Only Mine (8 page)

“You must have been devastated when your parents died.”

He nodded. “I was. I didn't know how I was going to do it. Raise the boys and not screw up.”

“Be proud of what you've accomplished. I don't think I could have done it. We lost my dad ten years ago. My sisters and I were just out of high school, ready to start college. My brothers were either in college or done. There was nothing for me to do but get through the mourning. And it was hard every day. I can't imagine
having to deal with the emotional loss and raise two younger brothers.”

Finn looked uncomfortable with the praise. “I did what had to be done. Some days I think I did okay. Others, like when I'm in my hotel room here in Fool's Gold, I think I screwed up completely.”

“You didn't. What they're doing now has nothing to do with you.”

He looked at her. “I want to believe you.”

“Then you should.”

“You're bossy. Has anyone ever told you that?”

“Are you kidding? With three brothers? I have a crown. I'm the queen of bossy.”

Finn laughed. The warm sound filled the room and made her smile. They continued talking until, in the kitchen, the timer dinged.

“Come on,” she said, rising to her feet. “Our tofu surprise awaits.”

 

F
INN ENJOYED HIS DINNER
. Not just the chicken and mashed potatoes, which were the best he'd had in months. Maybe years. But also the conversation. Dakota told funny stories about growing up in Fool's Gold. He knew what small towns were like, but South Salmon made Fool's Gold look like New York City. Where he lived, people tended to keep to themselves. Sure, you could count on a neighbor to help, but everyone minded their own business. From what Dakota said, Fool's Gold was the town that meddled.

“If you'd come here under other circumstances,” she said, “I'm sure you would've liked it a lot more.”

“I like Fool's Gold just fine,” he told her.

“This is always going to be the place your brothers ran off to.”

“Look at it this way,” he said. “When Sasha moves to L.A., I'll hate it there, instead.”

“That's not very comforting.”

They smiled at each other across the table. He liked how the light played on her hair, bringing out the various shades of blond. When she laughed, her eyes crinkled in a way that made him want to laugh, too. Dakota was easy to talk to. He'd forgotten how nice it could be to enjoy a woman's company for an evening.

“How come your boss is so understanding?” he asked. “You said you had another job. What's he doing while you're working with the show?”

Dakota wrinkled her nose. “Not missing me,” she grumbled. “Raoul is busy playing house with his new wife. Do you follow football?”

“Some. Why?”

“My boss is Raoul Moreno.”

“The Dallas Cowboys quarterback?”

“That's him. When he retired, he wanted to settle down and found his way here. There was an old abandoned camp up in the mountains. He bought it and refurbished it. He hired me to coordinate the various programs. He had this whole idea to use it year-round. In the winter we were going to offer math and science
programs. Intensive learning for middle-school-age kids. Get them all interested in the possibilities.”

Sounded like a good idea, he thought. “What happened?”

“One of the local elementary schools burned down. It was a freak thing with the furnace. Raoul offered the camp to the school district. That was last September. Until the new school is built and the kids move back, the camp is full. Our big plans are on hold. Which is one of the main reasons he didn't mind me helping out with the reality show.”

She leaned toward him. “The other reason is, he recently got married. Pia, his wife, is pregnant with twins. She's due in a couple of months, and that's keeping him busy.”

“What are you going to do between the end of the show and when the school is done using the camp?” he asked.

“Raoul wants me to keep working for him. There's plenty to do. We have to apply for grants, find corporate sponsors, come up with a curriculum.”

“All of which you'd rather be doing,” he said.

She smiled. “Absolutely.”

“Is leaving an option? Do you ever think about living anywhere else?”

“I've lived other places. Got my undergraduate degree at UCLA, my masters and Ph.D. at Berkeley. But Fool's Gold is home. It's where I belong. Do you think about leaving South Salmon?”

At one time he had. When he'd been Sasha and Stephen's age he'd dreamed of seeing the world. But then his parents had died and he'd had two brothers to raise. There hadn't been time for dreams.

“I have a business there,” he said. “Leaving is impractical.”

“And you're a practical guy?”

“I've learned to be,” he admitted.

“You said you were wild before.” Her gaze locked with his. “Would I have liked you?”

“I would've liked you.”

He felt the awareness crackling between them. Everything about Dakota appealed to him. Sure, she was pretty, but it was more than that. He liked listening to her. He liked her opinions and how she looked at the world. Maybe part of him liked that she was as firmly connected to Fool's Gold as he was to South Salmon. They couldn't make a mistake because it couldn't go anywhere.

Wanting stirred. It had been a long time since he'd had the time or energy to be interested in a woman. Given how concerned he was about his brothers, it was extraordinary he was interested now. Which begged the question—what did he do next?

“I have dessert,” Dakota said, coming to her feet. “And it's not soy-based. Interested?”

He stood as well, then came around the table. He supposed he should ask. After all, this wasn't just about him. Dakota was a rational, thoughtful woman. She would
appreciate getting all the details out of the way first, assuming she was interested at all. But instead of asking, he moved closer. He cupped her face in his hands, leaned in and kissed her.

D
AKOTA HAD EXPECTED SOMETHING
along the lines of, “What flavor of ice cream do you have?” She hadn't expected Finn to kiss her.

His hands were warm on her face, which was nice enough. But what really got her attention was the feel of his mouth on hers. His lips were soft enough to tempt her and firm enough to allow her to relax. He kissed her gently, but deliberately enough to let her know that he really meant it. He kissed like he was hungry and she was an unexpected buffet.

His lips teased hers, moving lightly, as if searching for the best place to land. It'd been a long time since a man had kissed her. A long time since she'd wanted one to. Last fall, before she discovered she was broken inside, she would have said she wanted to be in a relationship. After, everything had changed. Now she wasn't sure. But with Finn, it didn't matter. He wasn't staying and anything between them wasn't permanent.

A very freeing concept.

He dropped his hands to her waist and drew her against him. She wrapped her arms around him and leaned in to the embrace. Her head tilted, he moved
closer. He tasted of the wine they'd had with dinner. He smelled clean and masculine. As she moved her hands from his shoulders to his arms, she felt the strength of him.

The kiss continued. Skin on skin, warm. Appealing. Then something changed. Maybe it was the way he shifted his hands to her back and spanned the length of her spine. Maybe it was her thighs brushing his. Maybe it was the placement of the moon in the sky. Or maybe it was finally time for something good to happen to her.

Regardless of the reason, one second she was enjoying a perfectly respectable kiss from a very charming man. The next, fire swept through her body. It was as unexpected as it was intense. Heat was everywhere. Heat and hunger and the kind of wanting that stole a woman's will and left her prepared to beg.

Instead of holding on to him, she found herself clinging. The need to get closer grew until it overwhelmed her. She parted her lips, hoping to deepen the kiss. Thankfully, he read her mind. His tongue swept inside, brushing against hers.

It was heaven. Every stroke made her insides clench, her legs shake. She kissed him back, enjoying the growing sense of arousal. She wanted to be swept away, to be reminded of exactly what her body could do.

She'd been numb for so long, she realized. Disconnected from everything but the pain. She'd blocked off nearly all emotions, going through the motions so well, she'd even fooled herself.

He kissed her more deeply. She closed her lips around his tongue and sucked gently. He tensed in her embrace, as if holding back.

He was going to stop. But he couldn't. She needed this. He had to…

Only he didn't have to do anything. This wasn't her, she told herself firmly. She didn't attack guys in her kitchen—or anywhere else. The polite course of action seemed to be to step back.

Oh, but she wanted him. Her breasts ached. Her nipples were so sensitive, the feel of her bra was nearly agony. Between her legs, she was swollen and hungry. She wanted his big hands to touch her everywhere. She wanted to see him naked and hard in her bed. She wanted to be filled over and over until she found her release and with it, maybe a little healing.

It took every ounce of self-control, but somehow she managed to drop her hands to her sides and put some room between them. She was aware of her frantic breathing and hoped she didn't look too desperate. Sexual confidence was attractive. Desperation tended to send a man running.

Finn's eyes were dark with passion, which was nice. She was tempted to glance down to see if there was physical proof of his feelings, but she couldn't figure out how to do it without being obvious. Still, there was every chance he'd been offering a polite kiss and she'd gone after him like a sex-starved monkey.

“I, ah, don't know what to say,” she admitted, not quite meeting his gaze.

“I shouldn't have done that,” Finn mumbled. “You weren't… That's not why you…” He cleared his throat.

She frowned, not sure if he was apologizing or trying to escape. Hope shoved embarrassment out of the way.

“I'm glad that you did that,” she said, telling herself that being brave built character. “You are?”

She forced herself to look at him and found him staring at her. Oh, yeah. That was some serious passion.

“Very glad.”

One eyebrow raised. “Me, too.”

Heat stained her cheeks, but she plunged ahead anyway. “We could do it again.”

“We could. There's only one problem.”

He was married? He used to be a woman? He was gay?

“I'm not sure I'll want to stop,” he admitted.

The relief was nearly as good as the kiss had been. Dakota stepped toward him and didn't stop until her body was plastered against his. Which answered the question about his feelings on the subject.

“That works for me,” she whispered.

She'd planned to say more, to suggest they move to her bedroom, but she didn't get the chance.

Once again, Finn kissed her. And while it wasn't as unexpected as the first time, she still found herself swept away.

She surrendered to his strong embrace, wanting to feel his arms around her. She parted her mouth, and he plunged inside, teasing her into passionate frenzy. Even as his mouth claimed hers, his hands were everywhere. He stroked her back, then dropped lower, to her rear. He cupped the curves, squeezing until she instinctively arched forward.

Her belly rubbed against his erection. He was hard and thick, and the image that contact painted made her whimper. Without thinking, she reached behind her and grabbed his hands, then brought them around to her breasts.

The second he touched her, she began to melt. His hands cupped her curves, caressing the skin as he learned every inch of her. His thumbs and forefingers found her nipples and teased them. Then he grabbed the hem of her sweater and tugged it over her head.

He'd barely had time to toss it away when she was pulling at the hooks on her bra. The bra went flying. Her only thought was to hope the stove was off so if it landed there, nothing bad would happen.

While she was doing that, Finn pulled off his shirt and kicked off his shoes. Then he bent down and drew her right nipple into his mouth. He licked the hard, sensitive tip before sucking deeply. She felt the connection all the way down her belly. Wanting tugged her center.

The combination of the movement, the heat, the moisture and the friction nearly drove her to her knees. She held on to him to keep standing. He switched to her other
breast and used his fingers to caress the first. She ran her fingers through his hair, then brought his face to hers so she could kiss him again.

As their tongues tangled, he unfastened the button on her jeans. She stepped out of her flats. Seconds later, her jeans and bikini briefs hit the floor. Finn followed, dropping to his knees, parting her thighs and kissing her intimately.

There was no warning, she thought frantically. No way to prepare herself for the gentle assault of his lips and tongue. She was defenseless as he explored all of her before returning again and again to her swollen center.

With each erotic lick, she felt herself getting closer. Her legs trembled until it was nearly impossible to stay upright. She dug her fingers into his shoulders, but it wasn't enough. She could feel herself starting to sink.

He caught her as she fell, pulling her into his embrace and against his chest. His skin burned hot against hers. As he stood, her feet left the floor, then he was carrying her through the small house.

She thought about giving directions, but as there were only two bedrooms on a single floor, she knew he could figure it out. Sure enough, he went directly into her bedroom, where he placed her on the quilt. Before he joined her, he sent his jeans and boxers skidding to the other side of the room.

He slid down next to her and put his hands on her body. He began at her forehead, lightly tracing her skin. He touched her cheekbones, her ears, her jaw. He traced
her shoulders, her collarbone, before settling his hands on her breasts.

From there, he journeyed down her waist, over her hips, to the vee between her legs. She'd thought he might linger, finish what he started. But instead he continued down her thighs to her knees, her calves to her ankles.

He made the return trip more slowly. When he reached the soft skin of her inner thighs, he shifted between her legs, parted her and bent down to kiss her.

His tongue went immediately to where she was most sensitive. The steady stroking, a back and forth rhythm designed to drive her to madness, made her moan. Her body was not her own. He controlled every reaction, every sensation. Over and over again. Up and down.

Her muscles tensed. She felt herself straining toward the finish.

Not yet, she thought frantically. It was too good. She had to make it last. But it was impossible. The sureness of his touch, the feel of him against her. She felt herself nearing the end, nearing the inevitable.

Then he shifted slightly and inserted a finger deep inside of her. He pushed in once, twice, and she was lost. Her body dove into the pleasure. It swept through her, over her and around her. It was everywhere, and she never wanted it to end.

But gradually, the shuddering slowed. She felt herself resurfacing, returning to the real world. Lethargy battled with contentment. She hadn't felt this good in a really long time.

Just as the last of her climax faded away, Finn straightened, then put his hands on her hips. He entered her with one smooth, determined thrust. He was as big as she had imagined and filled her completely.

When he was all the way inside, she opened her eyes and smiled at him. “Nice,” she whispered.

He managed a grin. “You like?”

“I do.”

She wrapped her legs around his hips and drew him closer. When he withdrew and thrust in again, she urged him to go deeper. She wanted to take all of him. She wanted to get lost in what they were doing. This was life. This is what people who were alive did.

Every time he filled her, she found herself moving a little closer to who she had been before. Her body accepted him, widening and stretching to accommodate him. She felt him get closer. She felt herself getting more aroused.

Next time, she promised herself. Next time she would come again. But for now it was enough to feel him tensing. To feel him straining. To hold him as he lost himself in her.

 

S
ASHA AND
L
ANI
both sat cross-legged on the only bed in her motel room. The space he shared with his brother was bigger, but not by much. Once they'd been picked for the show, the production company paid for their food and lodging. Not that Geoff saw the need to pay for anything extravagant. So they were all stuck where they started.

When the show was over, they each got twenty grand. More than enough to finance his move to L.A.

Lani spread out several sheets of paper onto the bedspread. A few were new, but some of the pages looked old, with stains, tears and creases from being folded and unfolded again and again.

“I want to be a household name by the time I'm twenty-two,” Lani said, her dark brown eyes bright with conviction. “Movies would be great, but TV feels like more of a sure thing. I flew to L.A. last year for pilot casting season.” She paused and looked at him.

Sasha nodded. He knew enough about how the media worked to be familiar with pilot season.

Every year the networks and cable stations produced pilots for potential television series. Then the executives at the various stations decided which shows got a chance to be seen and which were dumped before they'd even begun. Casting was a big part of making a pilot, and unknowns were welcome to try.

Getting onto a pilot was huge, but once cast, there were no guarantees. Even if the show got picked up—a one in a million shot—your part could get recast with someone else. It was an actor's version of the lottery.

“How did you do?” he asked.

She sighed. “I got on two pilots. Neither went anywhere.”

She raised her arms above her head and stretched. As she moved, her T-shirt pulled across her boobs.

Sasha watched, mostly out of habit. Lani was beautiful.
Her features were exotic, and he would bet she would photograph great.

“What about modeling?” he asked.

“I'm too short,” she told him. “Five-five. It's not going to happen. I've done some swimsuit stuff back home. Catalogues, that kind of thing. Of course I've had tons of offers to do nude shots, but there's no way. I wouldn't want those pictures to come back and haunt me when I'm up for an Oscar.”

He wanted to get out of Alaska and be famous and very rich. Being a star was a way to make that happen. But Lani wanted it all. A serious acting career, awards and scores of paparazzi following her every move.

“We need to nail down our plan,” she said, shuffling the papers. Her long, dark, wavy hair tumbled over her shoulders.

He supposed he should want to have sex with her or something. If she took off her clothes and offered, he wouldn't say no. But he wasn't really interested in her that way. Lani was the first person he'd met who wanted the same thing he did, only more. He understood that if they worked together, they would have a better chance of getting it all.

“You know, if we win, we'll each get a hundred and twenty-five thousand dollars,” he said, leaning back against the pillows. “Plus the twenty. I want to rent a house in Malibu.”

“Don't be an idiot,” she told him. “That's before taxes. We'll be lucky to walk away with seventy thousand.
And that has to last. I'm getting an apartment in the San Fernando Valley. Somewhere near the studios in Burbank, and an easy drive over the hills. That way I can be in Century City or Hollywood pretty fast. I know if I don't get picked up right away, I'll need to get a job.” She looked at him. “Do you have your dream list of agents?”