Olivia (23 page)

“
But I want you to be able to rely
on me.”

“
Baby, I do,” he assures me. “Just
not in that unhealthy, co-dependent way that destroys people when
something goes wrong. I rely on you to build upon my foundation.
But I don’t put the weight of everything on you. That wouldn’t be
fair to you, anyway, would it?”

“
No,” I admit.

“
I think you went through the same
thing when we were apart. At least that’s what your paintings
communicated to me.”

“
Well, they didn’t articulate it
quite as well as you just did. In fact, I’m not really sure I
really understood what I’d painted until right now.”

“
Well, your paintings made
me
understand better.”

“
I’m glad I could help.” He kisses
my cheek, and then my lips.

“
You know, things happened too
quickly between us when we started going out.”

“
Why do you say that?”

“
I threw out the ‘L’ word right
away. It kind of limited me on how I could express my feelings for
you after that.”

“
Did you not love me
then?”

“
I did,” he says. “I think I’ve
kind of loved you for years, in my own teen-age, heart-sick kind of
way. But I shouldn’t have said it so soon. It was a knee-jerk
reaction. Like, since I felt it, I had to tell you. And often,” he
laughs. “But it was kind of making up for things I’d missed in my
own life.”

“
Well, I don’t think you said it
too soon. And I don’t think you say it too often. There’s nothing
better in the world than someone telling you that they love you,
Jon. Nothing.”

“
Not showing you?” he asks. I
consider his question. This afternoon was the first time we were
together that I didn’t feel inadequate; that I didn’t feel like I
was doing it wrong. It was the first time I could really admit to
myself that I enjoyed it all, from beginning to end. It still hurt
more than I think it should, but the pain was less, and subsided
after awhile.

Still, I’d rather hear his affirmation daily.
Hearing him tell me he loves me still gives me butterflies and
goosebumps and a racing heart. How one phrase can be so powerful, I
don’t know. But it is.

“
No, hearing it said is the best.
It sounds so effortless, but you know there is so much more behind
those words. That’s the foundation,” I tell him, relating back to
his earlier explanation of his own happiness. “Everything else just
builds upon it.”

“
I love you, Olivia,” he tells
me.

“
I love you, Jon.”

We check the time before curling up together and
falling asleep. Jon’s cell phone wakes us both up, but I find it
difficult to keep my eyes open. I drift in and out of
consciousness, listening to him talk to his oldest brother on the
phone. After a few minutes, he goes into the living room and closes
the door. I’m not sure if he wants his privacy or if he’s trying to
let me sleep some more, but either way, I’m happy to hear his voice
come back to life.

His brothers also build on that foundation. They
make the world around him a better place, too. I can’t imagine how
their absence will affect him. I like to think he’s strong enough
to handle it.

I admire how that sad little boy could grow into
such a self-reliant man. His childhood made him that way. I know he
was working to make his brothers the same, but if this situation
saves them from that loveless childhood that he had to endure, what
will they become? Logic would say that they’d become
better
men.

But I really don’t believe there could be a better
man than Jon.

When he comes back in the bedroom, still dressed
only in his boxers even though the chilly air from outside finds
its way in through the old windows in the apartment, he starts
clearing out another drawer and packing clothes away. He’s very
quiet, and I gather he thinks I’m still asleep.

“
Are they okay?” I ask
him.

“
Will is good,” he says, dropping
the shirts and coming back over to his bed. He picks up Max’s
baseball mitt on the way and bends it back and forth in his hand.
“I think he sees the opportunity in this, which is good,” he
concedes.

“
And Max?” I already know his
youngest brother isn’t okay by his sudden change in
demeanor.

“
He was just crying, asking me when
I was going to come and get him. That was his first plane ride, you
know? It should have been fun and exciting for him, but instead it
took him away from everything he knows.”

“
What did you tell him when he
asked when you were going to come and get him?”

“
I told him I’d be there in three
days.” I sit up slowly in bed, curious. I touch his tattoo,
covering up the phrase with my palm. I knead his shoulder with my
fingertips.

“
What do you mean?”

“
I’m hand-delivering this mitt to
him, and I’m going to Utah for Thanksgiving. My aunt offered to
front me the money for the flight. Hopefully, I’ll have enough time
with him to convince him to want to stay there for the time
being.”

I frown, realizing this ruins my own Thanksgiving
plans, and I’m glad he can’t see my selfish reaction.

“
I’ll drive you to the airport,” I
offer, knowing this is something he has to do.

He turns around and leans into me, pushing me back
down against the pillows. “You’re kind to offer, even though I know
we were supposed to spend the holiday together. But just know this,
Olivia.” He kisses me hard, a kiss that’s meant to last awhile, I
can tell. “I’ll be genuinely sad that I won’t be with the one
person I’m most thankful for on Thursday.”

“
I’ll be here,” I tell him, patting
his heart. “And you’ll be here.” I take his hand in mine and place
it over my own heart. He watches my reaction as his hand travels
elsewhere, slowly caressing different curves on my body.

“
Thank you for today.”

“
Thank you for every day,” I tell
him in return.

“
Thank you for loving me–and
telling me.”

“
Thank you for showing
me.”

Holding a white rook in my right hand, I stare
across the chess board at my opponent before making my move. My
intimidation tactics don’t seem to be working, though, as my little
brother is distracted by a large balloon dog in a parade on TV.

“
Trey, I’m about to take one of
your pawns.”

He shrugs his shoulders.

“
I thought you wanted to
practice!”

“
I wanna watch the parade,” he
says, angling his body toward the television, essentially letting
me know the game was over.

“
You forfeit?”

“
What’s that mean?”

“
You quit?”

“
I’m not a quitter,” he says,
getting upset at me. “Can’t we just play later?”

“
I guess so.” I return my rook to
the square it had been on and carefully pick up the board, carrying
it into my room and putting it on one of my worktables. After
making a second trip to pick up the pieces we’d each already
conquered, I sit back on the floor by Trey.

“
I thought Max was coming over
today,” he says, confused.

“
Yeah, buddy, he was supposed to,
but he went away for awhile, remember? He went to Utah last
weekend.”

“
When will he be back?”

“
I’m not sure.”

“
Is Jon coming over?”

“
No, he’s in Utah too.”

“
And you don’t know when he’ll be
back, either?”

“
He should be back Sunday,” I tell
him, hoping that when he
does
return he’s
more accepting of the situation.

“
Can’t he bring Max back with
him?”

“
Not yet. But Jon’s going to start
coming over again on Wednesdays for dinner. He’ll play catch with
you and Dad. I promise. In fact, you just might see more of
him.”

I realize a lot of Jon’s prior commitments have
moved across country now, too. He won’t be going to Max’s t-ball
practice on Saturday mornings, or Will’s football games on Friday
nights. The idea of having more time with him is good, but I know
it will be hard for him to leave those things behind.

Maybe more time with my brother will help.

Noise starts to filter down the stairs, and from the
volume, I know my uncle, Steven, must be here with his boys. “I
think Daniel and Stevie are here.”

“
I hate being the youngest,” he
says with a pout.

“
Why? You get to cut in front of
everyone for dinner. You get first choice at everything... that’s
not so bad, is it?”

He shrugs his shoulders.

“
All right, while you mope, I’m
going to go upstairs and help Mom and Kaydra with
dinner.”

“
Tell Daddy to come down here,” he
instructs me.

“
I’ll see what I can
do.”

Upstairs, when I run into my twin cousins, I tell
them that the parade is on in the basement. They run, racing one
another, even though their dad is yelling at them to slow down. I
decide they’ll be good enough company for Trey, and I don’t bother
to tell my dad that he wants him.

Steven stands up and gives me a hug, wishing me a
happy Thanksgiving. He sits back down in the living room in front
of a beer that my dad had just set down next to him. They start to
catch up with one another, and I excuse myself, going into the
kitchen.

My mom is making way for Kaydra, who’s taken it upon
herself to do most of the cooking this year. Normally, it’s my
dad’s twin sister, Kelly, that handles it, but her family is having
a quiet holiday at home–well, as quiet as it could be with a
three-year-old and a newborn in the house. It was the first
official holiday Kelly and Thomas would get to spend with their
grandchildren, and they couldn’t have been more excited. I still
can’t believe they even
have
grandchildren.

I miss my cousins, though. It already feels strange
without them, but I know Lexi and Kyle and Clara will be here soon.
I’ll have some company to make the day go faster, anyway. Time just
seems to drag without Jon.

I sit down at the kitchen island, watching the
preparation happen, when I notice my aunt’s profile.

“
Whoa, Kayd,” I blurt out. She
looks at me quickly, putting her hand over her belly. “That’s
not...”

Mom turns around to see her, checking her out from
the side, too.

“
That
is
,”
my aunt says. “Yes,” she sighs, “somehow, I’m pregnant.” Her cheeks
flush as she smiles.

“
Kaydra,” my mom says, her voice
happy but concerned, “was this planned?”

She shakes her head no, starting to chop some
celery. “Not planned, but welcomed,” she explains. “We had become a
little too comfortable, apparently,” she laughs.

“
What does he think?”

“
He’s excited. Worried for me, but
excited all the same.”

“
How do you feel?” I ask
her.

“
Fine. I feel much better with this
one than I did with the boys.” She looks up at me. “I think it’s
because it’s a girl. They’re always less trouble,
right?”

Mom and I start laughing together. “They’re not all
like Lexi,” Mom says. “You could have a Clara,” she whispers
humorously. We all love my cousin, but she’s been known to have a
little too much fun at times. She’s never been in any real trouble,
though, and has always done well for herself.

“
Thanks for not using me as the bad
example,” I joke with my mom.

“
What does Lexi think? She must be
excited. She always wanted a sister. She was always so good with
Livvy.”

“
Lexi thinks... I’ll just let Lexi
tell you what she thinks,” she says, hinting at
something.

“
What’s wrong?” I ask.

“
She should be here any minute.
Just ask her.” I hop up from my chair and go back to the living
room, glancing out the window in hopes of finding Kyle’s car, but
they’re still not here.

“
Dad, did you hear?”

“
Hear what?” he asks.

“
I’m going to be a grandfather,”
Steven says.

“
No, a father,” I correct him. My
dad stares at him, wide-eyed.

“
I’m already a father,” he
says.

“
But Kaydra–”

“
Oh! Of course that!” my uncle
says. “Do
not
tell Lexi–”

“
Wait, Lexi’s pregnant,
too
?” I ask.

“
Wait,
too
?” Dad says. “Who
else
?”

“
Kaydra,” my uncle and I say in
unison.

“
No, no, no, no...” my dad says,
trying to comprehend. “You’re
way
too
young to be a grandfather. “First Kell–now you? Hell, Stevie,
you’re only forty-three! I turned forty-three the year Jackson was
born!”

“
Well,” he laughs. “Lexi’s
twenty-five.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Renee was only seventeen,
remember?”

“
That can’t be right, they can’t be
growing up that fa–wait, Kaydra’s pregnant, too?”