Only Mine (20 page)

Except he was supposed to be the mature one in the relationship.

“All you had to do was tell me,” he said.

Stephen came to a stop but didn't turn around. “You wouldn't have listened. You would have told me to get my ass back to college and to plan on being in the family business. You always knew Sasha wasn't interested, and that left me.”

Finn felt frustration building, but he did his best to ignore it. Communication, he reminded himself. That was the point of a conversation. Not to yell. Not to win.

“I wouldn't want you to do something that made you unhappy,” he said. “I thought you were studying engineering because it was interesting, not because you wanted to be an engineer.”

His brother faced him. “I took an introductory class my freshman year and got hooked.”

Stephen shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “Don't take this wrong, but I don't want to be you. I like flying. It's fun and it gets me places, but it's not my life. Not wanting to be part of the business doesn't
mean I don't appreciate what you've done. You gave up a lot when Mom and Dad died. You were there for us. I'm only a couple of years younger than you were when it happened and I can't imagine doing what you did.”

Finn shifted uncomfortably. “You don't have a couple of kid brothers depending on you. That changes things.”

“You took care of us,” Stephen said earnestly. “I really appreciate that. We both do.” He gave him a halfhearted smile. “Me more than Sasha.”

Finn found himself relaxing his shoulders. “Dad wanted the business to stay in the family. Bill's always on me about selling and I didn't want to, because of you two.”

“I thought you loved flying. I thought the business was everything.”

“I do love flying, but carrying cargo back and forth isn't my idea of a good time. I want to start a charter company and take people places. Maybe teach flying to kids.” Finn drew in a breath. “Sometimes I've thought about going somewhere else. Starting over. The world doesn't begin and end in South Salmon.”

“I didn't know you realized that.”

“I have my days.”

Stephen's humor faded. “I'm sorry about what happened on the show. We didn't know the cameras were there. We were just talking.”

“I kind of figured that out,” Finn admitted. “I just
wish you'd come to me before and told me. It might have changed things.”

“You're right. I'm sorry.”

Words he didn't hear very often, Finn thought. Good words. “I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to push you into something you didn't want to do.”

“Thanks. I guess it worked. I'm going back to college.”

Finn stared at him. “Since when?”

“That's how the conversation with Aurelia started.” Stephen looked confused. “I said I was going back to college and then we were discussing engineering.”

“Okay. I remember that.”

“Let me guess,” his brother said, rolling his eyes. “You heard the part about me not wanting to go into the family business and got mad. Did you hear anything else?”

Finn shook his head. “Apparently not. I guess I should've listened harder.”

Stephen looked uncomfortable again. “About Aurelia,” he began.

“I'm really grateful to her,” Finn told him. “I don't know how she got you interested in school again, but I'm glad she did.”

“It's more… You're right,” his brother said. “She, ah, has really been talking to me about the importance of an education.”

There was something else. Finn could tell Stephen
was either hiding something or trying to distract him. What he didn't know was what the something was.

He thought about pushing, then decided to let it go. Dakota was right. His brothers were grown-ups. They could handle their own lives. At least Stephen was going back to college. Finn knew Sasha was headed for Los Angeles or maybe New York. But Stephen would complete what he'd started, and that was a win.

 

W
HAT HAD BEGUN
as a quiet lunch with her sisters had somehow grown into a chickfest. It seemed that nearly every woman Dakota knew in town had come into the Fox and Hound that day for lunch. Tables had been pushed together in the center of the restaurant. The tourists sat in booths, watching the loud group.

Dakota sat at one of the square tables. She and Hannah were the center of attention. Actually, it was mostly Hannah. The baby was passed from arm to arm. She was cuddled and cooed at and rocked and held.

“At least you're not dealing with baby weight,” Pia said. As she spoke, Pia shifted in her chair. She was about six or seven months pregnant, with twins. Just looking at her made Dakota uncomfortable.

“How do you sleep?” Dakota asked.

“Restlessly. If I can get comfortable I sleep really well. The problem is getting comfortable. That and wanting to eat Cincinnati. I'm hungry all the time. What is it about being pregnant and wanting food? Sure, I'm eating
for three, but two of them weigh less than five pounds. You'd think I was giving birth to linebackers.”

“It will be worth it,” Mayor Marsha told her.

“I'm excited about the babies,” Pia said. “It's the baby weight that has me nervous. I've been doing some reading. I think if I breast-feed, that helps.”

“Breast-feeding twins is going to be a challenge,” one of the women said with a laugh. “But it will help you lose the weight. Plus it's better for the babies. Something about the immune system and bonding. Everybody gets to bond.”

“Raoul is already bonded,” Pia muttered. “I wish he could breast-feed.”

Dakota grinned at the thought of the former football player nursing a child. “He can be supportive in other ways.”

“He's certainly trying,” Pia admitted. “He loves these babies and they're not even born yet.”

“And you love him,” Nevada told her from across the table.

Pia smiled slowly. “I do. He's pretty amazing. I got so lucky when he fell in love with me. Of course, I tell him he got lucky when I fell in love with him. I think it helps to keep him humble. I just know it would be so hard to be doing this alone.”

“Twins are a challenge,” the mayor said. “Still, you would have had all of us. Just like Dakota does.”

Dakota nodded. “I definitely don't feel alone in this.” Which was true. While it would be nice to have a man
around—a partner to be there and pick up the slack—she knew she could always ask for help and it would be there.

Although she had to admit to a twinge of envy when Pia talked about Raoul. Her friend's eyes lit up, and her mouth curved into a special smile. Her mother looked the same way when she talked about her late husband. Being in love did wonderful things to a woman, Dakota thought wistfully.

She'd always told herself that she would find that special someone eventually. Now she was less sure. Hannah was wonderful, and she was so grateful to have her, but being a single mother would make the whole “falling in love” thing more complicated.

Had she been holding her baby, she would have whispered that she was more than worth it. As it was, Hannah was on the opposite side of the table with Gladys, one of the older ladies in town.

“So, does breast-feeding keep you from getting pregnant?” Pia asked.

“I think so,” Denise said, then tilted her head. “Or is it not breast-feeding? It's been too long for me and tragically, I'm not having sex with anyone.”

“Tell me about it,” Gladys said, reluctantly passing Hannah to Alice Barns, the police chief. “Sure there are more men than there were, but they're all too young. How about shipping in a few older guys?” She grinned. “But not too old.”

Everyone laughed.

“I know you don't get your period for a while after you're pregnant,” Denise said. “I remember that much. But I think you can get pregnant before it starts. It seems to me that at least one of my boys was the result of that lack of information.” She chuckled. “Not that I'm complaining.”

“About the boy or the sex?” Gladys asked.

“Both.”

Dakota leaned back in her chair and enjoyed being with the women she loved. This town was special. Whatever happened, there was support and understanding. Look at her situation. Everyone was there for her as she adopted Hannah. If she'd chosen to become a single mother the old-fashioned way, they would have been there for that, too.

Not that it was likely, she reminded herself. One in a hundred. It might as well be one in a million. If she ever did get pregnant, she should go buy a lotto ticket. There was absolutely no way—

Dakota sucked in a breath. Everything inside of her went still as she realized she hadn't had her period in a while. Certainly not since she'd gotten Hannah and even some time before that.

Thoughts swirled as she tried to figure out what was going on. The obvious answer was that she was pregnant—except she couldn't be. Her doctor had been very clear on that. She could still hear Dr. Galloway delivering the harsh news.

“It's very unlikely you'll ever conceive through
intercourse. I won't say it's impossible, but statistically the reality is it's not going to happen.”

She placed her hand on her belly and wondered what on earth was going to happen if the doctor was wrong.

“I
DON'T UNDERSTAND,”
Dakota murmured, despite having said the same thing about six times already. “I can't be pregnant. I can't. It's supposed to be impossible.”

Dr. Galloway, an older woman with a sensible haircut and a kind smile, patted her leg as she removed Dakota's feet from the stirrups and helped her sit up.

“I would say it's a miracle,” she told her patient. “Or is this not good news?”

Dakota took a deep breath, trying to clear her spinning head. The home pregnancy test she'd used the previous evening had confirmed what she'd begun to suspect. Driving to the next town to buy it had taken more time than waiting for the results. As she'd played with her daughter, she'd watched the time, then had read the clear message.

Pregnant.

A single word that was difficult to misunderstand, although she was having a whole lot of trouble absorbing it. Pregnant? Impossible. And yet, she was.

“It's good news,” she said slowly. “Of course I want
more children.” Hannah and her sibling would be close in age. But now? “I just didn't think…”

“You didn't think it would happen,” Dr. Galloway told her. “That's life. I've seen it many times in my office. Although I should lecture you on the foolishness of not using a condom, young lady. Pregnancy isn't the only reason for protection.”

“You're right, of course.” Dakota wanted to grab her head and scream, more from the surreal nature of the conversation than because she was upset. “You're really sure?”

“I'll do a blood test to confirm, but I'm sure. Based on my exam, I would say you're about six weeks along.”

Dakota opened her mouth, then closed it. Six weeks ago? That would mean it had happened the first time she and Finn had made love. They'd been so frantic for each other, so lost in passion. If any event was going to defy the odds, it made sense that was the one.

“I'm in shock.” She shook her head, wondering if she would ever feel normal again. “I didn't think this could happen. I thought if I were to get pregnant I'd need medical intervention.”

“So did I. When I said it was unlikely for you to conceive naturally, I was being kind. I thought it was impossible. Yes, there was the smallest of chances, but I never thought I would see it happen.” She smiled. “Your young man must have impressive swimmers.”

“I guess.” Dakota looked at her. “I just adopted a baby girl. She's six months old.”

“Good for you. This is excellent news. I've always thought siblings should be close in age. Harder for the parents, but better for the children.” Dr. Galloway wrote on a pad. “What about the father?”

“I have no idea what he'll think,” Dakota said honestly, wondering if the swirling she felt in her stomach was nerves, panic or hormones. “Finn isn't looking to get involved seriously or to take on more responsibility.” He'd nearly gotten his brothers on their way. A baby would completely freak him out.

“Men often talk that way, but when faced with a child of their own, they come around. You're going to tell him, I hope?”

“Yes.” Eventually. First she had to be able to grasp the information.

Even now, sitting in her doctor's office, naked from the waist down after peeing on a stick and having a pelvic exam, the information wasn't real to her. She could say the word
pregnant,
but she couldn't feel it in her heart.

Dr. Galloway opened a drawer and pulled out several brochures. “Some information to get you started. Pick up some sample prenatal vitamins and a prescription for more on your way out.” She rose. “You're a healthy young woman. The problem was never about your carrying the baby. Now that you've conceived, we'll do everything we can to make sure you have an uneventful pregnancy. Enjoy your blessing, Dakota.”

“I will.”

Dakota waited until the doctor had left to stand and then reached for her clothes. She set the paperwork on the exam table and drew on her bikini briefs. As she picked up her jeans, her gaze fell on a drawing of a pregnant woman. The side view showed a sketch of how the near-term baby was positioned inside of her.

As she studied the simple picture, she touched her own still-flat belly. Her heart began to beat faster, and her breath caught in her throat.

She was pregnant! After all the pain and heartache, after thinking she was broken and could never be like anyone else, she was pregnant.

She stood in the center of the examining room and laughed, then felt tears burning her eyes.

“Happy tears,” she whispered. “Happy, happy tears.”

She dressed quickly, eager to tell her mother, who was watching Hannah. Denise would be thrilled. Dakota hung on to the happiness, knowing the freak-out at the thought of being a single mom to two small children would hit her any second.

Could she do it? Handle it? Did she have a choice?

There was so much to think about, to consider. She had to go by the airport and…

And what? Tell Finn?

She sank onto the edge of the examining table and shook her head. This wasn't going to be good news for him, she thought sadly. There was no way he wanted to take on a baby.

Sure, he was good with Hannah and very supportive,
but not in a way that meant he was interested in more than a temporary “uncle” relationship. He enjoyed the baby, but being a guy who liked kids did not a father make.

Finn had been clear about what he wanted from the first second they'd met. He'd never tried to convince her he was interested in anything but getting gone. If she wanted more, then she was only fooling herself.

Thinking that made her remember the name of the show.
True Love or Fool's Gold.

She knew which she wanted. That was easy. But finding it was more complicated. As for the fool's gold—an artificial and unsatisfying substitute for the real thing—maybe she'd accepted a little of that, too. Allowing herself to believe there was more between her and Finn than there really was.

He was a great guy, and she knew she was in danger of losing her heart to him. But she also knew he'd been honest with her, and that, when he said he didn't want to stay, he meant it. Which left her in an uncomfortable dilemma.

How and when did she tell Finn she was pregnant?

She didn't think he would believe she'd lied about her condition to trick him, at least not when he'd had a chance to think about it. But she wouldn't be surprised if he went there at first, so she had to be prepared.

There was also the issue of coparenting. Did he want to? If so, how would they manage? Would he fly in from South Salmon? What about the winter, when the
small town was practically cut off from the world? What would happen later if one or both of them fell in love with someone else? It wasn't anything she could imagine for herself, but Finn was the kind of man nearly every woman would want.

Too many questions, she told herself as she stood and picked up her purse. She took a cleansing breath. They didn't all have to be answered today. She was about six weeks pregnant. That meant she had months and months before any decisions had to be made. She could take her time and figure out the best way to tell Finn what had happened. As for his part in raising their baby—if she had to do it alone, she would. She might not have a life partner, but she had family and a town, and they both loved her.

Sensible words, she thought as she walked toward the reception desk to pick up her samples and prescription. Words that should have made her feel better and stronger. Instead there was an emptiness inside, a sense of longing for the very thing she couldn't have.

Finn.

 

S
ASHA LEANED BACK
on the bench. “I thought I'd hear from an agent by now,” he grumbled. “What if none of them are watching the show?”

Lani sat on the grass in front of him. She looked up and smiled. “They're watching.”

“You can't know that.”

Most of the time Sasha liked Lani. She was easy to
get along with, and, because neither of them wanted to sleep with the other, there was none of that tension between them. It was like hanging out with his sister. If he had one.

But sometimes she really bugged him. Especially when she acted as if she knew everything about being on TV and he knew nothing. Maybe he hadn't been to Los Angeles for pilot season, but that didn't mean he didn't read and talk to people. He'd studied a lot on the internet.

Lani rolled onto her stomach. Her long, dark, wavy hair brushed against the grass. She was beautiful and all, he thought. But not his type.

“I told you,” she said, her voice sounding smug. “I sent notices to all the best agents in L.A. Well, to their assistants. I suggested they watch us.”

He'd forgotten about that. “You don't know that they're watching.”

She rolled her eyes. “Don't be so negative. You have to believe. You have to see what you want in every detail and then do the work to make it happen. That's how we're going to become stars. Do you think I like being on this stupid show? It's a great concept, but Geoff's a pain in the ass. He has no vision. But it gets me in front of people. It gets me seen. That's why I'm here.”

Lani was so sure of herself, Sasha thought. She had a plan. All he had was a dream and the need to get out of South Salmon. That was the difference between them,
he realized. Instead of complaining about her, he should learn from her.

“So what do we do now?” he asked.

“Close your eyes.”

He looked at her. “I don't think so.”

She pushed up into a kneeling position. “I'm not going to do anything bad. Trust me. Now close your eyes and start breathing real deep. Like from the bottom of your stomach.”

He did as she instructed, leaning back against the bench and closing his eyes. He consciously slowed his breathing and felt himself start to relax.

“Okay. Now picture your dream house in L.A. It's on the beach right?”

“Malibu,” he said with a smile, still keeping his eyes closed. “I can see the ocean.” What he could see was girls in bikinis, but he didn't say that to Lani. “And I know how to visualize.”

“You know how to daydream,” she said. “There's a difference.”

He wanted to push back but reminded himself she wasn't playing at any of this.

“Okay,” he said, his eyes still closed. “Go on.”

“Now imagine your house has a deck and there are stairs down to the beach. Ten stairs. They're wood. Your feet are bare. It's warm and sunny. You can feel the railing in your hand and you can feel the wooden deck below your feet. There's a light breeze.”

Sasha was surprised to realize he actually could feel
the deck. The wood was smooth and warm from the sun. He could feel the loose sand under his toes. The light breeze she described blew against his face. He felt his hair move.

“Now imagine yourself walking down the stairs,” she said, her voice low and soothing. “You're getting closer to the beach. You can smell the ocean and hear the sound of the surf. You can see people on the beach.” She laughed. “Let's change that. You can see girls on the beach.”

“Maybe just a couple,” he said with a chuckle. “Okay. I'm walking down the stairs.”

“Go slow,” she said. “Imagine everything about it. The railing. Don't forget that. You're walking down and down. There's only one more step and then you'll be on the beach. So stop at the last step. Can you see yourself there?”

He nodded. He could see everything, and he could feel it, too. The moment was so real, he could taste salt on his lips.

“Now step onto the sand,” she said. “Feel the warm sand. It's just the right temperature. Not too hot, but warm on top and cooler underneath. Three of the girls see you. They whisper to each other and then start running toward you. They know exactly who you are and they are so excited to meet you. Because you're on their favorite show. One of them is holding a copy of
People
magazine. And you're on the cover.”

Sasha grinned. Everything about it was real, right
down to the picture of him on the magazine. With his eyes still closed, he squinted, then laughed. There it was, in bold print.
Sexiest man alive.

He opened his eyes and looked at Lani. “That was great. How do you do that? I want to do it more.”

“You're such a baby. Why aren't you visualizing every day? It's the best way to get what you want. Sure, you have to do the work, but this allows you to be in the right place at the right time. When you visualize and practice, you prepare yourself for success. I've been visualizing myself winning an Oscar since I was fourteen years old.”

She stood and walked over to the bench, then sat next to him. “I don't know anyone in the business,” she told him. “I don't have a lot of experience or friends I can ask. I'm doing this all on my own. This is how I make it real. This is how I get through the day. If you want it, Sasha, you have to believe in yourself. Most of the time no one else will believe in you.”

“I get it. I need to come up with what I want and then imagine it already happening.”

“Yes. But do it every day. That's what makes it powerful.” She sighed. “I imagined myself on a reality show. I should have been more specific. I can't get anyone to tell me ratings numbers. Have you heard anything?”

“What are you talking about?”

She groaned. “How is the show doing? Are the advertisers happy with the number of viewers? That kind
of information is important. We want the show to be successful.”

“What does it matter if it isn't? We'll be gone.”

“It's important because if we're going to put it on a resume somebody has to have heard about it. There is no point in claiming stardom on a show no one saw.” She stared at him. “You make me crazy, and not in a good way.”