Once Kissed: An O'Brien Family Novel (The O'Brien Family) (7 page)

She swallows a little, her eyes traveling back to her plate. “No. I’ll stay with you.”

I point to her food. “Give us another two rolls of whatever she’s having, will ya?” I tell the waiter. He’s been quietly observing and probably rethinking his career choice.

“Right away, sir,” he mumbles.

Tess lifts her chopsticks and cautiously places a small piece of sushi in her mouth. She seems hungry, really hungry. Yet it’s like she’s forcing herself to eat slowly, just like she’s eaten since the food arrived. At first, I thought it was for show, trying to demonstrate all that cotillion crap she’d likely been forced to learn. I didn’t give it much thought, figuring she was trying to impress Declan with her manners. Now, I’m not so sure.

She picks up another piece and eats it carefully, her thick lashes lowering as if savoring every bite. It bugs me. Something’s definitely going on with her. “Did you always want to be a lawyer?” I ask, before I ask something I shouldn’t.

She finishes chewing and takes a sip of her water. “No. Actually, I wanted to be a ballerina.”

I bark out a laugh, quieting when I catch sight of her reddening face. “Oh, you’re serious.”

“I was actually quite good when I was younger. But not good enough for what it takes to become a professional,” she says, carefully wiping her mouth. “So I was encouraged to choose a more practical career.”

“By your father?” Her sudden stillness makes it clear I hit a nerve. Shit.

“Yes,” she admits quietly. She lifts another piece of food. “What about you? Did you always want to be a police officer?”

“Either that or a stripper, but stripping doesn’t offer dental.”

She chokes on her food when she starts laughing, but manages to cover her mouth with her napkin. I chuckle when she lowers her napkin and meets me with a wide grin. “There’s that smile I’ve missed.”

Her humor fades, but not that sparkle in her eyes. “You missed my smile?”

The real one you’re giving me now rather than the one just to shut me up?
Yeah, I had, but I don’t exactly say it that way. “It looks good on you,” I admit.

The waiter returns then, dropping a large rectangular plate full of colorful sushi. “You gonna help me eat this?” I ask Tess.

She nods, but then cautiously reaches for another small piece. “Tell me something about yourself,” she says.

“Like what?”

“Like anything.” The corners of her mouth lift. “For all the time we’ve spent together lately, I don’t feel like I know you.”

“I’m pretty damn boring. Good-looking, smart, funny, and with butt cheeks capable of rubbing two sticks together and starting a fire, but boring all the same.”

She tilts her chin, her features growing a little sad. “Why do you do that?”

I pause, wondering what I said wrong, before reaching for a roll. “Do what?”

“Say a lot without really saying anything at all.”

I stop mid-chew.
Yeah, this babe’s no dumb broad.
“How about I tell you a story instead?”

“A story? You mean about your police training?”

“Nah, I told you everything there is to know.” Okay, not really. “Let me tell you about my family instead.”

“Your family?” she asks, like she doesn’t believe me.

“Sure. You said you wanted to get to know me, right?”

“I really do,” she says with a soft smile I feel down to my gut. Shit, what’s happening here?

I crack my knuckles, trying to relax and shake off whatever the hell she hit me with. “Okay. Then I’ll tell you about the first time I almost got laid.”

The roll falls from her chopsticks, and the smile drops from her face. Her attention sweeps the room. “Do you think this is appropriate?” she whispers breathlessly. “We’re in a restaurant.”

“Probably not, but it’s pretty damn funny.” I chuckle. “Well, at least it is now.”

“But you said you were going to tell me about your family.”

“Oh, it involves them, too,” I assure her.

As much as she’s trying to keep me quiet, there’s no missing the flickers of curiosity in her gaze. “All right,” she says. “I’m all ears.”

No, you’re all legs. Legs I want to wrap around my
— I cough into my shoulder. “Okay. See, there’re six of us boys.”

“Six? You have five siblings?”

“No, I have six, on account there’s also our sister, Erin—she goes by Wren. You know, the one who caught our brother fucking—”

“Yes, yes, I know,” she says, shushing me. She slumps back in the booth. “Wow. Seven children in one family.”

I hold out my hands. “What do you expect? We’re Catholic. Anyways, I think Ma and Papa would have stopped after Wren was born and they got their girl. But the Phils made the playoffs the following year and there was all this beer. Nine months later, Ma’s pushing Finnie out on our kitchen floor—but that’s another story.”

“Good Lord,” Tess says, her mouth falling open.

“Yeah, Ma said the same thing, except not so politely. Anyway, so Angus, Seamus, Declan, and Killian had all gotten laid. I turn sixteen, and I still haven’t popped my cherry.”

Tess’s eyes are now the size of the crab roll, but she’s not exactly telling me to stop, so I keep going. “Deanna Zaccara was a girl from the neighborhood. I think she runs a daycare now. Back in the day, she had quite the rep, especially following her affair with the wrestling coach. One day after school, she came up to me, told me I was cute, and asked if she could come over to our house to study.”

Tess tightens her grip on her chopsticks. “Curran! You took advantage of a young woman who was taken advantage of by a teacher?”

“She was nineteen when they were screwing.”

“
Nineteen?
She was in college?”

“No, high school. I said Deanna had a rep. I never claimed she was a scholar.” I take another bite of food. “So I told her yes. Like an imbecile, I thought she really wanted to study so she’d finally get her ass out of high school. It wasn’t until she dragged me into my parents’ bedroom that I realized she wasn’t interested in my mind.”

Tess gapes at me, and it’s all I can do to keep a straight face. “So I’m all excited,” I tell her, “thinking my time had come. What I didn’t know was that Ma had to close down the dry cleaner she ran early due to a gas leak in the building.”

Tess covers her mouth. “Your
mother
walked in on you?”

I smirk. “And my grandmother—God rest her soul.”

“No!”

“Oh, yeah. So there I am, wearing Deanna’s green panties—”

“Why were you wearing green panties?” Her fair skin morphs to beet red when she realizes the waiter’s looming over us.

“Deanna was also into some kinky shit,” I tell her truthfully, before glancing up at the waiter. “Hey, you got any dessert specials?”

“Cheesecake, sir. And, ah, green tea ice cream.”

I grin. “Perfect. We’ll take one of each.”

“Yes, sir.”

Tess leans in as the waiter disappears, speaking low. “I can’t believe that was your first sexual experience.”

I lift a piece of sushi and bring it to her mouth. She glances at it, then shocks me by letting me feed it to her. For some reason, it’s a bit of a turn-on.

Who am I kidding? Everything about her turns me on.

I pull back a little, watching her eat and forcing myself to finish my story. “I never said it was my first time. Ma freaked out and beat me over the head with her sneakers while Grammie begged God not to send me straight to hell. Deanna ran out without her panties and I spent the rest of the afternoon in confession wearing them beneath my jeans.” I lift another roll and offer it to her. “So, you going to tell me what your first time was like?”

We stumble into my hallway, both of us laughing. My stomach muscles are clenched so tight, I drop my purse stuffed with legal briefs, and have to clutch the doorframe to keep from falling over.

Tears stream down my face as Curran finishes another riveting tale from his childhood. “I swear to God, my mother became bionic,” he says. “She chased Declan down the street when he bolted, trying to escape her wrath. Not two seconds later, she kicks open the front door and hauls him inside by the ear, all a hundred pounds of her dragging his six-foot frame like he was nothing.”

I wipe my eyes. “What did she do to him?”

“God only knows. The rest of us were jumping out windows trying to get out of her way. I gotta tell you, though, Declan never said ‘fuck’ in front of her again—hell, none of us swore in front of her after that.”

I place my hand against my chest. “I don’t blame you. From what you’ve told me, your mother’s one tough lady.”

Curran leans against the wall, his smile softening. “She is. She instilled the fear of God into us, and didn’t let us get away with anything. But she was always there for us, you know? As pissed as we’d get about how strict she was, we knew she loved us.”

I smile. “It couldn’t have been easy for her, raising so many children, and raising them all to be good people. But she did, and it’s obvious she put her heart and soul into it.”

“Yeah, she did,” he adds as if remembering.

Maybe it’s me, but there’s something hot about a man as tough as Curran having a soft spot for his mother.

Or maybe he’s just plain hot.

My smile diminishes the longer I take him in, and as his stare sears into mine.

Jesus…I’m not sure what’s happening. If it’s good, or bad, or simply just is. But silence seems to envelop us at once, and all life stops except for the breaths between us.

My hand slowly slips from my chest. If it weren’t for the distant sound of moving traffic, I’d swear time had ground to a halt and carved out this moment solely for us.

It’s…
beautiful,
peaceful, and welcomed. Yet I can’t enjoy it, even though I want to.

Something pokes at me, reminding me that I shouldn’t be standing here, losing myself in this man’s grip. My keys are in my purse. And my purse is still on the floor where I dropped it. I think I should reach for both, but whatever this moment is, I don’t want to let it go. At least not yet.

My father had hounded me all week. It’s not like him to call me this frequently, but for some reason he felt the need to rein me in, tug on that leash, and remind me that he commands every aspect of my life.

Well, perhaps not
every
aspect….

I hold tight to Curran’s gaze. What would my evening have been like without him? Likely, just as it had been these past two weeks: boring, uneasy, and almost pointless.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks me.

“You,” I admit, quietly.

“Yeah?”

I nod.

“What about me?” he murmurs.

Oh, where do I start? “I’m glad we went out,” I tell him. “I had a really nice time.”

Initially, I welcomed Declan’s invitation to dinner as a distraction from my workload and the loneliness that plagues my life. Now, I welcome only Curran: his deep voice, his hearty laugh, and his way with words. He has a way of stirring me up and breaking through the monotony and solitude of my existence, something I didn’t think was possible.

He cocks his head, taking me in. I wonder what he sees when he looks at me, but I don’t dare ask. I just hope it’s good. After all, he’s so…

He pushes off the wall and prowls forward, reaching for me and cupping my face with his large hands. His fingers thread through my hair, his light blue eyes so intense, my breath lodges in my throat and balls into a lump.

He leans in, closing his eyes. “What are you doing?” I stammer.

He pauses, then opens his eyes. “Ah, trying to kiss you.”

“On the lips?”

“I could do the forehead if you want,” he offers, slowly. “But it’s kind of not the same.”

“What does this mean?” I ask, barely able to spit the words out.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what are you trying to do here?”

“I told you, kiss you.” He drops his hands away. “I thought we were having a moment. But I gotta tell you, Tess. You’re kind of ruining it for me.”

“Um.” I look around, my palms unusually sweaty. “Okay.”

“Okay, what?”

I let out a breath. “Okay, you can kiss me.”

I rub my palms against my coat and close the space between us.
You can do this,
I tell myself.
And you know you want to.
I lift my chin, close my eyes, and wait.

Until Curran’s laughter jolts my eyes open.

My face heats, which only makes him crack up harder. “You really know how to kill a moment. You know that?” he manages between bouts of laughter.

My shoulders slump as I admit defeat. He’s right. I took a perfectly sweet moment and ruined it. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want this moment to happen, or that I’m ready to let it go. “Believe it or not, I’m trying here,” I tell him.

He leans back on his heels and crosses his arms, a big grin fixed on his face. “Let me take you back to college for a second. Think back to the night we went back to your sorority house.” He laughs when I blush yet again. “
Before
I ended up tied to your bed. Were you nervous?”

“Yes, I—no.” My hands slap at my sides. “A little,” I admit. “Mostly I was just having fun.”

Curran steps forward, his arm immediately claiming my waist while the knuckles of his free hand brush my cheek. “So just have fun,” he whispers.

I’m ready to tell him I’m not sure how, but his kiss immediately silences me.

At first, I think he’ll take his time, sweep his lips softly and romantically against mine, the same way he kissed my hand. I also think he’ll move his tongue to gently prod until I invite him in.

But I’m wrong.

Way wrong.

Good
God.

Curran’s open mouth conquers mine, his lips fastening firmly and his tongue probing and teasing so that I easily surrender to the invasion. The Contessa Newart who’s so awkward and dorky gets kicked to the curb, succumbing to the Tess Newart who the cute guy wants, and needs, and, and—
Holy
shit.

I moan, my arms curling around his neck and drawing him closer. I’m briefly aware of my coat being yanked open, just as I’m aware that I don’t give a damn. Curran swears as he comes up for air before eagerly returning for more. He wants me. I know it by the possessive claim of his lips and the way his hands travel the length of my body.

His hand splays over my face, then moves down to smooth against my throat. It slides between my breasts and back up again, trailing to the base of my neck and repeating, each pass to my chest tugging at the front of my blouse.

His arm winds around my waist, gripping me and pressing me tight against his muscular body. I gasp when his teeth nip behind my ear and his movements grow more intense. He’s not touching my intimate parts, but I need him to—goodness, they’re practically
screaming
for his attention.

Unlike his, my hands aren’t so shy. They stroke up and down his torso, pulling at the buttons of his collared shirt. With every pass of his mouth, I grow more daring, needing to set his skin free and feel it against my palms—to reinforce that he’s real, and that this isn’t merely a dream.

I moan again when his chest shoves against mine, pinning me to the wall with his weight. But when he grips my backside and lifts me from the floor, it’s all I can do not to beg him to take me to bed, just like I did all those years ago.

And yet as I muster the courage to ask him inside, my feet return to the floor and his weight eases off me.

He steps back, falling against the opposite wall and breathing hard. Not that I blame him. As it is, I can’t control my racing heart or the harsh rise and fall of my chest.

Curran continues to stare at me. “Holy
shit,
” he says.

Ah, yeah.

I adjust my glasses and try to smooth my wild hair. I don’t need a mirror to know it’s a useless gesture.

“Sorry,” he says.

My hands fall away slowly. “What?”

He jerks his head to the side and mutters a curse. When he faces me once more, a slew of emotions riddle his features. I can’t make out all of them, but I do recognize the most prominent: remorse. It’s one I’m familiar with, and the one that destroys me to find in his face.

“I shouldn’t have done that. You’re my charge.”

“But I wanted you to,” I confess. “You didn’t force me. I wanted…this.”

Curran mumbles another curse. I meant to reassure him, but somehow I upset him more. “I should go,” he says.

I wish you wouldn’t,
I want to tell him. But of course, I don’t. Not when he flat out told me he regrets our kiss. So instead, I nod stoically and reach for my purse. My fingers slip over my keys several times before I finally grasp them. Somehow, I manage to slip the key into the deadbolt on my first try.

Curran places his hand over mine before I can turn the knob. “Wait, me first.”

“It’s not necessary,” I say to the door.

“Yes it is, Tess. I meant it when I said I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”

But you already did.

For all intents and purposes, and in every way possible, Curran did a real number on me. Maybe he didn’t mean to, but with him, I feel everything in its greatest extreme—happiness, humor, and now, sadness. He leaves me embracing every emotion, even when I fight not to.

I want to tell him as much, my need to practically thrashing its way out of me. Yet this isn’t the right time. For now, I need to let him go. I can’t have him if he won’t have me.

I step back and allow him ahead of me, wondering if I did something wrong. Yes, I’m his charge, but if he really wants me, should it matter?

“I’ll be quick,” he says, as if to make me feel better.

In truth, it only makes me feel worse.

I wait in the small hall, barely moving, until Curran finishes his sweep.

“All clear,” he says.

“Thank you,” I tell him, quietly.

He releases a heavy breath. “I shouldn’t have done that to you,” he tells me again. “I’m sorry.”

I look at him then, trying my best not to cry. “I am, too.”

Another hint of emotion marches along his features before his “cop” face returns and erases any clue to what he’s feeling. “I’ll be outside if you need me until Lu gets here. I’ll see you tomorrow, all right?”

Curran marches past me when I say nothing more, shutting the door tight behind him. But it’s not until I flip the deadbolt that I hear his heavy footsteps stomp in the direction of the elevator.

I
am
sorry.

Sorry that Curran didn’t spend the night.