One Voice 02 - Here Without You (25 page)

“So, let’s think back to what you and Zander got me when I was hurting so badly after Liz assaulted me.” It was still difficult to say the words. I could tell it was also hard for Nate to hear them, as he grimaced.

“Well, one thing that’s stuck in my mind is we stuffed everything inside of that big sleigh. But first we took it and painted it like a rainbow so it’d be real pretty and cheerful,” Nate reminded me.

I smiled because I remembered like it was yesterday. “It was amazing. So we have to find the perfect thing to put Cindy’s presents in. Or, you know, I still have the rainbow sleigh in my bedroom at home. Maybe I could have Mom bring it when she visits later this week.”

“Shit. We could use that sleigh, and it would rock.” By the wide grin he wore, I could tell Nate liked that idea. “Cindy loves rainbows. She was always drawing them in her school notebooks.”

“That will be perfect. And you guys got me a beautiful blanket, and a T-shirt, and music, and—”

“A stuffed animal. Shit. Cindy goes nuts for real cute stuffed animals.”

“What else does she like?”

His brow furrowed up in deep thought. “She likes tight jeans. And she likes chocolate.”

“Well, then, I have a few ideas.”

Zander came back and handed Nate a large cup of cinnamon pretzel nuggets, all warm from the heat lamp. “Eat these, dude. And I stole one, just saying.”

Nate held a nugget out to me. “You want one, Casey?”

I opened my mouth wide and let him feed it to me, thinking I could get used to that treatment.

Once Anna and Claire made their appearance, shopping began in earnest. The two girls headed to the American Eagle store to buy the least personal of gifts, the gift card, so Cindy could pick out her own jeans. Zander, Nate, and I headed to the jewelry store.

As we stood there, gazing at the necklaces in the glass case, Nate muttered, “We can’t get Cindy one of these things. They gotta be way too expensive. Look. They got all the price tags flipped over so we can’t see ’em and that spells big bucks. They don’t want us to fall over from the shock of seein’ the high prices on the stickers.”

Zander placed his hand on Nate’s shoulder. “Don’t sweat it, man. We got your back. And remember, there’s gonna come a time I need you to have my back.”

We all looked at the silver heart-shaped locket that Nate seemed to like best.

“I’m gonna put a picture of me when I was just a kid and Cindy when she was little on the two sides of the locket, so she’ll look at ’em and remember what we been through together.”

As we walked down the length of the mall, heading toward the toy store, I could tell that Nate was genuinely excited when I said, “So now it’s time for you to pick out the cutest stuffed animal of all stuffed animals.”

Nate headed straight for the plush animals. I mean, he pretty much ran. By the time Zander and I caught up to him, he had a teddy bear in one hand and a little dog in the other, and he was looking back and forth, from one to the other, with the most serious expression on his face.

“What are you doing there, dude?” Zander stepped up beside him. “And let me tell you a secret, you can ask those stuffed animals all the questions you want—they aren’t gonna answer you.”

Nate blushed furiously. “I’m just studyin’ them to figure out which one has the cutest face and the most sorry expression. See.” He held out the dog so we could see its face. “This guy is fuckin’ adorable, right?” We nodded. Then he held out the bear. “But this guy looks like he’s super sorry.”

“Why don’t you get her both?” I figured that would solve the problem.

Nate looked to Zander for approval, and Zander was ready with it. “That’ll surely let her know how much you care, Nate.”

Breathing a huge sigh of relief, Nate practically sprinted to the cash register, Nate and I close on his heels.

We met up with the girls at the only sit-down restaurant in the food court. Shopping bags were stuffed between us on the booths, and we sat like we used to before we broke up, with me in the middle and both of my guys’ arms around me.

“We picked out this shirt for her.” Claire held up an adorable tie-front pink cotton blouse. “But if you don’t like it, we can return it.”

“And these pj’s, which match with these slippers.” All fuzzy and aqua. Cindy’s favorite color.

“Sweet!” Nate was actually enthusiastic—at a shopping mall. There’s a first time for everything.

“And girls, check out this blanket we picked out for Cindy at JCPenney.” Zander pulled out a soft zebra-striped throw blanket. “It’s heated.”

Nate was breathless. He pulled his arm from my back and reached out to grab the blanket from Zander’s hand. Then he held it to his chest. He even closed his eyes.

“Nate, my man.” Zander must have experienced the very same feeling of trepidation that I did. “You know, giving Cindy these gifts might not fix everything overnight. Right?”

“Look at it as a first step.” Claire obviously knew what Zander was getting at.

And then I took my turn at warning him. “Remember Christmas of my junior year, after the assault, you guys gave me gifts, and I truly loved them. I cherished them because they gave me hope.” I fastened my gaze to his. “But I didn’t make any attempt to get in touch with you guys. I wasn’t ready, at that point.”

In response, he nodded solemnly. “Gotcha, Casey.” He handed the throw blanket back to Zander just as the waitress approached our table. “I guess we oughtta order.”

24

Nate’s Diary

December 16

A
FTER
CLASSES
on Tuesday, us three drove to Aunt Terri’s house in Somerton to deliver the sleigh full of presents for my little sister. Yesterday, Miz Minton came to visit us, and like the saint she is, she brought the big sleigh with her. She stuck it in the backseat of her car. And after she gave it to us, she took us out for a breakfast-sorta dinner. We all had these stuffed omelets and homemade toast. There are actually kids with folks who’ll come and visit just to say hi and do you a favor and for no other reason. Yeah, wonders never cease.

On purpose, we set it up so we’d deliver the big present when Cindy wasn’t home. Casey told me it’d put less pressure on her that way, and I agreed, even though it sucked. We also brought Aunt Terri a gourmet coffee cake from a way cool bakery near BCC, and we got my cousin, Jana, the same kinda chocolates that we got for Cindy from this upscale candy shop in the city. I was fuckin’ hopeful as hell when I dropped off them gifts, thinkin’ Cindy’d take one look at her big present-filled sleigh and rush to her cell phone to call me, but that didn’t happen.

It’s been three days now, and I ain’t heard word one from the girl. At least Aunt Terri called to say the coffee cake was the best she ever tasted. And Jana liked the candy. She got on the phone for a couple seconds to tell me that.

But nope, no word from Cindy. Casey said that sometimes these things take time.

Tonight is the One Voice holiday party, and Zander’s all nervous to be holdin’ such a fancy event. But me and Casey got his back, cuz that’s what partners do for each other.

So I’m waitin’ on Cindy’s phone call. And sure, it sucks to wait. But my life is goin’ on, and tomorrow we’re even gonna go look at some apartments that Mr. Minton found for us three to live in, all together. And then we’re gonna get a couple pieces of furniture—like a big bed and a kitchen set—to go in our new place. The brand-new furniture is gonna be the Mintons’ big Christmas gift to us three.

When I think of Mr. and Miz Minton—this is gonna sound pretty fucked up—but I kinda automatically think “Mom” and “Dad.” Even more fucked up than me thinkin’ it, is that I think the Mintons would kinda like to know that. They’d be glad.

Maybe soon I’ll tell ’em.

So, as far as Cindy goes, I just keep on waitin’ and givin’ her the time she needs to be ready.

Zander and Casey say it’ll be okay. I believe them two.

O
NE
V
OICE
Blog Spot—by invite only

Your host, Zander Z

December 17

Stellar holiday get-together, fellow One Voicers. We had thirty-two cool, awesome, open-minded people in attendance on Friday night. Way to go, us!

*The big guy stationed at the door, Nate DeMarco, collected
forty
—yes, you heard me right,
forty
—wrapped kids’ holiday presents as entry fees. Apparently some of you went above and beyond the call of duty by bringing more than one gift. (
Thank you, kindly.
) One Voice is a can-collecting, gift-giving force to be reckoned with in the Boston area. And I’m putting an article with pictures—consider this fair warning—into the BCC Gazette about the One Voice Holiday Party and the huge donation we made to the Boston Chapter of the Presents for Young People Campaign.

*On a personal note, as the holidays approach, I would like to take the time to thank some important people in my life.

*First and foremost—my partners, Casey and Nate, I wake up smiling every day because of you guys. Love is love, and we got a ton of it between the three of us.

*Dan, my bro, you are always there with big ears—nuff said.

*Abby, you make my bro happy, and that’s so cool.

*Claire and Anna, sisters, friends, confidantes, organizers. Never before had friends like you.

*Mr. and Mrs. Minton, you guys are the parents Nate and I never had. Love the apartment we picked out together today. Loved that Lola and Sarah gave it the stamp of approval, even though I think that was only because they fell in love with the black cat on the window seat.

*My fellow One Voice members, you have helped me to realize my dream of establishing an enduring alliance that will ensure that all people, regardless of their sexual identity, will feel safe and welcome on the Boston City College campus.

Superstoked to see where we’ll go as a group next year with our one strong voice.

Zander Zane, president of One Voice BCC

25

N
ATE
’
S
D
IARY

December 20

W
ELL
,
WE
kinda said good-bye to “our” college dorm room in a real proper way last night. Best thing is, Zander says we’re gonna say hello to our new apartment down the street in just the same way.

So anyhow, we said our good-byes on that pushed-together bed. All around us everything was packed up. My yellow duffle bag was stuffed full of my clothes, and Casey and Zander had all of their shit stuck into, like, six big boxes that were shoved against the wall. Only thing that hadn’t got packed yet was the set of red sheets that were underneath our bare asses on the bed.

We started out kinda in a circle made outta our bodies, layin’ on our sides and lookin’ at each other. Casey was busy playin’ with my toes, Zander was runnin’ his hand through my hair at the other end, and I was doin’ the same kinda shit to them two.

Casey looked at me and said, real serious, “We’re so glad to have you back, sweetheart. And I think I speak for both of us when I say, we… we want you to make love to us tonight.” That was real direct, but I got why he said it.

Don’t know just why, but lately most of our foolin’ around had involved more our hands and our mouths and less full-out makin’ love. It was like we
wanted
to go all the way, but before we could get there, we got so caught up in holdin’ each other and rubbin’ on each other that we spent ourselves too soon. But Casey let me know that he wanted that night to be different. Zander was noddin’ at me too, so I got the feelin’ he was right on board with Casey.

I suddenly got this rush of want, and it wasn’t the kinda want I expected it’d be, seein’ as we were stark naked on the bed. It wasn’t just a physical wantin’ to get busy with them. I wanted to make these two feel as loved and as worshipped as they made me feel. I wanted to be in charge of their sexual feelin’s, top to bottom. And I wanted it to be
my show
—so they would know when they were givin’ up the best come of their lives, that their big Nate gave it to ’em.

“Lay flat on your backs.” Didn’t trust my voice too much, but the words ended up comin’ out just fine. Almost like a command. And I could tell by the way they looked at each other with eyes all wide that they liked it. “Hold hands and put the other one under your ass.”

Them two did just as I asked, and they did it real fast. No joke, the three of us was all ready to go. Each of us was so rock hard we were ready to perform, but it was all up to me. I especially liked watchin’ Zander scramble to obey me. Turned me on in a big way.

Soon as they were lyin’ there holdin’ hands, I did my thing. My lips were itchin’ to kiss ’em, but I wasn’t gonna start with their lips like they expected. Nope, I went right downstairs on ’em. Startin’ with Zander. He friggin’ whimpered when I took his dick in my mouth. Casey whimpered too, and my mouth wasn’t nowhere near his junk. That was too fuckin’ cute.