On the Plus Side (23 page)

I, on the other hand, suddenly felt sick to my stomach.  Just knowing that I was no better than the girls from her high school crushed me. I made her cry. I was paid to date her and then I made her cry.

I stepped up to the side of Lilly’s bed and grabbed her soft hand again. I’d been doing that over and over again throughout the night. I’m not sure why I did it, but I think maybe it was because I needed to know that she was still warm—that she was still alive.

Suddenly, something that Shannon said ran through my mind once more.

Considering what they took from her….

“Shannon…,”

She stopped what she was doing and turned to me.

“Yeah?”

“You said those girls took something from her. What did you mean by that?” I asked, confused.

“They beat her and kicked her so bad in the stomach that she had internal bleeding along with a ton of other problems. Lilly can’t have kids now.”

Those last words shook me. I felt lightheaded and suddenly had to sit down. I’d taken her virginity and then said some of the cruelest things about her getting pregnant and me being stuck to her.  My last words to her ran through my brain.

What if I’ve knocked you up? Do you think I want to be stuck to you like that?!

Thinking back, I remember her trying to tell me something before I stormed out of her room. Could she have been trying to tell me that it wasn’t possible—that she could never have kids?

I felt like shit—officially. In the short time that I’d known her, I’d managed to hurt her more than any of the horrible people that had entered her life before me, and I’m in love with her.

I was going to make everything better. I was going to make it all go away. I silently promised that no matter what, I was going to make it up to her.

Shannon walked out of the room as I had my mental break down. How could have I been so cold-hearted?

I stood once more and walked over to Lilly’s bed. She looked bruised and pale, but her lips were as pink as rose petals. Without a second thought, I leaned over her.

“Please wake up, baby,” I whispered.

I pressed my lips against hers as I felt a single tear slide down my cheek.

“I love you, Lilly. I’m so sorry.”

Twenty-Two

True Love’s Kiss

Somewhere far away I could hear voices. They were followed by sharp pains behind my eyes, which I couldn’t seem to open. I felt warmth in my hand and then more voices. I couldn’t make them out—they were so far away.

I tried to take a deep breath, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t move anything. Slowly I was coming to more and the sounds around me were becoming more defined. I could hear Shannon talking and someone else—a male voice.

Was that my father? Who was that?

Then suddenly the voice was familiar.

Devin.

Instant sadness took over me, I’m not sure why. I was having a hard time focusing on anything. I tried again to open my eyes, and then a sharp, bright light broke through and I quickly shut them again. There was a loud beeping noise that was starting to aggravate me, and I wanted it to stop.

Once more, I slowly tried to open my eyes. It hurt to move them. I managed to open them and there he was—Devin. He was standing over me with his head down and it looked like he was crying.

Did I die?

I closed my eyes again because it hurt so bad to keep them open. I could hear Devin’s voice again. Then there was warmth against my lips. There was softness and warmth that I never wanted to end. I tried once more to move my hand, and it moved.

“I love you, Lilly. I’m so sorry,” I heard him sniffle.

Yep, I was dead. I was dead and I must’ve done something good in my life because regardless of the severe pain that comes along with death—I was in heaven.

I opened my eyes again. Pain shot behind them when the light came in. Devin was looking at me, and even though he still had a tear running down his face, a huge smile appeared.

“Lilly,” he whispered as he wiped the single tear from his cheek.

I tried to speak. I wanted more than anything to tell him that I loved him, too, but something was stuck in my throat. Then the memories of what happened came crashing over me. I had been in a room and Jenny was being attacked. I tried to scream for Jenny—to let Devin know to go to her, but again there was something lodged in my throat. Then I realized that I wasn’t breathing and I started to panic. Whatever it was in my throat was keeping me from breathing.

The beeping noise in the background got faster. My arms became easy to move as terror set in. I wasn’t breathing and something was choking me. Jenny was being hurt and Devin didn’t know—he had to stop them. My arms were flailing about as I tried to get up and dislodge whatever it was in my throat at the same time.

“Calm down, baby. Can I get some help in here?” I heard Devin yell.

Then he was holding my arms down.

Why was he holding me down?

I heard myself make a strange choking noise and then there were nurses followed by a strange man standing right over me.

“Lilly, I need to you stay calm until I get your breathing tube out, OK?  This is going to be uncomfortable.”

I felt a tugging on my throat and then I gagged harder as something was pulled from my throat. Then I was able to take my first breath. It hurt my entire body to breathe, and instead of screaming from the pain like I wanted to, I heard myself make strange moaning noises.

“What’s going on? Is she Ok?” I heard Devin saying in the background. “Someone, please tell me what’s going on!”

“We’re going to give you something for the pain, Lilly.” The strange man was really close to my face.

I tried to tell him to move. I wanted to tell him to get out of my way. I needed to tell Devin to help Jenny, but as hard as I tried, nothing would come out. Finally, the pain was starting to wear off and I could feel myself becoming even drowsier. I closed my eyes for only a second and when I opened them again the stranger was gone and Devin was standing over me with worry in his eyes.

Jenny—Devin—help Jenny.

“Help—Jenny,” I managed to whisper.

It felt like fire coming out of my throat. I saw the expression on Devin’s face change into a mix of sadness and admiration. Then, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I slept.

I’m not sure how long I slept, but when I woke up again Devin was sitting beside my bed slumped over sleeping. My vision was still blurry, but I could see well enough to see that he looked so peaceful and yet very exhausted. It looked like he hadn’t shaved in a while. I was looking at a different man, physically and emotionally. I didn’t move, I just sat there half awake and in horrible pain. I didn’t want to take the chance of waking him up. Just sitting there watching him sleep was new.

I slowly pulled my hand out of his and ran my fingers through his dark hair. He made a soft, childlike noise and my heart ached. After everything that had happened over the last few weeks, all I could think about was how much I loved him. I loved everything about him, and his wonderful family was just the cherry on top.

He shifted again as I softly ran my fingers through his hair.

He’d said he loved me.

I was having a hard time putting the pieces together, but I specifically remember him saying it. Then another memory came and I had to wake him. I shook his shoulder a little.

“Devin, please wake up.” I didn’t want to yell and have nurses come in.

He jumped up like there was a fire. He blinked rapidly and took in his surroundings. Suddenly, he dropped back into his seat and grabbed my hand. He kissed my hand before laying his face into my palm.

“I’m so glad you’re OK, baby. I don’t know what I would’ve done.” He continued to caress my hands with his face.

“Devin, where’s Jenny? Is she OK?”

He looked up at me and softly pushed a stray piece of hair behind my ear. A slow smile developed as he ran his finger down the side of my face.

“She’s OK, thanks to you. You saved her.”

“But the men—they didn’t?”

I couldn’t bring myself to say the word rape, but he knew what I was asking.

“No, they didn’t.” He put his head down and took a deep breath. “I should’ve been there, Lilly. I should’ve been there for you and her, but I wasn’t. This is my fault, all of it. I’m so sorry for everything I did to you. I want to make a clean start with you. There’s so much I
wanna tell you when you get out of here, but right now all I want you to know is that I’m in love with you and I want to be with you, no matter what.”

He leaned over and kissed my forehead, then my nose, and then my lips—all very softly.

“I love you, too.” I reached up and palmed his cheek.

Someone cleared their throat in the doorway and Devin jumped back like we were teenagers getting caught. I looked up and my mom stared back at me. She looked worried, which was an expression I hadn’t seen on my mother much in my life. She left the doorway and came to my side.

“Are you feeling OK?” She asked as she scooped up my hand.

“I’m in some pain, but nothing I can’t handle.”

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here, honey. You have no idea how worried I was. I just took a mini vacation to New York to see your Aunt Barbra and I guess I should’ve checked the weather because, believe it or not, I got stuck in a blizzard. No flights were leaving. I’m so sorry.”

She smoothed my hair back. It was strange and very motherly, and it caught me by surprise.

“It’s OK, Mom. I’m a big girl,” I smiled.

Then I was confused.

“How long have I been here? What’s today?” I asked.

Devin stepped up.

“You’ve been here for a little over a week. Today’s Monday. As long as you do well, you’ll get to go home soon. At least that’s what Doctor Ryan says.”

He seemed uneasy around my mother.

“When did you get here, Mom?” I asked.

“Just now,” she looked away as if she was ashamed.

No one had a chance to say anything else. There was a whistle at the door and soon I was bombarded by Dad and Jenny.

“Look who’s awake!” Dad said as he hugged me.

Then there was Jenny, who I thought was never going to let me go. I laughed and pulled her hair in a picking manner.

“I love you, Lil. I’ll never be able to thank you enough,” she said with tears in her eyes.

She looked older, as if the experience had made her wiser in the ways of the world.

I didn’t miss the strange eye contact between my mother and Devin.

I found out from Dad and Jenny later that night that Devin had only left the hospital to go to my apartment and take a shower. He wouldn’t even take a chance of going all the way to his house in Walterboro. Since my place was close to the hospital, he had begged Shannon to let him shower there.

Jenny and Dad had been bringing him clothes and apparently it had been three days since he had eaten anything. I had my mother bring everyone food and practically force-fed Devin a turkey sub. Dad and Jenny laughed.

I’d never felt so much love around me in all of my life. Without it seeming weird, Dad and Jenny already felt like family. I’d already been calling Dad, Dad, for the last month or more. As far as I was concerned they
were
my family.

Two days later, I got to go home. I was blown away by how attentive Devin was to me. He helped me into my apartment, onto my couch, and then cared for me better than any nurse could.  He constantly asked if I needed anything or if I wanted anything. While my mother, who usually runs the world, sat from afar and watched. It was strange.

When I got my first look in the mirror I almost cried. I looked horrible. I just sat there in my bedroom and stared at the mirror in shock. There was a soft knock at the door before Devin stuck his head in.

“I was just checking on you, babe,” he said. “What are you doing?”

“Why didn’t anyone tell me I looked like this, Devin? I don’t want you seeing me like this—you should go home. I’ll call you once I’m all better, and I look normal again.” I put my head down.

No matter what, I wouldn’t cry. Yeah, I looked horrible, and yeah, bad things had happened, but now I had Devin. He was all mine, I just didn’t want him to see me this way.

I heard him walk up behind me, and then I felt him put his hand on my shoulder.

“Look at me,” he said as he turned my face toward him. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and I’m completely in love with you.” He softly traced the bruise around my eye with his fingertip. “It kills me that someone hurt you and Jenny this way. When I find out who did it I fully plan on beating them to death.”

He leaned down, gave me a soft kiss, and I felt my heart melt.

“I do have some bad news, though. Dad’s swamped at work. He didn’t ask me to help, but I know I need to. I promise to come by every night to check on you, and I’ll keep my cell phone in my pocket at all times. You call me if you need anything, OK?”