at the door now and she heard him breathing, patiently lurking. Waiting. So she did what he wanted her to do, what she needed to do. She opened the door wide. And she stared Wolf down.

**
Rob drove back to Open Skies, racing in the darkness, back to Tammy.

He skidded to a stop in front of her cabin, saw her open the door wide to him. Even from twenty feet away, he saw her body shaking. Rob hurried up to the porch, through the door, and extended his arms to her. She almost fell and he held her up by the elbows.

“Come on, sweetheart.” The endearment came out of his mouth without any conscious thought. “Sit down over here.”

He led her over to the sofa, and she sank down on it. Rob sat next to her, holding her hands, searching her face.

Unsurprisingly, she was a wreck. All the color had drained from her face and she was staring at him in wide-eyed horror. It was like all the progress she’d made over the past six weeks had just been wiped out. She looked exactly like that smashed, broken woman from that first day, when he got her to eat some sandwiches.

“She died, Rob. She died… he raped her and he killed her.”

“I know, Tammy. I know.”

“It could have been me – why
wasn’t
it me? Why was it her, and not me? Why?”

“I don’t have the answer to that.”

“I just – I can’t do this. It’s all my fault.”

“What’s your fault?”

“That she died.”

His face lined with confusion. “What do you mean?”

“If I could just remember what he looked like… the police would have a description, they could catch him. Why can’t I remember?” She shook her head. “I stared the wolf down, just like Kimana told me to, and it didn’t work, I still can’t remember! But she said I
would
remember – she said it was the only way!”

“OK, whoa. Slow down and then back up. What about the wolf?”

She told him about the wolf on her porch the night before and calling Phil. She told him what Kimana said about facing her fears, and how that was the only way to face what happened to her in the alley.

“And it didn’t work, Rob… I don’t remember anything.”

“Tammy, sweetheart. This is not your fault.”

She shook her head.

“Look at me. Tammy, look at me.” He gripped her hands tighter, forced her to look up. “This is not your fault, it’s not on you. You were a victim, you were hurt. There is only one person to blame here, and it’s that asshole who waited in an alley for you and for this other woman and who decided to do what he did. He
chose
to do this – you didn’t invite him or ask him or set yourself up or do anything wrong. Not being able to remember is not your fault.” He shook her a bit now, determined that she understand this. “Tammy! Do you hear what I’m saying to you?”

She stared up at him. “I hear you.”

He pulled her to him now, and she held on. Tammy closed her eyes and knew that here with Rob was the only place in the world that she could feel safe right now.

Minutes passed, and Rob waited for her to pull away, to tell him to go, or ask him to stay. He wanted to hold her, he wanted to run from his own desire; he wanted to stay here all night; he wanted to leave before he did something that he wouldn’t be able to take back. But he’d do whatever she wanted him to do – none of this was about what he wanted.

Tammy finally pulled back. “I’m sorry.”

“What are
you
sorry for?”

“For being a fucking disaster area almost constantly. You must be so sick of it.”

He gently reached out and touched her cheek. “You are not. And I’m not.” He felt his cock harden now, just from that small touch on her perfect skin, and he took his hand away quickly.

Tammy was disappointed when he pulled back. Her whole body had warmed at his touch, and she wanted more. She wanted him to touch her, all over. She wanted everything.

Rob tried to focus on something else. “Look, it’s almost nine o’clock. Why don’t you lie down, try to rest?”

“I won’t be able to sleep, not if I’m alone.”

“I’ll stay.”

“You will?”

“Yes. I’ll sleep out here on the sofa.”

Tammy looked up at him. “I want you to sleep with me. Please.”

Rob’s gut twisted.
Shit.
The thought of lying next to her sleeping body all night was simultaneously terrifying and arousing. But this wasn’t about him and what he could or couldn’t handle – this was about her, seeing her through this awful night.

“Are you sure?” he said.

“Yes. I’ll sleep if you’re there. I know I will.”

With a sense of falling, he agreed.
**
“Julie? I’m so sorry to call so late.”

“Rob? Rob, what’s wrong? Is it Tammy?”

“Yeah. A cop from New York called, an Officer Jaruzelski. He told her that there’s been another attack in the same alley.”

“What? Oh, my God. How’s the woman?”

“She – she died. She was beaten and raped and she died.”

“Oh, no. No, no. How’s Tammy?”

“Not good, Julie. She’s sleeping now, but it took me a while to get her to even close her eyes.”

“I can come back right now… I can get to the airport and fly standby.”

“No. You need to get to that meeting in the morning – I’ll stay with Tammy tonight. I’ll be here.”

“Do you want Jake to come over later, so you can get some rest?”

“No, it’s OK. Let him sleep.”

Julie stared out of her hotel window, wishing that she were back home, right now. But she was stuck in Phoenix; it had taken her two months to get this meeting with the architect since he travelled almost constantly. He was off again next week, so this was her one shot. She sighed.
Dammit

“OK, Rob. Thanks for doing this… I’ll call Jake first thing tomorrow, and he can come over and see how things are. And I’ll be back by about four o’clock tomorrow. OK?”

“OK.”

“Try to get some sleep, Rob. If you need me, just call.”

“OK. Goodnight, Julie.”

“Goodnight. Take care of our girl.”

“I will. I promise.”

Rob hung up the phone and walked back to the bedroom. Tammy was sleeping soundly, her breathing even and deep. He quietly climbed in to bed with her, trying not to disturb her slumber. She didn’t move. He lay down behind her, not touching her. Her slim back was to him and he resisted the urge to wrap his arm around her waist, pillow her head on his muscular forearm, to just hold her against the length and width of him. To encircle her, protect her.
God, you have it bad, man.

He closed his eyes and willed himself to relax. He was almost asleep when she started to moan and move around in the bed. Her body stiffened and twisted, and she muttered under her breath.

“No. No. Don’t… no.”

He sat up, his heart in his throat, and knew that she was back in the alley, struggling with her assailant.

“Tammy. Tammy. Wake up.”

Large hands on her shoulders, shaking her gently. Large hands on her shoulders, shoving her to the cold ground.

Tammy pushed against the body that was behind her, trying to grab her, trying to hold her in place. She struggled, the fear rising in her throat. She twisted and kicked and hit, got free and scrambled to one side, trying to get her feet under her.

“Tammy. Wake up.”

She crashed down, hard, and her breath was pushed right out of her. She lay on her stomach, gasping for air, confused, not understanding what was going on.

Hands turned her over now, and she suddenly knew what was going to happen next: he was going to start hitting her. He would punch her in the face, and beat the back of head on the pavement, and pummel her in the chest until she was lying in the snow, whimpering and crying in the dark, dazed and helpless. Then he would start pulling at her clothes.

She fought harder, sure that she could stop it this time. But even as she had that thought, her body was weakening under his strength. Useless, useless. It was going to happen again. She felt him, hard against her leg, felt him fumbling with his zipper.

His face was above her: brown hair, brown eyes. A tattoo down his neck. A green knit hat, a blue coat. It was that guy from the bar, the one who had tried to put his hand on her upper thigh. The one that she had pushed off her, laughing, trying to make it a joke. She remembered the flash of rage on his face when she did that, the shiver of fear that went down her spine when she saw it. She’d been so relieved when he left the bar a few minutes later – which is when he went out to the alley and waited for her.

She raised her eyes to his and saw them glowing silver in the moonlight. Wolf eyes watching her, staring at her. Emotionless and cold and calculating. Waiting for her to give up and let him do what he wanted. She stared at him, stared him down. Then he smiled at her and she saw blood in his mouth.

She screamed.

Rob grabbed her flailing wrists in one hand, used the other one to try to shake her awake. “Tammy!”

Her eyes flew open.

“It’s OK. Tammy, it’s OK.”

She blinked, and he saw her eyes start to focus. “What –”

“It was a dream. You’re OK, you’re safe.”

She stared at him.

He let go of her wrists. “You’re safe, Tammy. You’re with me.”

She looked around, confused. She was on the floor next to the bed –
Did I fall out?
– and Rob was on his knees next to her. His face was very white and he looked angry and scared and worried.