Only Mine (23 page)

Montana arrived at the office exactly at two. She had a leash in one hand and pushed the stroller with the other. Buddy, the intense and worried labradoodle, kept pace with the stroller. Every few seconds he looked at Hannah, as if making sure she was all right.

“I can't decide if Buddy would make a good dad if he were human,” Montana said, “or if he would be on Prozac half the time.”

“He's a pretty good-looking guy,” Dakota said, rising and coming around her desk. “He'd probably discover women and forget to pick up his kids from day care.”

Montana bent down and patted the dog. “Don't you listen to her, Buddy. I know better. I know you'd never forget to pick up your children from day care. Who's that handsome puppy? We'll ignore my mean sister.”

Dakota laughed. “I'm sorry, Buddy. I was teasing.” She picked up Hannah and pulled her close. “How's my girl?”

Montana straightened. “She was great. She's eating much better. I swear I can see her growing. I can't say I love poopy diapers, but I'm getting good at them.”

“I really appreciate you looking after her,” Dakota said. “Now that I'm back here, I should be able to bring her to work with me at least three days a week. So I'm not going to need as much day care. Mom's going to take her one of those days and I've had about five calls from different women in town wanting her the other day.”

“It must be nice to be popular.”

“It's not me. It's Hannah. She's more popular than any of us.”

Montana sat on the edge of the desk. “I don't think I could do what you do.”

“Plan curriculum?”

“Have a baby by myself.” Montana's gaze dropped to her sister's stomach. “Make that two babies.”

“It wasn't planned,” Dakota admitted, telling herself not to panic at the thought of being a single mom to two young children. “I'll admit I'm scared, but I'm not going to think about that. Both children are a blessing.”

“What is Finn?”

A good question and one she couldn't answer.

“I love him,” Dakota said quietly and shrugged. “I know it's stupid, but I couldn't help myself. I just…” She smiled. “He's the one.”

“Wow. You found him.”

“I'm not saying it was an intelligent choice.”

“It could work out,” Montana told her.

“I appreciate your loyalty, but do you really believe that?”

“He could surprise you.”

Dakota gave her a skeptical look. “He's made it clear that he wants his old life back. With his brothers moving on, he's finally free. I know he cares about me, but that's not the same as love or taking on more responsibility.”

“So you're not going to ask?”

“I'm not going to make myself crazy wishing for something that might never happen.”

Montana started to speak, then stopped. “Tell me what I can do to help.”

“What were you going to say?”

Her sister shifted. “That you're giving up without trying. If you love him, if he's the one, shouldn't you at least try to make things work? Fight for him? Only he hasn't said no yet, because you haven't told him. So there's no fight to be had.”

“I'll tell him. I'm waiting because I know what's going to happen and I don't want to ruin what we have. Trust me. When Finn finds out I'm pregnant, there will be burning skid marks on the road.”

“If you say so.”

The conversation wasn't going the way Dakota had intended, and she found herself annoyed. She told herself that this wasn't Montana's fault. She didn't understand. Wanting something didn't make it happen.

“You need to give him the chance to surprise you,” Montana murmured. “Maybe he will.”

Dakota nodded because she didn't want to fight, but she knew the truth was very different.

 

T
HAT NIGHT
Dakota felt restless. She couldn't forget her argument with her sister, and she couldn't ignore the voice in her head saying that she was hiding rather than being honest. That both she and Finn deserved better.

When she let him in that night, she had a marinara sauce simmering and soft music playing. Hannah had already drifted off for her dinnertime nap.

“Hey,” Finn said, as he walked into her small house. “How was your first day away from TV? Do you miss the excitement of working in the entertainment industry?”

He smiled as he spoke, his blue eyes crinkling slightly. He was tall and handsome and strong. He was someone she could lean on.

Maybe she'd never fallen in love before because she hadn't found the right guy. There had always been a nagging sense of something missing. With Finn, she felt full…complete.

If only.

She waited until he closed the front door, then stepped into his arms. As she wrapped her arms around him, she drew his head down so she could kiss him. Telling him how she felt was a one-way road to disaster, but showing him… That might be different.

She pressed her mouth against his, letting all the frustration, the love, the worry, spill into her kiss. He held on tight, as if sensing she needed to be close. He kissed her back, his tongue tangling with hers, his body surging close.

Hunger flared to life, but it was about so much more
than sex. It was about him and what they could have together.

Wordlessly, she reached for his hand and tugged him through the living room, down the hall and into her bedroom. With the door open, they could easily hear Hannah if she cried.

Once in the dimness of her bedroom, she turned to him. There were questions in his eyes, but he didn't ask anything. Apparently he knew she needed more than conversation.

He put his hands on the hem of her T-shirt and pulled it over her head. She unfastened her bra. When she was naked to the waist, he bent down and drew her already tight nipple into his mouth. He used his hand to tease her other breast.

His mouth was warm. His tongue aroused her, flicking the tip over her nipple. With each deep tug, she felt herself swelling and readying. Only it wasn't enough. She wanted more than this. She wanted all of him, on top of her, filling her, taking her. She needed him. She needed the connection.

Again, he read her mind. He reached for the button on her jeans. She undid it for him, then pushed down her clothes. Immediately he slipped his hand between her legs. She was already wet. With his thumb, he found her center. As he rubbed that sensitive knot of flesh, he pushed two fingers inside of her.

Sensations assaulted her. From his mouth at her breasts to his hand stroking, massaging, pushing. He
went in deeper, finding all the places that made her gasp. Even though she hung on to him, her legs began to tremble. She was having trouble staying upright. But she didn't want him to stop. She didn't want anything to distract him from the way he made her feel.

Tension filled her. Tension and pleasure and an unrelenting desire to be swept away into an ocean of satisfaction. She was getting closer and closer, so close that—

He stopped. She cried out her protest, not sure what was happening. Before she could say anything, he'd pushed her back onto the bed. She sat on the edge of the mattress, and then he was on his knees, parting her legs, replacing his thumb with his tongue. He kissed her intimately, even as he thrust his fingers back inside of her.

The feel of his tongue, his breath, the fullness was too much. She barely had time to register the pleasure when she was tumbling into her release. She cried out as her body shuddered.

The waves came again and again until she was limp. Then he was standing and fumbling with his clothes. As he sent his shirt, shoes, socks, jeans and boxers flying, she scrambled up a little higher on the bed. He joined her seconds later.

“Dakota,” he breathed, as he pushed into her.

She welcomed him, wrapping her legs around his hips and drawing him closer. Usually she closed her eyes, but this time she kept them open, watching him watch her.
They were connected. She felt what he felt, knew his anticipation, experienced the tension. As he got closer, so did she. The need for more grew until there was nothing to do but come together.

She clung to him as he held on to her. The night closed around them until it seemed as if they had always been together and that they could never ever be apart.

I love you.

She thought the words but didn't speak them. She knew once she said them, she would have to tell him the truth, and then those words would be a trap. A way to make him feel obligated.

If only.

The wish was like a prayer, sent out into the cosmos. Was having the one man she'd waited her whole life to find too much to ask?

Even as the question formed, she heard Hannah's soft sigh and had her answer. She'd already been given so much. There was no way she could have it all.

She might not be able to keep Finn, but she would have his baby, and somehow, she would make that enough.

“Y
OU'RE KILLING ME,”
Bill said, his voice surprisingly clear considering he was twelve hundred miles away. “We're starting our busy season, Finn. You've got to get back here or you've got to cut me loose.”

“I know,” Finn said, clutching the cell phone. “Just give me another week.”

“To do what? You said the show was over. That your brothers were done with it. What more is there to do in that damn town?”

An excellent question, Finn thought. He should be jumping on the first plane back to Alaska. And he wasn't. He kept having this feeling that there was more to do here.

“It's that woman, isn't it?”

“Dakota? Some of it is her.” He hadn't meant to get involved. He didn't want to get close to anyone. But there was something about her. Something that appealed to him. Walking away was going to be harder than he'd expected.

“Are you thinking about staying?”

“I don't know. I'm not sure of anything. Look, Bill, I
know this is unfair. I know you're working your ass off. Just give me a week. I'll have an answer then.”

His friend sighed. “Fine. A week. But no longer. And you are going to seriously owe me.”

“I know. Whatever you want, it's yours.”

Bill chuckled. “Like I believe that. Talk to you in a week. If you don't call me, I'm selling your half of the business to the first person who offers me a nickel.”

“Fair enough.” Finn ended the call.

He stood on the tarmac of the Fool's Gold airport and looked at the planes. He could make a life here, if that was what he wanted. The question was, did he? He'd been responsible for so damn long, and he'd told himself that when he got his brothers raised, he was done. He was only going to think about himself, do what he wanted.

Now that he was free, being alone wasn't quite so appealing. He'd gotten used to being part of the family. Part of something. Did he want to walk away from that? Did it have to be all or nothing?

“What did your partner say?” Hamilton asked.

Finn had mentioned having to phone Bill. “He's not happy I'm still here. I told him I'd make a decision within the next week.”

Hamilton raised his bushy gray eyebrows. “You thinking about buying me out? I can have some papers drawn up.”

The old man offered him the business nearly every time he reported for work. The price was fair, and there was plenty of potential to grow. Finn had some ideas
about scheduled shipping routes and passenger service. If he wanted to stay.

“I'll let you know in the next week, as well.”

“What's so special about the next seven days?” Hamilton asked. “You reading tea leaves or something?”

“Not yet. I need to figure some things out.”

Hamilton shook his head. “You young people today. Never wanting to make a decision. I know what's keeping you here. It's that girl in town. She seems pretty enough to me, but then what do I know? I've been married nearly forty years.” He grinned. “Take it from an old man. Marriage is a good way to go.”

Marriage? Is that what they were talking about? He knew in his head it was a logical next step, but the thought of it made him take a step back. Dakota had a daughter. Was he ready to be a father? Hadn't he already done that with his brothers?

He supposed it came down to his feelings for Dakota. He knew he liked her. She had been an unexpected find in what could have been a terrible situation. She was supportive and caring. He liked watching her with Hannah. She was a good mother and a good friend. She would probably make a great wife. The thing was, he didn't think he was looking for one.

“A week,” he repeated.

Hamilton raised his arm. “Fine by me. Take as long as you want. I think you like it here. I think you're looking for an excuse to stay. If you were so hot to get back to
Alaska, you'd already be gone. But then I'm just an old man.”

Finn grinned. “You say that a lot. That you're an old man and what do you know, but you seem to have an opinion about everything.”

Hamilton laughed. “When you're my age, boy, you'll have an opinion about everything, too.”

 

S
UNDAY MORNING
, Dakota joined her sisters at her mother's house for an informal brunch. It was getting warmer and warmer as they headed for the summer months. Today, Denise had set the table on the patio. There was a bowl of fresh fruit, juice, pastries and an egg casserole. The scent of fresh coffee competed with the delicate aroma of flowers in the morning.

Dakota held Hannah on her lap. The little girl was doing well in her high chair, but this many people would be a distraction. It was easier to keep one arm around her squirming body as she reached out toward her aunt and her grandmother.

“So how was the date?” Nevada asked. She poured herself a cup of coffee, then passed the pot to Montana. “Did you do anything wild and get arrested?”

Denise sipped her juice, then put the glass on the table and leaned back in her chair. “It was fine.”

Montana laughed. “I don't think he's going to want your endorsement in a campaign. Fine? Did you have a good time? Did you like him? Start at the beginning and tell us everything.”

“He's a perfectly nice man. We talked about a lot of different things. He's funny, sort of. He's well-traveled. It was fine. I wasn't exactly expecting a life-changing event. It was just a date.”

Dakota thought about the time she spent with Finn. “Sometimes ‘just a date' can be life-changing.”

“I'm not sure I believe that,” her mother said. “You have to get to know someone. Is there really love at first sight? I'm not sure. Maybe that's only something that happens when you're really young. When you don't have to be cautious and careful.”

“Why do you have to be careful?” Nevada asked.

“A lot of reasons. I haven't dated in over thirty years. I don't know how the rules have changed. Plus I'm not a kid. I have responsibilities. I have children and grandchildren and a place in the community. I'm not going to run off with some biker just because he sets my thighs on fire.”

“I think I'd run off with the biker who set my thighs on fire,” Nevada said. She smiled. “Assuming you mean setting them on fire the good way and not with a match.”

“Well, of course. I'm not interested in dating a pyromaniac.” Denise shook her head. “It's very complicated at my age. You girls don't understand. You're still very young. The rules aren't the same for you.”

“Are you saying you were sexually attracted to him and you're afraid to act on it?” Dakota asked, oddly terrified of the answer. She told herself that they were all
adults here, and her mother was as much a sexual being as the rest of them. But it was still strange to be having this conversation with a parent.

“No. I was speaking theoretically.” Denise picked up her coffee. “There wasn't any chemistry. We kissed.” She shuddered delicately. “Maybe I'm too old to have a man's tongue in my mouth.”

Dakota did her best not to flinch. Nevada stiffened and Montana shrieked, then covered her ears with her hands.

“I can't,” Montana said. “I know it's not mature, but I just can't have you talking about this. It's icky.” She dropped her hands. “Not icky exactly, but just too much information.”

Hannah clapped her hands and laughed at her aunt's antics.

“At least you're amused,” Dakota told her little girl, then kissed the top of her head. She turned her attention to her mother. “While I'm willing to be more mature about this than my sister, I will admit that it's strange to talk about you having a sex life. But as a trained professional, I will listen.”

Denise laughed. “You girls are ridiculous. I'm talking about French kissing. It's not like I described twenty minutes of intercourse.”

Montana covered her ears again and started humming. Nevada looked like she was ready to bolt.

“It's probably best you didn't have sex on the first date,” Dakota said, hoping she sounded calm and
reasonable. She was completely with her sisters. Anywhere but here. Parental sex discussions should be illegal. “It's been a long time for you. You were married to Dad for all those years and now you've been a widow for a decade. Starting the dating game slowly makes the most sense.”

“That's what I thought,” her mother said primly. “The kissing was really just an experiment. I wondered what it would be like with another man. It wasn't that great.”

Montana dropped her hands again. “Maybe it wasn't the kissing, maybe it was the guy. Chemistry matters. There has to be that spark.”

“Maybe he was a nice enough man,” their mother said. “But there was no spark. I'm not going out with him again. I want to say I'm never going out again but it would be silly to make that decision based on a single date. I'll think about it.”

She turned to Dakota. “And while we're on the subject about thinking about things—have you told Finn about being pregnant?”

“Is Finn pregnant, too?” Montana asked, grinning.

“I'm ignoring you,” her mother said. “Eat your breakfast.”

“Yes, ma'am.” Montana reached for her fork.

The other two looked at Dakota. She shifted on her feet. “I haven't told him, exactly.”

Her mother's expression turned disapproving. “This is not information you keep to yourself. Finn has the right to know he's going to be a father.”

“I know, and I'm going to tell him. Soon.” She drew in a breath. “Every time I think about telling him, I get a knot in my stomach. He's still here. He doesn't have to be here, but he is. Everything is settled with his brothers and he hasn't said when he's leaving. Which makes me think I might be the reason he's staying.”

“You're afraid if you tell him about the baby, he'll run,” Nevada said gently.

“Yes,” Dakota whispered, knowing it was cowardly and still the truth. “I love him. I want him to stay. Having him go would break my heart.”

“Then tell him that,” Montana suggested. “Knowing how you feel could change his mind. And you don't know that he won't be happy about the baby. He might surprise you.”

Dakota would like to believe that, but she wasn't holding her breath. As for telling Finn that she loved him…

“I don't want him to see my feelings as a trap,” she admitted. “I don't want him to think I'm telling him I love him to get him to stay. I'm not sure I can tell him those two things together. But if I tell him I love him and then tell him about the baby, it's still a trap. If I tell him about the baby, I probably won't get a chance to tell him that I love him. I don't know how to fix this.”

“That's because it can't be fixed,” her mother told her. “There is nothing to be resolved. There is information to be shared and plans to be made.” She paused. “As for which you tell him first, I understand your dilemma.
However you choose to handle this, he needs to know that you're pregnant. Every man has the right to know he's going to be a father. Don't wait for the right time, because there isn't one.”

It had been many years since her mother had scolded her, Dakota thought. No matter how old she got or how mature she felt, those chiding words still had the power to make her feel small. She wanted to protest that she had her reasons, but she knew her mother was right. She was hiding from the situation, avoiding what had to be done. Whatever the outcome, she had to tell him.

“I'll tell him today.”

And by tomorrow he would be gone.

 

“S
ASHA CALLED
from L.A. He's found an apartment, and sharing it with two other guys. I guess they take turns sleeping. I'm not sure what happened with Lani, but whatever. He sounds happy.”

Dakota found it difficult to concentrate on Finn's conversation. While she was usually happy to listen, this was different. The need to tell him the truth pressed in on her. She still hadn't figured out the best words to use, but she was done procrastinating.

“I have to tell you something,” she said, interrupting him. “It's important.” They were sitting on her living-room floor, Hannah on the carpet between them. The little girl held a set of baby keys in her hand and was delighted by the noise when she shook them.

Finn drew his eyebrows together. “Is everything okay? Is it Hannah?”

Dakota drew in her breath. She just had to say it, she told herself. Just blurt it out. Then hope for the best. “It's not Hannah. It's me.” She shook her head. “No, I don't mean it that way. I'm…”

She swore silently. It wasn't supposed to be this hard.

“You've been really great to me,” she said, forcing herself to stare into his dark blue eyes. “I know you didn't want to come here. But I'm glad you did. I'm glad I got to meet you and spend time with you. You're really special to me.”

She swallowed. There she was—about to say the word she'd never said to a man before. She'd never even come close. She loved her family, but this was different. This was romantic love. And this was the rest of her life.

“I'm in love with you. I didn't mean for it to happen, but it did. And I know you probably don't want to stay here, but you're not gone yet and I'm hoping Hannah and I are part of the reason. There are a lot of complications, your life in South Salmon, my life here, but I thought maybe we could figure it out together.”

She couldn't tell what he was thinking. He kept looking at her, but his expression was unreadable. She didn't know if that was good or bad.

Now came the hard part. “There's just one more thing.”

 

F
INN WASN'T SURE
what the one more thing could be. Having Dakota spell out her feelings was a surprise. No one had ever been that honest with him. One more point in her favor, he thought, turning her words over in his mind and finding he liked them.