Once Kissed: An O'Brien Family Novel (The O'Brien Family) (4 page)

“Are you all right?” I ask him, carefully.

He forces a smile. “Yeah. It’s all good.”

No, I don’t think it is…or was.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him, honestly.

His mouth purses as if whatever happened to him had no effect, but it’s clear that it did, even as he continues speaking. “Like I was saying, those seasoned cops—they do what they do because they need to do it. They’re there to separate the weak from the strong and help those who graduate stay alive when it’s their turn to hit the streets.”

“So Lu was one of the trainers who took you to your breaking point,” I say, wanting him to know that I’m listening, and that his words are affecting me.

“Yeah. She was. To give you an example, my group was given a scenario with a bomb threat, armed perps, and a bunch of civilians. I was the only one who didn’t shoot an innocent bystander. The only one who kept his head, and the only recruit who got the job done the right way. Can’t say the same for the rest of my group. That didn’t stop Lu from macing all of us and making us run five miles while repeating the Miranda out loud.”

My mouth goes strangely dry. “But why were you punished? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Curran’s voice takes on a force I never knew, and one I can’t quite place. “It’s not about being punished, Tess. It’s about learning that once we put on the badge, and take the oath to protect and serve, we’re all in it together. Despite our differences in hair, skin color, and ability, we’re all brothers and sisters. We don’t share the same blood, but we will bleed as one. And when one of us falls, we fall with him.”

As I take in his stance, his clenching fists, his pained features, and his words, I realize exactly how much Curran has changed. He may be as strong and as imposing as ever, but just then, I catch a chink of vulnerability in his tough-as-steel persona.

I want to wrap my arms around him and hold him close—to thank him for his sacrifices, and those of his brothers and sisters who share the oath he’s taken. God, never have I felt so insignificant and useless. I may know the law, but I will never enforce it—not to the degree Curran does. And, Jesus, not with my life!

I force myself to speak. “I never realized how intense law enforcement training is—or what it must take to graduate. This Lu woman sounds hideous.”

He nods, knowingly. “Yeah. But even though the other two male trainers present were the ones who devised our punishment, she was the one we were all pissed at. So yeah, we are a bunch of chauvinistic pricks.” He slaps my arm playfully and grins. “Come on, let’s wrap up and I’ll take you home.”

I watch him jog up the steps with my mouth dangling open. Oh, my God, this ball-busting frat boy hasn’t changed one bit!

I groan. Well, apparently neither have I, seeing how my stare locks on his ass, and my hands long to spank it.

I wait for Tess to button the top of her plaid coat before we step out onto the street. Day two of Guarding Tess is well under way. I spent the last few hours escorting her back and forth to court and watching her race around the office getting Declan everything he needed. For the most part, she ignored me. That didn’t stop my grin, or the occasional wink I tossed her way when I caught her glancing at me. Both caused a deep blush to creep up her neck, something I enjoy more than I should.

As I speak, my breath becomes visible in the frigid air. “Okay. Where’re you parked? In the lot?”

She shifts nervously. My question has made her uncomfortable, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out why. When we returned from court yesterday, the boys from Internal Affairs were waiting in Declan’s office to grill me yet again about Joey. But she didn’t know who they were or why they were there, and she didn’t bother asking.

The interrogation took over a fuckin’ hour. When I stepped out of the conference room, Tess was long gone, and I was fit to be tied.

Declan had wrangled me into his office and tried to calm me, assuring me it was all just procedure. “Bullshit,” I told him.

He didn’t push it, just passed on that the captain wanted me to take the night off and arranged for two other badges to take over bodyguard duty. Lu and I are officially on watch starting today.

I know Declan and the captain only meant to help. What they don’t understand is that being alone is the last thing I need. It gives me too much time to think about everything that went wrong.

I square my shoulders, waiting for Tess to answer. Instead, she huddles deeper into her coat when a gust of wind slams against us like a solid force. For as tall as she is, she seems so small now. As much as I bitched to Declan yesterday, it was probably better someone else had had her back. As it was, I spent the night reliving Joey getting shot and counting all the ways I screwed up.

“Wassup?” I ask her when she stays quiet.

She doesn’t look at me when she answers. “I don’t have a car. I walked here.”

“You serious? What happened to the badge watching you?”

“He followed me in his vehicle.” She glances around when I narrow my eyes. “Traffic was slow; he kept up just fine,” she insists. Her lips part when I practically growl. “It’s only ten blocks.”

“What do you mean it’s only ten blocks?” I ask. “It’s goddamn January.”

“I walk fast. You can call it an opportunity for exercise.”

“No, I call it an opportunity to freeze your ass off. Come on, I’ll take you in my squad car.” I pause when I catch sight of her horrified expression. “Relax, baby. It’s not like I’m going to cuff you or anything.” I dance my eyebrows at her. “Unless you want me to.”

Her mouth pops open. “Officer O’Brien. Do you really think this is an appropriate way to speak to me given our roles?”

I lean back on my heels, pretending to be all offended. “It was just a joke between friends.”

“Friends?” she repeats, grasping the collar of her coat tightly against her.

“We’re not—what do you call it?—BFFs. But come on. It’s not like we’re strangers. We know each other.” I make a point to glance around before leaning in close, acting as if I’m sharing some top-secret info. “From college, remember?”

Although she tries not to, she laughs. And damn, doesn’t that totally change her face. She goes from all business to, yeah, all kinds of hot. “Very well, bestie,” she says. “Take me home in your vehicle.” She clutches my arm when I take a step forward. “I am riding in the front, right?”

I grin. “Don’t you think it would be more fun to ride in the back? I can read you your Miranda rights and pretend you’re under arrest for streaking or some crazy shit.” She tightens her jaw and releases my arm. “Okay, okay. You can ride in the front.”

We cross the street and walk into the parking deck, where a couple of skate punks are racing down the ramp, hootin’ and hollerin’ like they’re at Disney World. “Wait here,” I tell Tess. “Hey, assholes.” The kids skid to a stop, their eyes wide. “Can you read?” They look at each other. “I asked you if you could read, shitheads.”

The kid with the greasy hair hanging to his shoulders answers. “Yeah.”

I point to the
NO SKATEBOARDING ALLOWED
sign. “Then read and get the fuck out of here.” I shrug at Tess when they scatter. “Just kids having fun.”

She takes a hesitant step forward before hurrying to catch me. “Then why did you speak to them that way?”

“So they won’t do it again,” I say, as we cross the low-lit area to the ramp where I parked my patrol car. “Their kind of fun can bust their heads open.” I glance over my shoulder. “Ever seen a busted head?” I grimace. “It’s not pretty. The skin is so thin on the scalp and forehead you bleed like a stuck pig.”

Tess makes a face. “I can imagine.”

I open the passenger door for her. She slips inside and glances around the interior when I shut the door behind her. “Don’t worry,” I say as I slide into the driver’s seat. “I’m supposed to sub this car out for my own tomorrow.”

“Thank you. That’s probably best.”

“Where to?” I ask her.

“Right out of the lot and then two blocks down to Juniper,” she says, keeping her attention straight ahead.

“Did you mean what you said back there?” she asks after a moment.

“Yeah. The blood pours right out. It’s real nasty when it gets in the eyes—”

She holds out a hand, looking a little squeamish. “I mean about you considering us friends from college.”

“Yeah. Why not? We hung out all the time. Well, at least my frat and your sorority did.”

“But we didn’t speak much.”

“Sure we did. I always said hi to you when you came over.” I cut my eyes her way. “Even though you’d look at me like you wanted to smack me upside the head.”

She adjusts her position, bringing her giant purse close to her chest. “That’s not true.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“No it isn’t. I was—” She sighs. “It’s just that I didn’t always approve of your behavior.”

“You mean the keg stands?”

“Yes.”

“And the drinking games?”

“Yes.”

“How about the body shots—were they offensive, too?”

She raises her eyebrows and crosses her arms. “You mean the ones you did on my half-naked sorority sisters? If you must know, yes, I did find them offensive.”

“You did, huh?” She didn’t seem to mind the night I licked
her
all over, but I keep that memory all to myself. “You call it offensive. I call it age-appropriate activity. We were in college, after all.”

“Would it have bothered you if I’d done that?” she asks, quietly.

“Licked a shot off one of your sorority sisters? Hell, no.”

Oh, and there’s that pissy look again. “I meant if I’d done that to one of your frat brothers.”

“No.”
Maybe.

“No?”

“No.”
Okay, probably.

“Oh,” she says.

Maybe it’s me, but she sounds disappointed. I glance over at her, noticing the way she seems to shrink inward, like she used to do all those years ago. For all that she’s changed physically, on the inside, I’m not sure she’s changed much at all. She’s still that same girl, appearing to watch life from a distance.

I nudge her, hoping I can somehow draw another smile.

“Admit it, our time at the ol’ frat house was fun. And if I recall, the night you finally took part in some of those offensive shenanigans—”

“Shenanigans?” she asks, curving the edges of her lips slightly.

“It was my Grammie’s—God rest her soul—favorite word to describe me and my family’s behavior. Anyway, like I was saying, the night you cut loose, you seemed to have the time of your life. Well, until your dad caught us naked in bed the next morning. Speaking of which, how is the old coot?”

Tess’s jaw slowly unhinges, but then she quickly composes herself. “He’s fine. Just fine.”

“What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean, ‘what’s wrong’? You just brought up what happened between us as if, as if—
Jesus,
Curran.” She covers her face before she realizes how far I’ve driven. “Turn right, right here—no,
here.
Okay, now left at the next block. There—it comes up fast. No, no, right there.” She shakes out her hands, completely flustered as I make a hard left.

I straighten the car. “You all right?”

“No. I went to bed with you. And now you’re here, reminding me what happened and picturing me naked.”

“I’m not picturing you naked.”

She whirls to face me, her cheeks bright pink. “You’re not?”

“Well, I wasn’t before.” My gaze shoots her way. “But now that you mentioned it, I kind of have to.”

She buries her face in her hands. “Oh, God.”

Without meaning to, I crack up. “It doesn’t have to be a big deal.”

“But it is to me, Curran,” she says, quieting. “What happened between us was something I’d never done before.”

“Holy shit, you were a virgin?”

“No!”

I slump back in my seat. “Thank Christ. I mean, I didn’t think you were, given how hard we went at it and what we did. But if you were, I would’ve felt bad.”

She stumbles over a bunch of syllables before managing to spit out,
“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why would you feel bad had I been a virgin?”

“You know.”

She frowns slightly, appearing confused. “No. I don’t.”

“Because the first time for someone like you should’ve been different than what happened between us. Don’t get me wrong—you were all sorts of sexy and sweet. And I really liked how we rocked it. But we went at it like horny bulls at a rodeo going after hot clowns—” I shut my trap when I realize her jaw is hanging out somewhere near her toes. “That was too much, wasn’t it?”

“Ah, yes, you could say that.”

I clear my throat. Too bad I can’t clear the image of throwing Tess’s legs over my shoulders and pounding into her. “What I mean is, someone like you deserved a different experience if it was your first time.”

She plays with her clasped hands like she doesn’t quite know what to say. When she speaks, her question catches me off guard. “When you say ‘someone like me,’ what do you mean exactly?”

I think about what to say without going too far. But nothing special comes to mind except the truth. “I mean a nice girl. You’re a nice girl, Tess. Just like you were then.”

“You thought I was nice, even though I kept my distance?”

The corner of my mouth twists. “You may not have been real friendly to me. But you did things for other people that showed me who you were. Remember Kenny Singleton? He was my little brother in KOK. He would have flunked out of school if you hadn’t spent all that time tutoring him. Instead, he became the first college grad in his family. And what about Ben Felipe? You found him passed out on the street. Anything could’ve happened to him, but instead of leaving him there covered in his own piss—”

“Oh, God, he was covered in urine?”

“Well, yeah, Benny was pretty wrecked. Anyway, like I said, you could’ve left him there. But instead you brought him back to the frat house and made sure one of us took care of him.” I turn my head. “You didn’t know he’d pissed himself?”

“All I could smell was his vomit when he hurled in the backseat of my car,” she says, grimacing. “Thank you for cleaning it up…and for being the one to look after Ben.”

“No prob— Scratch that. Yeah, the Benny thing kind of sucked.” I stop at the light. “You want me to keep straight?”

“Yes. But we’re almost there. It’s the second lot on the right.”

I take in the area, knowing it’s mostly made up of rich old people, then look ahead. “Hold up. You’re at the senior center?”

“It’s not a senior center.”

“Don’t old people live in that place?”

Oh, lookee here. There’s that blush again. “They’re retired, but most are still quite active,” she says, sounding nervous.

“I don’t doubt it.” I remove my hat and scratch my head. “Saturday nights must be hard core. Bingo must get all crazy up in this bitch.”

Tess laughs out loud, but then covers her mouth and hurries to settle. “They do enjoy quieter activities, but that’s fine by me. With school and everything I have going on, living here helps keep me focused.”

I don’t believe her. Like I said, I could read faces even long before I was trained to do it. But it’s as if these words aren’t her own. I mean they are, she said them, but it’s more like she’s repeating something that was told to her.

Tess quiets upon catching my frown, and she doesn’t say anything more until we pull into the lot. “You can park anywhere there’s an opening,” she tells me.

“Okay.” I pull into a spot close to the building and cut the engine. “Here. Let me help you out.”

“No, it’s fine. Really.”

She throws open the door and loses her footing the moment her feet hit the asphalt. I run to the other side of the car to find her squinting in pain. This time she doesn’t fight me and lets me haul her up. “Shit. You okay?”

She holds tight to her side. “Yes. The maintenance staff is usually good about keeping the area clean, but I suppose with all the sleet that’s fallen, they need to put more salt down.”

I pull her closer to me. “You suppose? Hell, had it been one of your neighbors, EMS would be responding to a broken hip. Who do I need to talk to in order to get this taken care of?”

She pushes her disheveled hair away from her face and adjusts her glasses. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll phone the super and let him know what happened.” She smiles at my scowl. “Really, it’s okay,” she says quietly.

Her eyes latch on to mine, and something in her expression changes.

My frown fades. Damn, she’s smokin’. Perfect heart-shaped face with full pink lips and a set of long, thick lashes to go with those doe eyes. I watch her for a beat, much like she’s watching me. Any other time, with any other woman, and I’d be pulling her in for a long, lazy kiss.

But here I am, standing in full uniform, trying not to kiss the one woman I’m not supposed to touch.

Those full lips part like she’s surprised, and maybe something more. My cue to break eye contact. “Sorry,” I tell her. “Let’s get you inside. It’s colder than a yeti’s butt crack out here.”