One Step Too Close - Coffin Nails MC Louisiana (Gay Biker Stepbrother Romance) (Sex & Mayhem Book 6) (10 page)

“It wouldn’t be good if
the guys found out, would it?” Jed whispered and got himself a cigarette. One
of his vices better than alcohol and drugs. He looked so wrecked Ryder wanted
to give him a hug, stroke his hair and tell him everything would be fine, but
it seemed awkward to do that right now. “I wish I could be more like you.”

This should have made
Ryder happy, but it didn’t, as Ryder felt rotten to the core. He would control
himself and fuck girls only. And he’d help Jed find the right path as well.
“You’re my family. If you need something, just ask. We’ll go through this
together,” he said and grabbed Jed’s hand, startled when he felt stickiness on
his knuckles. He leaned forward and looked at the hand in the moonlight. Some
of the skin had been rubbed off, and there was even a bit of blood around the
missing bits. Ryder looked up.

Jed took a deep, shaky
breath. “I… I get so angry sometimes. It’s like it overflows in me, and I need
to get it out.”

Ryder shook his head,
and as he looked up at the clubhouse, he knew he wasn’t in party mood anymore.
“Let’s go home. We can take your car.”

Jed got up, looking like
a shadow of his fun-loving self. “It’s fine. This is your night. I’ll go to
sleep upstairs.”

Ryder grabbed his hand
and stood up too. He would not let Jed roam around in this state. Things were
going to change now that he was back. “Nah, I’m tired anyway. We can watch
something at home.”

“It’s your party. Are
you sure?” Jed looked up at him with bloodshot eyes, and Ryder had never been
more sure of anything in his life. He was taking Jed home. “I don’t want you to
miss out on the girls and stuff…”

“I already had my share
of fun today. They won’t miss us,” said Ryder and pushed Jed forward to where
they left the car.

Jed walked at the pace
of a zombie, but at least he was moving on his own. “I’m sorry. I wanted this
to be the best party.”

Ryder sighed and looked
at him in the darkness. “It was great. At least until I found you practically
unconscious, with a guy on top of you. You can’t get yourself in such a state,
Jed. You just can’t. This is the end of drinking and drugs. You can’t take it.”

Jed nodded, rubbing his
face with a groan. “I think I’ve been overdoing it. I mean… the thing with Tom?
I never saw it coming. I was too out of it to fight him off.” Ryder was pretty
sure that with Jed’s cocky attitude, he’d never admit it to anyone other than
him.

“I know,” he said and
squeezed Jed’s arm, ready to do whatever it took to help him out of this slump.
They could move in together for a while so that Ryder could monitor Jed more
efficiently. He was ready for any sacrifice as long as it worked.

But instead of entering
the car, Jed turned around and wrapped his arms around Ryder, hugging him and
pushing close. “Thanks for looking out for me. You’re the best brother I could
ever have.” Jed gave him a quick pat on the back, and just as suddenly as the
hug came, it was gone, and Jed got into the car, leaving Ryder with the phantom
of his touch. Right now, he’d rather have Jed call him a friend, because the
things Ryder imagined Jed do were all but brotherly.

“Yes. I’m here for you.
Whatever you need, just talk to me,” he said, climbing into the driver’s seat.

Jed gave Ryder a faint
smile. “I might regret it tomorrow, and only be saying this because I’m drunk,
but, don’t let me drink next week, okay? You’re back now, and I don’t wanna
miss anything. Next time I drink, will be on my terms.”

Ryder slouched with
relief and acknowledged Jed’s declaration with a nod. He got the keys off him
and drove toward his small suburban home, another thing he desperately missed
in jail. He decorated it himself, so the paintwork wasn’t all that amazing, but
with the second-hand furniture and a few posters in neat frames, it was clean
and homely.

And as he entered after
three months of absence, it also seemed strangely empty. Gone were the potted
flowers at the window by the door, gone were a few trinkets in the living room,
and the large closet in the bedroom seemed empty. Ryder tried not to think
about just how much Jess had filled his life, but it was inevitable now that
his own house didn’t seem as familiar and warm as it should.

Daisy rushed to the
entrance with a loud meow, and he immediately kneeled in front of her, petting
the tabby fur on her back. “You still remember me?”

“I’ve been staying over
with her every now and then. Hope you don’t mind.” Jed walked in and stretched,
yawning already.

Ryder looked up with a
small smile and picked up the cat. She had been an anniversary present for
Jess, but Ryder was really fond of her. She always came over when he was
watching television on the sofa and sat in his lap, eager for petting. “Thanks.
I wouldn’t want her to be lonely,” he said, walking into the living room. It
looked a bit messy, with a few plates on the coffee table and empty boxes of TV
dinners, but at least it looked lived in. It was better then coming to a home
still smelling of bleach.

Jed came closer and
petted Daisy’s head as Ryder held her. He still smelled of rum, but his hair
had that nice shampoo scent Ryder couldn’t pinpoint.

“Let me take a look at
your hand,” said Ryder, pushing the cat off. The skin on Jed’s knuckles was
rubbed off, the revealed flesh a dark pink color. He sighed and looked up at
Jed, gently pulling him to the bathroom. He cleaned the wounds with water and
soap, and then bandaged them with stuff from the first-aid kit Jess had left
behind.

Jed didn’t say much as
Ryder took care of his hand, but the silence wasn’t awkward at all. Even after
Ryder had been gone for so long, they didn’t always need to speak to understand
each other. On the other hand, focusing on Jed’s hand alone made Ryder think a
bit too much about how Jed’s big manly hands would feel on his back, how his
short nails would scratch his skin. He’d only ever felt female hands on himself
in a sexual situation, as he didn’t let Max touch him much.

Jed was starting to feel
dizzy again, so Ryder made him take a shower and even heated up a frozen
sandwich for him. It was the least he could do.

When Jed came out of the
shower with his hair pulled up into a manbun, wearing a pair of white briefs
and Ryder’s T-shirt, it was hard not to have his thoughts stray. Jess would
sometimes sleep in his T-shirts, and it was always associated in Ryder’s brain
with a girl staying over. After fucking.

“Thanks. I could use
some food.” Jed said and came closer, snatching the sandwich and biting into
it.

Ryder smiled and had
some stale tea, watching him from his favorite chair. The T-shirt wasn’t nearly
as big on Jed as it had been on Jess, but it was still rather loose fitting and
teased Ryder’s imagination into thinking of the warm, freshly cleaned flesh
touching his clothes. There was something incredibly erotic about seeing
someone wearing his things, and for once he didn’t care it was a man.

It also reminded him
just how long it had been since he and Jed were completely alone together, at
home, with no one to disturb them. He missed nights like this.

“You’re welcome to come
over any time. Especially if you and Dana have a fight.”

Jed smiled with his eyes
since his mouth was full and in the slightly baggy clothes, with his hair
pulled up, he looked younger than usual, a lot sweeter than the tattoos on his
body would suggest.

“Thanks,” he said as
soon as he swallowed. “Things with her haven’t been all sunshine. I’ll take you
up on the offer.”

“How bad? Are you
leaving her?” asked Ryder, sitting up straighter. Maybe it was Dana who pushed
Jed into the arms of men with her cold demeanor?

“Might be. I just— you
know, we live together. I can’t be bothered with more bullshit right now. I’ll
stay here for the week if you’ll have me.” Jed smiled and Ryder couldn’t
imagine anything better than having Jed in his bed every night... whatever that
meant.

“As long as you stay in
my and Jess’s bed with me. I’m sure it’ll feel kind of empty now,” chuckled Ryder,
though at the same time, he felt his face flush. But he needed to have as close
of an eye on Jed as possible.

“I don’t mind. It’s a
big bed. Though we’re a bit bigger now than the last time we slept together.”
Jed snorted and crouched to pet the cat for a moment, but then headed off to
the bedroom.

Ryder swallowed hard as
his gaze trailed down the back of Jed’s thighs, which beckoned him in with the
light reflecting off the short blond hairs. He finished his tea, put down the
cup, and followed Jed, as if they were connected by a leash.

Jed was already climbing
into the huge bed on the side that used to be Jess’s. The bedsheets were off,
but Ryder couldn’t find the drive to find his own old sheets at this time of
night and just climbed under the comforter. It was the warmth streaming from
the side that suddenly made him aware of just how close Jed was.

No more than a few
inches to the right was that warm muscled body, ripe for touch. The body of a
man who was considering giving in to temptation, and at the same time, the man
who was temptation personified for Ryder. It would be so easy to just lean
closer and push his hand underneath that soft shirt, to the warm flesh. It
wouldn’t be like with Max. With Jed, Ryder would go slow, explore each and
every square inch of skin, make him come so hard Jed would never want to go
back to the right path.

Ryder switched off the
light and looked at the ceiling, his body stiff, ears catching traces of Jed’s
breathing.

“You said all guys feel
this way sometimes…” came a whisper from Jed’s side.

Ryder’s heart stopped.
“Yeah.”

“You too?”

Ryder swallowed hard and
folded his hands on his chest underneath the comforter, which suddenly seemed
too hot. “Yes.”

“And what do you think
about?”

Ryder gave a breathy,
uncomfortable laugh. “What do you mean?”

“What do you imagine?
What turns you on about it?” Jed’s voice was quiet, and as he lay on his side,
Ryder couldn’t see his face.

Ryder pushed the covers
off his chest, looking everywhere but at Jed. “It’s not like that. It’s snippets.
I just switch to thinking about pussy when that happens,” he said though
recently this had been easier said than done.

“So it’s not like you
think about a person?”

Shit.
“Do you?”

The silence spoke of
hesitation Ryder didn’t want to hear. Could Jed actually like Tom? He’d protect
him more if he did though.

“No,” came the long
awaited answer.

Ryder exhaled in relief.
“Yeah, me neither,” lied Ryder. “It’s just curiosity.”

Jed

Jed awoke to the
electronic clock showing him that it was a few minutes past noon. He was
surprised to see the grainy texture of the wall, but it only lasted a few
seconds. He was at Ryder’s. There was real furniture here, walls that weren’t
essentially thick cardboard, and when he raised himself on his elbows, he even
spotted a glass of water with two white pills lying next to it. He was in a
real house, not his beat-up shithole of a place, with Dana playing loud music
across the barely-existent divide between the two rooms.

Jed swallowed the pills
and gulped down the whole glass with his mouth dry as woodchips. There was a
slight ringing in his head, pulsating along with his heartbeat, but it could
have been worse considering the amount of alcohol he’d consumed the previous night.
Hopefully, the pills would help with the pain, and it didn’t feel like he was
about to puke again, so that was a bonus.

It only now hit Jed that
he’d confessed his problems to Ryder. After almost getting fucked up the ass by
Tom and puking out what seemed to be all the food he’d eaten last week. He wasn’t
sure how he’d face Ryder after that clusterfuck of events. It was a miracle
Ryder still wanted him around. Yesterday’s confession came fueled by rum, but
today, the world was all too crisp, and he remembered everything he’d said a
lot too clearly. There was no way Ryder would ever accept him as gay. He was
lucky to get another shot at keeping up appearances. Dad would have probably
expressed his opinion the hard way.

A sharp sound broke
through the silence, muffled by the door, and Jed realized he knew it very well
from back home, when he and Ryder still lived together. Ryder was mixing
something with a blender. Jed’s brother wasn’t much of a cook, but he’d always
been firm about food preparation being an essential life skill. He made killer omelets
and was proficient at easy dishes, so it had never been an issue for him that
Jess worked long hours and couldn’t always put dinner on the table for Ryder.

Daisy gave a low meow
from her pillow on the chair she usually occupied, and as she looked at Jed with
her large green eyes, the tip of her tail swung left and right. At least
someone was happy to see him.

Jed sat up, rubbing the
sleep off his eyes, and looked at the vacant side of the bed. The comforter was
neatly folded, and on top of it lay a change of Ryder’s clothes. With Jed’s own
nowhere to be seen, he was pretty sure those were meant for him. His heart
fluttered faster than he wished. Being gay was one thing. Lusting after your
brother—even if not related by blood—quite another.

He changed and pulled
his messy hair back into a knot. It dried overnight, and he couldn’t be
bothered to brush it, so the tangled waves would have to do. Over the years,
he’d perfected the scruffy style, so that he looked casual, not like a dirty
hobo. Many of his clothes had holes in them, and he usually let his stubble
grow out before shaving and repeating the cycle. The mirror reminded him that
no matter how much he exercised, Ryder was still bigger than him. Jed didn’t
want to lie to himself and pretend the clothes were slightly too big just
because Ryder liked them oversize. They were big because Ryder was tall,
muscular, and so fucking meaty Jed would order him instead of a burger any day.

There were no strong
smells outside the room, so there seemed to be no hope for one of those dreamy omelets,
but Jed had made sure to stock up Ryder’s fridge on the day of his release, so
there was plenty of food to choose from.

Jed was almost afraid to
disrupt the pleasant silence of the house, so he went barefoot, burying his feet
in the brown carpet. It led Jed down the corridor, but he stilled, listening to
a tapping coming from the open plan kitchen that he couldn’t yet see from where
he was standing. The television was off, and the sofas hadn’t been touched
since yesterday, so Ryder must have gone straight for breakfast. Jed wasn’t
sure whether he was ready to face him sober, but he took a deep breath and
walked into the living room. He needed to act normal. Maybe they could never
mention Tom’s betrayal, pretend it didn’t happen, and everything would be fine.
A part of Jed felt guilty that he had considered letting Tom have a go at his
ass, but another part wondered whether Tom hadn’t spiked his drink. He didn’t
remember half of what happened in that room after they got there.

Ryder looked up from
over a big cup filled with a pale green mixture. His naked chest made Jed’s
brain grind to a halt. Ryder was wearing his favorite faded black jeans and a
chain looped around his neck. Jed had fond memories of Ryder making very good
use of that piece of steel at times when he had no conventional weapons on him.

“How are you feeling?”
asked Ryder, and swallowed some of his smoothie.

Jed licked his dry lips
and walked up to the counter with his hands in the pockets of the baggy jogging
bottoms.

“Better than I should
be.”

Ryder’s gaze followed
Jed, as if peeling away any lies that could still be there. “You got really fucked-up
last night. Let’s kickstart your new sobriety with something that’s actually
good for you.” He turned back and presented Jed with an identical thick
smoothie dotted with small black seeds. “Bottoms up.”

Jed groaned, at the
concoction, with his top lip curling on its own. He was pretty sure a detox
would not be pleasant, but even he recognized that it was a necessary evil. If
Ryder hadn’t followed them, Jed would have let Tom fuck him up the ass. In the
fucking clubhouse. His survival instinct was out of sync with reality. There
was
no
place for him to ever even attempt this sort of thing. Not to
mention that he wasn’t sure he wanted to. His forbidden thoughts did feature
other men, but they never lingered the way they did on Ryder. Even when he
tried fantasizing about others when he jerked off—since thinking about girls
was a useless mood-killer—he more often than not ended up envisioning Ryder’s
muscular body, his silky hair, his handsome face. Top. Bottom. Handjobs.
Blowjobs. Touching. Kissing. It was always all about Ryder and his big veiny
hands, stiff cock, and firm ass. Even now Jed turned away slightly not to stare
at Ryder’s tan chest with pecs he’d lick all over.

The smoothie had the
most vile consistency—gelatinous and slightly starchy at the same time, but the
taste itself was pleasantly balanced, fresh and grassy with a hint of
sweetness. Jed sneered and took a deep breath.

Ryder chuckled. “I can
see it’s gonna be your favorite.”

“I feel healthier
already.” Jed tried to avoid it with all his heart, but his gaze still strayed
to the steel ball piercings in Ryder’s nipples. How was he to ever fantasize
about anyone else, if Ryder was the most perfect man on the planet?

Ryder downed his own
smoothie, stretching his god-like body. Even knowing that Jed had fantasized
about guys, Ryder would never consider that he himself could be the object of
such attention. Jed felt like complete scum for repeatedly making his
dream-Ryder suck on his cock or plow his ass, his powerful chest brushing
against Jed’s back in the very bed they slept in last night.

“Drink up. Let’s sweat
the remaining alcohol out of our systems. The gym won’t be busy today,” said
Ryder. He quickly rinsed his glass and put it next to the wet smoothie machine
container.

Jed gulped down the
drink, uncomfortable with the question he was about to ask. “I don’t remember
last night all that well. Tom… he’s not dead, right?” His eyes wandered down to
Ryder’s stomach, and the trail of black hairs leading to the ultimate treasure
hidden in Ryder’s jeans.

Ryder’s mouth tensed and
turned slightly pale. “What’s it to you what happened to him?”

Jed looked into the green
mush at the bottom of his glass and shrugged. “You know, we hung out a lot
together before the whole fuckup. I have my guitar in his garage.”

“The
fuckup
?”
asked Ryder, with an aggressive edge to his voice that Jed never wanted
directed at him. “You mean that time when he tried to stick his cock up your
ass when you were so drunk you couldn’t stand up on your own? I sure wish he’d
ended up dead!”

Heat rose up Jed’s neck
as anxiety clenched around his stomach. He didn’t like it spelled it out like
that. He wasn’t some chick a guy could consider abusing this way. Even thinking
about it made the dissonance so strong in his mind he wasn’t sure what to make
of it. Since the only other useless attempt at approaching a guy had ended up
with blackmail and Dana in his life, he’d never actually
done
anything
with a guy. Jed wasn’t sure how he’d approach it anyway, since his fantasies of
Ryder were so far away from reality they could as well be on another planet.
Since he wasn’t doing anything about fulfilling that side of his life, he
didn’t know how to label himself. Maybe he wasn’t even gay? Maybe he was just
messed up? If Tom hadn’t turned out to be a cunt and just proposed sex like a
normal person, would Jed have slept with him? If no one were to ever catch him,
would he have slept with other guys? Had Tom always hung out with him because
he wanted to fuck him? Tom had always been eager to get Jed drunk, drugged, to
get Jed to his garage. Was Jed the prey in this scenario? Just thinking about
it this way had Jed uncomfortable, shifting, and clenching his ass. He sure as
fuck didn’t want Tom to put his dick in him.

The chain of thought
clashed with fear, and he clenched his hand harder, until the glass in his hand
cracked. Jed gasped, looking down, and put it on the counter when a shard of
glass bit into his skin. “I would not let him do that!”

Ryder’s face contorted,
and he shook his head. “We’re not talking about what you wish you could have
done. You were in no shape to resist when I found you two, and that’s fucking
scary.” He took a deep breath and pushed back his hair. “Trash that glass.”

Shame clung to Jed’s
skin like hundreds of leeches. He threw away the glass, and quickly got himself
a cigarette. “I just want my guitar back. I don’t want to go there and find
cops crawling around the house.” The thought that Tom could have fucked him no
matter what Jed might have said or done, that he could have held him down and
made use of the situation, had him in need of another shower. If only he could
hug Ryder now, everything would have been better. “I’m not some pussy. He… I
mean… I don’t get it.”

Ryder pushed his fingers
into his hair. “For fuck’s sake... Of course you don’t expect it. You’re a guy.
But the world is full of perverts, and you’re fucking
fine
.”

Jed glanced up into
Ryder’s eyes but was too embarrassed and looked away. “Are you saying you think
this sort of bullshit could happen to me again?”

“I don’t know. Don’t get
completely trashed is what I’m saying,” hissed Ryder and quickly put on a gray
T-shirt, obscuring the buff, well-sculpted chest.

Jed rubbed his forehead,
overwhelmed by yesterday’s events. Having Ryder back, Tom, and… Dana’s
deadline. He felt nauseated at the memory of her ultimatum. Ryder would have to
push him away once other people knew about Jed’s nature as well. He had no idea
how this week would end, but whatever happened, he’d rather spend it detoxing
with Ryder than getting drunk and not remembering a thing.

“I’m sorry I wrecked
your party. I should have known there was something off about Tom. He did like
me too much. Always gave me free shit.”

Ryder took a deep breath
and covered his eyes. “Right. I don’t even wanna think about this shit.”

Jed laughed nervously,
and for a moment he wanted to change the topic to some stupid joke about gay
sex in prison, but it died in him before it could reach his lips.

Once they left the
house, Ryder insisted on escorting Jed to Tom’s place to pick up the guitar,
and as much the distrust annoyed Jed, he also didn’t mind having Ryder around.
They found Tom’s room deserted, but one of his roommates had kept the guitar
and gave it to Jed.

Getting to the gym took
another half an hour, but by the time they entered, the atmosphere had eased,
and Ryder was actually smiling again. They exchanged a few words with the
receptionist, changed into gym clothes, and finally made their way into the
workout space. Just as Ryder predicted, it was quite peaceful, with just one
woman doing her cardio on a stationary bike in room number one. Jed was about
to go straight to the weight room, but Ryder grasped his wrist and pulled
closer to whisper into his ear.

“Look at that piece of
ass.”

Jed had to take another
look, because his first instinct was all about the heat of Ryder’s body so
close Jed could shut his eyes and inhale it. The woman was fit and had her long
dark hair pulled back into a ponytail. The one thing Jed liked about Dana was
not having to make excuses about not wanting to fuck random girls. He’d had sex
with enough women to know pussy only caused him grief and misery. He’d much
rather just jerk off to his own filthy fantasies, because no porn would have
what he was looking for. No porn vid had Ryder looking back at him.

Jed nodded. “Hot.”

Ryder nudged Jed’s ribs
with a sly smile. “If things aren’t going well with Dana, maybe you should
cleanse your palate? This one seems your type.”

Jed didn’t have a type.
He supposed Ryder just meant the woman was good-looking and had a perky butt
that swayed from side to side as she did her exercises.