Off Kilter
Authors: Donna Kauffman
Off Kilter
D
ONNA
K
AUFFMAN
BRAVA BOOKS are published by
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Copyright © 2011 Donna Kauffman
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eISBN-13: 978-0-7582-6802-0
eISBN-10: 0-7582-6802-5
First Kensington Trade Paperback Printing: January 2011
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Printed in the United States of America
For Joanne …
Your Grasshopper appreciates everything you’ve taught her.I would also like to acknowledge, once again, the talent, generosity, and support of all the wonderful weavers I have met while researching this series. Joanne and Linda, you have introduced me to such an amazing world! I can’t thank you enough. Please excuse the artistic liberties I’ve taken, and know that any mistakes made were surely my own.
Chapter 1
R
oan McAuley had never been opposed to getting naked.
He wasn’t even averse to the idea of cameras being involved. Or being outside all the while. He drew the line, however, at having an audience and being the only one going full monty.
Shee sighed deeply.
He’d only known her a few hours, yet he was already intimately familiar with the deep sigh.
“Drop the kilt, hot stuff, and let’s get on with this, okay?”
Because he wasn’t having enough fun getting naked in front of his fellow clansmen—and women—he also had the distinct pleasure of going full commando in front of never-so-pleasant Tessa Vandergriff. What had he done to deserve that? And, more to the point, her?
“Aye, drop the plaid, mon! What are ye afraid of?”
That hearty exhortation brought cheers from the assembled crowd.
Roan scowled in the general direction of his soon to be exbest friend, Graham MacLeod. “Careful, there, mate, or I’ll run off with your lovely fiancée and leave
you
eligible for this particular disgrace.”
“Disgrace? I dinnae think so, lad. ‘Tis an honor.”
“Donning
the plaid is an honor.” Aiming to maintain some semblance of being in charge of the insanity, he sent a cheeky
wink in the general direction of the ladies assembled in the crowd. Some of them were old enough to be his grandmother. What had the world come to, he wanted to know? “Doffing the plaid,” he went on, “while often a prelude to fun is something I prefer to do in a more intimate gathering.”
Graham chuckled, but Tessa merely rolled her eyes, so Roan played straight to his strength, and called out to the crowd directly. “The lot of you surely have better things to do with yerselves, now,” he admonished with a twinkle in his eye and the flash of a dimple, “than stand about, hopin’ as ye are, to ogle the naughty bits of the mon who’s made it his duty and honor to do right by ye no matter the circumstance—including putting his integrity and pride aside to save our puir, wee island home. So, go on now with yer husbands and loved ones and ogle each other’s bits and pieces. I’m guaranteeing we’ll all hae a more enjoyable end to our day.”
There was a pause, which continued on long enough for hope to build in his heart that perhaps his good humor, not to mention being a good sport about taking part in that cockamamie scheme, had shamed them into leaving him be. Then auld Eliza MacLeod—his very own secretary, no less—who’d celebrated her seventy-third year of tyranny on this good, green earth a mere week ago Tuesday, stepped forward … and began clapping her hands. Along with that, she let loose a whistle that likely set half the dogs on Kinloch to howling.
“Och, young Roan McAuley, charmin’ scamp that ye are, dinnae ye be tellin’ us how to spend our Saturday eve. I daresay we know how to amuse ourselves. If that includes ogling yer Godly gifted bits, then we’ll do what pleases us.” She looked to the other women gathered around her and winked. “What say you, ladies? Is watching this bonny lad make a spectacle of himself what pleases us?”
The grins grew wider, and others picked up the clapping, which turned quickly to cheering. The men that peppered the crowd, initially abashed by the openly assertive stance of their women, quickly picked up the chant, perhaps sensing the benefits
to be had later that evening if they supported their partners. Hoots and hollers followed, along with repeated taunts of “Drop the plaid!” and “Are yer bits truly so Godly gifted? Proof! Proof!”
Roan turned a scowl toward Graham. “You know, there is surely some law about this on the books somewhere. If Shay were here—”
“He’d be standing right here, betting me money on this,” his friend cut in with a chuckle. “In fact, I have a few pounds riding on this myself.”
“We’re burning daylight, gentleman.” Tessa straightened, her long red curls catching in the warm breeze and lifting out from around her head.
Rather like Medusa’s snakes.
As if she could read Roan’s less-than-charitable thoughts, she shielded her fierce, crystalline blue eyes from the Western slant of the sun and scalded him with a single, silent look. “Man up, for God’s sake, and drop the damn thing.”
“We’re not sending in nude shots,” Roan replied with an even smile, as the chants and taunts escalated. “So I don’t understand the need to take things to such an extreme—”
“The contest rules state, very clearly, that they’re looking for provocative,” Tessa responded, sounding every bit like a person who’d also been forced into a task she’d rather not have taken on—which she had been.
Sadly, that fact had not brought them closer.
She shifted to another camera she’d mounted on another tripod, he supposed so the angle of the sun was more to her liking. “Okay, lean back against the stone wall, prop one leg, rest that … sword thing of yours—”
“‘Tis a claymore. Belonged to the McAuleys for four centuries. Victorious in battle, ‘tis an icon of our clan.” And heavy as all hell to hoist about.
“Lovely. Prop your icon in front of you, then. I’m fairly certain it will hide what needs hiding.”
His eyebrows lifted at that, but rather than take offense, he
merely grinned. “I wouldnae be so certain of it, lassie. We’re a clan known for the size of our … swords.”
“Yippee,” she shot back, clearly unimpressed. “So, drop the plaid, position your … sword, and let’s get on with it. It’s the illusion of baring it all we’re going for here. I’ll make sure to preserve your fragile modesty.”
She was no fun. No fun ‘tall.
“The other guys did it,” she added, resting folded hands on top of the camera. “In fact,” she went on, without even the merest hint of a smile or dry amusement, “they seemed quite happy to accommodate me.”
He couldn’t imagine any man wanting to bare his privates for Miss Vandergriff’s pleasure. Not if he wanted to keep them intact, at any rate.
He was a bit thrown off by his complete inability to charm her. He charmed everyone. It was what he did. He admittedly enjoyed, quite unabashedly, being one of the clan favorites because of his affable, jovial nature. As far as he was concerned, the world would be a much better place if folks could get in touch with their happy parts, and stay there.
He didn’t know much about her, but from what little time they’d spent together that afternoon, he didn’t think Tessa Vandergriff had any happy parts. However, the reason behind her being rather happiness-challenged wasn’t his mystery to solve. She’d been on the island for less than a week. Her stay on Kinloch was as a guest, and therefore temporary. Thank the Lord.
The island faced its fair share of ongoing trials and tribulations, and had the constant challenge of sustaining a fragile economic resource. Despite that, he’d always considered both the McAuley and MacLeod clans as being cheerful, welcoming hosts. But they had enough to deal with without adopting a surly recalcitrant into their midst.
“Well,” he said, smiling broadly the more her scowl deepened. “‘Tis true, the single men of this island have little enough to choose from.” The crowd took a collective breath at that, but his attention was fully on her. Gripping the claymore in one
fist, he leaned against the stacked stone wall, well aware of the tableau created by the twin peaks that framed the MacLeod fortress, each of them towering behind him. He braced his legs, folded his arms across his bare chest, sword blade aloft … and looked her straight in the eye as he let a slow, knowing grin slide across his face. “Me, I’m no’ so desperate as all that.”
He got a collective gasp from the crowd. But rather than elicit so much as a snarl from Miss Vandergriff, or perhaps goading her so far as to pack up and walk away—which he’d have admittedly deserved—his words had a rather shocking effect. She smiled. Fully. He hadn’t thought her face capable of arranging itself in such a manner. And so broadly, with such stunning gleam. He was further damned to discover it did things to his own happy parts that she had no business affecting.
“No worries,” she stated, further captivating him with the transformative brilliance of her knowing smile. She gave him a sizzling once over before easily meeting his eyes again. “You’re not my type.”
That was not how those things usually went for him. He felt … frisked. “Then I’m certain you can be objective enough to find an angle that shows off all my best parts without requiring a blatant, uninspired pose. I understand from Kira that you’re considered to be quite good with that equipment.”
The chanting of the crowd shifted to a few whistles as the tension between photographer and subject grew to encompass even them.