On the Other Side (14 page)

“I don't care what you say, he's hot! Are you going to be okay?” Wendy asked.

“Sure, I'll be fine. It's probably something I ate. Neal took me to this fancy schmancy French restaurant last night. I don't think all that rich food agreed with me.”

“I think a little more than some rich French food has gotten in to you.”

“What are you babbling about now?” Damita asked.

“If I were a betting woman, I would bet every dime I've got that it's that rich husband of yours that gotten into you and not that French food.”

“Huh?”

“Neal and Damita sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Damita with a baby carriage.”

“Now I'm convinced you've finally lost your mind. First of all, did you really just sing that elementary school song to me and second, I'm on the pill. I can't be pregnant.”

“Don't you read the information provided with your medication? Abstinence is the only one hundred percent foolproof method of birth control.”

“I've been on the pill for as long as I can remember and I have never had a slip.”

“When was the last time you had your period?”

“Uh, uh, I don't really remember. I've had so much going on lately, I haven't really been keeping track.”

“So, let me see. You're throwing up, you don't think you've had your period and lately you've been eating like you're Damita Whitmore-Westman, the human trash compactor. You know what all that adds up to? You're pregnant.”

“I can't be. This is the worst time.”

“You better go to the doctor and check it out; especially if you think you might want to
manipulate
the outcome, so to speak. In
the meantime, we can go to the drugstore and get a home pregnancy test.”

“Do you mind if we stop at the drugstore before we go to lunch? I don't think my mind is going to be able to rest until I find out for sure.”

“Of course I don't mind.”

They stopped off at the drugstore and picked what Damita thought was the easiest pregnancy test available.

She was understandably distracted at lunch and couldn't wait until she could use the pregnancy test, which was now burning a hole in her pocketbook.

“I'll be right back,” Damita said.

Wendy knew exactly what she was going to do.

When Damita returned to the table, her face was ashen and her expression emotionless.

“Plus or negative? Even though I don't really need to ask.”

“I'm pregnant.”

“That one percent can be a bitch,” Wendy added, shaking her head.

“I can't do this now. I can't.”

“Well, whatever you decide, I got your back.”

“Wendy, please don't mention this to anyone at work.”

“Of course, I won't. I would never do that.”

“I'm sorry, Wendy. Until I know what I'm going to do, this has to remain a secret.”

“I completely understand. I had a slip up a few years ago and I wasn't ready to be a mother, so I did what I had to do.”

“I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet, but if I do decide to terminate, will you come with me?”

“Of course I will. Are you sure you don't want Neal to go with you?”

“Wendy, if I do this, I'm going to have to do it quietly. Neal wants to have children more than anything. He even suggested I
quit my job so we could get started making babies right away. I don't even know if I want to be a mother. . .ever.”

“Didn't you guys discuss all that before you got married? That's a pretty big deal.”

“I know. I got so used to dating men who spent their lives dodging the white picket fence and two point five children scenario that it never occurred to me that Neal would be in that rare percentage of men I've dated that actually
wants
to have children. Neal is very different than the men I used to date.”

“So you really think you might
never
want to have children?”

“I've always believed that children aren't for everyone. People look at you like you're the living embodiment of Satan when you say you don't want children, but that's so unfair. I have a cousin who figured out when she was very young that she didn't want children and I've always respected her for that. She made up her mind and stuck to her guns, no matter what society told her she was
supposed
to want. As far as I'm concerned the promise of motherhood is a trap, especially for my generation. Little girls are groomed to be caregivers from the moment those first dolls are thrust into their hands. What happens to the little girl that doesn't want to play with dolls or the grown woman that doesn't want to be someone's mother? Those are the women that are judged. Meanwhile, you have ill-equipped mothers making babies simply because they can. Motherhood should not only be a choice, but a choice that is made with great consideration.”

“I hear you,” Wendy agreed.

•  •  •

For at least a week Damita spent some time weighing her options before she decided that her first instinct was probably the best instinct. She was all set to set up an appointment to terminate the
pregnancy, when she suddenly had second thoughts. She thought about how difficult things had been when she and Neal first got married and how much things had changed in a relatively short period of time. She knew it was difficult for Neal to admit he had a problem. Even though he had left rehab earlier than the facility would have liked, she was grateful that he had even gone. Since he'd come home Damita could see him trying. She watched him fight the urge to return to his old habits and it meant so much to her that he tried. She thought about what she was considering doing and realized that no matter how much she tried to justify it, her plan was to lie to Neal. She was going to have an abortion and never tell him that she had been pregnant. She felt overwhelming guilt and wondered if she was being selfish. She considered having the baby, which she knew would make Neal very happy. But, then she thought about the lifetime commitment of bringing another life into the world. The other consideration was to tell Neal that she was pregnant and was going to have an abortion. When she thought about what that conversation would be like, she realized why she wanted to lie.

After mulling it all over, Damita decided that no matter what her decision was she would need to see a doctor. She made an appointment and since it didn't make sense to go back to work, given the time of day, she went home. She walked in just in time to see Neal doing something with her birth control pills. He was removing some of the pills and replacing them with something else. She realized it wasn't the pills that hadn't done their job. Neal was sabotaging her birth control. She backed away from the bedroom door quietly to ensure he didn't see her.

Her decision was made. The next day Damita set up an appointment to terminate the pregnancy and spoke with Wendy and
asked her whether she would still go with her to have the procedure done.

“What helped you make up your mind?” Wendy asked.

“Something a friend once told me about a leopard never changing its spots.”

Damita decided not to go to her own doctor to get an abortion and instead chose to go to a private clinic.

When she arrived with Wendy she stopped at the front desk and Wendy found a seat in the waiting room. A rather portly Hispanic woman, wearing a blue uniform with ducks all over it, handed Damita a clipboard and a cup.

“Please go to the restroom and give us a urine sample. Wipe front to back with one of the sealed packets in the restroom, then use the cup to get your sample. Make sure it's not the first stream. Urinate just a little, then catch the second stream. When you're done, write your name on the label on the cup. There will be something to write with in the bathroom. Bring the sample back to me. Then, have a seat in the waiting room and fill out these forms. Wait for your name to be called. I'll also need you to sign in here,” the woman said, pointing out another clipboard with a long list of names.

Damita sat next to Wendy and began filling out the rather lengthy set of forms. When she was done, she looked around the antiseptic-looking waiting room. All over the walls were pictures of women and children. There were advertisements about STDs and pregnancy options. She turned her focus away from the office and to the women sitting in the office. Some of the women appeared
sad, others worried. Damita wondered why she wasn't feeling any of those things. She looked at the assortment of men in the office, and couldn't help but feel anger toward them. She didn't know any of the men there or their circumstances. However, she despised them all for no other reason than the fact that they were men. Throughout her life, Damita had encountered women that many considered
man haters.
She never wanted nor expected to ever be one of those women. Yet, here she was feeling unreasonable hate against people she didn't even know. Wendy kept reassuring her because she thought that's what she needed. But, what Damita really needed was to confront Neal. She felt so manipulated by him. He had used coercion to get what he wanted. He hadn't changed a bit. She wanted him to know that he hadn't won.

The woman who handed her the clipboard called her name.

“Ms. Whitmore, are you done with your paperwork?”

“Yes,” Damita responded, from across the room.

“Please come with me.”

Damita approached the desk, handed the woman the clipboard and then followed the woman to the back of the office.

Damita received some counseling and information from a tall female social worker with dirty-blonde hair, who seemed charged with the role of reassuring her. Damita listened to her voice and decided that she was probably Jewish. The social worker then brought Damita back to the woman at the front desk, who was wearing the duck uniform and she paid for the procedure. After that she was ushered to another room where she put on two medical gowns and was given an ultrasound by a slim, stone-faced East Indian woman, before being retrieved by yet another woman. This time it was a short, round-looking black woman, wearing a pale green uniform with pants that made a squishing sound when she walked. Damita wondered why so many people were required for one
procedure. Soon, it was time for the actual procedure. The doctor doing the procedure was the only man she had seen other than the husbands and boyfriends sitting in the waiting room. She wondered if there were no men working there because of the nature of the procedures being performed. Shortly after lying on her back and putting her legs in stirrups, the doctor performed a pelvic examination. As many times as she had been to a gynecologist, lying on a table, naked, with your legs spread-eagle while someone explored your most private area, never got easy. The pelvic exam she was receiving was by far the worst she had ever had. She tried to stare at the ceiling above and take deep breaths in order to calm herself. Finally, she was instructed by the anesthesiologist to count back from one hundred, signaling her entry into
La-La Land.

Damita woke up to find yet another woman, this time a white and very pale, yet cheery, redhead in a pink uniform, standing over her.

“How do you feel, Ms. Whitmore?” the woman asked, with a smile.

“I'm fine,” Damita responded, eventually.

She handed Damita a sanitary napkin and her clothing.

“There are cookies, crackers and juice in the next room if you'd like to sit awhile after you've dressed.”

“Where can I put on my clothes?” Damita asked.

“Right around the corner there,” the woman said, pointing to the right.

After changing, Damita considered grabbing a quick snack, but when she saw how many other women were also there, she decided against it. She had no desire to socialize. Instead she took her post-procedure information, and met Wendy in the lobby.

“You okay?” Wendy asked.

“I'm fine.”

“Thanks, Wendy. I don't know what I would have done without you.”

“No problem. I didn't mind at all, but I'm curious. How come you didn't ask Carmella?”

“What do you mean?” Damita asked.

“Well, we're cool and all, but Carmella's your girl.”

“I knew if I asked you I wouldn't have to go through a whole bunch of explaining. One of the downsides to having friends that you have known since childhood is, at some point, nothing is considered personal.”

“I completely get it. I'm glad you considered me enough of a friend to feel comfortable asking.”

“Of course you're my friend.”

“Now, let's get you home. You could use some rest.”

Damita was happy to find Neal was not at home when she got there. She was also happy to see that he must have, surprisingly, listened to her when she asked him not to have the driver keep such close tabs on her. It was her assumption that if he were still following her, today would have definitely been the day that she was confronted. She considered picking up her new birth control prescription, but decided she would do it when she went to work. From now on she would leave her pills at work and take them there. Although, she wasn't sure she would ever want to willingly have sex with Neal again. She decided she would take Wendy's advice and get some rest. She was asleep within a matter of minutes.

Neal was in a good mood when he got home and even though Damita was pissed off about what he had done, she decided it was in her best interest not to rub it in his face that she had taken matters into her own hands.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Neal said.

“Hey.”

“You okay? You look a little pale.”

“I'm okay. My period is kicking my butt this month. That's all.”

“Oh. You want some tea?”

“Tea would be nice.”

“I'll cook dinner tonight,” Neal said.

“Thanks!”