Off Kilter (15 page)

What she needed to do was dive back into the work she’d begun on the fateful day of his motorbike accident. Focus on the beginnings of her own potential new path. Focus on the future. No matter where it took her, it would be away from Roan McAuley. Better to start putting him out of her mind right away.

“All right,” Kira said as she came back into the studio a few minutes later. “All taken care of. Now tell me what happened with the two of you. I thought you were oil and water. I should have realized that the amount of time you spent complaining about the man meant something was going on there.”

“That makes no sense. I was complaining about him because he was a thorn in my side then, and he’s a thorn now. He makes things a challenge when they don’t need to be. And, frankly, I don’t need more challenges.”

“I know you did the photo shoots as favors to me, for the people here, but I’m so sorry if—”

Tessa waved Kira silent. “I don’t mind helping with the calendar, or even the wedding, but sometimes he makes me wish I wasn’t involved with either project.” Truth be told, framing
out the shots for the wedding, and watching Katie and Graham and the almost inexplicable bond they shared, had moved her quite unexpectedly. Maybe it was all of that, the wedding, the vows, that had made her vulnerable to Roan’s unexpected advances. She found herself glancing out the window again as she heard the sound of his truck engine rumbling to life. “What did you tell him?”

“That we’d decided to leave tonight’s dinner to the wedding party members.”

“Did you say anything else?”

“If you mean did I tell him that you squealed about his childhood crush on me, or that you’re hiding in here, too afraid to deal with him directly, then no.”

Tessa’s jaw dropped, and she had every intention of calling Kira out on those statements. Except, they were mostly true. Okay, completely true. She sighed and her shoulders slumped a little. So much for her good deed of the day scenario. “I’m sorry. About both of those things.”

Kira waved a hand and her smile was sincerely good-natured. “Consider it partial payback for me rooking you into the photo shoots.”

“I shouldn’t have tattled on him, that was wrong. I don’t want that to affect your friendship. You were right about one other thing, too. He did say that if it was really meant to be, he’d have made his move. So, you don’t have anything to worry about.” She wanted to poke a little, find out who this mystery man of Kira’s was, but she’d done enough poking at people for one day.

“Why did he tell you that?” Kira asked.

“Tell me what, about his crush on you? Because they’re all shoving him at you, trying to get him to stake a claim.”

“Not that part. Why did he tell you that he’d have made his move if it was really meant to be? What made him realize that?”

“I’m sorry,” Tessa repeated. “Now your feelings are hurt and—”

Kira laughed. “No, that’s not why I’m asking. I’m trying to figure out why the two of you were talking about me.”

“I was pushing him at you, too. Okay? There, my conniving, bad friend example is complete. But, to be honest, I did think he’d be good for you.”

“This after ye just got done tellin’ me he’s a pain in your arse?”

“My arse,” Tessa clarified, then smiled herself. “Which is a totally different arse than yours. Mine’s far more stubborn and ridiculous.”

“I don’t know about that. I have been holed up for too long. It’s just been … comfortable, I suppose.”

“Well, maybe this is the impetus you need to make a move yourself.”

Kira waved her finger. “You’ll no’ distract me from my stated mission here, ye know. I’ll have it from ye. You promised me that much.”

Tessa swore silently, but she knew she was well and cooked. “I know. It’s just that I don’t know what to tell you, much less how to explain it all. We just—”

“We meaning you and Roan.”

She nodded. “We are kind of … combustible, I guess is the right word. We strike sparks off one another, and I guess it was inevitable that some of them would turn out to be a bit sexual in nature.”

Kira’s brows both lifted. “Sexual now, is it?”

“No, no, nothing like that. I mean, we kissed, but it was more like a battle of wills. It was hot, but it wasn’t remotely romantic.” No, her traitorous mind reminded her, that part came afterward.

“You kissed each other,” Kira repeated. “Where?” Then her eyes widened to match her raised brows. “That’s why you came in here looking as if you’d been in a windstorm!” She grinned, then clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle the hoot of laughter.

Probably because Tessa’s scowl was a tiny bit on the fierce side at the moment.

“Right out in me courtyard, don’t ye know. Well …” She managed to keep the laughter inside, but that didn’t stop her from grinning like a Cheshire cat. “So,” she asked, her eyes a lively twinkle, “how was he?”

Tessa swore and stalked over to the window. “Okay, I am so not having this conversation. I didn’t promise kiss and tell details.”

“Oh, come on. I’m a puir single lass, starvin’ for attention here. Let me live vicariously through yer steamy and salacious social life.”

Tessa snorted. “I don’t have a social life. What happened out there in the courtyard isn’t going to change that, no matter what he thinks.”

“What does he think?” Kira stood and came over to stand by Tessa, who was watching Roan’s truck trundle off down the single track lane.

“Ridiculous things that can never happen,” Tessa muttered, suddenly too tired to put up much of a fight. She turned to Kira, but it was too hard to look into those knowing, wise eyes of hers and bring herself to reveal how terrified she’d been. So she looked back out the window.

“Like?” Kira prodded gently.

“Like he doesn’t just want hot sex. And it would be the best damn hot sex we’ve both ever had. I’d stake a bet on that. Stupid man.”

“He doesn’t want sex? What does he want then?”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong. He wants the hot sex. But he has this insane moral code or something. At least, what else could it be? He refuses to just romp in the hay. Apparently he needs to at least fool himself into believing it could be more.”

“He wants more? With you?” Kira hadn’t asked the question unkindly. It was more in sincere surprise.

Tessa understood it and wasn’t insulted. In fact, she hoped
Kira could explain Roan’s stance to her. Because she sure as hell wasn’t seeing it. She looked at Kira. With a dry smile to match the wry note in her tone, she said, “Now you can see why I was pushing him off on you. You two? Match possibly made in heaven. On paper, anyway,” she added, palms up. “Me and Roan? Match made in hell. No matter how you add it up or where you write it down.”

Kira didn’t agree or disagree. She just kept that considering look on her face. “So … what did you tell him?”

“That. More or less. I mean, there’s the obvious part. He’s a lifelong islander, I’m a world vagabond. Mismatch, right there. I explained that I’m not ready for a relationship, even if I was sticking around. I came here to work some things out.” She looked starkly at Kira then. “And I know I owe you an apology for not talking with you about it—”

“We covered that. More than once. It’s okay, truly. When the time is right, I’m here. We both know that. So … you told him? About that?”

“Not in detail. I haven’t talked with anyone. Anyone who’s not a paid professional, anyway.”

Kira’s expression changed to one of real concern.

“It’s okay,” Tessa reassured her, even though there was plenty of reason to be concerned. Hell, she was concerned. That’s why she was there. “I’m handling it. The right way.”

Kira nodded, but didn’t press. Tessa wondered then if Kira had likewise sought help beyond that of friends or coworkers or neighbors to get her through. And she knew that their talk would happen sooner rather than later.

“But I didn’t have to tell him,” Tessa said. “I mean, he figured out I wasn’t here for a fun holiday, that I was working something out. I alluded to burnout, which is part of it. I don’t know, though, he seemed a lot more … intuitive than I’d have expected. It was disconcerting.”

“And downright scary, I’d bet,” Kira added. “I’d have run off right then, I can assure you. Being made to feel vulnerable when you’re in a fragile state is no’ the best thing. I know it. So,
when you laid that all out there for him, what did he say? Did he get it? Is that why you came inside?”

“I came in to get you, but it was escape, pure and simple. Because no, he doesn’t get it. Or just doesn’t want to. It’s like he’s got this complex or something, because he kept telling me it didn’t matter what was going on with me, or what our current paths were. He was just spouting on about not having to do things alone, about sticking and not running, about giving people a chance to be there for me, and being open-minded enough to see what could be.”

“And first chance you had—”

“I ran. Well, I exited. But, he’ll realize soon enough if he doesn’t already … I don’t plan to make a re-entry.”

“He’ll honor your choice. He’s no’ a disrespectful man.”

“I’d agree. If it was anyone else—but … it’s different with us. It’s like we’re always inside some giant karmic test, or karmic joke. I can’t tell which most times”—she looked back out the window, even though he was long gone from view—“but I don’t think he’s going to give up on me just yet.” She wasn’t sure how she felt about that—which bugged the hell out of her.

“What about you?” Kira asked, maybe seeing something in her expression. “Certainly there is something going on here if you’re this thrown by it. Aren’t you even going to consider trying?”

“I can’t, Kira. I just … it’s too complicated. I don’t need more complications.”

She heard her friend let out a soft sigh. “Well, that I understand. I can’t tag you for running or hiding. Not when it looks like I’ve made it my own new life mission. It’s just …”

Tessa turned and looked at her when the silence lingered and she didn’t finish the thought. “Just what?”

“I didn’t—don’t—have any alternative paths. At the moment, anyway. No’ unless I make my own.”

“I want to make my own, too,” Tessa said. “I think I have to.”

“Maybe that’s a huge part of why you’re here in the first place. Because you think you can only make it on your own. Roan doesn’t strike me as the possessive, controlling type. I canno’ believe he’d want to dominate you, or your life. He’s no’ that man.”

“Whose side are you taking here?” Tessa asked, but there was no bite in the question. She knew Kira was just saying what she thought was true. It was more than a little disconcerting how closely her thoughts and comments had mirrored Roan’s.

Kira reached out and took Tessa’s hand in her own, and squeezed. “The side that will end up with us both being healthy, happy, adult women who look at the world like a good, rich, rewarding place we want to be part of. That’s the side I want us both on.”

Tessa turned her hand over and squeezed Kira’s in return. “I want that for us, too. I’m just not certain Roan is the solution. To any of it.”

“Fair enough.”

Tessa heard the pause as clearly as if her friend had said, “but.” She caught Kira’s gaze with a raised eyebrow of her own.

Kira sighed, then smiled. “Just … don’t close any doors permanently quite yet. All right? Give yourself a chance to figure things out first.”

“We’re on an island. He’s not going anywhere.”

“Yes, but you can be—”

“Oh, he knows exactly what I can be.”

Kira’s smile grew then, and the twinkle came back. If it wasn’t at her expense, Tessa would have been a lot happier about seeing such honest delight on her friend’s face.

“And yet,” Kira said, “he still wants to hang around you. Brave man.”

“He’s not afraid of me.” That was as stunning as it was disconcerting.

“All the more reason to give him a chance.” Kira gave Tessa’s hand a final squeeze, then let go and walked back into the studio, sat down, and picked up her current work in progress. Without looking up, she added, “If nothing else, maybe you should stick around for the wild sex.” Her glaze flickered to Tessa, then back to the bead she was threading on another long, waxed linen spoke. “I mean, come on. We’re happening, hot single women. One of us should be getting lucky.”

Tessa smiled back. It might have been a grin. Then they both snickered. “Okay, okay. I’ll keep it under advisement. That part, anyway. I’m going to go play in my dark room. Happy weaving.”

Kira pulled over her lamp magnifier and switched it on, merely nodding in response as she positioned the lens over her intricate beadwork, caught up once again in her own creative world.

When Tessa let herself into the pantry / dark room, she could hear Kira singing “It’s Raining Men.” “Not funny,” she shouted out.

But it kind of was. And she was humming herself as she went to work.

“W
ho started the tradition of strangling men with these things anyway?” Roan squinted into the mirror as he tried to do his bowtie correctly. “Had to be a woman. Like we’re no’ already willing to be at your every beck and call. Ye’ve got to make us feel tethered. Literally.”

“Oh,
haud
yer
wheesht.
I’ve had enough of yer caterwauling. Ye’d think you were the one tying the knot.” Eliza bustled over to Roan and pushed his hands out of the way.

“See? Tying a knot! That just proves my point. Marriage is bondage.”

“Aye, that it is. The sweetest bonds ye’ll ever want to be tied into, and dinnae you forget it.”

“How can I? I’ve a noose about my neck, reminding me.”

“Och, and you’re only the best man. We’ll be lucky to make it through the preparations when it’s your turn.”

Roan knew when to shut up. And that was quite probably a few comments back.

Eliza gave an extra smart snap to the freshly knotted bow, then stepped back, a calculating look in her lively blue eyes. “Cat got yer tongue now, eh?”

“I was merely trying not to imagine the horror. It’s Graham’s funeral—er, day, after all.”

Eliza’s expression turned more sincerely considering. “You’ve taken on quite the sour attitude now, haven’t ye? I thought you
approved of the union. Since when did yer views on holy matrimony grow so dark?”